I Cna Tell Im A System Because Wjhenever I Hit My Head Relaly Hard On The Wall I Hear Screaming And Noise

Maybe we shouldn't be telling people to end themselves, actually. I don't care if you're pro endo, anti endo, endo neutral, say you're endogenic in origin, willogenic, anything. No one should be telling anyone to end their lives.

Experiences in the Alterhuman Community (and Beyond) as a Fictive

It's a weird experience being a fictional character, especially dealing with fandom, the fact that your source is fictional, and interactions with people based on that--including some of the dehumanisation that's so common toward fictionfolk. I'm gonna go into that here because I need somwhere to collect my thoughts, so this might get long. I'll be talking about my experiences as a fictive, but this could very well apply to anyone who identifies as a fictional being--fictionkin, fictionlinkers, etc.

So, I see the version of me on the screen as an AU version of me, in short. I mean, I'm me, and I don't think I even looked exactly 1:1 with my canon self--so naturally, even though events line up pretty closely, I see my source as... Almost like a fanfic of my life? Like sure, that's decidedly me, and decidedly a lot of the things that happened to me and my friends, but also not me. I'm not that guy on the screen, he's what represents me.

Even though I fully believe I got here by dying in a literal past life, my source media here is absolutely fictional to me and I just... Don't look at it in really any other way. Which I guess makes sense if you put it into my perspective--what else would it be? It really is like reading a fanfic based on your life though, or reading an article about yourself in the news. A bit of a shock, a bit of "why did they include THAT?" sprinkled in here and there, a bit awkward sometimes, and it does tend to resurface bad feelings. But overall, it's not that personal to me. I'm largely fine with it existing.

On the other hand, what is shocking is that people see me as fictional. I'm a fictional introject, from a fictional source, from the perspectives of a lot of people here. But I look at my source and I go well... Yeah, that's fiction of course, but my life is an actual thing that happened to me. Realistically I know that not everyone has spiritual beliefs and not everyone even accepts fictional identities as something "real", but man is it weird to just... Have it be spun in such a way?

I'm used to being in the media, I'm used to having cameras on me and being in the public eye. I'm used to articles and stories and posts on the internet. I'm used to fans even! But this isn't your regular, run-of-the-mill experience of people wanting to know you because you're a hero. This is people who see your life and experiences as a fun story they saw in a book or on TV, coming up to you with the idea that you're their favourite character, and not... A whole entire person. It's so damn weird.

There's still that level of disrespect that comes from people who are a little parasocial with you, but it almost hits deeper here because a lot of the time, you know they're not seeing a hero or the things you've literally done in your memories. They're seeing that guy on the screen they think is cool, and while he represents you, he's not you. And they're treating you like a celebrity because of that weird fanfic version of you on the TV or in that book.

There's usually little acknowledgement of your life or experiences as "real". When you're presenting as your fictional identity around others, you tend to get put into one of a few camps:

Cool Character from Media who I love and adore and want to talk to (and will probably get fanperson excited about it). I will probably get dispraportionally upset if Character tells me to back off a bit because I don't want my blorbo to be mad at me.

Character from Media I'm in love with and will immediately start asking invasive questions to or outright flirting with. Could get real gross real quick.

Problematic Character or Guy From Problematic Media that I instantly dislike because that's so Problematic how dare you show your face. I'm reporting you for being Character, you should change your identity if you want to exist so bad.

Character from Media who is disabled/queer/mentally ill/has any soft personality trait ever and I will now be treating you like a sweet little babyboy cinnamon roll who could not hurt a fly.

Person who identifies as Character? How interesting! I'm going to really pry and question everything from your actions in-source (to get unique perspectives from Character) and question literally everything else. Because this is Science and I'll get mad if you don't tell me everything, you need to tell me everything or you're rude.

Of course there's nuance and there's absolutely times where you'll be treated as a normal person, but the above are... So damn common. I've been here for a few months and I've already had some weird stuff happen to me simply because I'm Kirishima and people feel entitled to give me cutesy nicknames or whatever. Even without knowing me or my system at all beforehand. It's just.. So different from anything I've experienced before? Being treated like a celebrity is dehumanising enough, but being treated like a character.ai bot or just generally a form of free entertainment and not a person is so perplexing to me.

There's also that if you're from a popular source, you see stuff about yourself everywhere. Posters, plushies, advertisements, posts on social media--all of it. Some of that I'm used to already, but it's kind of weird when you're mentally aware that this is all for that twisted-mirror version of yourself and not you. And if you get a little uncomfortable at some fanart showing up out of the blue, or someone making a source related joke... You're kind of just expected to brush it off. Which yeah, I get it! It's about the source, not me, but it's still just... A weird feeling. A feeling of not being allowed to be upset because it's about the source and not literal you.

I think there needs to be a line, maybe. Not saying that fictives should be putting a stop to any media or fandom ever, just.. That maybe respect toward us for being uncomfortable with fan content due to being a fictive or fictionkin should be more normalised. It should be more okay to say "hey, I'm Character, please don't joke like that" to a friend, or "don't send me fanart of this thing, I'm Character and that's weird"--which it normally is! But there does tend to be a sort of layer of "Oh, it's because you're Character. You know that's not you, right? You shouldn't be upset, you need to source separate more."--when if most other people were to set a boundary like that, it would usually be respected. Source separation can be great, but if someone hasn't separated or doesn't want to, why is it okay to still send them material they're uncomfortable with--or at least, why do people tend to argue that the fictive should "just separate from source" instead? It... Just boils down to alterhumisia toward fictionfolk, honestly. It sucks.

