JUST FINISHED LUKA AND MY GOD WHY AM I CRYING OVER FISH BOYS

Logan, returning, reading off laptop: OKAY so I looked it up, there's no clear origin, but the wikipedia page for 'The Birds and the Bees' has a reason that makes sense:

"...bees carry and deposit pollen into flowers, a visible and easy-to-explain parallel to the way a man brings about fertilisation. Female birds laying eggs is a similarly visible and easy-to-explain parallel to female ovulation."

Remus: Has anyone in their life ever had sex explained to them that way?

Logan: I have no clue but I have an answer now

Logan: *puts away laptop*

Remus: Why do they call it a pair of pants when it's all one article of clothing and half of it isn't called 'a pant' it's called 'a pant leg'?

Logan:

Logan: *slowly pulls back out laptop*

Remus: Why do they call it the birds and the bees when talking about procreation between people? Birds and bees aren't mammals. They're nothing like people. Do you know how a bird or bee reproduces? I just know they both lay eggs. So like, what?

Logan: *scoff* They call it—

Logan: They call it...

Logan: WAIT HANG ON

Au where Karl time-travels and then he sees Phil, looking the exact same as ever, and it's like the spiderman meme and

Karl: We time traveled to the same time??

Phil: I didn't time travel??

Karl: You didn't?? How are you here??

Phil: I never left??

Karl: YOU'RE IMMORTAL??

Phil: YOU CAN TIME TRAVEL??

Patton defending the dark sides from one of my fics, which I'm sharing because idk:

"If Thomas isn't evil, doesn't that mean none of us are either? He’s a good person, and we’re all parts of him. Plus, I say they’re good people, and I— I’m Morality!”

Remus: I always thought young, good-looking, nice teachers were made up for fiction plots

Roman: And...?

Remus: Then I met this one teacher at my school, and I don't know, there's something about him. Handsome, button-down, glasses, dark, kinda curly hair, tall and lean, did a flammability lab where we got to light shit on fire—

Logan, handsome, button-down, glasses, dark, kinda curly hair, tall and lean, loves to light shit on fire with Remus: *speechless*

Roman, when Remus leaves: He's... He's friendzoning you so hard... He's projecting his attraction to you on someone who's like you...

Logan: I have to go. I'm going to smash something with a bat.

Remus, proud of knowing something: Logan. I have a fact.

Logan, not looking up from his book: Proceed.

Remus: Male reindeers lose their antlers in the winter, while female reindeers don't. All of Santa's reindeers have antlers, meaning they're all female, but the media says they're men because they don't want a team of strong females depicted.

Logan: Or they aren't cis. Ever think about that?

Remus: Wait wha—

Logan: Maybe they're transgender. Don't be a bigot, Remus.

Remus: I'M NOT—

Remus: Wait—

Remus: Am I being a bigot???

Logan: I don't know, are you? You're assuming their gender aligns with their sex.

Remus: *now having a crisis*

Janus, walking past, unable to help it: So you could say they're... Transgendeer.

Logan, hopping up, beating Janus with a pillow: I'm trying to escape Patton's constant puns, goddamnit!

Logan, on phone: I heard you guys are at the emergency room. What happened? Are you okay?

Virgil: Oh, so Patton tried to pet a dingo—

Logan: Oh my god! Is he okay??

Virgil: Yeah he's fine, Roman got mauled by the dingo for trying to get him to stop petting it.

Logan: Oh my god, how did you handle that?

Virgil: Easy. Took Pat to a dog shelter so he can pet puppies safely, told Roman some stories about knights that got hurt while protecting their friends.

Logan: Wow. I'm impressed.

Virgil: How've you and Janus and Remus been?

Logan: *looks at kitchen that is in shambles from the two of them microwaving a microwave (for science) as Remus frantically tries to clean it up before Janus sees*

Logan: ...Equally good, I'd say.

Virgil, laughing: What, have one of you been mauled too?

Logan: Not yet.

Virgil: Wait, what?

Logan, hearing Janus's footsteps: Gotta go bye!

Virgil: LOGAN WHAT—

Janus: Can you preheat the apartment? I'm on my way home

Virgil: What are you banana bread?

Janus: Be very careful with what you say next.

Accidentally Walking In On A Side In The Shower: Logan Version

(There is a see-through glass shower door unless otherwise specified)

Logan: Have you seen my puzzle book?

Patton, face pink, because he’ll never get used to this: No…

Logan: Roman—

Roman: *unholy shrieking*

Logan: Have you seen my puzzle book?

Roman: *still shrieking*

Logan: I’m taking that as a no.

Logan: Have you happened to see my puzzle book?

Janus, soaking in the bathtub, unfortunately without convenient bubbles, as snakes do: No. I’ll tell you if I do.

Logan, unfazed: Great, thank you.

Logan: Remus, I don't suppose you’ve seen my puzzle book?

Remus, showering fully clothed: But you do suppose, or you wouldn't have asked.

Logan: Error. Logan.exe has stopped working.

Logan: Vir— this is my puzzle book! You had it?

Virgil, invisible behind a black shower curtain: Oh… Sorry…

Logan: I respected your privacy for this long, please respect mine.

Virgil, internally: Dude wtf I’m literally showering??

You're very serious about this, this post was mostly a joke and certainly isn't that deep

It's not gaslighting, gaslighting is a serious form of abuse that makes someone question their sanity/perception of reality. It's a widely-accepted headcanon that has potential to cause confusion. If you're going to get so serious, please use correct terms don't belittle how serious gaslighting actually is.

*edit because I just realized it: I do not mean for this to come across rude in any way, I'm very bad at tone regulation and it's worse through test

Can you imagine the absolute chaos if Thomas confirmed Sleep's name and it wasn't Remy

You know how the Spider-Characters's Spidey Sense go off in Into The Spiderverse when they meet? That's literally just queer people meeting irl