Addiction Sucks Because You Get So Deep Into It That You Dont Know How To Live Without Your Substance.
Addiction sucks because you get so deep into it that you dont know how to live without your substance. Life without it feels so lacklustre. You lose track of who you are
I am an alcoholic trying to recover but living without is so hard for me.
This is my plan
I will start drinking in secret to try reduce my alc intake cuz trying to go sober is really hard, idk how to act sober, idk who I am sober, idk how to feel normal sober
It just doesnt work for me
Trying to stay sober while everyone around you is either street drinking or clubbing is so hard
I'm 18 why do I have to struggle like this
The only way I will feel happy without blacking out or doing stupid shit is if i keep drinking but without telling anyone,
Doing it in secret because then I will be worried about people knowing so I will be forced to drink less but I still get to have the clutch that makes me likeable and able to actually enjoy my time
I know this is a bad idea and I should just cut it out entirely but after a week of trying I just cant I cannot it is too difficult
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I am the biggest embrassment to mankind
My notes app is colour coordinated for this reason
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Why do they call bruises black and blue when they are purple and red and turn yellow later on
The void its coming back
People who hate others for something they did while in active addiction are actually so fucking full of themselves
Don't expect an addict to be acting right
Especially when you know they are using while they are being this "horrible vile person" (the most said addict done is usually just say smth mildly rude)
Like I understand when it comes to the addict being abusive or whatever
But more times then not people only be judging specifically FEMALE addicts who literally only CALL PEOPLE OUT ON THEIR WACK BEHAVIOR or just fall in love with the wrong people, which mind you is influenced by their addiction
And yes a fucking addict will beg for money for their addiction
If you have never had an addiction I don't want to hear any of it
You do NOT understand how it fucking feels to have an addiction and never remember anything you do YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO NOT BE ABLE TO FEEL HAPPY WITHOUT YOUR ADDICTION
so yeah
Just my thoughts
I really do not think people should judge addicts the way they do like have some fucking grip on reality
Addicts are addicts because they've been hurt, because they are hurt, because they are struggling
More then not, particularly for female addicts but also just implies to addicts in general, addicts are using their substance as a method of escapeism and/or coping mechanism as what is essentially a wheelchair, something that helps them survive
I don't think you as a non addict can actually judge an addicts actions when you don't understand any of their life or thought process
This also applies to judgement of people with BPD, Bipolar, Depression ect
If you don't understand then don't judge
I thought I thought I was generally healed from my ED but evidently not cuz I just threw up all my guts and 5 hours + a nap later I can still feel mia
Is it really that hard to love me
Is it really that hard to want more then my vagina
Is it really that hard to sympathize
Is it really that hard to care
Is it really that hard
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