Jason: The Alphabet Is Somewhere Between 25-27 Letters.

Salim: Why the hell is there blood everywhere?

Vampire!Jason: Well, you see, it's simple color theory-

Nick: Jason, you're obviously on some sort of non-vampire related self-discovery journey right now, and as your friend, I'm going to pull out my best tools to help you.

Nick: *opens new tab and types "am I gay quiz" into the search bar*

Jason: alright, listen up you little shits

Jason: not you, Salim, you’re an angel and i’m glad you’re here

Rachel: Why is it that men look so peaceful when they're asleep? Like they aren't actively ruining my life when they're awake?

Salim: Sleep is just death being shy, and no man can hate a woman when he's dead.

Rachel: What the fuck.

Jason: Salim is the kind of person that makes everyone think about them all the time, even when you’re asleep, right?

Rachel: I don’t think of Salim all the time

Eric: I don’t dream about Lieutenant Othman

Nick: When you say everyone, do you mean yourself?

*Rachel has broken up with them*

Eric: Wow.. Rachel really hates us.

Nick: Maybe she's homophobic?

Eric: We're not a couple Nick.

Nick: We're not?

Rachel: You're not?

Jason: Are you a painting?

Salim: What-?

Jason: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

All of the confused marines: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-

Rachel: I spy with my little eye something that starts with 's'.

Nick: *looks at Jason and Salim*

Nick: Is it 'sexual tension'?

Eric: You fight like my ex-wife!

Nick: I'm dating your ex-wife. That's a compliment.

Jason: why do the vampires keep trying to kill us?

Salim: maybe they’re homophobic 

Jason: we’re not gay, Salim

Salim: we're not???