Lately I've Been Wondering About What To Work Towards For 2025 And I Came To The Realisation That We

The best thing that works for me when feeling anxious and airy is first grounding myself.

This could be taking a walk barefoot on the Earth, jumping up and down(if I have the energy).

Sometimes it's just sitting outside being present with whatever is outside. That looks like listening to the birds, sitting on the grass, cloud gazing, bird watching or people watching.

Doing something that simple just makes me feel at home within myself.

After I have done that and I feel grounded that's when I start questioning my thoughts as to whether they are true or not and whether it is within my control or not. And lastly I choose to let go and melt into the present moment. Because in that moment I am choosing to trust God in that moment and in turn it's easier to then trust myself. It's easier said than done but it helps ✅

It's okay to start again because this time you are starting from experience. there is nothing wrong with starting over in order to build stronger foundations.

Lately I've been thinking about how language can sometimes be a curse - from the words we speak, even though these words have their own meanings, most of us don't even know how they came about but we just use them because that's the tool that is available to us.

Let's not even mention how words are sometimes so misused that they eventually mean nothing, especially when people don't even mean what they say.

I guess every tool has its advantages and disadvantages. I now understand why they say 'silence is divine' because it truly is. There is no misunderstanding or lies construed in silence - it just is. It's so pure, it can't be marred by lies, manipulations or ulterior motives. What a blessing silence is.

Ever wore an item of clothing that was just too small for you? Like a small jacket or jeans that were just too tight? With every move you make, you can sense that tightness, that feeling of discomfort. And no one likes being uncomfortable. And in order to be comfortable again, we need to remove that small jacket and put on a more comfy one.🧥👖

Physical discomfort is one thing but emotional discomfort is some totally different. It's not like we can just remove that uncomfortable emotion and replace it with a more comfy emotion. Since we can't do that, most of us end numbing that emotion in order to get comfortable again. Sadly that doesn't remove the discomfort but rather just covers it up until it shows up again. And when it does come up again, we numb it with emotional eating, drinking, shopping and doomscrolling on the socials. 😮‍💨🍺

But the thing with emotions is that they need to be felt. At first it may be hard because feeling that emotion pain is just too uncomfortable. But the deeper you feel into it, the less uncomfortable it becomes. You might have to do it multiple times but eventually it subsides and sometimes even disappear.

So think of a child coming to you crying and telling you that they feel sad or upset about something. We don't tell the child to go shopping, to scroll on social media, to drink or smoke so that the pain goes away. We allow the child to cry, we give them a hug and we tell them it's gonna get better and they are going to be okay. 🌸🌸

So what normally helps me during those times of emotional discomfort is sitting with myself and acknowledging what I feel. Then I communicate with myself - telling myself that I feel sad, angry or in pain but I know it's temporary. I ask my body what's trying to tell me. Other times I go on a walk and just talk to the part of me that is in pain.

And the more I do that - the less uncomfortable that emotion becomes. 💨

It's about having that uncomfortable conversation with yourself. Sometimes we don't know why we feel the way we feel but we just have to feel the emotion. We owe it to our inner child to sit through that emotional discomfort with them and free ourselves. How do you normally deal with your emotional discomfort?

So yesterday I was watching this video whereby this content creator was speaking about how we should stop bringing the energy of decisions into making choices. She spoke about how people can't even make a simple choice because they are so focused the importance of it because their mind focuses on whether they are making the right or wrong decision. ❌✅

She gave an example of how you can make a choice to attend an event but after experiencing it you then make the decision to leave cause maybe it was boring.

So in order to decide, first make a choice, have the experience and make a decision.

So google says when making a choice we are given the freedom to explore alternatives and choose what will make us happy whereas when making a decision, we are presented with options whose outcomes have been predetermined. Choice connects us to our desired intentions, values and beliefs whereas decisions are connected to places of behaviour, performances and consequences.

I remember when I was still in primary, during athletics season - we had all these different activities that we could try. So we had a choice in choosing what activities to try but at the end of the day you had to make a decision as to which one you would join.

Obviously you make that decision after having experienced all the activities. So by making the decision, you now already know the predetermined outcome which is you coming to practice high jump or sprints for as long as you're part of the team.👟🎽

So with choices it's more experimental and with decisions it gets serious. So the point is stop bring that serious energy into something that's supposed to be a fun experience. Think of making a choice as tasting and making a decision as eating. 🍽️😋🍔

There are times when I want to apologize to my body.

