After Every Fight,

Everyday but more tonight!

How you doing!

Hope texting you isn’t embarrassing to you?

Hey , I really appreciate that you texted me.

how are you doing?

i m good

Why after happy morning,

there are sad nights?

When I hear the voice of echoing rain drops embracing my ear, it reminds me of something I would never let go.

Something so precious to be lost in the world full of usless , wanted , materialistic world.

It is the thing which connects one to oneself and to others.

Like the wedding photograph of the couple , hanging behind the bed post or in living area , or hidden in the album , like the lost piece but never with the faded charm.

It is a bucket full of memories that everyone wish to cherish whole life and taking to the grave or making it memorable for souls who ever touched them.

Have you ever felt it?

Days where…

It feels like a constant struggle to push forward. That even if you put your best foot forward, it’s like you might as well be bringing both off the edge of a cliff.

Maybe…

Times where you genuinely and painstakingly question the meaning of life, of existing on this planet, of being around.

You know that you should keep going — because surely, everyone has a purpose or something to at least try to strive towards — but at the same time more thoughts keep weighing you down with why it might just all be in vain.

Am I unwanted? Unneeded? An unnecessary obstacle or burden to those who cross paths with me?

If you’re growing under the wary eye and disapproving glare of an emotionally unavailable parent, does that mean you’re just another mouth to feed, another disgusting waste of space that only regains clarity or becomes redeemable when you’re needed for something, or are useful to the objecting person in question?

Surely not. Surely if you hypothetically could surround yourself with a lighter crowd of people who appreciate you for who you are inside and outside, for what good you can bring despite your setbacks and flaws and mistakes and imperfections and bad decisions…

Surely you would realize you mean a lot to someone out there. To at least one other person living on this planet.

It’s hard to fully regain sense and your bearings during times like these.

Days where you can barely imagine the future of five, ten years ahead — heck, even a week or a month ahead — when just this one day feels like a mountain crushing you from the inside out, and then back again.

Over and over and over.

If you can piece together moments like these from your own life, maybe you’re going through something similar. Or have, for that matter.

I want to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. That no matter how many times I get crushed and broken down little by little, that no matter how many times the same wounds get ripped open and abandoned with salt freshly poured to sting and burn at my core, at the crux of who I am or who I think I am, that something good — surely! — will come about.

And that every bad day brings me closer to the good day that will eventually become a good period, and finally, a good, consistent period of life.

Once and for all.

Maybe that’s why I continue reading so much, even as an adult now.

Because for whatever wishful thinking might result, some part of me desperately wants to believe — even if I can only vicariously feel it right now — that those stories of characters overcoming family abuse to find love, peace, a home among those who truly and unconditionally love and care about them…

Can actually become a reality.

For me. For you.

For everyone.

Because at the end of the day, I still have to remind myself…

Ending it all — by my hands — would only cut short a life that might be wonderful on the other side of this tunnel.

No matter how dark and horrid and painful it may be right in this moment.

And more than love, i want someone to understand me

He had the power to reside in heart of every soul he ever met.

He was divine and serene like Himalayan waters.

His body was ephemeral but his soul was immortal .

Yesterday, it was a beautiful day na!

what happened to today?

why am I back in sweet hell ?

I want no one , go away everyone , just go away.

I wish I needed no body in life.

what am I even saying?

Please Tell this mind to STOP!