Not Even Joking Tho Aaron Tveit Can Take Off A Hat He's Been Wearing While Dancing And Stuff And His

SUDDENLY EVERYONE IS PLAYING HOUSE

Before you get the good times rolling with the ladies of PLAYING HOUSE, roll on over here http://interactivehouse.usanetwork.com/home. Series premiere April 29 Tuesdays 10/9c on USA #playinghouseusa

Hey kids, what's that? Two posts in one day? YES OF COURSE I CAN! IT'S FEMALE EMPOWERMENT FRIDAY! Anyways I'm constructing a lengthy and exhaustive post dedicated to the ways that Jessica St. Clair and Lennon Parham have directly improved my life (THEY ARE MYRIAD). But for right now and until Playing House premiers next week (Tuesday 4/29 10/9C) tide yourself over with this interactive adventure!

I may or may not have spent the last 40+ minutes with the gals, and let me tell you it is worth it. It's worth it, if for nothing else, to hear Jessica proclaim she is "good with a meat". Woman, I feel you. Ditto to the highest degree.

The Most Important and Least Informed World Cup Piece You'll Read

Hi boys and girls. With the FIFA World Cup in full swing, I thought it would be nice and topical to do a special Henley Monday featuring several of the most attractive players But it turns out that it is nearly impossible to find a single picture, whether professional or paparazzi, of a footballer in our favorite body hugging garment. I did, however, find several pics that made my heart rate increase to a staggering level, and because I am benevolent, I share those with you now. Presenting...

The Hottest World Cup Players in Various States of [Un]Dress:  

This is Lionel Messi of Argentina wearing the shit out of a Dolce & Gabbana tuxedo. When I briefly lived in Buenos Aires, I learned two things about soccer: Maradona is God and Messi is Jesus. He's also tiny and super hot.

Robin Van Persie of The Netherlands can't believe how hot his salt and pepper hair is either! He's so svelt and beautiful and expressive on the field, I would do a flying header right into his bed.

Graham Zusi of the US just gets it. He gets that you've had a long day and just need to curl up into his arms and watch some Netflix. Plus, you can totally trade some hair styling tips! You know he's got a regimen.

So, Alexi Lalas here isn't a player anymore but he was on the US men's team in the 90s and now he's doing commentary on ESPN and he is SO HOT. He used to look like a grizzled lion (still hot) and now he looks like the Lion in Winter. His red hair and red beard scruff are almost too sexy to bear. But bear it I will.

Olivier Giroud of France is unreasonably good-looking whether he's on the field, wearing a cardigan, or you know, just the tiniest pair of swim trunks imaginable. He's...magnifique, to say the least.

Lastly, we have Xabi Alonso of Spain and COME ON. WHO LOOKS LIKE THAT? XABI,YOUR PIERCING GAZE IS ENOUGH TO MAKE MY EYES BUG OUT OF MY HEAD AND PANT LIKE A CARTOON WOLF. It was so hard to pick just one picture of Xabi because his perfection knows no bounds. Que dios te bendiga, Xabi, more than he already has that is.

Lisa Eldridge is Your New Best Friend -

Youtube is a treasure trove of all sorts of beauty tutorials. I have learned more ways to style my hair and wear lipstick in the past two years of watching Youtube videos than I had in the previous 22 years of reading Vogue, Glamour, Allure, and InStyle combined.

Far and away the leader of the pack of makeup tutorial channels is Lisa Eldridge. She is a professional makeup artist with over 25 years of experience making up all your favorite celebrities from Kate Moss to Kate Winslet. If her credentials weren't enough, she's also just absolutely lovely and glamorous herself. Lisa has a way of making even the most intricate, detailed looks achievable with a little a practice and patience.

She is pure delight and practically a genius. I linked to this video on PMS Face remedies because I found it so exemplifies everything I love about her: sense of humor, skin care emphasis, relatability, and of course, gorgeous makeup.

