“Hello You’re Through To The Rare Circumstances Help Centre Branch Of Jobs4U The Only Centre That

“Hello you’re through to the rare circumstances help centre branch of Jobs4U the only centre that deals with sufficiently rare and unusual circumstances among applicants, how can I assist you today?”

“I’m not sorry at all but I keep on telling the truth”

“Huh… Okay… Are you calling about a disability that prevents you from lying to your boss and thereby prevents you from acquiring or maintaining employment?”

“Yes, that’s exactly right”

“Well, not to worry. We here at Jobs4U believe that honesty really is the best policy. You’re among good company. What I’m going to ask you to do is fill in a request form that will specifically filter out jobs that require dishonesty. That way you can work with your disability rather than against it. Does that sound good?”

“Honestly that program in general sounds like it’s horseshit, but I think it’ll work just fine for me personally”

“Uh… Okay?”

“I feel as though you’ve understood my needs perfectly and don’t want to clarify myself further”

“Right… I… Would you mind waiting on hold for me while I confer with my colleague?”

“To be honest with you, I don’t feel up to waiting on hold right now. You should just send me that form because it sounds like it’s exactly what I’m after”

“I understand that. In the case that you want to fill out the form I’ve sent an email with the document attached to the address you have on file with us. In the case that you’re not after the form, please bear with me one moment”

*click*

*elevator music*

*click*

“Hello, are you still on the line with me?”

“No, I hung up”

“Perfect. Okay, ma’am, I can see several openings in positions we believe you’d excel at. Let’s see… Ah, yes. There’s an interview for a position near you later this afternoon actually.”

“That sounds terrible. Don’t tell me what it’s for”

“You’ll be working with a partner guarding two doors… They’ll explain it to you in more detail during orientation.”