Eddie But With Body Dysmorphia

eddie but with body dysmorphia

-so eddie has always been small

-compact, if you will

-and he secretly liked being small, being able to fit in people’s (richie’s) arms so well, finding the tiniest of spots to hide during hide and seek

-but one day while after he got to high school, sometime after he hit puberty, something changed in him

-he got taller and thicker and he wasn’t enjoying it

-he started to feel like he was taking up too much space

-he kept these thoughts to himself, as he does with most everything

-but they all notice eventually

-he won’t sit on bill’s shoulders to play chicken anymore

-won’t let stan give him piggyback rides

-before he started seeing himself this way he used to borrow bev’s sweaters all the time but now he refuses because he’s convinced he’ll stretch them out

-he won’t ride on the back of mike’s bike when they travel around town

-and richie especially notices when eddie won’t let him wrap his arms around his waist anymore

-at first richie thought eddie was slowly distancing himself

-trying to slip away

-he was so hurt when eddie refused to cuddle or change in front of him

-he goes to bev, who is obviously one of his best friends,

-“i just feel like he doesn’t love me anymore you know? he won’t let me touch him like ever”

-“richie, can’t you see it? it’s not you, it’s him. he feels bad about himself, he’s got body dysmorphia”

-and of course she then had to explain what that term actually means

-but then it all comes together in the old trashmouth’s head

-“you’re a godsend, marsh. what would i do without you?”

-“crash and burn”

-so he goes to eddie, not knowing if he should confront him straight up or wait til eddie says something himself

-but that’s obviously never gonna happen so plan b

-they’re chilling in richie’s room, doing homework

-richie puts his math book down and starts kissing eddie’s neck

-“rich, stop, i’ve got work to do”

-then he starts playing with eddie’s hair

-“richie you’re distracting me”

-“you’re so beautiful, eds. i love you so much”

-“shut up, trashmouth. don’t call me that”

-richie starts slowly moving his hands around eddie’s shoulders and then slipping them under his sweater

-“i mean it, babe. you’re just so beautiful, i can’t believe i wasted all that time being your friend when i could’ve been-“

-“beep fucking beep richie! i don’t want to play right now”

-“why won’t you let me touch you, eddie?”

-and eddie has to pinch the bridge of his nose

-“i have work to do”

-“i don’t mean just now. i mean ever. we don’t hug, or cuddle or make out, we haven’t been together in weeks”

-“that’s what you’re fucking worried about? that i’m not having sex with you?”

-“no you stupid idiot i’m worried that you’re gonna start hurting yourself because you think you’re fat”

-“what are you even talking about”

-“i’m not stupid, eddie. you’re wearing baggy clothes, you only eat green shit, you won’t let me see you without a shirt on….for some reason you hate yourself and that’s fucking ridiculous because you’re probably the most attractive person i’ve ever met in my life”

-eddie doesn’t know what to say because he never thought richie would figure it out

-“i love you, eddie. you. the way you are. i love your floppy hair and your sparkly eyes, i love how you can be kinda squishy in the middle, i love your arms and your legs….dear god eddie your ass is literally out of this world”

-and eddie laughs through his tears

-“i don’t want you to change, i don’t want you to start to disappear”

-eddie takes richie’s dorky face into his little hands and kisses the tip of his nose

-“i’m not gonna go anywhere. i love you, trashmouth”

-“i love you too eddie spaghetti”

cool i’m in pain