So make friends with Lisa Eldridge! Watch all the videos that interest you and get started on new and exciting makeup to enhance or even change up your old look!

Henley Monday - 

MONDAY indeed! It's certainly not the best of times over here, and I need all the strength and inspiration I can get to deal with just today. 

Enter this rugged man. He's just a man, we don't know who he is or what films he's been in. We can make up anything we want about him. I, for instance, have chosen to believe that he is a Welsh sailor looking off into the distance at his grand ship that takes him all over the world, but his heart is always wandering home. Isn't that nice? I think so.

What do you want his story to be? Day dream about it while the time tick-tocks away and you can be home once more.

Lilith Fare: Highlights from the True Blood Season 5 Finale

"OH. MY. GAH. SHHHHHH."

Those are the exact words I announced to my empty living room this rainy Sunday night as the final few seconds of True Blood Season 5 unfolded before me.

There was no better way to end the most bat-sh*t crazy season yet than with a bat-sh*t crazy episode with the bat-sh*ttiest, craziest last ten minutes, possibly in television history.

In its honor, I present to you my top five highlights from "Save Yourself", oh, and in case it isn't obvious SPOILERS AHOY:

1) Eric's 1000 Year-Old Vengeance Accomplished: Although Russel Edgington's power-crazed, southern charm filled, perfectly coiffuered presence was one of the high points of this season (Him and Steve Newlin slow dancing to "Teenage Dream" over the corpses of drained frat brothers), he had to go. And the only just way for him to meet the true death, was for Eric Northman to finally take care of that 1000 year-old vengeance left over from the vicious slaying of all the Northman's but young Prince Eric. It also looked pretty cool, and once again saved Sookie's ass in the nick of time.

2) SWAT-team Jason: Jason has become my favorite character on this show. He's good-lookin, hilariously dim-witted, and he has the purest heart and the best of intentions. Credit must be given to Ryan Kwanten for pulling off a character with that much range. But! Tonight's arc showed poor Jason suffering from acute FIPTSD (Faery Induced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), resulting in hallucinations of his parents encourging him on a vamp-hating mission. His best side appeared when the break-out crew arrived at the compound and he went action-hero on those vamps with kill shots and desk diving and general day-saving. Go Jay! Love Jessica, though! Really!

3) Eric's Entrances - There's a lot they get so terribly wrong on this show, but one thing they always hit on the spot is how to choreograph Eric Northman's entrances. Whether he is just in time to kill a villain, showing up to Sookie's house, or walking in on Bill going nuts, he arrives in style. The best entrance from this episode by far was when his upside-down head popped into the truck window as Jason was driving them to New Orleans. Scary, then awesome, then hilarious as he begs "Pleeease!" As Retta said, "Eric's got jokes!"

4) Best Vampire Death Evaaarrr - Sam remains super hot, super scruffy and super loyal, and Luna remains the most annoying and unnecessary character on the show. This lent itself perfectly to the best.vampire death.ev.ar. Sam exploding through Chancellor Rosalyn and just standing there covered in her entrails was so gross it was hilarious and thoroughly satisfying. It also freaked out Luna and probably gave Emma some severe emotional scarring, but that's something we will not have to deal with if Lilith be merciful. Speaking of...

5) Billith Fair - Bloody Hell! My mouth was hanging open for the full final 3 minutes of this episode. Sookie crying and Bill being the WORST and then Bill drinking ALL the Lillith blood then Bill EXPLODING then Eric comforting the weeping Sookie then the blood puddle undulating and reforming into the body of a blood-covered, crazy, HUGE fanged reincarnation of Lillith through Bill. Or, as he shall be forever hence be known: Billith. 

My thoughts exactly, guys. Can't wait until next season!!!