There's a lot of problems with basic respect toward fictionfolk of all kinds--hell, even in the alterhuman community where it's meant to be safe. I don't know if this rant is entirely coherent or not, I don't know if there's anything noteworthy to take from it--but if you do take something from it, let it be that fictionfolk want to be treated like people. Source separated, not source separated, canon divergent or compliant, hearted, linker, 'kin or 'tive--we're people. Don't let our identities change the way you instinctually treat us. Let us be openly us, and treat us as you would anyone else.

In-sys relationship culture is buying your partners things they had in-source. It's not the same, but it always makes them so happy.

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Plural positivity cus we felt like it!!

[plain text: Plural positivity cus we felt like it!!]

*･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're traumagenic/disordered and support endos

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're mixed origins

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're endogenic

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're blurry all the time

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you don't have a headspace

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you're frontstuck

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you consider yourself one due to imaginary friends/imagis

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you have "too high" of a headcount

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you have "too low" of a headcount

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you only have non-human headmates

You're still a real system/plural/etc. if you only have human headmates

You're still a real system/plural/etc. No matter what anyone tells you!

[Plaintext: You're still a real system/plural/etc. No matter what anyone tells you!]

The muffled sounds of tails swishing in the open blue, listening to the generational symphonies sung by whales carried in such gentle tunes...

So vast, so terrifying, so beautiful, and so satisfying.

The ocean will always be in me, floating me in it's embrace.

For those that want to public gear but are to scared to start

If you're area is safe do so at all, I would recommend going to the mall and hanging out in stores like hot topic! One of the only times I've worn ears in public I was at the mall and I got so many compliments there, easy stress-free environment that lets you start getting used to public gear and have a less likely chance of getting weird looks or anything like that, I cant guarantee you wont get that but at least from my experience it was very pleasant, did get stared down from a random old dude tho- that was near the food court though so not surprised 😭

we are so ableist about smell. "oh youcant smell ? yea youre probably just sick or something it'll pass" "youmean youcant smell that awful smell ?? YOURE SO LUCKY I WISH ICOULDNT" "its not a disability not to be able to smell !!" "youre so lucky to not be able to smell" "wellll even if it is a disability youre still lucky" and so on cause icould go on forever. why say that to an anosmic ? it isnt fair, im disabled too, and im NOT lucky for not being able to live a normal life like a non disabled person.

aromantic soulbonding culture is noticing that the soulbonding community is very interconnected with the selfship community and feeling weird about it

no shade to folk who are romantic with their soulbonds, the romance focus just makes us feel a bit alienated from the community

soulbonding culture is

The want and desire of wanting amnesia and dissasociative barriers so everyone can have their own privacy vs the need to monitor what everyone's doing.

Territorial Insticts + alterhumanity

i think a lot of alterhuman folks experience territorial instincts in ways that don’t always get talked about. especially if your identity includes predatory, wild, or socially protective species, such as canids, felines, dragons, etc. some of us might feel a deep need to claim space. not in a metaphorical way, but like. this is mine. this is my room, my den, my person, my pack. this is my corner of the internet. don’t touch it. don’t look at it too long. i’ll bite.

and it’s not always aggressive, it can be protective, affectionate. we make a space safe for the people we care about. we guard it. we watch.

for some of us it’s instinctual. for some it’s tied up in trauma, being displaced, growing up in unsafe environments, feeling like we never had a space that was truly ours. alterhumanity can make that ache sharper, more specific.

i guard things. food, objects, spaces, people. it’s not symbolic, it’s instinct. it’s like something clicks in my brain and suddenly whatever it is becomes mine. not in a selfish way, but in a protective, possessive, defensive kind of way. like: this is important. this is sacred. this is part of my territory. don’t touch it. don’t fuck with it. don’t even get too close unless you’re trusted.

sometimes it’s my room. sometimes it’s a person i love. sometimes it’s a hoodie i’ve worn every day for two weeks. sometimes it’s leftover food in the fridge that my brain has decided i’ll starve without. sometimes it’s not even rational, it’s instinctual. animal. primal.

it makes so much sense to me through the lens of psychological therianthropy, the creature in me doesn’t separate emotional connection from territorial instinct. if i love you, i’ll guard you. if something is mine, it’s not just an object, it’s part of my den. part of my hoard. part of myself.

and it’s also tangled up with my bpd [ suspected ], fear of abandonment, attachment issues, identity instability. my territory gives me shape. it tells me who i am. if someone crosses into it without permission, it doesn’t just feel like a boundary violation, it feels like a threat to my existence. it feels like my identity is bleeding. it feels like i’m going to lose something i can’t replace.

territoriality can be violent, but it can also be soft. i’ll sit by the door while you sleep. i’ll remember exactly how you take your tea. i’ll patch up your jacket and fold it so it smells like you again. i’ll bark at anything that looks at you wrong.

for me, being alterhuman means having instincts i can’t always explain, but i feel them in my bones. and territoriality is one of the loudest ones. it’s not always easy to live with, but it makes me who i am.