No Offense Meant To The Durge Background, I'm Sure It's Compelling, But I'd Like To Play A Protagonist

I've been thinking about the tendency of some fans who create their ideal OC character in an RPG and the mockery it gets because it's derided as too "Mary Sue" and I thought about my own preferences as I'm prone towards that in my own way.

But it's only done once and then I'm good with wanting to explore other backgrounds, other decisions and appearances. In fact, I explicitly don't want to repeat the one "perfect" playthrough.

I don't know how similar that is for other folks, but I kinda suspect that I do it because in a life of constant imperfections, of compromises and thwarted wishes and dreams, of having to be content with far less satisfying outcomes, an RPG lets me indulge in one instance where I don't have to compromise, where I can have it exactly as I wish (mods have become an addiction) without it harming or affecting anyone else. There's something deeply soothing about being able to save every villager, to have that waistline I know I'll never have, to wear an outfit I'd never feel comfortable doing in public (and still have no wish to), to have a romance that still gives that giddy rush.

It scratches an itch I know isn't realistic, it lets me feel like there's some parallel universe where it inexplicably all came together and then when it's done, I can set it aside and revisit whenever I'm feeling particularly frustrated with the real world. And when I get bored with everything being so specifically to those wishes, I can go try something different.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go provoke a necromancer and then lead him into a fight with the guards.

I wish I could describe just how weird it is to see so much love for this character when you're coming in from a fandom era where the overall attitude towards him was "Ew, he's old" or "He's SO borrrrriiiing!" And most of the affection was neck and neck between Solas and Cullen.

The pendulum has swung I guess

The only reason Blackwall doesn’t look like this in game is because if he did look like this no one would want to sleep with egg man or the catholic cop

Protector of the Forest.

One of my favourite things is getting to see Chinese students trying to learn English at school finally being able to shake English speakers and yell "WHY IS YOUR LANGIAGE LIKE THIS????"

How to Paint Light by jonhuangart

Honestly the Halsin romance frustrates me so much, because he makes it so clear that he wants something more and you just… have no option to give it to him?

“You’re all that I want” he says but then you’re literally not allowed to tell him that he’s all YOU want!!! He’s so moved when you say you want to go with him to take care of the kids and help out with rehabilitating the (formerly) shadow cursed lands, but you don’t get to stay with him!!!

Like sure maybe he doesn’t want an exclusive relationship, but I think if you put together all the context clues of his unexplored trauma and loneliness, he probably doesn’t understand what he wants! And he deserves to have the opportunity to have his partner help him work through that and stand by him and offer him actual love and support, rather than just having him be the tacked on third to a relationship that functions entirely without him.

Be polyamorous with him. But by god, they could have had a scene of the THREE people in the relationship interacting, or at least allowed Halsin to feel like he was as important of a partner as your other one!!! Having him just say “I know you’re in love with someone else but I’m in love with you so I’ll accept the dregs” is pretty horrible, FROM A POLYAMOROUS PERSPECTIVE.

If they didn’t want to program in triad endings (very stupid if they were going to allow you to be polyamorous) they should at LEAST have allowed you to choose a paired ending with Halsin over a paired ending with your other partner. I want to help him take care of the goddamn kids and put down roots with him!!! Why can’t I? There’s nothing antithetical to polyamory in that. Polyamorous people can settle down with a partner they like, and Halsin expresses over and over through word and deed that he likes the player!!!

It just frustrates me that I feel like even when I say yes to him I’m still hurting him. He deserves so much more love and attention than the game allows him to have.

When you're used to being critiqued and undermined constantly on your feelings and reactions, it often leaves one feeling like you've been picked over like a Thanksgiving carcass.

Don't criticize. Don't be rude. Never show your anger or annoyance. Don't be that killjoy when someone makes a sexist/racist/ableist joke that everyone else is laughing at. Always be accommodating even if you know that they're going to manipulate that good will to make you do work that's not yours to begin with. You still can't be cold and shut them off.

So when you're tip toeing and side stepping the thorns of social expectations, only to witness someone committing to an action that would have gotten you scoured and punished for, you'd think they'd be facing the same kind of consequences, right?

Nope.

Watching those moments where others are laughing their way through a sassy remark, a defiant gesture or a cheeky comment while you've had to filter and bleach your personality until it's dull, flat and tasteless to the world (and giving the world that classic "autism" impression) because you can't afford to weather the long cold ostracism that could cost you your job.

Is it any wonder why our emotions are fucking bombs by the time something finally sparks that long stored volatility under pressure?

