Latest Posts by gelamores - Page 4

this ws so good i am crying sm

IN OUR NEXT LIFETIME | LEE HYUNJAE

pairing: non-idol! hyunjae x reader genre: ANGST. a cent of fluff. word count: 17k warnings: profanities. mentions of parties, non/alcoholic drinks, homewrecking is mentioned once. notes: this is for the collab event called merry bad ending @junjungsunwoo is hosting !! ♡ + mentions of kidult. this is a kind-of-sequel to it so read it first before this one for a clear understanding of some parts <3

special mentions to my lomls @hvae for the tremendous help & for letting me make a kind-of-sequel to kidult, @mingkii & @moonieric for the support <3 & @fluttering-tbz who I just wanted to spoil :D

permanent taglist: @deputyjuyeon @sunlightwoo​ @teuboyz @90s-belladonna @grassbutneo @skrtbabe @cosmiclele @flrtwoo

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

summary: as he stood in front of you, ready to be someone else’s partner for life, nothing is left but to wish to meet him again in your next lifetime.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ 。 listen now to: spotify. 　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

Standing in front of the big doors of the church you always dreamed of getting married in, tears pooled your eyes as your hand continued to fiddle with the bouquet in your hand.

“I can do this,” You can’t. Your heart continued to harshly pound under your ribcage, tears pooling your eyes from the nervousness. “You can do this,”

Swallowing the forming lump on your throat, your lips continued to twitch in anxiousness while you waited for the bells to ring.

You were positive bits of the fresh flower’s stems were inside of your nails unhygienically as you continued to pick on it.

“You just need to fucking walk. Move your feet. That’s it.” You keep on encouraging yourself, taking deep breaths.

The day was here.

Hearing the bells, you straighten your back for the nth time and iron your beautiful, silk dress with your sweaty palms and plastering a smile on your face.

The two big doors open together, revealing the elegantly designed insides of the church, and there he was. Still amazingly dashing as he stood beside his best men, beaming a small smile at you. The fact that you were the last on the line didn’t help ease your anxiousness.

You were finally walking down the aisle.

“I was just joking, I can’t do this.”

Inhaling the sweet fragrance the cherry blossom trees emitted, you sigh in relief as your open your eyes to see your school welcoming you.

“y/n!” Eunbin, just one of the many friends you have, welcomes you with a wave from afar. Jogging to her with a smile, you engulfed her in a hug. “I missed you so much, how was summer?”

Starting a small talk to the bulletin board where you find out that you both were still classmates, you head to your rooms with bright smiles on your faces.

“You’re still the same,” Eunbin says with a small smile on her face, settling on the seat beside you.

“And by same, you mean..?” You chuckle, not wanting to take her words seriously.

“You’re still the same old, smiley.. Very friendly y/n,” Eunbin scrunches her nose at you, winking.

“That’s a good thing, right?” You start taking out your things one by one, and you only shoot Eunbin a glance when she nods.

It takes a few more small talks until your homeroom teacher steps in, a fond smile on his face.

“Class,” Mr. Kim starts, taking the class’ attention by lightly tapping his pile of papers continuously. “It’s nice seeing you again. No less, but there’s more.” He smiles, looking outside the door to let someone in.

A man, one who not even the slightest you could describe except as godly, takes unconfident strides inside the room beside your professor. A smile was nowhere to be seen on his face, but his eyes searched around the room.

The moment his eyes landed on yours, you knew you were fucked. Even just a second more than anyone in the room his eyes laid on you, but you could feel your heart skipping a beat and it was never good.

Lee Hyunjae.

He introduces himself timidly, bowing. Mr. Kim waits for him to say more, but the growing silence only makes it awkward.

“Right, Hyunjae.” He takes a sharp inhale, roaming his eyes around the room for a free seat. “Take the seat in front of y/n. Is it taken?” You shake your head a little more enthusiastically than you intended.

Hyunjae swiftly walks to the seat in front of you, and your eyes never leave him. You were curious, intrigued, and everything the like with the man that stood in front of you, not even batting an eye on your side.

