The Bachelorette - Episode 1 Recap
The Bachelorette - Episode 1 Recap
WE. ARE. BACK. Yes that’s right boys and girls, with a bit of a delay I am back in the driver’s seat of the psychedelic party bus of recapping the Bachelorette for you beautiful people. We’ve sure had some times, haven’t we? We have. But now we’re here for Andi Dorfman’s season. And we gonna have some new times, some refreshing times, some “Thank God She’s Not Juan Pablo” times. So let’s get this party bus going!
As some of you may or may not know, a contestant on this season of the Bachelorette, Eric Hill, passed away recently. They start the show by dedicating this season to his memory and doing a short video package of his life. It is short and very tasteful. I’m glad they did it.
But now it’s time to roll the video package of Andi getting’ down and dirty doing her job! She federally prosecutes ALLLLLLLL over Hotlanta! They even have a great staged scene where in an ENTIRELY EMPTY COURTROOM she asks a judge if she may approach the bench. He says yes because no one gives a hot shit because he might as well be the janitor in a black robe for all we know!
Through the rest of the standard video package Andi talks to her family who tell her all the things families always say. And she talks and talk about how ready she is. Andi is totally open to finding love and is so excited at the prospect of falling in love. Andi is very, very excited but nervous to be the Bachelorette. Andi’s eyebrows are killing me, and I sense they will be a great source of ire for the remainder of the season. They are like a completely flat plane on top and are too thin and just a slight arch. Fix it! Someone!
To help her get ready for the night, her sister whose name I miss pops in to help her pick a dress and talk about kissing boys on TV. They cry as her sister gives her words of advice and affirmations about the process.
And before you now it she is standing upon that slicked down driveway we all know and love in a dress that is…a lot. There’s a lot of bejeweling and bedazzling and I’m just not a fan. The dress is almost matronly. Blugh.
Marcus is first out of the limo. Andi hugs him and she will hug all the guys because “it’s like a first date.” She thinks Marcus is very hot.
Chris a farmer from Iowa is next. He’s a hulky man-man but so sweet. I like Chris.
JJ a “pantsapreneur” is out next. He is cute as a button and is also in the lead for most absurd non-job job title. He’s excited for their “love quest”.
Then we’ve got Marquel. He is African American. So we all know what that means in terms of how much this show loves diversity…
Tasos is a “Wedding Event Coordinator” and has a Mohawk and an earring. He does a bit about placing a love lock on the fence of the mansion and throwing the lock into the fountain with a wish. She is very taken by this, and I’m just laughing picturing some P.A. using the bolt cutters on that lock a little later.
Then a limo is pushed into the driveway by an orange skinned, bleach-blond tuft-haired muscle man named Cody who is a personal trainer from Chicago. The collar on his suit jacket is popped, and I want him to die.
Steven is a snowboarder California dude with a stupid flippy surfer-dude haircut and he says “stoked.” He’d be so, so hot if he fixed his hair.
Rudie comes out with some attorney humor. Rudie looks like if Erik Spoelstra and Mark Ruffalo had a love child who could only look surprised/scared.
Carl is up next and he is a hunky firefighter from Florida. He got her a mini-globe to mark where they are starting their journey.
BOLT YOUR DOORS. HERE COMES JASON. Jason is an urgent care doctor from Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin, and Jason has shoulder length, shiny blond hair. Jason looks like he is always thinking about how exactly he would kill you and into what position he would taxidermy your body. He does a stupid bit about being a doctor who can diagnose on sight and says she must have a fever because she’s so hot. He’s so, so scary.
Nick V. is next out of the gate. He’s one of my Chicago homeboys, so despite walking up to her like he’s got a big turd to hold in, I hope he doesn’t embarrass me. He is totes adorbs.
Dylan is an accountant from Boston with terrible slicked back hair. His face is really good though. Dylan Bad hair-Good face is how we shall call him.
Patrick does a soccer ball gimmick where he kicks it away because he’s way better than the last soccer player she dated. Sure, dude.
Emil is a very hunky HELICOPTER PILOT. THE SHOW IS BECOMING SELF-AWARE. ABORT. ABORT. No, no JK, JK, JK. Andi can’t pronounce Emil so he tells her just like “anal” with an “M”. So that’s a great first impression.
