Valentine's Day .2024

Blue Utramarine   -   Magi Puig,  2004.

Catalan, b.1966 -

Oil on canvas,

一个最喜欢的照片我做。used to love editing my myspace profile. got decent at html. carried that over to tumblr, but haven’t used it really since the early 2010’s.

My Languages

part 1

in order of when i picked it up. I grew up in an english speaking home, had friends who only spoke english, and really did not get any conscious exposure to another language until i was around 7 years old. my great grandmother on my mom’s side, married into the family, was a lovely woman from Tokyo whom we called Chick. she awoke my interest in other languages and cultures. i was eager to learn japanese from her, and she taught me some. just a few sentences here and there.

it wasn’t until middle school that i really got back into languages. i remember feeling excited for moving to high school, and being able to take french. i told my father over dinner at one of our favorite mexican restaurants, where he, my sister, and i would almost ritualistically go to [until it burned down]. he was quite irate that i had fancied french over spanish, and understandably so. spanish is much, much more common and useful in the united states than french is. however, i couldn’t be deterred. i was naturally drawn to french, and that’s what i would choose. i primed myself using google translate, looking up random words here and there. i would go on to study it for four years in high school. i was the top of my class, and everyone knew it. i just simply loved french and was good at it. i was fortunate enough to take IB French (international baccalaureate) which i can’t brag enough about. ib was awesome. like a breath of fresh air compared to the crap american standardized education feeds us. well, anyway. french will go along to become my major in university, not so much due to passion or interest, but because it’s common enough that it’s a major at most universities. france isn’t my favorite country and i don’t really want to live there. i’d choose quebec or luxembourg or belgium first. but hopefully it serves me well.

japanese was my other focus. in middle school i got into anime (death note specifically) besides already being madly in love and obsessed with pokémon and yugioh. i attempted to teach myself katakana. i remember thinking my name kyle would be キユレ kiyure, cuz i didn’t know how katakana worked back then. it’d probably be more like カイヨウル. however aside from that i didn’t really have much more need or pressure to learn more. the high school i would later go on to offered japanese, but for some reason that escapes my memory, i never took it. i ended up taking four languages in high school, but japanese was not one of them.

i guess this would be a good segue into spanish. but back to japanese first. i would later study japanese in college, centre college, to be exact. im thankful i did because i was able to write my great grandma chick a letter with the japanese i had learned. she was living in north carolina with my grandma and step grandpa, as she lay dying. i wasn’t able to see her before she passed, but my grandma said she loved my letter and wouldn’t stop mentioning it. lol.

synchronicitly, my japanese professor would be an awesome mormon man who i would have a good rapport with, because i was passionately mormon at this time in my life. and he was pretty awesome. he probably just thought i was some dumb kid, and i was. but if you’re reading this brother dixon, おはようございます！「元気ですか？」

i supposed i have lied, though. i forgot that i studied spanish in elementwrycschooo. so i did have exposure to foreign languages. we did not take spanish in middle school though, which is odd and embarrassing tbh. but i would later take spanish in high school for three weeks, before i dropped it because my class mates were pronouncing me llamo like... mee lahmo. not may ahmo like literally anyone should know by now.... so i switched to chinese.

inspired by avatar the last air bender, and an anxious and impulsive desire, i signed up for chinese class to get away from the heathens who didn’t know elementary spanish. why i didn’t ask if japanese or german was available, and honestly now that i think of it, i may have. at least one or the other. i distinctly remember being told chinese was available, and i just took it. so began my journey with 中文.

spanish was too easy and nothing about spain or south america really draws me. i do like argentina though, and catalan seems interesting. and definitely portuguese, but that’s not spanish!

before i continue on that though, let’s rewind. my knack for languages was already blossoming in middle school, even though i hadn’t had any formal study besides elementary school spanish from señor ramos. i told my dad as we sat together at the dinner table that i wanted to learn five languages. i was surprised later when he brought it back up, because i didn’t think he had remembered. looking back, i guess that is kind of unique. not many people have that desire, let alone accomplish it. in america at least.

well i still remember those languages. i believe they were japanese, french, german, spanish, and danish. yes. undoubtedly those were it. which one doesn’t belong? lol. danish, i know right? which is why we need to rewind. my love for denmark probably isnt worthy of its own post, but i will leave off here, and pick this up later. i gotta go to school, hun.

