Simran, Full Of Emptiness

i've just rewatched dead poets society and for a favourite movie it sure does a lot of damage on my mental state

Nanjing and Hangzhou by 木白-文

Animated butterflies by Eleanor Lutz ♡

i dont have any advice for you im just here to say im in a very similar boat [it always makes me feel better to know im not 100% alone after all]

but i also struggle with figuring out if im aromantic or if i just have high standards, and then i dont even know if those standards are actually high or if its simply that people rarely pursue me [and even then is it because they arent interested or is it because i dont put myself out there?] like the idea of dating someone feels incorrect, but is it because i think i wouldnt get anything out of it or is it because i cant see someone ever seeing me that way? do i set myself up for failure and only get interested in people who i Cannot Have because im just generally self sabotaging or because i dont want to be with anybody? i dont think theres any real way to know other than to date people, but thats a task that seems impossible to me.

anyways, have a good day! i hope you enjoy what you read and find lots of time to do it.

oh how the world works, out of all the people you meet in life to find the first one to voice something so perfectly similar to my experience on tumblr! but that actually means so much, i was writing those words into the void without expecting anyone to see and seeing your message was extremely hopeful, thank you so much for putting it all into words!!

i feel like i could be okay with being aromantic and except it for what it is but how hard it is to to understand those feelings and know for sure. no one ever seems to feel this way, everyone around have their crushes on people at all times but i just never understood it, you know? only those unattainable figures, but even so i feel like with time i would lose interest and no single person would ever be able to hold my attention for long. or maybe i just never knew anyone on that personal level where you love someone unconditionally. i feel like love exists only as a concept but never in reality, it all feels so hollow.

and oh, i actually wanted to have a little experiment and maybe just try going on a date? just to see what all the fuss is about. but every chance i got close to doing it, i immediately retreated and i never seem to find the courage to do it. i don't want to lead other people on when i know that it would only be an opportunity to check that experience out of "want to try" list.

you say that the idea of dating feels incorrect to you and i also can't even imagine a situation where i would be comfortable with someone in relationship. it takes a lot of work and trust and maybe i am too selfish for that.

maybe there's no way of knowing but to live and see where it takes you. i hope you find your answers with time! and that whatever it is it would bring you comfort. maybe you would meet someone and would be able to heal. and if you are actually aromantic, it is probably just as good. society was built around this romantic love concept but it's not all there is, the world is huge and a lot of things can bring you happiness! thank you again!!

Find what you love and let it kill you.

- Charles Bukowski

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵…

beloved is such a good endearment. it’s like so intensely loving, so tender, so succinct & to-the-point. beloved! one who is much loved (by me!)

ok so i'm choosing what to read next and the choice lays between 3 books: one of them is a play and the other two are like 1000+ pages long and one is, as people say, is extremely traumatising and i really can't decide

It’s kinda beautiful how humans are drawn to tragedies. That for thousands of years people have gathered to hear the stories of humanity battling fate, the stars, the gods, itself. Fighting and failing with the idea that, despite the tragedy of it all, there is always something worth fighting for. That there is something to be learned in the debris. That sometimes humanity falls and other times it rises. Though never without a fight. And maybe the tragedy is simply that one must fight to live, and fighting rarely ends without scars. So we tell the stories of our scars to make others feel less alone in their own. That humanity can share in the collective experience of suffering. To let each other know that our stories have worth no matter the outcome. They deserve to be told. There’s tragedy in everything. That doesn’t mean you stop fighting. Stop living. Stop loving. And that hope has transcended time. Which is a tragedy in itself.