NHL Hockey Fan's Guide For Beginners:

NHL Hockey Fan's Guide for Beginners:

Happy (second) start of the NHL season! For new fans, here's a few handy-dandy tips to get you off on the right foot.

If Gary Bettman or Bill Daly are ever shown on camera or mentioned, you must boo. It's the only righteous thing left to us.

There will be player narratives; some will turn you into a feral animal gnashing at the bars of your cage and others will be repeated like a Groundhog Loop you can't escape from no matter how hard you try. Either way, stay hydrated.

No one knows what Goalie Inference is. Yes, that includes the refs.

Even if you aren't a fan of the Sens or Panthers, you should probably try to watch the Tkachuk Bowls; some of the year's most batshit behavior will probably happen during it and you won't want to miss out.

Yes, those two guys with the same last name are probably brothers. There's a lot of brothers in this league. No, Sebastian Aho and Sebastian Aho are not the same person. Yes, Jack St. Ivany and Luke Evangelista are real people, not hockey romance novel protagonists.

Almost everyone has a hard on for Sidney Crosby and/or Connor McDavid. Yes, they're amazing players, but it's okay to want to put your head through a wall at some point if you aren't an Oilers and/or Pens fan b/c you just don't fucking care. Stay strong and remember that someone probably feels the same way about your blorbo.

At some point, a coach (John Tortorella) will probably say something completely unhinged. That coach's (John Tortorella) remarks will then be blasted all over every NHL program in the land. The coach (John Tortorella) will almost certainly not explain himself after. Don't try to make sense of it, just move on. sorry philly fans

On a serious note: remember that there is no such thing as moral high ground in hockey. Your team has and will continue to do shady shit and be shaky on a moral level. It is universal and it's ugly, but there it is. Adjacent to this; there are a list of players in the league that most of us just...pretend don't exist except when we talk about the broader issues in the game. I won't list them here, but you can ask most any hockey blog to find out.

Yes, Quinn Hughes always looks like that.

Yes, Brad Marchand is just always That Guy.

On the HMI (Hockey Misery Index), Vegas is at Least Concern (has never known The Suffering) and Buffalo is Critically Endangered (has never known anything but The Suffering). Your team will fall somewhere in-between these two extremes.

It may feel like the refs are biased toward certain teams, but remember: they're just bad at their jobs and it isn't personal.

Avoid hockey twitter; by all accounts it's a cesspool of terrible opinions and rage.

And lastly, it's important to pick at least one (1) player to be completely insane about. Don't try to rationalize it, don't worry about other's opinions on them, just pick them out of the Player Claw Machine and go wild.

Thank You for coming to my Ted Talk Guide for Beginners. Stay safe and try to remember that it's only a game and it's not that deep. and if you figure out how to do that, please tell me i'm tired

More Posts from Ki-re-al and Others

7 months ago
Has This Been Done Yet

has this been done yet

8 months ago

I'm absolutely loving the unionization of the young drivers against Fernando Alonso.

I'm Absolutely Loving The Unionization Of The Young Drivers Against Fernando Alonso.
8 months ago
His Silliness And Constant Yapping Has Charmed Me I Fear
His Silliness And Constant Yapping Has Charmed Me I Fear
His Silliness And Constant Yapping Has Charmed Me I Fear
His Silliness And Constant Yapping Has Charmed Me I Fear
His Silliness And Constant Yapping Has Charmed Me I Fear
His Silliness And Constant Yapping Has Charmed Me I Fear
His Silliness And Constant Yapping Has Charmed Me I Fear
His Silliness And Constant Yapping Has Charmed Me I Fear

His silliness and constant yapping has charmed me I fear

7 months ago
ki-re-al - Untitled
8 months ago
Me When

me when

10 months ago

And if I said I wanted to recreate Macbeth at a lake with a fire and fake blood? What then??


Tags
10 months ago

Biblical References in Both RDR games.

I love biblical references so much. When it comes to literature, it's probably my favorite type of symbolism. Like I genuinely get so happy when I connect things to the Bible which is what I'm going to do right now ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š I also like the way that religion is incorporated into RDR as a whole, including the main characters' reaction to it.

So yup, here are just a few references or connections that I was able to make in no particular order.

Also, some of these are complete reaches and I'm aware of that, but fuck it, it's my blog and I do what I want ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ

- The character and tragedy of Issac. In the Bible, Issac is the child of Abraham who is asked to be sacrificed by God by his father as a test of faith. God eventually intervenes to save Issac because he only wanted to test Abraham's faith. Dutch is shown as a God-like figure to the gang, as their devotion is to him. Arthur, indirectly, sacrifices Issac by not being there and by following what Dutch wanted. Arthur, Issac, and Dutch are parallels to Abraham, Issac, and God.

- Leviticus is the book that comes after the book of Exodus. After the gang's escape or exodus from Blackwater after the Blackwater massacre, they are met by Leviticus Cornwall, who becomes the next obstacle for the gang. After the gang's exodus, they get in trouble with Leviticus.

- The image of the deer and a mountain. Psalm 18:32-34 in the Bible says, "It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way blameless? He makes my feet like deers' feet, and sets me upon my high places." In Arthur's condemnation of Dutch, Micah, and their evil, he becomes steady in his identity and beliefs, like a deer's feet on a mountain, which is where he dies in the end. W symbolism.