Autistic and ‘Over-reacting’ to the Little Things

Neurodivergent_lou

I have been thinking a lot about the entire Coop-Barb-Janey subplot, not only from a viewer's perspective but also a writer's perspective and here's some thoughts of what we might expect in S2 and/or S3:

☢️ Similarly to S1, S2 could open with a scene set in 2077 showing Coop separating from Janey. It'd be safe to assume that at one point Barb swooped in and took Janey with her to one of the good vaults.

Henry/Hank, being Barb's assistant, might have been directly involved. It would explain why Coop later thinks he might know where both of them are

Coop probably doesn't know that for a simple reason: contrarily to the experiment vaults, the location of the high management vaults must be top secret and the entrance must be well disguised and well protected

Side note: Barb and Janey are definitely not in vault 31. They are not listed on the terminal that Norm checks in one of the scenes

☢️ I think that throughout the season/s we'll get some flashbacks of Coop and Barb from the moment he found out about the bombs all the way to their divorce

I theorize Barb was the one to file for divorce, and one of the reasons was she feared his association with "commies" would lose her (and by extension her daughter) the spot in a good vault

I saw an affair angle being mentioned. I'd say it's not out of the realm of possibility. Still, if there was a third man, it would not be Hank but some high ranking executive, someone who could grant Barb that spot in a good vault.

If there was an affair and it was mostly calculated, I think there could still have been an element of genuine attraction there. The way in which Barb accuses Coop of being an ingenue, makes me think she'd be inclined to develop an attachment to someone who is the opposite of that, someone who'd make her feel safe and supported

Side note 1: the affair angle would tie nicely with the fact that Coop appears to think of his family as having been taken from him

Side note 2: ghoulcy shippers might find it interesting that the side of Coop's character that Barb seemed to resent, is the one Lucy would probably appreciate the most

☢️ All that said, Coop will most certainly find Barb and Janey at the end of S2 or at least will find out where they are and will only literally find them at the end of S3. @earthgenre made an interesting post exploring what might have happened to them. I personally am convinced they were cryo-frozen and one of the following will turn out to be true:

They were awakened, lived and died a long time ago (or were just never frozen in the first place) and Coop will have to deal with the fact that they are just... gone.

They were awakened some time earlier but by now Barb is dead and Janey is all grown up, perhaps with a husband and child/ren, or alternatively she's already old. It could make for a heartfelt reunion but in the end, the two would have to go their separate ways.

They are both still in their cryopods. Coop gets to see his wife and daughter again and is faced with a choice to either awaken them or let them sleep. It would be a test of character for him. If this one came true, I think he'd either let them sleep or awaken them just for a moment of closure and then let them go back to sleep again in wait for a better tomorrow.

You may have noticed I didn't include any scenario in which they reconcile and walk together into the sunset. This is simply because I don't think it's really an option. I mean, could you imagine Barb, the clean-cut corporate exec, traveling across the wasteland with her ex who now is also a radioactive flesh-eating ghoul? And dragging their little daughter along with them?

On the other hand, Coop wouldn't subject them to that. Yes, he's been looking for them all this time but it would be very silly of him to expect them to reunite and just go live happily ever after. And he's a lot of things but silly is not one of them. I don't think he wants to get them back. He just wants to know what the hell happened to them. Closure is what he wants and what he'll probably eventually get.

As much as I'd love to see Coop get back what he'd lost, I recognize that it wouldn't make much sense, narratively speaking. Cooper's journey appears to be about two things: regaining his lost humanity and letting go of the past. He cannot turn back into a human but he can become a better man (ghoul?) with strong(er) morals. Similarly, he cannot get his family back, not really, not even if he finds them alive, but he can always get himself a companion - someone whom he could cherish and protect, someone whom he could literally live for - and the narrative so far seems to imply that companion is meant to be Lucy. I won't elaborate further on that because there's already a gazillion posts quoting various parallels and foreshadowing elements than seem to be pointing somewhere in that direction.

At the end of it, I just wanna say, there is no way back, but there is always a way forward and that, I think, is the lesson Cooper is supposed to learn.

*Pinches nose*

PSA Announcement: Solomancing Halsin does not make him monogamous. It's not a fan's responsibility to go sleep with others to make sure gatekeeping poly fans are reassured he's still poly. There is no minimum quota of people a fan has to sleep with for someone to still be poly. I'm sorry I don't find others attractive enough to put them above Halsin, but it's my playthrough, not the ones who are complaining. I don't owe the polyamorous group validation ON MY OWN PRIVATE PLAYTHROUGH through denial of my own preferences. What I like does not change that Halsin is still polyamorous.

On that note too, Shadowheart and Astarion are also poly despite some fans' insistence that they're monogamous victims being preyed upon by Halsin.

If you have never said this to anyone, carry on, this message is not directed at you.

*Waits for the torches and pitchforks*