Not until Eunbin smacks your arm with a book, mouthing to stop looking at him.

You probably have terrified the man already.

But your eyes never stop glancing at him.

Smiling to yourself after mentally agreeing that you talk to him later, you got your things and prepared for the class.

You were never a rushing type of student. Yet your leg kept on bouncing with the excitement of hearing the bell ring signaling break period.

You instantly stood up with the rest of the students the second the bell rang, itching to get to talk to Hyunjae.

Hyungseo beat you to it.

“Spare the man some time before you blare some stupid questions to get to know him better,” Eunbin tugs you away, while you pout in disappointment.

“Hyunjae. You’re.. Hyunjae,” Were the last things you heard from Hyungseo before you let yourself get dragged by Eunbin. Your eyes still laid on him, your head tilting as if you weren’t shamingly staring at the newcomer.

“y/n!” Youngjae comes running to you, grabbing your arms. “Do you happen to know someone named Hyunjae?!” He shook your shoulders, tears of joy– you assume, brimming his eyes.

“Uh, yeah, Youngjae. He’s still in the cl–”

“Thank you y/n! I’ll see you later!” Youngjae runs to your room and you even hear him squeal in happiness from afar.

Meanwhile, Hyunjae stared in confusion at Hyungseo who approached him, a raise in his eyebrow as he kept his mouth shut.

“I’m.. I uh,” Hyungseo stutters, looking down in an attempt to hide his teary eyes.

“Hyunjae!” Youngjae exclaims as he stomps his way inside the room, giving Hyunjae the tightest hug he could ever give. Hyunjae stands there in surprise, letting Youngjae continue squealing because as weird as it was, the two men that confronted him felt way too familiar to be ignored.

“Youngjae– I don’t think he remembers us,” Hyungseo mutters, pulling Youngjae back and away from Hyunjae, whose ears perk at the mention of the name.

Youngjae looks expectedly at Hyunjae, waiting for him to confirm Hyungseo’s speculations.

“It’s okay.” Youngjae smiles, “We look kind of different so we understand.” Patting Hyungseo in the arm, encouraging him to speak up.

“I’m.. Hyungseo.. And this is Youngjae,” He mumbles, a light fidget in his fingers. “..from the daycare,”

Hyunjae feels his heart drown in guiltiness and at the same time happiness, as he’s found– finally found the one he treated his family at heart.

Hyunjae bites his lip to stop the tears, looking down at his fiddling fingers. He can’t utter a word out, too happy at the news.

The three men looked at each other with tears in their eyes and a smile on their faces, and later Hyunjae was pulled to share a brotherly hug with Hyungseo and Youngjae.

He has never felt this happy after the incident.

You smile at the scene in front of you, though you weren’t too sure what was happening. You were peeking at the corner of the window looking at them after escaping Eunbin who continuously tugged you away from Hyunjae.

You knew a bit of Hyungseo and Youngjae’s life– them being one of your closest friends you easily made. And you were more than positive that Hyunjae is one of the people they cherished from the daycare they immaculately adored since they were kids, only when the incident occurred that it had to be brought down and the kids from the daycare never saw each other again.

Hyungseo and Youngjae just so happened to be neighbors after moving into the neighborhood, attending the same school, and making a goal together to find the rest of the kids they treated as family.

“y/n!” A fuming Eunbin walks to you, tugging you away from your classroom once again and you crane your neck to keep on looking, just in time as you see Hyunjae burst into the sweetest smile you have ever seen. “You’re unbelievable. You see the man for less than a minute and you’ve already fallen,” Eunbin mutters, looking at you helplessly, making your neck longer to stare at Hyunjae’s smile even just a second longer.

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

“Hyungseo!” You jump to put him in a light headlock, ruffling his hair.

“Come on, y/n.. I styled this today,” He whines, trying to protect his already messy hair.

“You never style your hair,” You chuckle, letting go of him and helping him arrange his hair back to normal.

