I Want To Go Back To A Time When No One Cared So I Could Destroy Myself Without Feeling Guilty

I feel fake

I love them with all of my hesrt

But my hearts so broken and beaten

Do I even know how to love

I want to scream run

I want to scream hide

I have to protect them from the broken shards of glass i will surely try to throw

Am I selfish for wanting to hold them close

Am I selfish for wanting them to leave when they're my whole world

Am I selfish when I know i help them

But if they knew the truth

They'd be destoryed

I love them so much

Is love holding on or letting go

Just a poem I wrote..

So let the winds carry my body,

To brighter places, where you might be,

Lift me up above the clouds

I’ll search all of Tennessee

I wish I didn’t have to unlove,

But know, in dreams, you’re still my dove

A love that never quite got to run

We walked, we crawled, and laid to rest under the sun

I wish I didn’t have to unlove

A bottomless black hole I see

Where nothing lives, and sadness feeds

A soul rotting into the other

Decomposing in the depths of eternity

In the vast darkness that entangles me

I’ll always remember you in the fall

That’s where it first began

I wish I didn’t have to unlove you at all.

I’d be more lovable dead

Yeah why im in so much pain i feel like im dying why not just be dying

Why isnt the suffocation from depression enough to kill me?

Wilted Flowers

They’re pretty, but I’m afraid to touch them— I know they’ll crumble the moment I do.

I think they’re beautiful. Beautiful because they don’t last. Beautiful because they’re broken.

And I like shattered glass: the way it reflects anything you shine on it, the way I can see myself in the pieces— not whole, but fragmented.

I know I’ll bleed when I reach to touch it, drip the contents of my heart across smooth faces and edges that seldom forget.

And I like coffee. I drink it with cream to soften the bitterness. But I never add sugar— too much sweetness makes me sick.

It keeps me up when I should be asleep, telling secrets I should’ve kept, dreading the grinds at the bottom of the cup.

But I guess some things aren’t meant to be held for long— they bruise, or cut, or run out the moment you reach out to hold them.

I don’t mind so much.

Because wilted flowers aren’t soft... but they are pretty.

overestimating how much you mean to someone really fucks you in the head

Tw sui talk and attempt

Me having to support my boyfriend after I tried to kms and apologising.

Am I selfish for wanting to scream that mabye it was harder for me??

Am I selfish for wanting the tiniest bit of support??

Like im sorry I tried to kill myself but obviously im going through some shit.

He then proceeded to dump on me how he was sucicudial and acted like he got it

I'd been suicidal for as long as I can remember

Im sorry me killing myself fucked with him I really am

But I feel like he didn't even bother to consider that mabge it fuxked with me

Mabye I get flashbacks and panic attacks because of it

Kill meeee i cant do this shitttt its all to much

I'm sorry if I'm difficult to deal with. I don't know how to deal with myself either.