Brett is a hairstylist in a bowtie who brings Andi a hotel lamp because his mother taught him to never greet a lady empty handed? Which…ok? I guess. I mean even if that were true…a hotel lamp? I’m unsure of this guy and his horrible, over-styled hair.
Craig is a giant dork who pops a bottle of champagne and sprays it all over the driveway. Whatever, Craig. Ron is from Israel and Barbados and is very exotic looking and quite attractive.
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy effing shit. The next guy out of the limo is named Bradley, and he is a very bland looking man claiming to be an opera singer but MOST IMPORTANTLY he is from HOLLAND, MICHIGAN. THAT IS THE VERY SMALL TOWN IN WEST MICHIGAN WHERE I WENT TO AN EVEN SMALLER LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGE. HOLLAND ON THE MAP, Y’ALL. HOLLAND REP-RA-SENT WITH THIS MOON-FACED GOON. He’s a dork and I kind of hate him, but I also love him because of solidarity.
Josh B. is out next and he’s a little short but pretty cute. Another gimmick ensues with Nick S. who is a balding pro-golfer. Brian the basketball coach is a sweetheart whose face is beet red. Andrew is a social media marketer. Mike is yet another long blond haired man who is a dork and looks like a lion. People call him Camps. We won’t because why?
Now it’s time for Eric. They’ve given him the job title of “explorer”. He presents her with two small dolls he was given in Peru, the first country went to outside of North America. A little girl gave them to him to give to his girlfriend, so now he’s giving them to Andi. It’s pretty cute, and he is pretty cute. It’s making me pretty sad.
Josh M. is the last guy out the limos. He is non-descript and also lives in Atlanta.
So now let the cocktail party begin. Will anyone jump in the pool tonight??? Time will tell. Right off the bat, she is very attracted to that last guy Josh M., but is wary that he might just be that confident guy who knows the right words to say.
Marquel brings out a cookie tasting. He is legit obsessed with cookies? I love cookies. I guess it’s ok. Be obsessed with cookies Marquel. Then he finishes the plate with a black and white cookie to represent the two of them, and I’m uncomfortable.
Erik and Andi talk about his life and job of filming him going to all of the 195 countries of the world. He’s so handsome and sweet and the fact that he has since passed is truly making me a sad lady.
The Honorable Chris Harrison brings out the first impression rose, and the dudes freak out like elephants with a mouse in old timey cartoons.
Guys, guys, guys. The unthinkable has happened. There is a party crasher down at craft services, and if you’d given me a million bucks I never could have guessed who it would be. I am so delighted at who it is. Do you want to know who has snuck onto the property to try to vie for Andi’s heart? It’s Chris Bukowski! If the name alone isn’t ringing a bell, how about THIS:
Yes that’s right, Sam the Eagle. Our very own overly possessive, misogynist from Emily Maynard’s season is the party crasher. The surly security guard is very surly that he is there and has brought roses. The producer’s are all a titter and basically “WTF?”-ing everywhere. I’m so excited to see how this turns out.
Back at the mansion, Andi is losing her mind in joy about how fun this group of guys is. She’s getting golf lessons and talking to boys with long hair and the pantsapreneur brought her pants! Andi is feeling this being the Bachelorette thing.
With Tasos they talk about traveling. I can’t stand his earring. He could actually be handsome and potentially interesting but he’s got that damn earring.
Nick V. has ten other siblings. He is adorable with his little polka-dot tie. Andi is really taken by him, and I am too. He’s one of the few guys so far who seems to have a natural, not-put-on way of talking to her.
Bradley the opera singer from Holland, MI is basically Frankenstein’s monster. He’s tall and pale and long armed and big handed and just sings out opera notes every once in a while, I’m sure to everyone’s sheer delight.
Andrew and Patrick form a really fast douche-mance. They are both horrendous human beings that I wish would eat some Fiberglas.
Back at craft services, Chris Bukowski is making conversation with the surly security guard. Chris Harrison goes to Andi on his behalf to ask if she wants to meet him. After a bit of weighing the options, she decides to not meet him/let him into the group so as to not betray the trust of all the other men who were put through the ringer to be there for her. Chrarrison approves, as do I. I love when a thing doesn’t go well for Chris Bukowski.
