Kunikida: Dazai, just ask him out!
Dazai: Absolutely not, there’s no way he’s interested.
Atsushi: *confused* Wait, hold on- Mr. Dazai AND MR. CHUUYA HAVENT BEEN DATING THIS WHOLE TIME???
Dazai: You're wearing make-up???
Chuuya: Oh, it's just eyeliner. Do you like it?
Dazai:
Dazai: No it looks stupid...
*some moments later*
Dazai, sobbing into Odasaku's shoulder: It looked so good!!!
Odasaku: I know.
Dazai: I'm so gay...
Odasaku: *sighs* I know...
Atsushi: How do you guys handle a break up?
Akutagawa: I try to get them back.
Chuuya: Alcohol and making out with 5 people in one night.
Dazai: I listen to Taylor Swift and stare into the void.
Dazai, about Chuuya: Just when you think you've hit rock bottom, you want to get fucked by a short ginger.
Ango: 🤦♂️
Odasaku: Please stop talking.
Dazai: Chuuya is mad at me and I don’t even know why.
Odasaku: Were you talking before he got mad?
Dazai: Yeah.
Odasaku: That’s probably why.
Fyodor: I don't know how to tell you this but you're in love with me.
Nikolai:
Nikolai: What?
Nikolai: OMG, I am.
Sigma: ???
Dazai: What kind of a confession did I witness?
Dazai: We're finally getting along. It's been 24 hours since the last time we fought. Isn't that great?
Chuuya: No, it isn't. We complete the missions faster when we're fighting.
Dazai: Quick then, say something annoying!
Dazai: I am 100% straight.
Ranpo: Kunikida teaching Atsushi martial arts.
Dazai: I am 90% straight.
Yosano: Dostoevsky in the Dead Apple movie.
Dazai: I am 70% straight.
Ranpo: Sigma wearing his high heels.
Dazai: I am 50% straight.
Atsushi: The Hunting Dog that arrested you.
Dazai: I am 40% straight.
Dazai: Still straight, still doing okay.
Ranpo: Chuuya-
Dazai: I am not straight.
Chuuya, drunk: I mean Dazai is just an egotistical bitch who only cares about himself.
Kajii: Literally I just said I dont care.
Chuuya: And then he'll call me and try to see how my day was and he'll pretend to care about me and comment on my photos and laugh at my jokes and~
Hirotsu: Oh well, that's definitely your clue right there that it's all bullshit.
Chuuya: Ikr,
Chuuya: he's just a fake privilege asshole.
Chuuya: Am I the literal only gay man who likes cars?
Dazai, a dumbass: Idk why more gay people wouldn’t. Mater and Lightning’s relationship is pretty homoerotic???
Chuuya, stupefied:
Dazai:
Chuuya:
Dazai: Wait, fuck, did you mean like actual real cars?
Chuuya: When I have a crush I don't kick my feet or twirl my hair. Chuuya: Instead I am in my kitchen at 3am pacing in circles with my hands clasped behind my back like a middle-aged divorced detective haunted by a cold case he just can't crack.