— Susan Sontag, From “Death Kit,” (1967) (via Lunamonchtuna)

random make up tip because I was experimenting last night: make your nose look smaller by making your eyes look bigger and your eyebrows looking full. Volumising mascara, falsies only at the ends of your eyes, concealer in the inner corners of your eyes + powder for a very natural look. Draaag it out towards the bridge of your nose and under the beginning of your waterline. bake under eyes, elongated wing and nothing on the waterline. Don’t go for the Nike justdoit eyebrows, but make them fit your face correctly and are as full as your face structure will allow.

this placement of the inner corner thing not with white shimmery eyeshadow but with your concealer and powder.

i needed to read this today so im sharing it to all of you!!

Dating 101 (From a Man's Perspective)

One thing that's given me a huge advantage when it comes to dating is the fact that I'm always trying to understand men better. I've pulled aside nearly every single man I've grown close to at some point and asked "So, what do mean really want?". And what I've learned is that most men are pretty much the same when it comes to relationships. So with that, here's the tea on dating from a man's perspective!

All men are obsessed with one thing: Sex.

At their very core, men are obsessed with sex. They think about it constantly. They think about it at the gym, on the subway, at work, at the bar- it's on their minds basically 24/7. And most men will do everything in their power to get sex, including manipulating you to no end just to get your clothes off. So when you meet that gorgeous banker at the club that seems super attentive and engaging, don’t be naïve to the fact that at the very forefront of his mind is likely the hope that you’ll give it up to him by the end of the night. Too many women assume that the initial attention they get from men is genuine when for the most part, it's based on their need for sex. While this reality may be a bit disappointing, it's also kind of amazing. Why? Because if sex controls men, knowing how to use sex to your advantage allows you to control of men. Which brings me to the next point:

Nothing beats delayed gratification.

And I mean absolutely nothing. I know this is a hot take but ultimately, every man I’ve talked to on the matter feels the same way. Withholding sex for as long as possible only facilitates a deeper connection. When you immediately have sex with a man, your physical intimacy level doesn’t line up with the emotional intimacy you’ve built up to that point which can cause issues. It can cause him to value you less (it's silly, but things that are harder to attain are always perceived as more valuable) and lose interest because without an emotional connection, he'll feel like he's gotten what he wanted out of you. So wait for intimacy and once you've waited for as long as you can stand it, wait another month or two. That extra time will allow you to build a deeper emotional connection, allow the pent up excitement to magnetize x1000, and allow the first time to actually mean something. Also, some food for thought: a 2012 study from Cornell University surveyed couples about their relationship happiness, habits, and other intimate questions. Researchers said that participants who waited at least six months to have sex with their partners were actually happier than those who didn't.

Men get insecure too.

If you think you're the only one in the relationship that doesn't like the way your body looks or doesn't feel good enough for your job, you're mistaken. Just because your man isn't as vocal about his insecurities doesn't mean he has any less than you! Men just don't vocalize these insecurities because those who own up to them often feel as though being vulnerable is akin to admitting inadequacy. So they suffer in silence. And so a compliment here and there goes SUCH a long way because frankly, they need it. I always make a point to tell my man when his outfit looks great or when he does a great job on a task and every single time I do the sense of relief and gratitude is palpable. So try to become really attuned to your partner's insecurities and make sure to use compliments to buffer against them!

“He’s just not that into you".

Men are simple: if they want you, they'll do everything in their power to have you. Men have gone to war for women, lost their families for women, and even lost their lives for women. My own grandfather wrote letters every day to my grandmother for an entire year before she let him take her on a date. Trust me when I say that if a man isn't putting his all into a relationship, he's just not that into you. It's not his mommy issues, it's not his shitty job, it's not his depression, he's just not that into you. And as a woman, you have to be able to identify the fact immediately and walk away because it's simply not going to happen. Don't waste your time, just go find a man that is actually into you.

Most men watch porn.

And 99% of the men that do watch porn dedicate a horrifying amount of time watching porn. This is very important to know going into dating because porn creates an utterly false impression of what a normal body looks like and what sexual behavior is really about. It also creates a huge disconnect in a relationship because a relationship is meant to be a mutually satisfying expression of love but porn is about self-gratification and often involves dominating or mistreating the other person. So you have to understand how a man's relationship to porn can or will impact your relationship with him. If you're not comfortable with that impact, you have got to have an honest conversation about it. Personally, I don't feel comfortable with my man watching porn because most of it is downright abusive so I've had to have those uncomfortable conversations and while they're not fun, they're important. But moral of the story: yes, most men watch porn.

All men want to be heroes

And more importantly, they want to be heroes in the eyes of their partners. They need to feel like the knight in shining armor, the protector, and the savior to be content in the relationship. The "Hero Instinct" coined by Bauer, in a nutshell, is the fundamental need that men have to feel irreplaceable. When you take that role from them, they resent you. So sit back and let them feel like heroes. Let them hold the door open for you, replace that lightbulb, wipe your tears when you're sad, rescue you from an uncomfortable situation, etc. Most importantly, compliment them liberally when they do step up. Doing so will allow them to feel secure and in control, and in return allow you to feel cherished and cared for.