The Bachelorette - Week 6 Recap

We’re here! It took me so long to get all caught up with everything in my life, and sadly these had to take the back burner for a moment. But now I am back babaaaay, and ready to go. Let’s dive into love with our friend Andi. It’s week six, and this rag-tag group of fools has hit Venice, Italy. They arrive by ship, calling and cooing to the gods of love and art that they are here to appreciate none of it.

Andi greets the guys just off the canal, and says the one-on-one date is starting right away. Everyone is expecting it to be Cody because he’s the only one who hasn’t had one yet. But jk, y’all. Nick gets the date! They play the scary Intervention music as everyone panics for Cody.

“I feel like the pet dog of the group, like I’m just being drug along,” Cody says. And that is seriously depressing. Poor Cody. You are a Grade A Jabronie, but no one wants to feel like a pet dog.

Andi is taking this one-on-one date with Nick to really feel things out with him and see if there was any reason to be suspicious of him after last week’s drama. They are whisked away in, what else, a gondola.

The guys are staying in Abano Terme which is, according to the copy they gave JJ to read, “gorgeous and just minutes away from Venice.” Farmer Chris takes up his role as this season’s Renee and talks things out with Cody. He supports his feelings of unease, but also agrees that Andi is taking this opportunity to talk things through with Nick.

With the help of a trusty guidebook, Andi and Nick explore Venice holding hands, buying pizzas and gelato, and generally being pretty cute. Over all this both of them are just saying words, words, words about last week and wanting to start over with a clean slate and Andi worrying about getting too swept up in the romance. But, as Hamlet and we all know, those are just words, words, words.

Nick feels really positive about their date though, and that, according to him, “We’re back!” Andi feels better but still has questions she needs answered.

“Going into tonight, it’s sink or swim for Nick,” she says.

And then the scene changes to night and Andi changes into her best dress yet. It is black with gold leaf effect and is very dramatic. They walk into an insane, I mean, insane, Venetian masquerade hall for dinner. Nick is in a tux. Andi’s dress is SLAMMING. This room is INCREDIBLE.  But Andi gets right down to brass tacks about last week and what exactly went down.

Nick feels like he was attacked unfairly and his feelings were hurt by Cody calling him arrogant. He is very straightforward about the fact that he knows what he and Andi share is special, and that he doesn’t want to be rude to the other guys. He also doesn’t want to put them ahead of what he has with her. That seems to satisfy Andi and all her questions. I guess it works for me too.

 They keep whispering though. Why are they whispering so much? Is it because the hall echoes and the sound guy was like, “whisper or nothing!”

 “I’m definitely falling in love,” Nick giggles, “I know we have a long way to go, but I definitely am.”

And the deal is sealed for Andi! He gets the date rose no problem. After both putting on fancy masks, they go out to a patio and dance to a little quartet. It’s romantic as shit.

Date card time! Josh, Brian, Dylan BH-GF, Marcus, JJ, and Chris have their names called out which means Cody will get his one-on-one!

Before the group date starts, Andi gets another note from her secret admirer. She does her best to feign intrigue and delight as she wonders who it could possibly be. This secret admirer business is the lamest attempt at wooing this show has seen since that guy on Emily’s season wore a mask for the first three weeks.

The guys and Andi do a little Venice exploring together, then head up to Monselice Castle. They walk into the dungeon and everyone’s like, “Che cosa?” Then through a creaky wrought-iron door walk the two most Italian dudes of all time. They are presented as two of Italy’s best in the field of reading and administering lie detector tests.

The first scary guy says something in Italian. Then the next guy, clutching a leather bound book because COMEDY, says, “We are here to make with you a lie detector test” in what I can only pray is the first of many silly translation issues.

The dudes are a little freaked out. “I never lie,” JJ says, “No, that’s a lie. I try not to though!” Ugh JJ stop being so irrepressibly adorable.

Andi goes first to get the ball rolling and to show that this trust thing is a two-way street. Right. The guys freak out in the courtyard while Andi answers such hard-hitting questions as, “Is Italy your favorite country in the world?” and “Do you think all the guys are here for the right reasons?”

