Chuuya: What are you doing?
Dazai, eating a cake at 3am in the bath with a knife: My best.
Dazai: What the hell are you doing?
Chuuya, reading Dazai's diary: Sus, be quiet. It's an enemies to lovers very good book.
Dazai: It's not what you think.
Chuuya: Damn, so you're in love with somebody else named Chuuya? What were the odds?!
Dazai: Now I'll arrange our security.
Atsushi: Why?
Dazai: The mission is dangerous and we're hot. The enemy will want us for our info and our boddies.
Atsushi: Our info maybe...
Dazai: Speak for yourself kitten...
Dazai: Now I'm calling the only man who can fuck me.
Atsushi: What???😨
Dazai, calling Chuuya: I mean, who can protect me...us...
Atsushi: Ugh. 🤦♂️
Chuuya, picking up: What now?
Dazai: Well hello my big dick chibi.
Chuuya: What
Atsushi: the
Chuuya: fuck
Atsushi: Dazai!
Dazai: Language everyone!
Dazai, walking up to look at a dead body: Okay, first of all, big mood.
Dazai, pulling out an engagement ring: Got it a week after we first met.
Chuuya:
Chuuya, also pulling out a ring: Got it yesterday.
Dazai: Chuuya is mad at me and I don’t even know why.
Odasaku: Were you talking before he got mad?
Dazai: Yeah.
Odasaku: That’s probably why.
Dazai: I’m in love with you.
Chuuya, scoffing: Yeah, how many others have you said that to?
Dazai: Everyone.
Chuuya: …What?
Dazai: I told everyone I’m in love with you.
Dazai: Would you slap your crush's face for 2 million dollars?
Chuuya: I would roundhouse kick you in the face for free.
Dazai: Savag-
Dazai: Wait...
Dazai: WAIT-
Chuuya, panicking: fgqhcwgnaklud-
Atsushi: Chuuya kissed you?
Dazai, staring woefully out of his window: Aha...
Atsushi: And you said thank you…?
Dazai: Yeah...
Atsushi: Well that was very polite of you.
*meanwhile*
Chuuya: Thank you?!?! WTF DOES THAT MEAN?
Kouyou: He’s stupid Chuuya you know that!
Chuuya: *gets down on one knee*
Dazai, also getting down on his knees: What are we looking for?
Chuuya, who had been reaching for the ring in his pocket: Dude...
Kunikida: Are you sure you can handle it?
Dazai: Uh, well, let's see;
Dazai: Difficult, last-minute and crucial as hell.
Dazai: Meets all the Dazai criteria.