Littlecigs - Out Of Body

Ok y'all I admit that some situations are my fault and I did it to myself. Self sabotage goes crazy because I low-key don't think I deserve nice things.

And I missed out on so much of my life because I was living in a constant state of anxiety. And if it wasn't anxiety then it was depression. And if it wasn't depression then it was mania. And I literally can't remember being a child. I can't remember being a person. My whole life looks like this inescapable grey haze and I'm stuck in it. Buried in it. I don't want to fall asleep crying anymore. I don't want nightmare after nightmare. I want to feel safe and comfortable and happy and I am literally incapable of it. And that is so fucking terrifying.

when you’ve been in so much emotional and mental turmoil recently that going back to feeling absolutely nothing is actually comforting

time is going too fast and I can’t keep up. the month seems to go by in a blink but the days are long. one day you wake up and realize a full month has passed, and you have nothing. you don’t have many memories, you don’t have the potential to do anything, and you don’t have many reasons to be here anymore.

In the end I will destroy myself, because what other option do I have?