Not To Be Dramatic But The Phrase "putting A Bun In The Oven" Is Disgusting. Not Only Does Is Objectify

considering ripping/stabbing it apart, and using its insides to stuff up my old teddy bear again.... but would that be the right thing? Use parts of the Bad(tm) creature for the Good creature?

I'm not saying I'm mentally ill, but today I bought a new teddy bear because I had been looking at it for a couple weeks and finally caved into the temptation. Yet the moment I put it down on my bed, I felt an overwhelming urge of guilt and disgust and the need to throw it away and apologize to my old, trusty teddy. And now the new one won't stop looking at my with its devilish eyes and I actually want to get rid of it even though it's like brand-new but I also DO NOT want to touch that thing anymore.

It hurts knowing you're more privileged and have more opportunities than like 80% of the world with a lot better quality of life and still have life suck so much. Like I'm well aware that just by being born in a western country, that's already better off than like 80-90% of the world. And yet everything hurts physically and mentally and I just want to die every day.

And even for trans men who are fully bodily abled, white, and have little to no mental illness and/or aren't neurodivergent... Did people forget that we aren't 100% the same as cis men, in the places where trans men would get placed in men's prisons? Because while remaining family friendly, if you haven't had bottom surgery there'd be some very peculiar issues regarding that in a prison environment.

And regardless of which gender prison you're placed in, hrt access isn't always guaranteed in prison, far from it in fact.

And the whole transphobia aspect aside from placing trans men in women's prisons; women's prisons can get pretty violent too, and especially towards trans men since they're "different" which is often reason enough to incite violence. That and women's prison often being even more neglected than men's prisons.

Cut some slack on trans men who won't just "do DIY" and stop hating on those who do + transmasc diy hrt should be less taboo. I know this wasn't even about diy hrt but just had to throw that in there.

I think it’s normal to be afraid of jail especially for trans men who are disabled or not white or are mentally ill. to casually joke about “what happened to be gay do crimes” to a population whose mortality is threatened by the prospect of jail is deeply cruel and deranged behavior.

Something that's severely undertalked about it the loneliness and lack of real friends that come with being disabled, both mentally and physically. I especially don't see physically mentioned a lot.

But how tf am I supposed to have close friends when I'm constantly sleep deprived? If my general physical strength and endurance are severely limited?

Part of the harm of invisibility for transmen is being bombarded with a million "emergency HRT" resources by a hundred different well meaning groups and absolutely zero of them mention testosterone. If they do it's basically a footnote. Testosterone is necessary HRT medication too, believe it or not. It is harder to synthesize and it is federally restricted and I think that's EVEN MORE REASON TO RESEARCH AND LINK EMERGENCY TESTOSTERONE HRT‼️

Trans & disabled community: "you shouldn't have to proof to anyone you're valid! Fuck the medical system and doctors mistreating us! You don't need proof of your suffering, only you know your true pain!"

Me: "Well puberty blockers caused me to severely suffer, cause issues I still suffer from years later, and nobody ever beliefs me and sweeps my issues under the rug despite having suffered a great number, and still am." Trans & disabled community: "Okay but like, where's the proof? Why didn't you ever tell that to the doctors?* Actually research proofs that is literally impossible. Have you ever considered you might be the issue here? Like did you even listen to your doctors? Maybe you had some underlying condition?" Me: *stares into the camera as if it's the office* * I did alert the doctors to this, but they either refused to examine me, or also told me that what I was suffering from was simply impossible according to research.

death isnt enough. i need to never have existed

MANIFEST

MANIFEST

God I fucking wish I could get some actual compensation for the harm trans healthcare has done to me, both mentally and physically.

Unfortunately I live in a country where you can't sue a healthcare organization, and if you could, not like I have the money for a lawsuit.

But seriously. How the *fuck* can someone who got top surgery consenually at 21 sue an entire branch of healthcare out of existence(the Keira Bell case), but I can't even get a black and white formal apology for making me disabled, traumatized, and forever underdeveloped(mentally and socially)? And I can't even openly talk about that happening to me y'all scream "they're harmless, they're reversible" like fucking brainless parrots.

Got a little too worked up there at the end but god dammit it's true. Nobody wants to acknowledge my suffering, or just wants to use me as transphobic propaganda without actually caring about me, the person.

It sucks being stuck between people who say that you're suffering is either your own fault, that you should shut up about it because it's harmful to the "positive trans image", and people who will only care about it if you parrot their reactionary propaganda.