Jonathan Carroll

xbhandri​:

I can’t do this. I shouldn’t do this. I wouldn’t. Xavier just sat there and listened as Leo gave a million and one reasons as to why he shouldn’t audition. He let him go on, but really, he didn’t know why. No matter what Leo said, he had an answer for. He wasn’t going to let his friend back out of this. And besides, maybe if he felt so strongly, he didn’t have to audition for Roger. Just being backup in RENT was something, right?

“Leo… There is no future… There is no past. Thank God this moments not the last,” he started to sing. He couldn’t really turn this down, right? What was RENT if not a way to say #yolo in an epidemic. You still have time, don’t waste it. “There’s only us, there’s only this, forget regret, or life is yours to miss,” he stood up from his seat to move closer to Leo. “No other to road, no other way, no day but today.”

Xavier took Leo’s face in his hands to look him in the eye. “I can’t control my destiny. I trust my soul. Will you wake tomorrow from this nightmare? We won’t fucking know until you do it. There’s only now, there’s only here. Give in to love, or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today.”

-

Leo parted his lips out of awe but this time just stretched into a knowing smile. Of course Xavier would know exactly how to fan the flames of his heart. His best friend was just as eccentric and playful as he was, but somehow, Xavier knew how to stunningly straddle the line between being too much and not enough. He watched him sing the beautiful words written by Jonathan Larson. Leo’s mind began accompanying his voice with the instrumentals he knew by memory. The music and lyrics made the intention of Xavier’s performance grow. Leo really should at least try. Because if not today, when? No day but today. 

He looked down for a moment, only to feel hands on his face, and at this he had to smile again. He immediately looked back into Xav’s gaze, letting his friend caress his face as he sang RENT to him. If anyone were to walk in right now, they wouldn’t get it, and that is so them. His heart was appreciative at the effort to change his mind. His thoughts began to sink onto the possibility of just trying out. He was silent for one moment. Then he exhaled slowly, “Forget regret, right?” 

open starter: everyone CLOSED - Capped at 7 muns. location: masquerade event, boys and girls club donation table

This wasn’t the last place Leo wanted to be at. It was a Masquerade. How timeless and niche, and Leo adored timeless and niche. He liked it enough to choose the black and gold leather mask, shaped and painted as a lion and its’ mane. But when he began to read the details and realized it was for charity, he was immediately put off. He was possessive over his hard earned money, over his wife’s hard earned money, to give it away in a way that didn’t serve him directly.

 Was I a bad person? Leo thought, leaning against the table some more as he stared hard at the blank space beside the dollar sign. He was suppose to donate. It was good to donate. And definitely was the better choice between volunteering and donating. Especially to a group that had tried to help him when he was growing up in the system. But still look at where all the help had got him. He turned to the nearest person next to him, his eyes making a show to glaze over their mask as he took their appearance in. Then he took a glance at their respective donation slip. “Hey, do you think five dollars is enough?” He chimed.

renfarber​:

.

He sounded genuine enough. And he certainly looked like he meant what he was saying. But she couldn’t shake the knowledge that his wife had probably also believed him when he spoke to her like this. Not to mention, she’d seen him yell at Blake and punch a wall mere minutes before looking at her like she was a gift from God. So she remained skeptical, looking at him through narrowed eyes.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” she said bluntly, climbing the steps and getting her keys out of her pocket. “…But I know that we have to.” She hesitated, with the keys in her hand. Inviting him in seemed so… maybe intimate wasn’t the right word, but it was all she could think. This was her home. Her safe place for Max. Leo felt like a stranger now, did she really want to let him in? “I was going to order a pizza. You still pile everything on yours like a crazy person?”

-

Leo nearly held his breath as he watched her face. It was like he was memorizing it just incase. He felt his stomach tense at her blunt words. He deserved that. He deserved worse. Her next words caused him to finally take a full breath. But then he stared at her, not realizing he had gone from being shut out to being asked if his pizza order was the same. "Erm,” he made a disgruntled noise that he pulled off to be one of offense than confusion. “Supreme pizza is not crazy. It’s genius.” He said quite stubbornly. He obviously believed wanting everything wasn’t a crime, though that logic only worked best with pizza. “Does that mean I’m invited to your pizza party...?” He asked, his eyes darting to her door and then to her. He had to admit this was much more than he was expecting. 

wow this cannot be good for me *keeps doing it*

No one hates Joe Goldberg more than Penn Badgley himself

what's your favorite kind of cheese?

"Mozzarella," he answered confidently. "If anyone names any other cheese besides cheddar cheese, they're lying or they're a Brown."

blakemadden​:

Behind a table she’d be safe, that was what Blake was telling herself as she sat there waiting for Leo to arrive at the cafe. God knows what had possessed her to suggest the two of them meet up when she was visibly pregnant by this point, yet she had done it. Even in the oversized sweater she was currently wearing - if anything it’s size was making this worse.