And then Chris Harrison does the impossible by endearing himself to me even more. He is sizing up Chris Bukowski and finding him sorely lacking. Chrarrison keeps telling him that he can’t come up, she doesn’t want to meet him, etc, but Bukowski isn’t taking no for an answer. He says that he was out in LA for seven days waiting to see when they were filming. He won’t leave. He says that. “I’m not leaving, just to let you know. I can’t leave.” And Chris Harrison says, “But if you really respect her, you’ll respect her wishes.” BOOM. THERE’S THE TRUTH. SHE SAID NO, AND NO MEANS NO. RESPECT THAT. WALK AWAY BUKOWSKI.
He continues to protest and Chrarrs finally gets through to him by saying, “the only place it goes from here is it gets bad.” And so per Bukowski’s wishes, Chrarrison takes the roses to give to Andi and hightails it out of there. Chris Harrison has no time for you, Chris Bukowski. Suck on that.
But again, back to the mansion where the fun is. The guys are still freaking out about the first impression rose and just talking to her in general. Chris the farmer is soooooooooo sweet. He’s just so calm and seems like he’s intently listening. I love this guy. He’s like a gentle grizzly bear.
Marcus is Polish. Andi is super into him physically, but to me he’s kind of a dud.
The time has come for the first impression rose! Everyone’s hackles raise as Andi takes the rose from its ceremonial plate and walks through the house. She finally approaches the adorable Nick V.! Chicago boy! So precious! First impression rose has never been the final person, but hopefully this bodes well for Nick V.
And the big rose ceremony is already upon us. With a lovely speech detailing how grateful Andi is to all the guys, we begin.
Who’s in: JJ, Eric, Marquel, Craig, Tasos, Josh M., Brian, Bradley, Marcus, Andrew, Ron, Carl, Chris, Dylan Bad-Hair Good-Face, Brett, Patrick, Cody (ew), and finally Nick S.
Which leaves Steven the snowboarder, Rudie The Spoelstra-Ruffalo Spawn, Doctor of Horror Jason, Lion-Haired Mike, hot helicopter pilot Emil, and one very bitter Josh. He is embarrassed and continues to embarrass himself further by ranting about it. Be less bitter, buddy. It’ll help.
But enough of the cry babies. Let’s toast right alongside the rest of the bachelors left in the mansion with our Bachelorette. They are going to travel Europe and do all kinds of crazy activities. There are lots and lots of tears that will be spilt by everyone involved. I’m so excited.
I’ve missed you all too. So keep in touch. I’ve only just realized I had a bit of a pile-up in the ask file, so I’ll get to all of those in the next few days. Apart from today’s double post, recaps will go up regularly on Wednesday’s, and you can play along over on Twitter @Chasspod until then. Love to you all!
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The Bachelorette - Episode 7 Recap
After spending several weeks at home and abroad with this gaggle of men, surely I’m not the only who recognizes that they are perhaps not the brightest group of individuals. So this week in Prague, I’m sure they’ll be delighted to find out it is indeed a part of Europe, and no, it’s no longer Czechoslovakia. Regardless, I’m sure the romance quotient will be high, so let’s move onwards toward the mackin’ and the fightin’ in the final episode before home towns!
Prague is picturesque and gorgeous as Emily voices over the classic Bachelorette shots of her walking around alone looking pensive. The men arrive to meet Chrarrison in a square on foot as they find out that this week there will be three one-on-ones and one group date. With home towns looming, the stakes are higher than ever.
Arie has the first one-one-one where they’ll “Czech out Prague together”. Good pun but another boring walk around the city date? I don’t miss the Fear Factor style dates from Ben’s season, but can we do something more special? I guess the occasion is special enough for Emily to bust out her glittery formal shorts though.
They wander about and kiss and do touristy things that will bring you luck in love just like in all the other cities. But Emily is questioning his loyalty because she knows something personal about him that he doesn’t know she knows. Secrets, secrets that they let us know in the previews…
WHY ABC? WHY, PRODUCTION TEAM? Why did we decide that having Chris Harrison give a short monologue in front of the Bachelor Mansion about Arie’s “brief past relationship with Bachelor producer Cassie [no relation] Lambert” was the best idea?! We get the key information, but at what cost?
Cassie told Emily all about it, and we caught that conversation on camera. Emily is less upset that they actually dated and more upset that Arie hasn’t even acknowledged that he knows this woman who has become pretty close friends with Emily during the show. “It’s not a production thing; this is a real life thing. I know something about Arie that he’s not telling me,” is how she boils it all down.