She’s done awfully quickly, and then it’s Josh’s turn. He appears to be the most skeptical and mistrusting of why she feels the need to do this. Josh has completely forgotten that he is on a television show that lives and dies by the ratings it achieves through sensationalist actions, but no matter! He still does it. The main questions asked of all the guys is, “Are you here for a right reason?” and “Are you ready for marriage?”

“Do you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom?” the tiny bald Italian man asks. Dylan says no. I mean that’s FAIR. Not every guy does! GROSS. But like, ok.

Dylan then pulls Andi aside to tell her he’s going home because he’s really not feeling well. When she asks what hurts he slaps his tummy and his head because he’s a child. Sweet man. Simple man. Go home, Dylan, feel better.

Chris reveals that he is the secret admirer and is worried that when she sees he has lied to her (about that) it’ll be bad. Oh hush, have a little faith Chris. She’s gonna eat it up like so much ravioli.

And now the results are in! According to the tiny, bald Italian man “Three guys told no lies. One man told two lies. Two men told three lies.” He then hands Andi the results of the test, and then shares that Andi told two lies and hands the men the results. I bet one of her lies was that Italy is NOT her favorite country in the world. Chilling stuff.

So Josh is continuing to be so perturbed by a lie detector test saying that he trusts Andi implicitly and doesn’t need no stinking tests. Brian rips open her results right away though because he’s a human person who is naturally curious about shit like that. And LO! WHAT HO! It looks like Andi DID lie about Italy being her fave country and also about thinking all the guys are there for the right reasons. Now that, the latter lie there, that is chilling stuff. Kind of. In terms of what this show is going for.

After a big rigmarole of will she or won’t she tear up the test results, Andi tears them up! She TEARS. THEM. UP. After spending all this time talking about trust and putting those poor professional, Italian lie-detector men through an afternoon of ass-hattery, she TORE THEM UP? Baloney. Josh is really puffed about it and thinks it “speaks volumes of her” that she could have so much trust. Does it? Does it, Josh?

And then we have a quick, acid trip where Cody and Nick are silently in a sauna together? Have I inadvertently dropped some acid? No? Ok. Cody and Nick are just silently hating each other from within a sauna together.

But the group date goes on. After a quick costume change, they arrive back at the castle. JJ is so adorable I can’t really stand it, but he is dressed like a wizard trying to pass for a muggle: Purple pants, sport coat, linen shirt, big multi-colored striped scarf. JJ should follow that “always take one thing off before leaving the house” rule big time.

Brian pulls her away first to get some quality time. He does a “fun” little recreation of the lie detector test from before. It’s a solid “dad” move. I get a very “dad” vibe overall from Brian.

The boys are wildly postulating as to who could possibly be the secret admirer? I think Chris thinks he’s playing it cool but he’s darting his eyes around wildly and being like, “Maybe we’ll never know!” and then staring off into the middle distance. “Who cares?” is what I say. BUT NO ONE CARES WHAT I SAY.

Marcus and Andi continue moving right along the vibe train. These two really like each other, but Marcus is kind of oatmeal to me. He’s just…there. But he feels really strongly for her and  she for him. He reveals that before his one-on-one he was thinking about leaving the show because he was so weirded out by “the process”. But he didn’t. They kiss and we see his tongue big time.

With Josh’s one-on-one time, he decides to bring up that the lie detector test was weird because he thought that she trusted him. And she says, “You read that much into it, huh?” which translates to “the producers made me do this you big dumb galoot”.  Andi gets kind of defensive with him because he’s getting so defensive and strange about the lie detector.

The whole conversation throws Andi into a really emotional place where she questions everything about what she’s doing there and if it’s going to work out. She cries to camera as she worries that maybe putting her entire life on hold to come find a husband and eternal love was all for nothing. She mainly regrets not reading those test results. A-DUH-DOI!

