So Yeah 2021. Turns Out This Is The Worst Year I've Had Since I Was 20.
So yeah 2021. Turns out this is the worst year I've had since I was 20.
I was a gambling addict and lost £19k at 18/1o. Wanted to raise the money to go into further education in courses I wanted, not what others wanted for me. I lost the family money, had to get a. Job to pay back what I lost and more into the mortgage and too a loan out to pay my uncle back, with both combined mounted to £65k. £65k of debt and nothing to show for it plus the fact all the education I had I was losing. I was very good at maths but I could tell my skills where fading away. I could read English properly as I'm dyslexic but I could read sheet music. That too was fading away. I had to work to pay back what I lost. I was stuck, didn't want to know the world as everyone my age where going out, having holidays, finding partners and settling down. There was NO WAY I was going to settle down while in debt, depressed, suicidal, feeling worthless, miserable. It wouldn't be fair on the other half. So life was passing me by. I had to live with the consequences of my decision to gamble.
Why I gambled I will post in a later blog, but that was the worst point in my life. My matter what happens going forward it good deal with knowing I won't get the life I wanted, but I still have a life and will make what I can out of it. That mind set ook me till my late 20s to get.
I liked 2020 personally. I enjoyed being on furlongh, I'm home and getting paid. I had over time at my 2nd job. I proposed to my Girlfriend and she said yes on the 12th Feb 2020. My spirits where high. The early scare was my mum when she had Covid but she survived thankfully.
Then it falls. From October onwards. Stresses and mentally drained. Like many others. I felt my fiancee was pulling away from me. I get she was scared of covid and didn't want to hug but I am an affectionate person. She would always reject them which in turn I stopped trying as rejections is painful, esp from the one you love. It was great that I only got a response every 2 days or once a week, but I loved our walks and talks about finding a house. I get she was going through personal issues but I was shut out by her and she would only respond once a week from November. At the same time I had banter go wrong with a colleague I worked with at Asda Small Heath. He started a banter with me that was of a Rasical nature and Deformation of Character, but I knew it was a joke but he couldn't take the joke back.
I told my partner and she did not want to know as she had too much going on. I personally think she over thought it and I wasn't expecting anything from her but she went quite again. I said to her I can't keep meesaging you everyday with Good Morning and Good night, as I don't think I'm helping. She thought I was going to get her to beg me to text back. Wow, that was not the case as I was texting her everyday, beginning for a response and she would one res9one a week.
I made a birthday video for her at the be2of December and the only response I got was, 'thanks lol'. I was thinking
'is that all you say to your fiancee!, you didn't even remember my birthday and your not putting any effort in after you freaken moaned!'
I got a couple more messages and the last was on 23rd December. Didn't here from her on Xmas day nor new years day. Wow. I felt the love! I was, and still am in pieces. She had a go at me for not putting the effort in yet I texted her every day but she didn't. I don't mind her not remembering the anniversary but when I sent her a photo of the flowers she did even say happy anniversary, yet she moaned about Valentines day the year before. She moaned about my lack of buying presents on her birthday in 2019 Christmas 2019 but 2020 she forgot my birthday and as you read, she never messaged me on Christmas.
After all that I still love her. No one's perfect, I'm not, she not, I'm not, but my world feels complete with her. I continued to text her on good morning and good night on Mondays Fridays and the weekends. Sometimes in between but nothing, even on valentines day 2021. On the window sill, I have her Birthday, Christmas Valentines presents with flowers and I took a photo and sent it to her. As I sent the photo to her now knowing it was over.
I never wanted it to be over.
