Go Where You’re Wanted And Cherished, Not Just Tolerated. This Applies To Every Area Of Your Life:

You know what I love? Discipline. Do you know what I admire? People who handle their lives properly. Because I know that takes a lot. Did you get that high paying job and didn't buy an expensive car with your first paycheck? That shit is hard. Do you want to have s** but abstain yourself and don't just sleep with anyone? That shit is hard. Did you stay in shape during the holidays? That shit is hard. I love people being disciplined, handling their finances wisely, controlling themselves and discerning what is actually good for them. You can get offended or you can get better. Your choice. 🖤

Anytime someone does something bad to me, I ask myself how I put myself in that position. Not because “it’s my fault” or “I deserve it” — but because I want to grow and never be put in that position again.

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Hi! Any advice on how to bring up iron levels?

Iron deficiency is quite common among women; it’s best to seek your doctor’s guidance to create a tailored plan that suits your needs.

For best results, consume your iron supplements with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice or citrus varieties, and consider taking vitamin C supplements to enhance absorption.

Consistency is key - To ensure effectiveness, it’s crucial to take your iron supplements regularly and on an empty stomach. (provided you have no gastric concerns)

Start using cast iron cookware for all your meals; it naturally leaches trace amounts of iron into your food, which offers a beneficial boost for those with iron deficiency, and can help boost iron levels.

Evaluate the factors that inhibit iron absorption to maximize the impact of your diet; steer clear of calcium (such as dairy), phytates in grains and beans, and beverages like coffee and tea, as they can obstruct absorption.

Our bodies are most efficient at absorbing heme iron, with red meat, chicken, beef liver, and certain fish serving as prime sources. We can absorb non-heme iron, albeit with lower efficiency, found in foods such as spinach, tofu, beans, and leafy greens.

Vitamin C enhances the absorption of non-heme iron; consider incorporating more tomatoes, citrus fruits, and red, yellow, and orange peppers into your diet.

Begin incorporating iron-rich juices into your diet, with beet juice being the optimal choice; and aim for daily consumption over a two-week period to boost your iron levels.

Begin your day by drinking blackstrap molasses on an empty stomach every morning. Molasses is an excellent source of iron, calcium, magnesium, and vitamin B6; I personally enjoy taking two tablespoons straight, but it can also be diluted in water.

book review: Stolen focus by Johann Hari

Major learnings from this book. It basically talks about focus, why and how we’re losing it. Why can’t we pay attention anymore? Are we individuals to blame or our systems? 

There will be a time when the upper class will be extremely aware of the risks to their attention (caused by tech, social media, our current generation) and the masses, with fewer resources to resist the temptation of technology, will be manipulated more and more by their computers. 

Multitasking is a myth. What actually happens when we multitask is that we “juggle” between tasks. This results in incomplete tasks, higher error rates, less focus, less creativity and memory decreases. 

Sleep is extremely important, especially sleeping according to nature - when the sun sets and sun rises. If the whole world slept the way we are naturally programmed, we would have an economic earthquake. Our economic systems run on sleep deprived people. 

Reading online and reading print has a huge difference. Reading online creates tendencies of skimming and scanning text. This prevents our brain from focusing intently on one story at a time, which print allows you to do. You also remember and understand things from printed texts better. 

Empathy. Certain research suggests that reading fiction and novels improves empathy, because you are immersing yourself in another character’s life for a while. Empathy has played a huge role in human advancements. If a group of white people did not realise that colonisation was wrong, if men did not realise that women deserve equal rights, we would not have independent nations nor be close to gender equality today. 

There are multiple types of paying attention. Focused attention is one thing. But day dreaming and letting your mind wander with no distraction (that is, being alone with your thoughts) is equally important. Some of the most important breakthroughs in human history were because the inventors were not actively focusing on solving the problem. 

Being on social media = giving a free pass to be manipulated. No thoughts, opinions, desires that you have are original. They have all been fed into you by social media and the online world. It is by their design that we cannot focus. 

Leaked internal records of Facebook show that they are aware that their algorithms exploit the human brain’s attraction to divisiveness. 64% of people, for instance, who join extremist groups join because FB’s algorithm directly recommends too. “Our recommendation systems grow the problem.” Zuckerberg eventually terminated the unit that was studying this. 

Diet and attention. The diet we consumed today is a diet that causes regular energy spikes and energy crashes. Our food does not have the nutrients we need for our brains to function well. Our current diets actively contain chemicals that seem to act on our brains almost like drugs.  

Be careful about reading research, especially when it’s funded by the industry itself. For 40 years, the lead industry funded all the scientific research into whether it was safe, and assured the world that it was. Lead later turned out to severely stunt your ability to focus and pay attention and that you are more likely to get ADHD. 

We define success broadly as economic growth. Economies should het bigger, companies should get bigger. Growth can happen in two ways - either the companies find new markets or they persuade the existing consumers to consume more. If you can get people to eat more or to sleep less, you’ve found the source of economic growth. It results in people working overtime, not having enough time with family, friends and themselves, stress and anxiety prone, lack of sleep and bad health, etc. 

Conclusion: use precommitment to stop switching tasks, try to focus more on intrinsic motivation than extrinsic, go off social media periodically (say 1 month at a time) and then extend those breaks; everyday spend 1 hour in walking in silence (no music, conversations or people- and if this is in nature, even better) to connect with yourself, 8 hours of sleep every night, build on slow practices like yoga, cut out processed food, take your PTO!!