Before she could bail entirely on the coffee altogether a familiar figure walked through the doors with his familiar brooding air about him. As if he was on some kind of mission which was a little scary, but it didn’t last long, and when the first thing he said was a compliment she smiled sweetly. Unable to get up to give him a hug hello it was the best she could do. “Thanks, so do you. Do you want to…” she only got half way through her sentence and it was like Leo had read her mind, sitting down before she could finish. Glancing at her phone she saw it only said 12:03pm. He was hardly late. “No, no not at all I just finished a cake a little earlier than I thought I would so I thought the walk down here would do me good instead of getting on the subway. It gets so stuffy down there I swear, it’s like the whole city has gotten hotter.” Or was it that she was more sensitive to heat. Probably the latter. He looked so handsome as he sat there in front of her. Chiseled. No wonder his wife hadn’t managed to stand in the way of her attraction to him for long despite thinking she was a pretty morally sound person. “I just thought that maybe we should like…clear the air. You know? In a friendship way.” Plus she wasn’t sure yet if she was going to tell him about the baby, likely not, so she could hardly cite that as the reason for inviting him here. “How have you been?” 

-

Leo brought his gaze back to her when she said the time. His own time read two minutes ahead. He had nodded, listening to why she appeared so comfortable in her seat. She had time to relax in the booth. But did she have to look so warm and inviting? The color in her cheeks reminded him of how she looked after he had-- his mind was suddenly taken back to reality as she spoke up again.

“In a friendship way?” He repeated with a small laugh, a twinge of bitterness at the end. “That sounds like a new way for us,” He observed dropping his gaze but his face stayed toward her. “But if that’s what you want, by all means.” He agreed, bringing his eyes back to her face. His elbows moved on to the table and his arms crossed in front of him. His chin rested on the back of his hand. A physical defense his body had created as he reminded of her rejection. He knew he had to let their affair devolve if he wanted to keep her in his life. After all, their entanglement had gone undetected by Leo’s wife, and that’s all he could hope for. Losing his physical intimacy with Blake was the price to pay for it. And wife learning the truth about him is never an option.

 Her question to how he’d been made him think of his latest paramour, Ana. He had started his affair with her shortly after Blake ended things. He kept his face straight and blinked, “Been busy...” He said, unsure if he should even share just whom had been keeping him active. He idly wondered if it was upset her that he had found another heart to pull the strings upon. Replacing her, so to speak. “...with classes, a lot of students are getting cast so, of course they need more of me.” He continued. 

PENN BADGLEY Desus & Mero | 2.03 Hard To Get a Ticket (2019)

Is cheating ever okay?

“It’s not right, but it’s okay.” He chimed, a knee jerk reaction to something so serious. But the fact he accompanied the Whitney Houston tune with a finger gun wasn’t the worst part of it all. Cheating was something he was doing best. He had truly suppressed his reality by wrecking his liver every night. The reality of chasing another affection from someone other than his loving wife. But he made himself believe the following sentiment. 

It wasn’t cheating if he’s never met her. It wasn’t cheating if he’s never seen her. It wasn’t cheating if he’s never touched her. It wasn’t.

HONESTY HOUR*

blakemadden​:

Humming to herself as she dropped tea bags into the two mugs she’d gotten out for herself and Leo to have tea in, Blake glanced over at where the man stood holding his daughter. He was a natural actually, which some might find surprising considering how he’d reacted to becoming a father and the way their daughter had come to be, but as time passed the woman was coming to understand it wasn’t that shocking at all. Leo doted on the baby and had since she was born three months ago, which filled her mother’s heart everytime she watched it. Pausing for a second with a soft smile playing on her lips, only snapped out of it when the kettle clicked signalling the water had boiled, bringing her attention back to the task at hand. She was in the process of pouring boiling hot water into the second mug when the man’s question was asked, making her almost drop the kettle. “I…what…?” Blake faltered as she set it down on the counter to save herself from danger, hand still gripping the handle, not daring to turn around. “What … why does that matter?”

-

Leo watched as Blake froze in place, and he couldn’t help but laugh. It was amusing to him just how doe like Blake still managed to be even though he had met the lustful ridden woman she was inside.“I was just curious,” He said as if it was an obvious reason to ask a question, albeit much too casually. His fire chaotic sign was flaming ever since the passing of his thirty-fourth birthday. “Because Mira’s three months now.” He said bringing his attention to the now sleeping baby girl, he held with just one arm. Mira was now sporting such a full belly now that was covered by a duck onesie. She was denser and no longer felt like the tiny newborn he had met on that fateful day. She was now an infant. He had settled her down slowly in her bassinet for a nap. “That means you should be fine now right? Come on, it’s not an awkward thing to talk to me about.” He encouraged before he moved to sit at a seat nearest to Blake. As soon as he said those words, he heard them, and realized he was asking her to be open with her sex life while he was keeping his closed. But he brushed it off and continued on with his charade. “Spill some tea.”