Back on the date, Emily is grilling Arie about loyalty and trustworthiness to see if she can bring it out of him. Having seen enough sitcoms to know, playing games around it will never work. She needs to just be “upfront and honest, almost too honest” as Arie himself says.
Oh my gosh, nooooo. No more weird Chris Harrison monologues from the too-sunny Bachelor Mansion! But I guess they HAVE TO because Arie, Emily, and Cassie all had “a very honest discussion about the relationship…OFF CAMERA” (emphasis mine). Ok, I get it that these are real people’s lives and emotions we’re dealing with but those same people also agreed to “find love” through a TELEVISED SHOW. Emily and Arie both come to agree that the relationship was so brief that it didn’t matter and still doesn’t affect how much those two want to bang.
They have a lovely river boat cruise and are all lovey-dovey with each other about the whole misunderstanding. Do I even need to tell you that they don’t eat any food and kiss a lot? They don’t, and they do.
The next one-on-one date will go to JohnWolf. He’s the last remaining guy to not have a one-on-one and is very relieved to receive a date card reading “in Prague, all you need is love.” Chris is livid that he isn’t getting a date, but doesn’t want to lose his cool in front of the guys even though it is “killing him inside.” Take it easy, Chris.
Arie and Emily are cruising along already talking about how excited Arie is for her to meet his family. Then he drops the bomb! He says, “Can I tell you something?...I’ve just been thinking a lot about all of this and you...Actually, Croatia did it for me. I think that’s why I love Croatia so much. I think I realized that I love you.” And their heads get closer and closer together. And she is just beaming joy. It is a game changer. They watch fireworks over the city and the river together. Watch out, boys. Arie-man is in town for good.
JohnWolf gets his very first date with our Bachelorette. He is wearing light blue pants. They’re on an architecture cruise with no tour guide (WHY) and walk around the city. They come upon the John Lennon wall and Emily gives a kind of plain and simple explanation about it and freedom vs. communism and music? I don’t know. Then they do this thing where they write names on a lock and lock it to this fence to solidify love. That seems a little soon. But no matter, John and Emily had a hard time closing the lock which is a terrible omen they both agree.
Arie, back in the harem, brings up exactly what I was just thinking of poor, dear JohnWolf. “He is fighting an uphill battle,” Arie tells a pensive crowd. John is having a first date the day after Arie felt strongly enough about this woman to say that he loved her. It’s just not a contest he’s going to be able to win.
Of course, Chris is being a whiny little princess that he can’t spend time with Emily. He’s sick of the process and just goes to make himself a drink. He’s lucky the view from his sad window is spectacular.
So, someone on the production team thought it would be a hoot for John and Emily to have their dinner in a dungeon, an ancient, cold, damp dungeon. Perfect. Almost as perfect for romance as the Tower of London. Keep in with the torture theme, John tells the story of his last love and how he was spurned. His girlfriend disappeared for three days and cheated on him “with some doctor dude.” Emily feels bad about this like any normal human would, but you can sense her having the mothering sympathy for him rather than girlfriend sympathy. She did this with brain-injury Charlie, Nate (the guy who cried in the cave), and poor Travis. Not a good sign for Wolfie. Despite sitting on opposite sides of the settee, they share a wee kiss.
The group date card comes in for Sean, Doug, and Chris. Chris is maaaad, but I am thrilled because that means more solo Jef time! John coming home from the date sparks something inside Sean to go running through the streets of Praha calling Emily’s name to find her. He wanders about and finally finds her down a long covered street. She is happy to see him and lights up looking at him there on that street. They grab a beer in a random café. For my money, that would be the perfect date in Prague, not some dungeon. It pays off for Sean too as they make-out in there and on the street. Maybe he’ll be the one getting the group date rose.
Rural Czech Republic is like a fairytale town which is a great setting for this group date. Oh my gosh, a new mode of transportation! A rainy day carriage ride with three huge men, one tiny lady, and too many umbrellas. They get to the top of the hill to explore an incredible 13th century castle. Humble Doog gives a gracious toast to Emily, but she’s still unsure of the chemistry between them.
