What A Privilege It Is To Become The Person You Used To Pray To Be

Universe, please keep me soft, but hard to fool. Surround me with energy that pours back into me. Expose what’s not real. Elevate what is. And when I forget who I am, bring me home.

btw I am doing it afraid

my mind is very beautiful and it’s going to take me very far.

yeah “i can teach you” is kind and gentle and warm and comforting. it’s also hot. right

More ways you found your style?

I get my hair inspiration from HairbyFlisan. I wanted a really specific blonde color with a Scandinavian hairline, a seamless blend, and a custom row of extensions to make my hair look thicker. I didn’t want platinum or anything harsh; I wanted a gentle shift towards softness and an effortless blonde that would match my skin tone.

I usually do a matching French manicure and pedicure. I start with intensive nail preparation and make sure that my cuticles are removed and my natural nails have been prepped and prepared nicely. What I want is an elongated nail bed, a hidden natural nail free edge, gently rounded nails, a shorter smile line, a double layer of clear gel topcoat, and a soft pink base with a classic white smile line.

I tan, but I never, ever use tanning beds. I spray tan, and that’s enough for me. I like a neutral tan, not too dark or not too light; I like a full coverage and clean look, and the tan I use has to work for my style. I actually go to a bridal spray tan specialist for this; she’s not too expensive, and she’s very talented. She knows how to work with an olive undertone, and I love the way she’s able to blend the product into my skin.

My teeth were a major investment for me. I got a job at a dental office when I was 18, and over the past four years, I’ve been on a whole journey. I had braces for two years and had my wisdom teeth extracted; then I did professional Zoom whitening to get my teeth to the even white color I wanted, and I finished up with composite bonding and gum contouring. It was an ordeal to get where I am, and maintaining my smile is of the utmost importance to me now.

I apply my makeup with a lighter hand now. It’s easy for me to go overboard, and I’ve found that I look my best with cleaner looks. Learning how to do my face and blend my makeup, following bridal makeup artists and makeup artists in my favorite cities to find looks that I liked and could learn to do, practicing daily, and finding quality products in the right shades and with the right undertones were major parts of finally figuring out how to get my makeup to look the way I wanted it to.

Rhinoplasty ~ $3,500. 

I had my nose done back in 2021 for $3,500, and yes, the stimulus checks I got subsidized it. I was 18, wanted to fix my nose so badly, and had plenty of spare time on my hands, so I did it. I don’t regret it in the slightest, but I view myself differently after having it, and while my face changed for the better, it still changed to a point where I felt as if I was unrecognizable for a few years. I had no pain, recovery was swift, my bridge and nostrils are perfection, and I tape to this day. It was worth the money, and again, I don’t regret it, but I do think that anyone who has facial plastic surgery needs to be mentally prepared for the stress you’ll experience immediately postop and during your year of recovery.

Breast Augmentation ~ $6,500. 

I had breast implants, an internal bra, a little bit of lipo on my bra line, and a fat transfer to the upper poles of my breasts, and it was worth every penny. I was flat as a board before, but I didn’t want to do anything that would seem overpowering on my frame, so I discussed it all with my surgeon, and we found a solution together. They sit like they’re fake but feel like they’re real, they look amazing in bikini tops, and the lipo and internal bra were worth every cent of the extra cost. I went with silicone over saline. I had the classic under-bust incision (and it’s so faded now that it just looks like a thin white line), and apart from some heavy bruising in the area, recovery was easy.

Full Body Electrolysis ~ $2,000. 

I was grandfathered in with the pricing here, but I’d still really recommend electrolysis if you want a permanent form of hair removal. I got started on electrolysis when I was 16. It took around nine months of regular sessions and consistent effort to get to where I wanted to be, and five years have passed with very minimal hair growth. I had thick, dark hair, and I hated it so much that I did what everyone I knew at the time was doing and decided to have my body hair removed. Electrolysis hurts like a mother; it leaves your skin stinging, but in my opinion, it’s the only way to make sure the hair stays gone long term. My underarms hurt the least, my bikini area was bad at the start, and the backs of my knees were horrendous, but numbing gel really helps.

“the essence of true transformation lies in the willingness to let go of who we’ve known ourselves to be, for the possibility of who we might become”

Leaving for Ann Arbor today and D.C. on Friday. I’ve needed a break from New York City for a while now.