But as she’s clearly upset after her talk with Josh, Chris pulls Andi aside to awkwardly tell her like a shy little boy that he was her secret admirer. They kiss, and it helps Andi feel better about the whole day.

And for that little ray of hope and puppy-like cuteness, Chris gets the date rose. But the drama ain’t over yet, honey! As everyone sits there with fake smiles of congratulations for Chris, JJ speaks up. Whether this was induced by jetlag, extreme fatigue, alcohol, or any other mind altering substance, we’ll never know. But JJ says, “No offense Chris,” which is a cool way to be informed you’re about to be offended. “No offense Chris, I’m really happy for you that you got it but I’m getting a little sick of everybody congratulating everybody else getting roses and getting one-on-one dates.”

He explains that it’s weird to be congratulating guys on getting further along in the process when that means that everyone else’s fate is that much unsure. The guys jump on him right away asking, “Well what’s the alternative?” Chris gets pretty defensive which is hot. He’s not just all sunshine and rainbows. Chris tells JJ that if he wants to sit there and be “sour grapes” that’s fine because he “couldn’t give less of a f***”. NICE.

Now it’s time for Agent Cody Banks. Just kidding it’s time for Cody’s date, but remember that movie with Frankie Muniz and Paul Giamatti turning blue?

WERE YOU WORRIED THAT WE WOULD MAKE IT THROUGH AN ENTIRE EPISODE WITHOUT THE APPEARANCE OF A TURTLENECK? FEAR NOT, FAIR READERS, FOR HERE IN VERONA WHERE WE LAY OUR SCENE, WE SEE A GRAY SWEATER TURTLENECK ON LOVELY ANDI. It’s paired with this bizarre pink skirt. I don’t get the outfit at all.

Andi is so excited to be on the date with Cody because he has “the most amazing eyes”. Does he? Or are we just grasping at straws for something nice to say about Agent Cody?

The Code-ster is really excited and just all smiles as they walk around old Verona. He’s such a giggly mess. They go to The Juliet Club and help answer some Letters to Juliet. This stunningly elegant and beautiful Italian woman explains the Juliet Club to them and asks them to help.

They read one letter from a new divorcee asking about how to feel confident getting back on the dating scene and another from a boy asking for help being confident around the girl he is in love with. Both letters are very sweet, and I can’t help but enjoy this whole part. But then Cody crafts a response to the dude and tells him that he can relate because he has the same thing with a great girl named Andi.

Now. Fine Cody. Way to share with Andi in a cool way that you have feelings for her and she gives you butterflies in your stomach but ALSO. These are supposed to be responses FROM JULIET. NOT YOU. NOT A 32 YEAR OLD PERSONAL TRAINER FROM CHICAGO IN VERONA ON A LARK. Come on, man. Use your big old noggin.

At dinner Andi is wearing some tight, tight pants that I first couldn’t tell were pants. It’s a cute ensemble though once I realized she was wearing pants. Cody is wearing a black deep V and a stripey blazer. It’s a rough look.

He starts right away by saying that he was inspired by their activities to write a little letter of his own. “Dear Juliet,” he starts, “I’m writing to you about my own love story. About a year ago, I was watching TV, and I saw a very beautiful girl step out of a limo. And I knew she was special” Oh Boy. “The first time we met, I knew we had a connection. Since then I’ve had time to get to know her and I’ve learned she’s a beautiful, down to earth girl, and has all the qualities I’m looking for in a wife. Today was our first date, and she has not let me down. And I hope for many more dates. And I also hope she helps me write my greatest love story.” Oh boy. He finishes by asking Juliet to bless their love story. Yikes! OH YIKES! I don’t think it’s happening for Cody, and after that letter this is gonna be like punching a puppy.

He professes more of his feelings for her. And as he professes more to Andi how much he likes her and wants to know more about her, she starts crying. “The longer you keep me around, you’re in trouble because you’re gonna like me more and more,” Cody says.