“Well get used to it because I’m styling it every day now,” Hyungseo proudly smiles at you, a light hop in his steps.

“So.. How many kids do you need to find now?” You start, curiosity evident in your voice as you follow him to your room.

“So! We’ve found Hyunjae, Sunwoo, Younghoon, and Chanhee.. Four more kids! Four more and– Wait,” Hyungseo stops and you do too, raising your eyebrows at him.

“What?”

“How’d you know about it?”

“About what?”

“Why’d you ask how many kids we have to find.. Now?” He mocked, and you only gave him a chuckle.

“I assumed. You rarely start a conversation with a newcomer. But this time, you even beat me to it. I uh.. Also kinda.. Eavesdropped. No! I mean– I didn’t hear anything but–”

“You like him?” Hyungseo wriggles his eyebrows, giving you a smirk.

“Well– I do– but that doesn’t mean that’s the reason I eavesdropped. I just– promise, looked from afar. Youngjae looked kinda pumped up when he asked me about Hyunjae so I was curious.” You rambled, a pout on your face.

Hyungseo just laughs at you, putting an arm around your shoulder as he dragged you to the room.

“It’s okay. I was going to tell you anyway,” He winks, and he enters the room alone. Your eyes immediately drop to Hyunjae, with whom you shared a second of eye contact before he looked away.

“Hi,” You start, poking his shoulder the moment you take your seat, ignoring Eunbin jokingly giving you a disgusted face and Hyungseo’s smirk as he starts preparing for class.

Leaning closer to Hyunjae, your desk tipped as you expect Hyunjae to give at least a hello back.

But he doesn’t. He only glances at you from the side and pushes your desk back properly with his discreet hand.

You let out a confused sound, your eyes widening. You hear Eunbin snort and you turn to look at Hyungseo who confusingly sat beside Hyunjae, eyeing him.

“Try again next time, honey,” Eunbin caresses your arm with a teasing smile on her face, giving you an encouraging nod before Mr. Kim steps inside the room.

Your eyes only linger at Hyunjae and your mind just keeps thinking of all the things you might’ve possibly done in the past two days you met Hyunjae the whole day.

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

And the fact that you concluded you didn’t do anything just made you want to get to know him more, pester him more.

“Hi!” You jump in front of Hyunjae, walking backward. You just smiled at him, your hands at your back as you, once again, shamelessly stared at him with curiosity in your eyes.

Hyunjae just looks at you for a second, then forward. You were much shorter than him, so it was easy to ignore you in front of him with your height as he strides forward, his destination in sight.

You pout, slouching as you throw a fit in front of him.

“Hyunjae, Hyunjae, Hyunjae.. Hyunjae!” You continue, stomping like a kid who didn’t get what they wanted in the toy store. Hyunjae just sighs and tucks his hands in his uniform pants, continuing to walk forward. When you stop to try and block him, he swiftly escapes you so you just run back in front of him. “Did I do something? We haven’t even talked and you’re so cold!”

Your words didn't faze Hyunjae. He continued to walk like there was no one in front of him getting his attention.

Everybody looked in pity as you– the social butterfly of the whole school, failed to get the attention of the ice-cold newcomer.

"Look, Lee Hyunjae. I just want to be friends. What the hell did I do?" You continue to whine, tailing him to your seats. "Is it the fact that I like you or what?"

Those words. Those were the only words that had finally made Hyunjae look at you even if it was a scowl. Nevertheless, it made you happy.

"Oh.. So I just have to say I like you tons of times to keep you on your toes and for you to at least glance at me," You slyly nod, giving him a squint as he just shakes his head.

You finally head back to your seat, a satisfied smile plastered permanently on your face as you stick your tongue out to Eunbin.

Hyunjae's cold actions are noticed by his two closest friends, though. He's been the talk of the students the moment he had stepped in the gates without a smile on his face.

"I can't believe even y/n can't get through you after a week," Youngjae says, munching in his burger as his eyes land on you with a pout that stared at Hyunjae's back with a pout. "She never failed at getting friends." The thought made him chuckle, though.

