I Kinda Felt That On A Personal Level.

are you actually reading for fun or is it to distract your mind from the current state your life is in and to keep you in a blissful fantasy where all the monsters could be slayed and problems could be solved with simply the turn of a page?

i'm so glad RED TV is coming out soon. finally i'll be able to be traumatized ~taylor's version~

the end of august/beginning of september smells like a brimming cup of tea, new textbooks, and autumn slowly approaching

lorde lyric parallels (that i've noticed) throughout different eras:

stoned at the nail salon; solar power:

"oh, make it good"

ribs; pure heroine:

"we can talk it so good, we can make it so divine"

stoned at the nail salon; solar power:

"got a memory of waiting in your bed wearing only my earrings"

the louvre; melodrama:

"half of my wardrobe is on your bedroom floor"

california; solar power:

"oh, the hotels and the jets and i'd pay it all again"

still sane; pure heroine:

"i still like hotels, but i think that'll change"

mood ring; solar power:

"you can burn sage, and i'll cleanse the crystals"

royals; pure heroine:

"i've never seen a diamond in the flesh"

the path; solar power:

"now i'm alone on a windswept island"

royals; pure heroine:

"jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash"

writer in the dark; melodrama:

"i am my mother's child, i'll love you 'til my breathing stops"

love club; pure heroine:

"my mother's love is choking me"

writer in the dark; melodrama:

"i'll let the seasons change my mind"

the path; solar power:

"caught in the complex divorce of the seasons"

sober II (melodrama); melodrama:

"you asked if i was feeling it, i'm physco high"

mood ring; solar power:

"we can get high, but only if the wind blows"

liability; melodrama:

"they're gonna watch me disappear into the sun"

the path; solar power:

"i just hope the sun will show us the path"

green light; melodrama:

"i'm waiting for it, that green light, i want it"

solar power; solar power:

"acid green, aquamarine"

big star; solar power:

"but every perfect summer's gotta say goodnight"

hard feelings/loveless; melodrama

"it's time to let go of this endless summer afternoon"

my dream aesthetic is being known as a crazy scientist, just working 24/7 in a lab

someone sees the light on in there and asks "oh hey, whos that in there working so late?" and someone else replies "thats just our resident mad scientist, he lives here"

the dream,,,

was listening to spotify and realized

"we're dancin' in the kitchen in the refrigerator light" - taylor swift (all too well)

and

"fridge light washes this room white, moon dances over your good side." - harry styles (two ghosts)

im experiencing jealousy but the kind where im not even sure if its actually jealousy. i dont know whether its longing for how things used to be, or being happy that they've changed. ive spent so long convincing myself to consider them a stranger with who i shared some memories.

so why do i feel myself burning when i see pictures them with other people, why-whenever i see them having fun with other people-do i feel the need to have my friends beside me just to prove a point. i feel like such a middle schooler because opening up ig to see pictures of them at parties and stuff makes me..jealous? angry? sad? bcoz its like those pictures and captions are targeted at me. they're an indirect way of saying i moved on, and im over u. so why am i still not?

why do i feel the need to go to the mall, buy clothes i shouldn't be wearing and take pictures with guys i shouldnt be hanging around with? i thank well, thats exactly what she's doing, i'll just move it up a notch. but despite it all, im still thinking about her. whether its jealousy, anger or sadness-maybe all at once-it's all because of her. and i hate her. but i feel like such a goddamn whiny child. i cant help it.

Online friends are so cute like you'll prolly just say 'hi' and they'll be like 'HEY HI BESTIE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LET'S GO TO LIBRARIES TOGETHER!!'

What causes your anxiety ?

being alive