- The mission "Sodom? Back to Gomorrah." In the Bible, Sodom and Gomorrah were two cities that were so morally depraved and evil that God decided to destroy the both of them, saying that if there was even one good person in those cities, he'd spare them, but there weren't. In those missions, you also do two evil acts, going from one and then BACK to the other. You rob the bank and then go BACK to collect the debt from Edith Downes. So you finish one evil deed and to straight to the next. This can also show how morally bankrupt Arthur's apathy made him at this point in the game.

- Micah's guns say "Vengeance is hereby mine." This could be a reference to Roman's 12:19 "vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord." Micah's violent nature makes him take his anger out on the world.

- "Your father is seduced by him with the forked tongue. It's no use hoping." The blind prophet to Arthur. Pretty straight forward symbolism, it's a nod to the snake that seduced Eve, just like how Micah manipulates Dutch.

- Dutch walking away from Arthur when he dies and though he realizes his wrong doing and feels shame, his pride forbids him from apologizing or saying he was wrong. This can be a parallel to how Adam and Eve run away from God when they feel shame over believing in the snake, but their pride won't allow them to apologize to God, hence damning them like how Micah damned Dutch.

- There were twelve ACTIVE gang members before the Blackwater massacre. When I mean active, I mean gang members who are canonically consistent (so not uncle, Swanson, Strauss, or the girls) on going on jobs for the gang. Micah, Bill, Javier, John, Hosea, Arthur, Charles, Sean, Lenny, Josiah, Mac and Davey Callender. Christ had 12 disciples and Dutch is portrayed as a savior to the gang, or a Christ like figure. And would you look at that, there is a traitor in both groups of twelve (Micah and Judas).

- Both John and Arthur's graves have scripture from Jesus's sermon on the mountain (Matthew 5:1-12). John's is blessed are the peacemakers and Arthur's is blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.

- The go back for the money ending. If you go back for the money and have low honor, you'll see that the camp is engulfed in flames as you try to get the money. The fight with Micah is brutal and you die faced down in the dark. This death is an allegory for going to either hell and purgatory as you choose a final evil act of leaving your brother to possibly die just so you can get money as an act of revenge. If you have high honor, you are still surrounded by flames, but you still have a chance at heaven given that you die facing up seeing the light one final time.

- The help John ending has similar connotations. If you have low honor, you die by gunshot and are shrouded in darkness, which can symbolize the absence of God's light and how Arthur's final act couldn't absolve the lack of guilt he feels for the rest of the actions that he KNOWS are evil (click here for a my interpretation of Arthur's morality). In high honor, though, you get to crawl to the mountain side and see the rising sun, symbolizing heaven, warmth, and a new purity.

- In low honor, the coyote goes down to a dark cave, representing damnation and the rejection of holy light. In high honor, the deer steps into a heavenly field of light. Love that so much to be honest.

- Just the very Catholic vibe of Arthur's redemption. Doing good deeds, feeling guilt, all that.

- John's new life is basically this: "Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need."ย -Ephesians 4:28. John gives up his old life to be an honest laborer, a rancher, and a proper man.

- The Strange Man in RDR rides on a donkey, which is pretty interesting because Jesus Christ also made his grand entry on a donkey.

- Just the Strange Man in general to be honest. Some say he's God, others say he's the Devil, and others say he's Cain from the Bible, which is my personal favorite theory but whatever.

- Dutch's horse could be a reference to Revelations 6:8- "And I looked, and behold, a pale horse! And its rider's name was Death, and Hades followed him." Dutch's rash actions caused the death of the gang and RDR's incarnate of Hades or Hell was Micah, following him. Dutch is the only one, canonically, to have a pale horse.

- "Am I prepared for eternal damnation? Am I passed any kind of saving? Or is that just fairy tales?" Arthur in his journal. I love this line so much because of its very agnostic nature whilst still showing the Christian mindset of 1899 America. This line also shows that Arthur is canonically agnostic which is a yippee from me because it's like the only thing me and this man have in common lmao ๐Ÿ˜ญ

- "Bad news awaits you, sir. Sadly, sooner than you think. But beyond the news, paradise awaits. Paradise.." Blind Man Cassidy to Arthur. Sorry but I just love that. High honor Arthur lived such an awful life but he still has a chance at paradise and heaven? Love that so much.

- God (pun intended), I love biblical symbolism. Couldn't you tell?

8 months ago
Someone Said It Could Be A Vogue Cover

someone said it could be a vogue cover

strike the pose!!

8 months ago

Love George approaching his car like "what's all this then, who did that [headshake]" girl you ๐Ÿ˜ญ

7 months ago

imagine being so unstoppable that even your shitbox of a car cannot slow you down enough. the rival dominant team with a rocketship pace is still intimidated & stressed by you being their threat, so the only way they can beat you is to get help from the official sports judges.

max verstappen, you are indeed one of the greatest

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ki-re-al - Untitled
Untitled

๐ŸŽ๏ธMcLaren๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’Canucks๐Ÿ’™

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