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This Year
This year has been the best for me in 10 years. The first half was great, I was happy and believed I had found someone and was enjoying her around her even if it was for a few minutes
The Ballad of George Harrison
The Ballad of George Harrison
11 years ago, I was watching the news, getting ready for college, when news broke that George Harrison had died. During the news footage, I heard that he died with one thought in his mind, which was 'Love One Another', and decide to use these words for the song. Enjoy
V1 Come the day I die, I find the place I lie. For the search of God begins, the fear of him is held within. Chorus Minds at peace, my soul still sings, Love one another (my sweet lord). I just want to see the world in peace, Love one another (my sweet lord). V2 Purpose in life is to answer questions, Question with answers are hard to find. I can see the meaning of life; The answers are all in the mind. Chorus V3 Guitarist I am, musician I've been, For my songs are of great artistry. I left the world with my love, And I'll be watching from up above. Chorus and fade
Life is what you want it to be.
Me
British Eurovision Entry for 2015
I just need someone who can sing, because I cant and
Life is what you want it to be
V1
Cadd9
Life is what you want it to be,
G/B For all the places I have seen.
Am All the futures in my hands,
Am/G Waiting for my command.
F Dare I say 'I believe in heaven,
G This is the route I have chosen,
Am Am Nothing is forgotten.
F This is a surprise to me,
G You can learn what I have seen,
Cadd9 Life is what you want it to be.
V2 For all the places you can go, There is nothing you wont know. Sailing across the seven seas, Finding places you've never been. Searching all you can find, All the people are so kind, It's not just in your mind. We've enjoyed the time to Rome, Now lets find are own home, You are not alone.
(Solo with Spanish guitar then violins)
Repeat V1 fade with instrumental music.
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The Home Nation Tournament held bi-annually
In between the year World Cup & Euros there is a summer where fans really want football. There are other sports that take place on a regular basis, F1 Tennis Golf, but what about adding the Home Nations Football Tournament in the odd years?
There are 2 qualifying games held in the early summer of the odd years so the tournament can be held a week after them games, with the same squad. Two games can be held on Saturday, two games can be held on Wednesday and the final two games can be held on Sunday.
Sat: England V Scotland & Northern Ireland V Wales
Wed: Wales V England & Scotland V Northern Ireland
Sun: England V Northern Ireland & Wales V Scotland.
like the Six Nations the teams will swap who get to play home for each tournament. Also this keeps the tournament in a small window of the summer for players to have a break.
Another reason to do this would be a financial reason. The Scottish Welsh and Northern Ireland FAs do not have a lot of money coming in because they are not in the World Cup or Euros to gain the monies, which would help then develop there national Academies. The Home Nations Tournament can help them. By sell TV rights around the world.
Also it would be good for all the players involved. If they feel the win of a tournament it will give them more confidence going into the qualifying groups. Success breads Success.
Muteen Hussain jaiom
WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?
Playing my Guitar
What would be your ideal 20 team Premier League
I listen to talk SPORT a lot and heard a comment about the EPL fixture between West Bromwich vs Watford along the lines of, the EPL was formed to bring big teams and entertaining games. I remember the same being said on a news report following the Fulham vs Charlton game(please contact me if I’m wrong) which was aired on the Premier League channel on NTL cable.
So this got me thinking. What would be the ‘best’, ideal 20 EPL.
This is what I have come up with.
Arsenal Aston Villa Birmingham Blackburn Chelsea Everton Ipswich Leeds Leicester Liverpool Manchester United Manchester City Nottingham Forrest Newcastle United Tottenham Hotspur Sheffield Wednesday Southampton Sunderland West Brom West Ham
This would be my 20 League and I know everyone would have a different one. As I was making my list I remember watching the league in the late 90s and Blackburn, Sheffield Wednesday and Nottingham Forrest where in the EPL and Manchester City, Stoke city and Bournemouth where in the lower leagues. There have been a total of 47 different team in the EPL
I thought about taking Nottingham put of my choice and replacing them with either Norwich, Portsmouth or Sheffield United to make more local derbies. Or even put Middlesbrough in there, who have been in the league longer but both would probably do the same in the league.
See what you can come up with and I think you will think longer after you have put down 12 and keep changing 5 teams.
It’s just for fun and could help in the debate about which is the bigger clubs. 😆
Muteen Hussain
@Jaiom