They have a talk in a castle tower, and Emily correctly points out that his body language is off and he apologizes for touching her. It’s just not happening. With a crack of thunder, Emily declares she knows what she has to do.
She talks to him about how he’s moving so slow that there’s no movement. He kisses her. I groan in discomfort. She says thank you, but still goes through with letting him go because she has too much respect for him to keep him away from his son. This poor, poor man. He is a humble Doog, but a good Doog. I think he’s truly hit from the blind side by it. He wants so badly for his son to have a mom and a full family. Ohhh, that hits me in the heart. Right in the heart-bone. Good luck to you and Austin, Doug!
Now it’s an impromptu two-on-one with Chris and Sean and one rose. She and Sean break away first after a weird key to “unlock the chat” gimmick. They have generic meeting the family talk and then have kissy time both there and in the tower stairwell. It’s not as hot and heavy as she an Arie, but the chemistry is definitely there.
Chris is planning on confronting Emily about why he didn’t get a one-on-one. Oh, great idea, Chris. Spend what precious little time you have with this woman pressuring her about her decision making skills. Perfect. The conversation is strained and boring because Chris is a vacuous butthead. She closed-lips kisses him a couple times while Chris voices over that he thinks he’s falling in love with her.
Based on the kisses Emily and Sean shared both the night before and this night, Sean is the shoe-in for the rose. She does give the rose to Sean while Chris just boils in his skin. He is insulted that she would want to meet Sean’s family over his. If I didn’t dislike this guy before, I really don’t like him at all now.
No matter about that stupid angry Muppet, it’s JEF TIME! The date card said “pull at my heartstrings” and that is, obviously, puppetry related. They visit a puppet/marionette shop! The puppeteer makes the Michael Jackson (RIP) marionette dance, and they joke around about other puppets. They are so cute together, but I cannot get over that this is just a little freaky and weird. When the two of them leave with the two marionettes of themselves, Jef runs back in to buy a tiny princess marionette to make sure they had Ricki too. How incredibly sweet is that? Kill me. It’s so sweet.
I literally gasped out loud when they walk into the most beautiful library I’ve ever seen in my whole life. It’s like the library from Beauty and the Beast it’s so beautiful. So, what better location to reenact the highlights of their relationship thus far with puppets? Wait, what? This is getting weirder. I guess it works because the two of them are so goofy together, and they actually totally win me over with how precious it actually is.
I hate how much this is so cute. I laugh out loud at their puppet comedy. Via puppet, Jef says that he is “One hundred, no, one million per cent in love with her…Can we get a dog together?” and then I DIED. I DIED FROM HOW ADORABLE THAT IS. They mack and then their puppets hit faces because of it. Cheers to the camera guy and editors who pieced that mirror imaging together.
Ok, so the one thing I’m nervous about with Jef is his family situation. Emily won’t be meeting his parents because they’re in South Carolina and “committed to some stuff for a few years out there.” Really? Years? So Jef’s two brothers (THANK GOD) and two sisters (the third is in China) will be there. He admits that he once broke up with a girl because his family didn’t like her, which is scary, but I don’t think Emily has anything to worry about there.
They snuggle up on the floor and look up at the library and talk about marriage and living together and kids and their future. That is a really serious conversation, but it comes so natural to them. The chemistry is easy and great and just always there for those two. AND THEN I DIE AGAIN BECAUSE HE SAYS, “I wanna date you so hard and marry the f*** outta you.” LIKE, FOR REAL? REAL MEN EXIST WHO SAY SHIT LIKE THAT? ALTHOUGH I GUESS HE’S MORE AN ELF KING/GOBLIN PRINCE THAN A MAN SO MAYBE IT IS STILL ONLY MYTH BUT HE IS THE ULTIMATE.
The men arrive in exquisite vintage Rolls Royces for the rose ceremony (Is anyone keeping a tally on the modeS of transportation?) at an equally exquisite Czech manse. Chris is already crying in his voice over about taking Emily for granted. JohnWolf is very confident though, and while I do not think he could win this at all, I am pulling for him. You go, Wolfie!
To say the shiny blue dress Emily is wearing is slinky and sexy would be the understatement of the century. She and Chrarrison have my favorite time, heart-to-heart time. She forgoes the cocktail party because she is so sure of her decision. But Chris wants to talk to her to fix things! To cry and to fix things!