Times when I choose to eat sweet and dry foods knowing they aren't good for my digestive system.

Times when I add another spoonful of sugar in my tea because it just doesn't taste sweet enough.

The times when I react and don't take the time to tune into my body and feel if I really want to eat something rather than eating just because everyone around me is eating.

There are times when I want to apologize to my body.

The times when I postpone my exercise because I don't feel like it even though it feels great when I move my body.

The times when I skip my daily walk even though I enjoy the smell of pine trees I pass along the way.

The times when I choose to listen to an additional podcast episode fully knowing in that moment my body just wants silence and stillness.

The times when I entertain the negative thoughts when there are ten other positive things I could focus on.

The times when I can choose to sit outside and listen to the birds rather than doomscroll on the socials.

There are times when I want to apologize to my body but I don't because what's the point of an apology without changed behaviour.

I am tired of wanting to apologize to my body because now I want to show my body it can trust me the way I've always trusted it.

I am tired of wanting to apologize to my body because now I am deciding to not be that person anymore.

I want to show my body I can be a good steward of this beautiful vessel.

It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Once upon a time I tried cooking fish a certain way and it didn't come out the way I wanted it to. I first fried it in oil at high heat and it got stuck on the surface of the pan.😩

And my first thought was "well, it was probably because the heat was too much." 🥵🥵

And so the next time I tried frying it, I did it on low heat and still the fish got stuck to the pan and turn into little pieces. And I thought "maybe it's because of the pan I was using." 🍳🥘

So since that was the only type we had, I had to find a different way of cooking fish without it sticking to the bottom of the pan.(Of course I could've just roasted it in the oven but that takes too much time and more electricity)🕑⌛⚡

I wanted the easiest and quickest way possible. And so after going through a dew YouTube videos I came across a video where they the dish by first putting the tomatoes, garlic and onions and then putting the fish on top, that way it doesn't stick and it's easier to turn over. And so that's how I had been cooking fish for that entire time. 😇

Now a few days ago, my dad bought fish again. This fish looked different and so I decided to go back to frying it first and see if it would work and Lo and behold it worked!

It didn't stick to the pan and it was on high heat. No flour coating whatsoever. 🐟🐟

So now I was wondering what was different then and now and maybe it's because of the type of fish. Or the thickness of the skin.

Anyway the point of this story is about creativity. When we hear of people being creative, we sometimes think of artists, singers, actors etc. We never really see ourselves as creative unless we are doing artistic stuff like drawing, writing, painting or whatever. And so I remember reading somewhere about how being creative is in every living being. It's in our nature being creative. 🍥

Doing something a different way makes you a creative. Me deciding to cook that fish dish differently makes me creative. Deciding to take a different route home makes you creative.

Doing something different brings out a different outcome, sometimes something that we would've never imagined. And maybe by doing that you find a way of working that you weren't aware of.

Who would've thought my fish dishes would turn to smithereens. It tasted different, a nice different. Probably because of the texture. Would I intentionally cook it again? No.

But maybe if I was a chef looking to polish my culinary skills I would find a way to incorporate it into another dish where it creates the right flavour based on that texture.👨‍🍳🔪

And so doing something different might lead to new discoveries. So in what ways are you choosing to do things differently?🌱✨🌱

You can't out-think fear you can only out-act it. One step at a time, one fear at a time and eventually, that situation will no longer scare you. And through that action you build the confidence of being able to face whatever fear that might show up.

Someone said that being depressed is your avatar telling you that it is tired of the character that you want it to play. And in my experience this was true. ☘️🏵️

Deep down I knew that the path I was heading on was no longer for me yet I kept on pushing. Why?

Because that was the path that society deemed acceptable, that was the path that felt safe & comfortable (until it was no longer comfortable), because that was the path that made the most logical sense and because that was the path where no one would judge me for doing the "wrong" thing. ❌

But the more I kept on pushing, the more I felt into this hole of emptiness. Until I came to the realisation that something was wrong and something had to change. 🙍‍♀️

As I was going through that phase of depression, I wasn't exactly sure as to what I was doing wrong but I just knew I had to stop and take a break from everything. 🔔🔔

Looking back in retrospect, I can see how I was trying so hard to hide parts of myself to fit in with others and that came at a painful cost. The sooner you remove the mask, the more relieved you'll feel. You may end up fighting with your family or losing people you knew as your closest friends but in the long run, you get to show up as who you are rather than who you think you should be. 🥳🤗🌸