And that’s where she cuts him off. She explains that she just feels that their friendship is there but the romance isn’t. Andi feels so appreciated and lifted up by Cody and can see what a great, great guy he is, but ultimately doesn’t feel the romantic side of things at all.

She cries and gets really emotional as she tells him why she can’t take him to next week. He takes the rejection like a real pro though. He is so respectful and generous to her. Cody, you leave like a true gentleman. You need a little bit of a style-overhaul, but you’re a sweetheart.

The rose ceremony will be at the oldest winery in Italy (maybe) in Verona. The men pull up in enormous Rolls Royces. They’re are all a titter because they really need this time with Andi to make their feelings known and put it all on the line one last time.

Andi is in a slinky, sparkly black dress that is allotting for an intense amount of side boob. Nick pulls Andi away first and all the guys are pretty steamed because he already has a rose. But Andi really likes it because he took control of the situation like a man. Chris is very disappointed in Nick’s behavior, and the rest of the men appear to be in the anti-Nick boat.

The rest of the rose ceremony continues with the typical show-boating and emotions-bearing. Then Andi has a great fireside chat with Chrarrison who helps Andi to debrief her not so great week. She feels great going forward that her husband is there, but it’s getting harder with fewer and fewer guys.

Roses go out to: Dylan Bad-Hair Good-Face, Brian, and Marcus. Then it’s down to just JJ and Josh. My J-boys. And then, to my great chagrin, the final rose goes to Josh. JJ knows it before she even says it. He’s so crushed and sad. I’m so crushed and sad! JJ! My little pantsapreneur! I love you so! Come heal your wounds with me in Chicago! I will cook you delicious dinners and make you salsas from scratch J-JAYYYYYYYY!

Whew. What a rollercoaster this week was, huh? And it can only get crazier from here. That’ll be fun. This party is moving along to Brussels, Belgium. Cool! I can’t wait. Of course you won’t have to wait a full week for that recap, hopefully it’ll go up on Friday. Until then my loves! Ciao!

Henley Monday - It's a Monday in March. The sun is nowhere to be seen. It's still only the 11th, so we're still in the Lion's territory as opposed to the Lamb's.

But our friend Justin Timberlake is sitting on top of the world. He hosted Saturday Night Live for the fifth time this weekend and was also the musical guest. It was a show filled with cameos from some of the all-time SNL greats and your favorite (or least favorite, "bring on down to _____-ville!") recurring characters from episodes past.

It should come as no small surprise that a song called "Suit & Tie" about the transformational power of formal wear ranks highly in my book. JT is a regular fashion plate. Why here, he wears a henley with contrasting placard under a sport coat with a spiffy pocket square.

JT gets it.

Henley Monday -

Welcome to your week, folks. It's going to be a good one. You're going to be successful. You will have fun. You will come home every night and eat a delicious dinner. All the TV shows you love are going to be great this week. You will feel amazing and ready to start your day every time the alarm goes off. You will achieve all your goals and kick ass doing so.

I think. I mean, I don't really know. You are the master of your destiny, as they say. What I do know is that soultry look Josh Hutcherson is giving here could give me the confidence to go through my week exactly like that. It just says, calmly, confidently, "You got this."

I GOT THIS.

Henley Monday -

Some Mondays you're a little sluggish after a nice, relaxing weekend. Some Mondays you wish that the weekend could be one day longer. Some Mondays you wish you had never tried a thing called white whiskey which might as well be called "Moonshine - Don't drink this unless you're a drifter from the 1930s or a Swanson".

However you're feeling today, let these pictures of hunkety-hunk Matt Bomer doing manly things sooth you. Look at him carry that shovel, gazing so thoughtfully, probably going to go rescue a horse in danger. And then he shows off the henley's utility by doing some woodwork on a piece of reclaimed pine.

What a treasure.

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