And I Missed Out On So Much Of My Life Because I Was Living In A Constant State Of Anxiety. And If It

And I missed out on so much of my life because I was living in a constant state of anxiety. And if it wasn't anxiety then it was depression. And if it wasn't depression then it was mania. And I literally can't remember being a child. I can't remember being a person. My whole life looks like this inescapable grey haze and I'm stuck in it. Buried in it. I don't want to fall asleep crying anymore. I don't want nightmare after nightmare. I want to feel safe and comfortable and happy and I am literally incapable of it. And that is so fucking terrifying.