xx gossip girl

i’m looking at his natal chart. even though we aren’t together anymore, i can’t help myself. i’m still struggling to make sense of everything that has happened, but i’m slowly accepting distance as the reality. there’s just something about him.

we both have five planets in retrograde. his are the outers. i have venus, no saturn, plus chiron or something. i’ve always liked the fact i have a lot of retrograde planets, and most people don’t have more than one or two. our charts really are like a mirror.

i found the source for his violence and emotional power games. it’s his mars conjunct saturn, both in twelfth house. i admire him for that. since my sun is there, i’m no judge of the chaos the 12th house brings. i seem to live in it and enjoy it. our relationship was quite twelfth house after all.

but supposedly mars & saturn connections can bring a penchant for harshness and cruelty. quite frankly, that kinda turns me on. i do have a bunch of squares to my moon & pluto after all. i thought the arguments we had were fun. i have a gemini stellium and he has a gemini moon. it wasn’t fun and games for him though unfortunately.

i remember when i saw his qi energy one day in his back yard. qi energy is something i see on people sometimes, like their spirit energy. for him, it was a quick glimpse like the right side of his face was rotting. his eyeball was missing and it was like creepy. it was quite scary come to think of it, but somehow it transferred a light to me. and i don’t recall feeling too scared by it.

but after that, i began seeing a light in other peoples eyes occasionally. it was like a “hey, i’m here for you. i’m not judging you” kind of light. i think me seeing his qi energy gave me that light, to help me move forward when i get so depressed. and as i would come to find out, the 8th house is the house of “rot”. and he was my eighth house sun.

Hilma Af Klint, The Swan No. 1

I have Uranus on my left ring finger, mars on my left thumb, moon on right thumb, Pluto on left pinky, Venus on middle finger (right) Saturn on right ring finger.

why the fuck did I even do Saturn. I hate Saturn. I should have done Neptune??????? (def not mercury) no off/

What do you think of getting tattoos of planets or signs? Do you have any?

Astrology Journaling

/themes

· LDS CHURCH · SATURN 9H · HOMOSEXUALITY · LIBRA · SUN 12H · /

So I am currently dating a Pisces sun, Cancer moon. I myself and a cancer sun virgo moon. I noticed when I first got into astrology, I was sitting at a table with my group of friends at the liberal arts college I attended. I started asking people’s birthdays and birthtimes so I could generate their chart online. This was before almost everyone knew their sun, moon, and rising. Circa 2014/2015. I had just started dabbling in astrology. I got hooked into searching the web late at night for what aspects meant what, how my house placements could influence what decisions I might make for say, my career, or life’s bigger questions like what is the meaning of it all. Astrology sort of became like my therapy, a search that acted as a distraction from my existential nihilism and just truly piqued my interest.

:readmore:

But, I was also LDS (mormon) at the time, and rather devout. Interestingly, I would later read that people with Saturn in 9th house like I have, tend to favor more traditional religions, such as Catholicism, Mormonism, and Judaism. When I read this in a book about Saturn, my jaw dropped! My search for existential meaning budded in my senior year of high school. Although I was raised baptist by a *fanatic in word but complete opposite in practice * father (love u dad lol), I became an atheist, or agnostic actually, at age 12. By this time, I had already realized I was gay, and that shattered my Christian faith. My pride and ego did not want to believe in a deity that (from my perception) made gay. I didn’t actively choose it or anything, so why should I be condemned for it? However, the seeds had already been planted in my brain. I remember at age 7 or so, praying to Jesus over and over and over again to save me, and that if I died that night to go to heaven. I was afraid. I was afraid one prayer wasn’t enough. Perhaps this was the start of my obsessive compulsive behaviors to come.

