'We Gotta Stop Meeting Like This...'

hey, uh, about your boyfriend. you know how there are rules? yeah he's coming for you. darkness brings evil things, a reckoning begins, that kind of thing. yeah, he tried to warn you when you were a child. he told you not to get lost in the wild. sent you omens and all kinds of signs and stuff. taught you melodies, poems, rhymes. yeah, you can run, but you can't escape. you'll open the yawning grave. sorry.

Guy whose wife comes out to him as a lesbian and he just sighs and starts googling ‘estrogen near me’

kristen stewart on the tonight show with jimmy fallon

Happy Easter

bring back homeric epithets. call people brave-hearted, swift-footed, laughter loving and loud thundering. view the world with its rosy fingered and saffron robed dawns, its wine dark seas. make your own, walk across kiln fired earth and moss soft as sea sponges. be dew-eyed and soft-cheeked and silver-souled, deft-fingered and bright-tongued. gaze up at the many-storied stars and feel the warmth of the ancient sun, father of gods and men, as it beats down on the shimmering world, soft spun like caterpillar silk

A message for Penelope’s suitors

Ahahaha

Take me back to November 2020.

When your wife tells you that you killed all her suitors in her dream in which you were also an eagle and them geese, you do not say "that's a weirdly specific dream", you say "there is no way of twisting this dream to give some other meaning. Those suitors are soooo doomed. None shall escape the death which is their fate."