Depression

My Dear

she and i are artists. we may never feel the same page of paper or draw the same stroke, but we are two halves bound together.

i do not know her name. i only know the name she wishes to be called and i am fine with it so.

"i've decided to romanticise hands. i refuse to feel such disgust, allowing my world to rot."

she had shown me one of her enlightening drawings. her work never ceased to amaze me.

her words flowed like a river, forming into an edible desire i craved. the way she spoke lured me in. her thoughts, desires, morals i wanted to hear them all. they were a sustainable fuel.

"very beautifully said."

my voice said aloud as her eyes bore into mine. the way her eyes looked into mine was intangible; every fiber of my being was being strangled to its end.

her angelic voice was music to my ears. it was like a heavenly rainfall after a year long drought. something one yearns to hear.

"you're very beautifully born."

as she spoke i felt my body stiffen. i still couldn't understand what she saw within me. she was a dear. she was a splendid gut wrenching feeling. she was the reason i could smile, my reason i still have feeling at the tips of my fingers.

i never understood what she saw in me. she was too considerate, too loving, i soaked all of it in like a sponge. she was... is a darling friend. the kindling that starts the fire.

~ m.n.

i hate how i can write drabbles and small tidbits for days, but once it comes to actually writing a full-fledged chapter for a fic it feels forced n ends up sounding like a sad song on a forgotten instrument.

~ m.n.

Anger

i always wondered what i deserved to feel the wrath or plague of an angry person; for worse, an angry parent. to see a parent spout indecencies when a minor inconvenience happens just makes me glad of the patience i harbor. the constant

"why does everything bad happen to me?"

makes me sit in silence as the world around me spins and yells.

i have more to say, but not the words to explain it.

~ m.n.

i have an ao3 account !

i will be posting fics irregularly and whenever I have time ! i will, however, create fics in fandoms that I am in. that being said I have a joongdok (joonghyuk x dokja) fic in the making ! 💗

hope to see you soon

~ m.n.

i found this image to be quite inspirational, thus i wish to share it. you don't have to make something phenomenal much less rather something exceptional. you must first put it out there and tweak things later because you cannot build off of something you put nothing into. some day you'll regret never putting yourself out there.

create beautiful, wonderful things.

~ m.n.

Hope you have a lovely day! 🎉🎉

this is a very sweet message, thank you so much ! didn't know how much i needed this, i hope your day is filled with lots of love as well. 💗

Diary

i stare at the empty pages. i wonder what i'm supposed to write. what i can write. i scroll through my experiences within my head. albeit, none of them sound good enough to be put on paper. i weave the pen in a dance across the pages jn my diary. i'm not sure if the words make sense or not, but they are there to stay.

i buy diaries, yet only write a few passages every so often. i feel that my words are far more secure within the locked security of my own phone.. or rather my own head.

i started writing because i was done being silent within my own head.

~ m.n.

Rejected

opened letter,

my name printed on the soft white envelope,

someone already knew of my failure before i was even to lay my eyes upon the words,

my delicate fingers grasp the letter that disapprove of all of what i had done,

i hadn't been enough. the letter crinkles as my eyes glaze over,

who will take me seriously now?

~ m.n.

Words/Phrases You Probably Didn't Know About

hi hi ! hello dears, it's been a while but i've decided to put together a list of words or phrases that you most likely didn't know as well as their definitions !

have fun writing and please let me know if you wish for a pt. 2 !

~ m.n.

accismus (n) - pretending to be disinterested in something when you actually want it.

ala rasi - an Arabic phrase that roughly translates to "anything for you."

anomia (n) - a brain disorder that makes it hard to remember the names of people and objects.

balter (v) - to dance or tread clumsily.

clinomania (n) - the persistent desire to stay in bed, even when there are other responsibilities.

constult (v) - to act stupidly together.

defenestrate (v) - throw (someone) out of a window.

draconian (adj) - something that is excessively harsh and severe.

eglaf (n) - a word that has no meaning and can be used in place of any other word.

ephemeral (adj) – lasting for a very short time.

fabulist (n) - a liar, especially a person who invents elaborate, dishonest stories.

gheegle (n) - the urge to squeeze or pinch something very cute.

heterophemize (v) - unconscious use of words other than those intended; to say something different from what you meant to say.

irenic (adj) - aiming or aimed at peace; promoting peace.

jayus (n) - a joke that amuses because it is so unfunny or poorly told.

jouska (n) - the act of repeatedly playing out hypothetical conversations in one's head.

latibulate (v) - to hide or seek refuge, often in a corner, to protect oneself or find comfort.

lethologica (n) - the inability to remember a particular word or name.

moonglade (n) - the bright reflection of moonlight on a body of water.

morosis (n) - an obsolete medical term that means idiocy, stupidity, or fatuity. it can also refer to a decline in intelligence due to foolishness.

nedovtipa (n) - one who finds it difficult to take a hint.

nepenthe (n) - a potion used by the ancients to induce forgetfulness of pain or sorrow.

obganiate (v) - to annoy someone by repeating the same thing over and over.

phosphenes (n) - a ring or spot of light produced by pressure on the eyeball or direct stimulation of the visual system other than by light; the colors, "stars," you see when you rub your eyes.

pregret (v) - to feel regret for an action before it has happened.

shlimazl (n) - a person who is unlucky or inept, or bad luck itself.

smyster (v) - to smile to oneself while daydreaming.

snaccident (n) - accidentally eating a snack, especially an entire bag or box of junk food.

ultracrepidarian (n) - expressing opinions on matters outside the scope of one's knowledge or expertise.

"look for the perfect person who completes your puzzle. albeit, look for one who compliments you rather than one who fills in the holes you leave empty."

~ m.n.