No man can resist one thing

If there's one thing that's irresistible to all men, it's motherly love and affection. A man's relationship with his mother is what allows him to develop vulnerability and intimacy in romantic relationships. So when you give a man that warm and loving energy, all guards will drop. He will become more attentive and caring, he will become more honest and respectful, and he will trust you more. Don't believe me? Next time you have some free time, gently grab your man by the arm, lead him to a comfortable sitting area, pull his head into your lap, and stroke his hair. Don't say anything, just allow him to lay and relax. I can guarantee you that he'll become putty in your arms and open up in ways he never has. So try to show your man that nurturing side of you whenever you can and watch the relationship transform significantly.

Lovingly,

Elle

You know what I love? Discipline. Do you know what I admire? People who handle their lives properly. Because I know that takes a lot. Did you get that high paying job and didn't buy an expensive car with your first paycheck? That shit is hard. Do you want to have s** but abstain yourself and don't just sleep with anyone? That shit is hard. Did you stay in shape during the holidays? That shit is hard. I love people being disciplined, handling their finances wisely, controlling themselves and discerning what is actually good for them. You can get offended or you can get better. Your choice. 🖤

It doesn’t matter what’s happened this week, who screwed you over, how low you're feeling.. you get yourself together, you focus on your elevation. This is your fucking comeback. You create a new vision board, you write new affirmations, you record yourself speaking life into yourself, reminding you of how fucking-badass you truly are and you loop it and listen every-single-day. You write your forgiviness list and do a mediation to clear all the old baggage, in so creating space for new energy to flow into your life. You pray, and pray some more. You remember to be grateful, always. You put your trainers on and you fucking work-out. You get your groceries from the grocery store and you make healthy clean food. You nourish your body. You remember to take your supplements. You dance, you paint, you cry, you sing. This is your month, your new start, your new beginning. 

Hey! Hope you’ve been well. I know you smell incredibly well, so I need your tips. Please, what do I need to smell good all through the day, everyday? How do I know what scent I like and would fit me? What steps do you take and what are your favourite scents? Thank you!

Hi! I love this question

Smelling good starts from the inside : make sure your gut is functioning properly (are you having daily bowel movements?), support lymphatic drainage by moving everyday even if its just walks, drink water and other mineral rich drinks such as herbal infusions or broths, add chlorophyll to your water from time to time, and have a mindfulness practice that you do everyday (stress greatly impacts our body odor!)

Then, when it comes to your daily hygiene, use soaps/gels that don’t interfere too much with your skin’s microbiome, as that can also cause bad body odor, even if the soap/gel smells nice! I recommend the oil cleanser by la roche posay « Lipikar », followed by a neutral shower gel for further cleansing. Use a feminine unscented wash for your intimates and don’t forget your butt too lol, the Rael gel is lovely for that. Exfoliate your body once or twice a week.

Do armpit detoxes : clay + acv and rinse when it dries. You can do this once a week, and then bi-weekly or monthly for maintenance.

Instead of using deodorants, I suggest swiping a very gentle aha/bha toner it neutralizes odor and helps with brightening your underarms. I tend to use pure musk after that as well, just for the scent.

As for knowing which scent suits you, try out different perfumes until you find one that literally merges perfectly with your natural body’s scent. When you find it you will know, because it’ll actually feel like second skin, you won’t be able to get enough of it. Once you find it, look up the notes and start experimenting with other perfumes that have similar notes, then you’ll have found your « niche » :)

Money changes things because if you get your heart broken or something fails, you’re just like it was an experience lol. It’s disappointing but oh well. Tomorrow’s another day. When you’re broke, everything is a big deal because your entire identity and life is wrapped up in one thing (like your relationship or a career or your hobbies or whatever) because you literally have nothing else so you have to force it to work.

We always go back to the core beliefs that are instilled in us during our childhood. And people still think having children is just to have a prop, a hobby, to project ourselves onto someone, to stop depopulation, or whatever egocentric belief

Children should be created out of LOVE between two people. They should be a reflection of that love, nurtured in an environment that values their well being, growth & individuality

It’s not about fulfilling societal expectations, continuing a legacy, or soothing an ego. A child deserves to be brought into the world for the right reasons—with care, compassion & a REAL desire to guide them into becoming the best version of themselves. They are the future and the TRUE reflection of YOU

At the very least, you should be able to acknowledge your traumas and triggers before having children. No amount of love will keep you from projecting them onto your children until then, as unresolved issues can unintentionally shape their experiences and emotional development. Self awareness and healing are crucial to providing a nurturing and healthy environment for your child’s growth

It is natural to have the biological desire to have children, but it doesn’t mean you are ready just yet. True readiness involves more than just the desire to parent. It requires emotional maturity, self-awareness and a commitment to creating an environment for a child’s development. Being prepared means addressing personal issues & ensuring that you can provide the love and stability a child deserves