Emily gives a heartfelt speech to her guys about her decision making process and how she’s really starting to feel real love “which makes every second that she’s away from Ricki worth it.” And with that, she calls forth Jef, then Arie, and we are down to our predicted final two of Chris and Wolfman. There’s a long dramatic pause and then Chris steps up to talk to Emily. Everyone feels the tension sky rocket. Chris apologizes for his boyish actions on the date and let’s her know he’s “ready to be the man that she deserves.” It all just seems so scripted to me and planned out and not effective.
In the end, after the longest pause they could possibly muster, Emily gives Chris the rose. I may or may not have shouted a four-letter word at the TV at this. I am outraged and shocked. I mean, I know that Chris doesn’t stand a chance, but he’s still a d-bag. I rue the day I run into him in Chicago. Yuck. Yucky. Yuckiest that his little speech may just have worked.
Well, that brings us to the end of this week and we’re headed all over America for the hometown dates next week. I have a fever and am hopped up on some good medicine, so with this journey-ers, I’m getting a big bowl of mango sorbet and stalking Jef Holm on Tumblr. Godspeed, y’all.
Some bonus Jef because I love you guys...
Elvin King of my Heeeaarrrtt!
Tomorrow I will be standing up in my best friend's wedding. Tess and I have been best friends since a chance meeting on our way to preschool when we were both three years old, and through thick and thin, have made it to this moment right here. So for the next few hours (before I really need to get my shit together and get to the rehearsal dinner), I'll be posting some of my FAVORITE wedding related clips from film and television.
This first one is from the seminal rom-com "My Best Friend's Wedding". Fitting, huh? It's also special because it's set in Chicago, just like us! And OUR bridesmaids dresses are purple, too! AND the bride is blonde! But that's pretty much where the comparisons end because I'm not going to kiss her and sabotage everything at the 11th hour. Or am I? (I'm not).
Best Part: the lobster claw waving waiters
Throwback Thursday - It is my absolute great and supreme pleasure to present to you my findings from the deep recesses of the Internet, the likes of which you never dreamed existed. My most prized artifact is THIS! BEHOLD WITH YOUR EYES A REAL PICTURE OF THE "MYSTERY DATE" BOARD GAME CARD FEATURING MR. CHRIS EVANS AS "TYLER". BEHOLD AND BE ENTRAPPED WITH WONDERMENT AND AWE THAT THIS EXISTS AND IS REAL AND IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD FOR YOU TO EXPERIENCE! OH, HAPPY THURSDAY!
We're having a slight delay on this week's recap due to technical and personal (mental) problems! Please enjoy this video of Tom Hiddleston singing and talking about Captain Hook to tide you over.
The Bachelorette Drinking Game
It is the day we have been waiting for for months. It's here; the second half of the Bachelorette two part finale!!! Desiree has a lot on her plate tonight after the shattering of her heart last week when Brooks pulled out early. We have sweet weirdo and terrible bard Chris and handsome yet somewhat bland but equally sweet Drew. Will she chose one or neither or both or just fling herself into the waters or Antigua???
As per the tradition started at the finale of Sean's season of the Bachelor, I present to you my carefully curated rules to Desiree's Bachelorette Drinking Game. Please enjoy responsibly, and I can’t wait to share thoughts on Wednesday!
When you see or hear one of the following, take a drink (or if you’re underage, eat an m&m):
The word “journey" is used
The word “connection" is used
Someone refers to “the process"
A helicopter ride takes place
Chris Harrison spreads his hands/arms
A date/activity is used as a metaphor for love/relationships
Someone says “picture the rest of my life", “spend the rest of my life", “could envision the rest of my life" or any other “rest of my life" phrases
Desiree does a voice over while she walks around somewhere
Desiree does a voice over while she stands on a balcony or ledge and stares into the distance
Every time you see Neil Lane and physically cringe at the texture and color of his skin
Someone cries
You audibly groan
The blessed producers cut to a shot of random wildlife
Desiree dabs her under-eyes with her fingertips as she cries
Anything, be it setting or general situation, is referred to as “paradise", “fairytale", or “something out of a dream"
One of the guys balls up his fists in frustration
Bonus Full Shot or Handful of Candy: - A cameo is made by a previous contestant on the show to give advice to Desiree
-If Brooks shocks us all out of our skins and RETURNS
- You shed a singular tear or more during the finale montage set to Peter Cetera’s “The Glory of Love"
Cheers and happy viewing!
