He Tian: You're Such A Bad Boy, Little Mo~

actually, this is not true. he tian'd never mention his beloved husband's name to the police.

police, arresting he tian: everything you say will be held against you.

he tian: mo guan shan.

Mo: Heh, dickhead you had a crush on me. That's so embarrassing

Tian: It isn't

Tian: I would never be embarrassed to admit to loving you

Mo *blush* : Chicken dick... You were supposed to say "we're married"

Tian: Yes, we are

zhan zheng xi: *kisses jian yi's hand*

zhan zheng xi: happy one year, love.

jian yi: ...

jian yi: actually, i'm 20...

tianshan are literally:

he tian: can i pat it?

mo guan shan, holding a cat: yes.

he tian, patting mo: oww, so cute.

mo guan shan: *struggling to open a jar of pickles*

he tian: do you need help with that?

mo guan shan: *smashes a jar on the floor and takes out a pickle from a pile of shards*

mo guan shan: no.

evil mo guan shan be like: dickchicken

jian yi, a 24 year old grown man: xixi... don't you think it's sad that poor lonely zebras can't sleep on their own? it's like... soo unfair.

zhan zheng xi: jian yi, my love, it is really sad, yeah, but could you please think about it later instead of when we're fucking?

he tian: look, a shooting star! quick, make a wish!

mo guan shan: i wish you'd fuck off of me already.

he tian, a little sad: if you really wanted it, you shouldn't have said it out loud. now it will never come true, and we're forever bound.

mo guan shan: i know that, bastard.

mo guan shan: you're annoying.

he tian: then stop holding my hand.

mo guan shan: shut up.

me: constantly updating ox's weibo page since friday

page: stays the same

me: huh :( mighty oldxian abandoned us