Today I Was Saying Out My Desire To The Ether And I Realised How Uncomfortable I Am In Vocalising My

Ever found yourself in a situation where there is absolutely nothing you can do to change a situation. Like you have exhausted all the possibilities you can think of and still come to nothing and all you can do is overthink.

Overthinking about how the situation will pan out. How that situation will leave you stranded. How you are so uncertain that your mind is all over the place.

And when you are in that situation, you can't do anything, let alone think properly.

In my experience, what I've come to find out is that the best think you can do is acknowledge where you are. Acknowledge that you don't know what to do. Acknowledge that there is nothing you can do, like you have no control over the situation and make peace with that.

Sometimes we overthinking because of the uncertain future ahead of us. Overthinking helps us stay in control even if we aren't really in control.

Don't focus too much on what might or might not happen. Bring yourself back to the present moment and away from your mind. You can only focus on this current moment as that is all you're in control of. Once you're here - trust that it will all work out and everything is going to be okay. It's just a hurdle - and you've been through a lot of hurdles in your life even though they were difficult, so what's one more, right?

No amount of thinking can change the outcome of a situation. So save that energy for something peaceful, that fear and anxiety is not worth it. You are going to be okay.❤️🎀

People are not against you, they are for themselves.

Sometimes we feel like certain people always think or want the worst for us and we couldn't be more wrong. Every person you know or have come across has a different version of you in their head and based on that, it makes perfect sense that they are going to project onto you the things they assume about you. The same way you project onto people the illusion you have of them in your head.

So the point is don't take it personally. Deep down people don't even know you unless they have actually taken the time to really get to know you and those aren't a lot of people.

The best thing you can do is be true to yourself - be true to your values, your interests, dreams and the kind of person you want to be. Because you cannot please both others and yourself. One side is bound to get betrayed and that's okay.

So let go of trying to make other people understand because they might not even be interested in understanding you. They are still fixated on the version of you they curated in their heads. And they are probably not ready to understand you. Maybe one day they will but in the meantime focus on the vision that is you!

What does shame feel like?

Shame feels like hiding

Shame feels like not wanting to be seen, heard or understood for fear of being judged

Shame feels like wanting to hide in a hole where no one will find you

Shame feels like preferring to be invisible

Shame feels like not belonging

Shame feels like wanting to run away and to never be found

Shame feels like being disgusted by yourself

Shame feels like wanting to be someone else

It feels like you're not as worthy as everyone else

Shame feels like wanting to deny a part of your identity

There are times when I want to apologize to my body.

Times when I choose to eat sweet and dry foods knowing they aren't good for my digestive system.

Times when I add another spoonful of sugar in my tea because it just doesn't taste sweet enough.

The times when I react and don't take the time to tune into my body and feel if I really want to eat something rather than eating just because everyone around me is eating.

There are times when I want to apologize to my body.

The times when I postpone my exercise because I don't feel like it even though it feels great when I move my body.

The times when I skip my daily walk even though I enjoy the smell of pine trees I pass along the way.

The times when I choose to listen to an additional podcast episode fully knowing in that moment my body just wants silence and stillness.

The times when I entertain the negative thoughts when there are ten other positive things I could focus on.

The times when I can choose to sit outside and listen to the birds rather than doomscroll on the socials.

There are times when I want to apologize to my body but I don't because what's the point of an apology without changed behaviour.

I am tired of wanting to apologize to my body because now I want to show my body it can trust me the way I've always trusted it.

I am tired of wanting to apologize to my body because now I am deciding to not be that person anymore.

I want to show my body I can be a good steward of this beautiful vessel.

Someone said that being depressed is your avatar telling you that it is tired of the character that you want it to play. And in my experience this was true. ☘️🏵️

Deep down I knew that the path I was heading on was no longer for me yet I kept on pushing. Why?

Because that was the path that society deemed acceptable, that was the path that felt safe & comfortable (until it was no longer comfortable), because that was the path that made the most logical sense and because that was the path where no one would judge me for doing the "wrong" thing. ❌

But the more I kept on pushing, the more I felt into this hole of emptiness. Until I came to the realisation that something was wrong and something had to change. 🙍‍♀️

As I was going through that phase of depression, I wasn't exactly sure as to what I was doing wrong but I just knew I had to stop and take a break from everything. 🔔🔔

Looking back in retrospect, I can see how I was trying so hard to hide parts of myself to fit in with others and that came at a painful cost. The sooner you remove the mask, the more relieved you'll feel. You may end up fighting with your family or losing people you knew as your closest friends but in the long run, you get to show up as who you are rather than who you think you should be. 🥳🤗🌸

I truly believe that humans are born with confidence and then we lose it somewhere along the way. Through judgements, comparisons, being laughed at, etc. If we look at babies for example, I mean it sure takes a certain amount of confidence and courage to learn to walk among everyone else who can walk. Yet falling doesn't really bother them. They get up and try again and again.👶🏻🙈💫

And so one thing I have learnt when it comes to having confidence in oneself is through self-trust. But how can you trust yourself when you're constantly doubting yourself? 🤯😤🥺

And one way to build self-trust is by keeping the promises you made to yourself. If you told yourself you'll do something then go do it. And by compounding those kept promises, you become confident in yourself cause you know- you'll always show up no matter what. It may be messy, overwhelming, scary but you showed up for yourself. You trusted yourself enough to do something. And that's confidence.✨😃

How comforting it is to be standing in your kitchen chopping vegetables for dinner

Oh, how peaceful it is to be in the warm ambience of your kitchen while chopping onions as the rice is boiling

The feeling of contentness as you are slicing up the carrots for a salad

As the flavourful smell of chicken stew wafts up in the air

The smile etching on your face as you hear the sound of the oven alarm chiming, alerting you that the roast beetroot is ready

Listening to the sound of the kettle boiling as you prepare to dish up for supper.

Ah! The joys of cooking a meal on a Sunday evening.

It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