Two Recomendations In One!
I often find myself clicking endlessly through Netflix trying to find something, anything to watch that matches my mood. I love a good documentary as much as the next socially conscious functioning member of society in her mid-twenties, but those can sometimes be so dark and downtrodden. When I’ve just come home from a particularly hard day at work, I don’t really have the peace of mind to watch FORGIVING DR. MENGELE which has been on my queue for two years. It’s in those times that I find myself craving a certain “je ne sais quoi” in viewing: nothing too heavy, but not so light that I lose interest.
Enter Linda Holmes. Who’s that now? That’s Linda Holmes, head writer and editor of NPR’s pop culture blog Monkey See. At least, that’s how she intros herself on the weekly pop culture round table podcast she hosts called POP CULTURE HAPPY HOUR. It’s a terrific cast of characters from NPR Music’s Stephen Thompson, theater and movie critic Trey Graham, and the ever ebullient Glen Weldon who writes about books and comic books for the NPR website. Each week they discuss a few carefully curated topics ranging from current affairs to things like “Pop Culture to which All Children Should Be Exposed”. My favorite part comes at the end of each 45-55 minute episode, however, when they discuss “What is Making You Happy This Week?”, a chance for each contributor to mention something in the zeitgeist that is making them happy in which the listener can also partake.
A few weeks ago Linda Holmes had sent out a few wayward tweets regarding a show called MISS FISHER’S MURDER MYSTERIES that had come recommended to her. Shortly after, MISS FISHER’S MURDER MYSTERIES came up as Linda’s choice for what was making her happy that week. Despite having VASTLY different opinions on the most recent HOBBIT film, Linda Holmes has never led me astray in a pop culture recommendation. So when I read the IMDb byline of the show, I knew I had to watch.
It reads: Our lady sleuth sashays through the back lanes and jazz clubs of late 1920's Melbourne, fighting injustice with her pearl-handled pistol and her dagger sharp wit.
What else could you possibly want or need in a TV show? All thirteen episodes of the first of two seasons are streaming on Netflix, so the task isn’t monumental. It’s a costume drama; so even with riveting stories and charisma absolutely bursting through the screen, it’s beautiful to look at. And for me, it is a thrilling look into history in a part of the world I honestly don’t know much about.
There’s romance; there’s murder; there’s fashion; there’s dancing; there’s a pair of communist cab drivers; there’s a lesbian, cross-dressing surgeon; there’s a ladies maid who overcomes her fear of the telephone; there’s intrigue! There’s everything, INCLUDING a dashing, devilishly handsome and masculine police inspector Detective Jack Robinson.
Miss Phryne Fisher is the embodiment of a Roaring Twenties, 20th century woman. I powered through the first six episodes in one day, and then loved it so much that I slowly and deliberately took a full week to watch the remaining seven episodes. I cannot recommend this show highly enough, especially to those of you between television “projects”. If you’ve just finished BREAKING BAD and are about to endeavor upon DEXTER, MISS FISHER’S MURDER MYSTERIES might just be the perfect palate cleanser you’ve been looking for. Or, if you just need thirteen episodes of pure delight, there’s no way you can miss out on this fabulous show.
I would, of course, also be remiss in failing to mention that POP CULTURE HAPPY HOUR has provided pop culture enjoyment in dividends in the three years I've been listening to it. Really wonderful stuff.
"Turn the World Around" - Muppets and Acceptance in a Weird World
It goes without saying that it's been a weird couple of days in the news, in the world. People are feeling angry and people are feeling sad and people are feeling helpless. And in my desire to ease a little bit of the hurt and confusion, I wanted to share something uplifting. This song quickly came to mind.
From the 1979 episode of the Muppet Show hosted by Harry Belafonte, it's called "Turn the World Around". The song is simple, and its message isn't as much about equality as it is about understanding. An understanding of universality that is the key to stopping any hostility felt and acted on towards a perceived "other", and an understanding of universality that reminds us that we are never alone in this life because we are connected at the deepest, most basic level. Things it would do us all well to remember right about now. It was Jim Henson's favorite musical number the Muppet Show ever did.
But that's enough from me, I'll let Harry do the rest.
