I Have Been The Rain So I Could Fall Upon Your Skin With Each Drop Another Kiss Just So I Could Touch

I search for meaning In places where there are Many conflicting meanings, Where there are too many words And all the words are in Different languages.

Still I try to define Emotions that are multiple Emotions, that are vast And endless, that expand And shrink, and exist In a world outside myself.

I traverse dreams That I create in my mind, Where people relate to me In ways they do not actually Relate to me, where we Are all who we need To be to each other, Where we are vague and I am Lost in the details.

I stand with my feet In the water Letting the icy waves Bury my feet in the sand Erasing my footprints So I had never Walked here

The water that touches me Touches you It glides along your ankles And the tide rushes over us Though we stand In different oceans

When I get home My cat looks at me The same way she did Back then Only the fur on her chin Is gray now Her eyes are watery

There's a tap on my shoulder I know it's you I look behind me And all I see is the door I turn the lock Turn off the front light Going to bed without you

You're in between the sheets Your blankets are green Mine are brown Together we must be Like the earth That connects us

The salt of the sea Is on my skin I think that you can smell it That with my eyes closed Your arms around me Whispering Take me back there

My cat settles herself In the bend of my knees I wonder if she remembers you As she yawns loudly Falling asleep soundly Just as I do

I envy the orchid For choosing when to perish To go dormant for An eternity that lasts as long As it chooses

I envy the orchid That it might sleep forever Then rise swiftly Like a flowering phoenix Back to life

Dear reader, I'm sorry, no, I am not writing to you I am not writing about us This is not our story You do not know me. I write about a love That is unique to me And my own, that is as Endless as a ring, As permanent as ink That does not die With our bodies when Our flesh has gone. I am writing to my own Someone, it is about Me and them, not you, I am sorry.

Dear reader, You're right, yes, I am writing to you I am writing about us This is our story. You know the soul of me I write about a love That is unique to us, To each other, that is as Endless as a universe, As permanent as dye That never fades When the fabric of Our existence has gone. I am writing to you, My someone, it is about You and me, and you knew, You were right.

I'm so terrified Of lava I dream of it Flowing up mountains

White, red, and green lights Add softness to the dark nights The nights that feel like A warm cup of tea Nights I wish you were here With me Then I remember that you are In the passenger side of my car Don’t you worry about the roads I know they don’t feel like Your roads at home We drive on Christmas Eve Down these old familiar streets It’s one of those years we’re Covered in snow That blankets us in its cozy cold Let’s do a jigsaw by the TV Watching the fireplace dancing freely I know you don’t care For this time of year Still I’m glad that you are here The tree doesn’t look the same When you’re not around Though your world is upside down But we’re right side up in a snowglobe Tonight let’s call that home In a world of pine and wreaths Crackling fires and flannel sheets When I sing to you all those Annoyingly festive songs And you smile and sing along I’ll never try to change your mind To make you love Christmastime I just love sitting with you On a silent night In the glow of these beautiful lights

You and I stand at the Shop counter We are buying a Freshly baked blueberry pie To bring over to your Brother's home towns away

You stand patiently In your thick woolen Overcoat, in the many layers Under your violet skirt That has faded to lilac

The shopkeeper counts Our shared coins And you look at me With the warmest eyes On this blistering afternoon

You look at me so innocently In this small, warm Bakery, like looking At me could melt the winter From our hats and mittens

You say thank you to the Kind man with the Graying mustache in The coziest voice I know as if it were my own

We walk down the street Down to the train, where You will sit close Beside me, and it will Not be the pie that warms us

When the curled up cat Stretches out to reveal Its soft warm belly And the heat from its fur Rises up onto your hands Before you touch the body That's trusting and Purring just for you

That's what my love Feels like Unfurled and vulnerable And warm without Ever putting your Hands on me

When the notes are soft In a smooth tender song That lull inside the Fullness of your heart When the chorus comes In a melody that makes You think of drinking Coffee on a winter night

That's what my love Feels like A house to come home to When you turn the keys Lights already on I am that sigh of relief

I felt creation in my mind Maybe as a mother giving birth Horrible, painful, terrifying But oh, what it was worth

I felt creation in my mind As a seedling start to sprout Small at first then suddenly It all came shooting out

I felt creation in my mind When I was cold and numb But it felt wrong and ugly And my voice felt small and dumb

There was creation in my mind When I first made myself And broke away from cogs and wheels To be other, something else

Creation knocked upon my mind And it begged me to be heard When I shoved it away It helped me find the words

I felt creation in my heart When I first looked upon those eyes It was never in my head When I needed to be wise

Driving through the hills A little after dinner time I speed in the right lane.

"Don't worry," I sound very reassuring, "I know where I'm going."

I need my glasses And I can't admit to him That actually I can't see And I"m a little lost.

He needs some reassurance Which I hand out like mints, Maybe if I sugar coat it He won't know it's a little harsh, A bit too fresh, with a bite.

It's too cold for rain, Too warm for snow So we don't know what's coming down.

But we are. I'm having a panic attack While laughing at his story.

I wan't to turn around, I've missed the exit. "Trust me," I say "It's okay."

So he does But he shouldn't.