I Was A Sculpture Made Of Ice When You Put Your Arms Around Me And Though I Lived In A World Of Winter

I cannot make promises to you That I might meet you in old age In a time period I cannot predict I cannot promise you a long life Or a vow to always be beside you

It is a desire, a dull craving even To see the sun rise this morning And tomorrow and the next day If I had the ability, or the knowing I would give you security in facts

All that is certain to me currently Is that uncertainty is in our water It is in that river down below us It is in the tap that fills our glasses It is one of the few true comforts I can offer, darling, please don't cry

November was made for The dying, Vanity finally blown Away, exposing the Forests and meadows, Stripping them Down to their stems With no pretty little Leaf to entice anyone

Only the colder winds Shake these branches, The snapping Sticks laying helpless As they are crushed Under boots, breaking Beneath abandonment, The smell of their Decay a kind of comfort

I am not a fly on your wall I am an angel with wings I watch you sleeping in your bed Together Then cover you in my feathers

I am not a ghost in your house I am a creature in the sky That can never fly away from you But devour I taste you in the darkest hour

The wings came bleeding out my back Carving open hardened scars The air returning to my lungs I am awake In slumber I am yours to take

Your head in your hands My face below yours I look up to your watering eyes A pain I can feel in the Tensing of your thighs I whisper to you "It's alright, it's alright." Your hopes falling as They leak from your eyes Dreams that dissolve as Quickly as the splattering Of droplets on clothing Evaporation so ever present As your expectations of us Or simply and only of me

Icicles on a tree branch, glittering The barren thing adorned anew Similar to the way the leaves grew When birds were still out twittering

The ice hangs like daggers or teeth Or diamonds hung around a neck A delicate or dangerous effect Be wary those who pause beneath

To catch them as they drip and fall And crash upon a wooden floor Shattered, a delicate thing unmoored Such glass is sweet at the end of it all

Do moths ever wonder How many versions of themselves Live in the shadows Of their wings?

How many past selves Live in that blackness Cast out like an inky silhouette Or a flattened ghost?

I wonder if snakes Leave their shed skins behind To remind themselves They are forever changed

But I carry my past All the people I have ever been Make room, shadow I will be many more still

My love for you is not Always declarations and Milestone celebrations Or flowery similes Of the moon and the stars And what lies beyond death

More often it is you Laughing across the room Because the cat farted And I am enduring it Because I want to cuddle Even though she smells

When the divine was Forming me up in The heavens I was born a soul

Given a body To puppet To express myself To shape ideas

I was given a heart Because I was love Made physical A being of passion

Taught language To write To create worlds Of flowing emotion

I was gifted curiosity A spiritual journey Unfolding within As joy and wonder

In the womb I grew a brain As an afterthought Or maybe by mistake

My body won't hold me There's too much of me for one, I'm more than just a face or skin Changing, never done.

I am a heart and a mind And the worlds in my head, I wasn't made by hands But sparked from fire instead.

Maybe I am energy Am I a spirit or a soul? So just being physical Is never really being whole.

Arms and legs won't cage me I am not grounded by the land, I know how it feels to fly When all I do is stand.

When the curled up cat Stretches out to reveal Its soft warm belly And the heat from its fur Rises up onto your hands Before you touch the body That's trusting and Purring just for you

That's what my love Feels like Unfurled and vulnerable And warm without Ever putting your Hands on me

When the notes are soft In a smooth tender song That lull inside the Fullness of your heart When the chorus comes In a melody that makes You think of drinking Coffee on a winter night

That's what my love Feels like A house to come home to When you turn the keys Lights already on I am that sigh of relief