Henley Monday - I honestly can't remember if I've already posted this shot of Michael Fassbender, such is my post-Oscars hangover. I started eating and drinking at 4:30 and didn't stop until the show ended at 11. It was a marathon. And so today I ask you: have I posted this picture of the Fassbender before? Out was it just a different few pictures of the Fassbender? And really, most importantly, does it matter? He looks great. So screw it. A Henley is a Henley whether or not you've seen it before.
Maiden Voyage
The first post. This is the post that will christen the ship. Consider these words, wielded in my hands, the oversized champaign bottle being smacked against the side of a new air craft carrier. Mazeltov! (I assume that’s what you say when you break the bottle. Maybe l’chaim?)
As your pop culture polar bear, I’ll be posting regularly on the myriad things I am fanatically crazy about, and the things against which I have vitriolic rage. And that’s it. There isn’t an in between. I have no gray area. We have one end of the spectrum, our North Pole if you will, and the other end, again, if you’ll indulge me, our South Pole.
All aboard! The HMS Love/Hate is about to set sail. Shana tova! (I think I’m confusing a lot of my ship metaphors and Jewish culture, but I’m not sure. Shana tova is Hebrew for bon voyage, right?)
This is a real thing. His name is Morris the Jewish Polar Bear, and he comes with his own dreidl!
My Top Independence Day Movies (Independence Day not included)
Yes, you read that right. I am not including the seminal Will Smith action flick Independence Day in my list of most patriotic movies. Do I always enjoy a viewing of it? Sure, but it doesn't exactly need my endorsement. Let's take a look at some lesser known, equally good films that would perfectly accent your July 4th and why you should choose them over the Patriot or Top Gun or Die Hard (which is a Christmas movie anyway).
1) Waiting for Guffman (1997) – A mockumentary style film from Christopher Guest and Co. (This is Spinal Tap; Best in Show; A Mighty Wind). It follows a group of small-town-American characters as they prepare for the fictional Blaine, Missouri’s sesquicentennial celebration, the centerpiece of which is a musical covering the town’s history called “Red, White, & Blaine.” It is a hilarious portrait of the American spirit captured in all the bizarre, oddities of the classic Small Town. You’ll find yourself quoting your favorite moments for years to come.
2) Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999) –Another mockumentary that chronicles small-town American life, this time in Mt. Rose. Minnesota. We follow the various contestants in the Mt. Rose Miss American Teen Princess beauty pageant, and the contestants range from the dopey cheerleader (Amy Adams in her film debut) to the theater geek (Brittany Murphy at her absolute best) to sweet underdog protagonist who practices her tap dancing while working in the morgue (Kirsten Dunst). This movie moves seamlessly from the sublime to the ridiculous, satirizing not only beauty pageants but the politics of the Midwest small-town. Another one with quotable moments every other minute.
3) Wet Hot American Summer (2001) – Everyone in this movie is someone who has made you laugh till your stomach hurts in something (or everything) else they have done in their careers. Pulling heavily from members of the sketch comedy group The State, it has everyone from David Hyde Pierce to Amy Poehler to Molly Shannon to Paul Rudd to Ken Marino to an infantile Bradley Cooper (AND MANY, MANY MORE!). Directed by David Wain (Role Models; Wanderlust), we see the goings on of the last day at Camp Firewood and mainly the romantic endeavors of the counselors and camp directors. It is weird and offbeat and joyous and dark and a beautiful picture of the kind of summer we all wish we could have again (kind of – give or take a few things like refrigerator humping). Oh yeah, did I mention beloved Detective Stabler, Christopher Meloni, humps a refrigerator?
4) Captain America : the First Avenger (2011) – BECAUSE – DUH. It would not be a proper list of All-American movies if I neglected to include All-American superhero Captain America portrayed by All-American beef cake Chris Evans. It takes place during World War II the most nostalgically “good-guys” period of American history, there is a song entitled “The Star Spangled Man with a Plan” and Steve Rodgers is…hoo…he is, uhh…the kind of man with the kind of courage, heart, head of hair, and muscles I think we all wish we could be (myself included). It’s got a good little story and a good bit of action and just a little splash of romance to make a great 4th of July flick. And also, look, yeah, if maybe you double featured this with Marvel's the Avengers I’m not going to do anything to stop you that sounds great.
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