Are You Constantly Overthinking?

It's okay to start again because this time you are starting from experience. there is nothing wrong with starting over in order to build stronger foundations.

I was watching this video of this beautiful woman who was explaining how our desires aren't what we actually want but it's the feelings of having that desire that we want.

And I brought this to my current situation. I have been obsessing over getting a high paying job lately, like I can't afford to wait. I want that job right now.

And after listening to this video, I started asking myself why I want this job so badly. The first answer being to have a sense of security and stability. But it is not only that.

I want that job quickly so that I can get some validation from my family members - so that I can get approved of, in a way. So that I can be that cousin that helps others out. So that I don't have to constantly ask my parents or siblings for money. So that my brother does not constantly tell me how I wasted my years to a degree and have nothing to show for it.

So I realised that deep down, I want validation, acceptance and approval. And now the question is how can I give that to myself rather than wait for others to give it to me.

Yesterday was a public holiday - Worker's day to be exact. So this holiday happened to fall on a Thursday and my sister was complaining about how it was such a bummer that the public holiday fell in the middle of the week instead of it being on a Monday or Friday.

So this just had me thinking on how we as people are always quick to complain even if we receive blessings in our lives.

Sometimes we don't even notice those blessings because they weren't to our expectations or that they weren't good enough for us. So just something I was pondering that just by changing your perspective on something, you can change how you experience life.

Life is sweeter when it is filled with moments of gratitude.

Today I was saying out my desire to the ether and I realised how uncomfortable I am in vocalising my desires out loud. It felt so uncomfortable in my body - in my chest and throat I could just feel this restriction of not being able to my desires out loud.

It just made me feel sad for my younger self for never feeling free and safe enough to voice out my desires and opinions. But now that I am aware of this I can now choose to be the version of my self that creates that safety and freedom for me. It's safe for me to vocalise my desires with ease.

Ever wore an item of clothing that was just too small for you? Like a small jacket or jeans that were just too tight? With every move you make, you can sense that tightness, that feeling of discomfort. And no one likes being uncomfortable. And in order to be comfortable again, we need to remove that small jacket and put on a more comfy one.🧥👖

Physical discomfort is one thing but emotional discomfort is some totally different. It's not like we can just remove that uncomfortable emotion and replace it with a more comfy emotion. Since we can't do that, most of us end numbing that emotion in order to get comfortable again. Sadly that doesn't remove the discomfort but rather just covers it up until it shows up again. And when it does come up again, we numb it with emotional eating, drinking, shopping and doomscrolling on the socials. 😮‍💨🍺

But the thing with emotions is that they need to be felt. At first it may be hard because feeling that emotion pain is just too uncomfortable. But the deeper you feel into it, the less uncomfortable it becomes. You might have to do it multiple times but eventually it subsides and sometimes even disappear.

So think of a child coming to you crying and telling you that they feel sad or upset about something. We don't tell the child to go shopping, to scroll on social media, to drink or smoke so that the pain goes away. We allow the child to cry, we give them a hug and we tell them it's gonna get better and they are going to be okay. 🌸🌸

So what normally helps me during those times of emotional discomfort is sitting with myself and acknowledging what I feel. Then I communicate with myself - telling myself that I feel sad, angry or in pain but I know it's temporary. I ask my body what's trying to tell me. Other times I go on a walk and just talk to the part of me that is in pain.

And the more I do that - the less uncomfortable that emotion becomes. 💨

It's about having that uncomfortable conversation with yourself. Sometimes we don't know why we feel the way we feel but we just have to feel the emotion. We owe it to our inner child to sit through that emotional discomfort with them and free ourselves. How do you normally deal with your emotional discomfort?

It's frustrating isn't it?

To have worked so hard and to only produce nothing.

To have to work so hard each day and only realise that what you've been working on hasn't been producing fruit

To see others achieving so much and you have nothing to show for it.

But you have to realise it was never about you and them.

It's always been you and you.

Maybe this phase is not about producing a certain outcome, maybe it's about just experimenting in order to get feedback.

Maybe this phase is only meant to last a year or two. So that you can see if what you've been pursuing was what you wanted or not.

Sometimes it's not about the outcome. It's about proving to yourself that you can do hard things. That you can be persistent and that you can be disciplined.

So how about just focusing on the joy of it. The parts of it you enjoy so much.

Like when you're eating your favourite meal. You don't only eat to satiate yourself but you also eat to enjoy it. To get that peak experience of savouring all the flavours and textures.

If all your deepest desires could come true, what would you start doing today to receive it?

Every single person you know or who knows you has a different perception of you in their head, so no matter how hard you try to be perceived a certain way, not everyone will view you as such.

*So why not be the version of you that soul's always wanted you to be ?*🌸☘️

I truly believe that humans are born with confidence and then we lose it somewhere along the way. Through judgements, comparisons, being laughed at, etc. If we look at babies for example, I mean it sure takes a certain amount of confidence and courage to learn to walk among everyone else who can walk. Yet falling doesn't really bother them. They get up and try again and again.👶🏻🙈💫

And so one thing I have learnt when it comes to having confidence in oneself is through self-trust. But how can you trust yourself when you're constantly doubting yourself? 🤯😤🥺

And one way to build self-trust is by keeping the promises you made to yourself. If you told yourself you'll do something then go do it. And by compounding those kept promises, you become confident in yourself cause you know- you'll always show up no matter what. It may be messy, overwhelming, scary but you showed up for yourself. You trusted yourself enough to do something. And that's confidence.✨😃