Dating 101 (From a Man's Perspective)

One thing that's given me a huge advantage when it comes to dating is the fact that I'm always trying to understand men better. I've pulled aside nearly every single man I've grown close to at some point and asked "So, what do mean really want?". And what I've learned is that most men are pretty much the same when it comes to relationships. So with that, here's the tea on dating from a man's perspective!

All men are obsessed with one thing: Sex.

At their very core, men are obsessed with sex. They think about it constantly. They think about it at the gym, on the subway, at work, at the bar- it's on their minds basically 24/7. And most men will do everything in their power to get sex, including manipulating you to no end just to get your clothes off. So when you meet that gorgeous banker at the club that seems super attentive and engaging, don’t be naïve to the fact that at the very forefront of his mind is likely the hope that you’ll give it up to him by the end of the night. Too many women assume that the initial attention they get from men is genuine when for the most part, it's based on their need for sex. While this reality may be a bit disappointing, it's also kind of amazing. Why? Because if sex controls men, knowing how to use sex to your advantage allows you to control of men. Which brings me to the next point:

Nothing beats delayed gratification.

And I mean absolutely nothing. I know this is a hot take but ultimately, every man I’ve talked to on the matter feels the same way. Withholding sex for as long as possible only facilitates a deeper connection. When you immediately have sex with a man, your physical intimacy level doesn’t line up with the emotional intimacy you’ve built up to that point which can cause issues. It can cause him to value you less (it's silly, but things that are harder to attain are always perceived as more valuable) and lose interest because without an emotional connection, he'll feel like he's gotten what he wanted out of you. So wait for intimacy and once you've waited for as long as you can stand it, wait another month or two. That extra time will allow you to build a deeper emotional connection, allow the pent up excitement to magnetize x1000, and allow the first time to actually mean something. Also, some food for thought: a 2012 study from Cornell University surveyed couples about their relationship happiness, habits, and other intimate questions. Researchers said that participants who waited at least six months to have sex with their partners were actually happier than those who didn't.

Men get insecure too.

If you think you're the only one in the relationship that doesn't like the way your body looks or doesn't feel good enough for your job, you're mistaken. Just because your man isn't as vocal about his insecurities doesn't mean he has any less than you! Men just don't vocalize these insecurities because those who own up to them often feel as though being vulnerable is akin to admitting inadequacy. So they suffer in silence. And so a compliment here and there goes SUCH a long way because frankly, they need it. I always make a point to tell my man when his outfit looks great or when he does a great job on a task and every single time I do the sense of relief and gratitude is palpable. So try to become really attuned to your partner's insecurities and make sure to use compliments to buffer against them!

“He’s just not that into you".

Men are simple: if they want you, they'll do everything in their power to have you. Men have gone to war for women, lost their families for women, and even lost their lives for women. My own grandfather wrote letters every day to my grandmother for an entire year before she let him take her on a date. Trust me when I say that if a man isn't putting his all into a relationship, he's just not that into you. It's not his mommy issues, it's not his shitty job, it's not his depression, he's just not that into you. And as a woman, you have to be able to identify the fact immediately and walk away because it's simply not going to happen. Don't waste your time, just go find a man that is actually into you.

Most men watch porn.

And 99% of the men that do watch porn dedicate a horrifying amount of time watching porn. This is very important to know going into dating because porn creates an utterly false impression of what a normal body looks like and what sexual behavior is really about. It also creates a huge disconnect in a relationship because a relationship is meant to be a mutually satisfying expression of love but porn is about self-gratification and often involves dominating or mistreating the other person. So you have to understand how a man's relationship to porn can or will impact your relationship with him. If you're not comfortable with that impact, you have got to have an honest conversation about it. Personally, I don't feel comfortable with my man watching porn because most of it is downright abusive so I've had to have those uncomfortable conversations and while they're not fun, they're important. But moral of the story: yes, most men watch porn.

All men want to be heroes

And more importantly, they want to be heroes in the eyes of their partners. They need to feel like the knight in shining armor, the protector, and the savior to be content in the relationship. The "Hero Instinct" coined by Bauer, in a nutshell, is the fundamental need that men have to feel irreplaceable. When you take that role from them, they resent you. So sit back and let them feel like heroes. Let them hold the door open for you, replace that lightbulb, wipe your tears when you're sad, rescue you from an uncomfortable situation, etc. Most importantly, compliment them liberally when they do step up. Doing so will allow them to feel secure and in control, and in return allow you to feel cherished and cared for.

No man can resist one thing

If there's one thing that's irresistible to all men, it's motherly love and affection. A man's relationship with his mother is what allows him to develop vulnerability and intimacy in romantic relationships. So when you give a man that warm and loving energy, all guards will drop. He will become more attentive and caring, he will become more honest and respectful, and he will trust you more. Don't believe me? Next time you have some free time, gently grab your man by the arm, lead him to a comfortable sitting area, pull his head into your lap, and stroke his hair. Don't say anything, just allow him to lay and relax. I can guarantee you that he'll become putty in your arms and open up in ways he never has. So try to show your man that nurturing side of you whenever you can and watch the relationship transform significantly.

Lovingly,

Elle

What’s the purpose of worrying when God always works things out for me