See, even though /I/ said I didn’t believe in God or whatever anymore, that doesn’t mean that he didn’t still exist. I figured he had to, since there’s so many religions in the world, and one of them had to be right. So, I found online that most religions are homophobic, even the Buddhists and Hindus, so I concluded that homosexuality = wrong. Even though I was undoubtedly attracted to men, I figured something must’ve happened to make me this way. After all, I was attracted to women at one point in my life. I recall stumbling upon my grandfather’s playboy magazines when I was 9, and what followed was excuse after the next to wander down into the basement so I could sneak a peek. TW - sex ||| However, around age 11 when I first started masturbating, something switched and I started focusing on men. I would look at pictures of men in speedos online, the whole shebang. Eventually I stopped looking at women all together and to this day I cannot get aroused by a woman. So what happened ? What gives ? There was nothing traumatic that happened to me. My family was dysfunctional, divorced, working class. Love was just as scarce as the money, so it seemed. Shit felt tense, no other way to say it. But I stopped living with my grandmother as much and started living with my mom more once middle school started, so with all the resentment and rage of an angsty gay 18 year old, curious for answers on life’s bigger truths, while also terrified of going to hell, and at the very beginning of building a life for myself. I delved back into spirituality, because I felt that was more important than anything else really. When it comes down to it, once you’re dead, how much does it really matter what you had on earth? This was my thinking at least.

((I have a 12th house sun and so does my father. So this emphasis on spirituality makes sense to me.))

So I search and search and stumble upon the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And I fell in love. It seemed like every answer I had was being answered by something concrete, their ideas about community and taking care of others completely aligned with my own, and let’s face it, the Mormons do a damn good job marketing themselves to others! That’s what missionary work is all about. Utah has a very big communal culture that Kentucky seriously lacks. Here, it’s practically every man for himself. People don’t go out of their way to be nice here. In Utah, they do. They walk the walk and talk the talk. I respected that, and I wanted to be like that.

Since we’re on the topic of the LDS church, I wanna say the church gives me heavy Libra vibes. Salt Lake City is the plastic surgery capital of the country. Mormon temples are just breathtakingly beautiful. They are so obsessed with looking attractive, having white teeth, etc, because it makes missionaries more effective in obtaining converts, and the church teaches that the righteous prosper. So the more you live in according to the word of Jesus Christ, the wealthier and beautifuler and happier you will be. Just seems very libra to me. Lol. I wonder if the church’s natal sun is in libra? Like whatever sign it was when the church was formed in upstate New York.

I started this post thinking I would talk about my relationships , cuz I’ve had a few and dated two Pisces now. Oh well!

my nero

we are misunderstood

lost in this maze

you were my hero

no one knows

the true depths of my despair

i thought since you related

you’d care

we can play the fiddle

while the city burns

hit the blunt first

then pass for my turn

what an artist dies in me

though you still helped me see

an objective observance

just one more dance

please

geez

i’m repeating a pattern

older by the day

my return of saturn

the future is unclear

are you listening, my dear

i love you all the same

my hairs wild and untame

are you really gone

or i’m just impatient

could we really be fated

to live apart, in adjacent

come back to me

or don’t. can’t be certain

your love is a burden

isn’t love always a burden

i’d throw it all away

just to lay by your side

destiny be damned

you’re my joy & pride

Hey🌸 loved your Neptune in 10th house description, I would love to hear your perspective on Neptune in 6th too.

Take care❤️

Hello love! Thank you so much for enjoying it. It would be my pleasure.

Neptune in the 6th house

They are people of kind and attentive nature, as long as they can help others they will not hesitate to do so. There is a healing quality to your presence and the way you interact with other people. Many feel understood by the native who not only gives them emotional support, but also practical support, being able to give a lot of good advice. They like the idea of ​​being there for someone and deep down they long to have someone (friend, partner or partner) who is there for them. They are very devoted in all kinds of relationships and expect that same devotion in return. They have a tendency to give more than they receive, so their lesson is to be devoted and generous in measure.

Their soul is sensitive, contemplative and empathetic, they can feel very intensely what the other feels. They may be drawn to work in fields that allow them to help, support, and care for people or animals. We can see veterinarians, doctors, nurses, teachers, healers, artists, astrologers and tarotists with this placement. Speaking of animals, they can feel a deep connection with them and can help the native to release stress, anxiety or depression. They are extremely kind and charitable people with any living being, including plants. Despite being very devoted to their work, they may have difficulty concentrating or following a very strict routine. Day to day can be overwhelming for them. They may choose to escape their emotional or real-world problems through long hours at work or a lot of sleep.

Throughout their lives they may be prone to frequent colds, multiple allergies or even a lack of iron. These natives are usually very hygienic and have a highly developed sense of smell, so good aromas can make them feel good almost instantly. They have a very sensitive nervous system, so it is very possible that they are very susceptible to stress and prone to nervousness or anxiety. They have a very good eye to analyze people and things, but beyond focusing on details, they are guided more by their intuition and the vibes they have of something or someone.

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