"True. You're nothing like the kid from the daycare," Hyungseo stops chewing the moment he realizes the weight of his words, uttering numerous apologies to Hyunjae that acted nonchalantly, but the two knew better.

Hyunjae just quietly swallows his food, giving Hyungseo a small smile.

"It's fine," Hyunjae says, then heaving a deep sigh from his nose.

The other two share a look, and they just decide to let the topic go.

"But why don't you talk to y/n though? They don't bite," Youngjae stumbles to the original topic back, chuckling at your state.

Hyunjae surprisingly gives a light, short chuckle, looking at the two men in front of him.

"I don't need anybody else but the both of you, and the rest of the kids from the daycare."

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

“Hyunjae.” You poke his shoulder with a pen, tipping your desk once again to bring yourself closer to him despite him ignoring you. “Hey,” You kept on pestering him, and Hyunjae only glanced to see if it was important or not. A smile tugs on your lips when he does, giving him a neatly folded paper with your writing on it.

Hyunjae sighs and gets it from you out of curiosity, letting you watch from the side with a smile and an expecting look.

I like you!

Those three words are simply written on the paper, but blaring at Hyunjae. His stoic face remained untouched, crumpling the paper and throwing it in his bag.

You whine, muttering “Cold,” as you feel his hand push the metals of your desk back to their place again as he usually does when you habitually tipped on your desk.

And you continue it for a few more days.

Those little notes you gave to him just end up getting thrown into his bag, unscathed.

“At least he doesn’t crumple it,” You chuckle at Eunbin as if you have just made a point.

“You’re.. Kidding me. Right?” Eunbin scoffs in disbelief, “I can’t believe you’re that persistent, what the fuck?” She shakes her head, her eyes watching you take your usual seat behind Hyunjae whose nose is stuck on the calculus book.

“Hi Hyunjae,” You greet him, used to being ignored as you hop back to your seat.

“Hyungseo,” As if it was the first time hearing him, your head shoots up from your phone to Hyunjae, your eyes wide and mouth gape– like Eunbin.

You, or simply the whole class except Hyungseo, haven't heard Hyunjae much after he introduced himself a month ago.

You watch them exchange a conversation quietly, Hyunjae asking how this math equation was– you didn’t get what the question was.

“Oh, y/n’s good at calc,” Hyungseo looks at you frozen in your place, blinking at him.

“I– what? Calculus? Hell yeah! I can he–,”

“No thanks. I’ll get this soon,” Hyunjae dismisses you, making you shut your mouth in an instant and your lips formed into a pout, looking at Hyungseo who only gave you an apologetic smile.

And you question yourself once again if you ever did something to Hyunjae.

Feeling discouraged and a little offended by the sudden outburst, you sink on your seat as the day passes.

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

Maybe you were just annoying. At least, to him. But what can you do? You liked the man, and you weren’t even giving him advances. You just wanted to be friends, at least, for now.

Overthinking your personality, you find yourself a little bit timid than you had never been, only accepting the continuous greeting from people you were familiar with.

Even Eunbin realizes the small change of yours.

“The fuck’s wrong with you?” Eunbin nudges your side, and you only give a shake of the head. “Don’t tell me Hyunjae’s getting to you.”

“I don’t know, Eunbin, maybe he is.” You shrug your shoulders, pulling her to start walking to your room.

You sigh, feeling small only at the sight of Hyunjae quietly reading his calculus book again.

Hyunjae notices the past few days that you weren’t giving him your usual, cheery Hi Hyunjae, or the simple notes that had the same writings of I like you.

Or so he knew.

Sneaking his hand to his bag, he reached for any paper that he reached first and made sure you weren’t looking at him, nor Eunbin.

He sighs as he sees what was written inside, feeling a little sorry.

The Legend of the Banana. He feels his head pound, you may have given up on him. He sneaks another paper, opening it.

The Legend of the Pineapple. Yeah– you’ve given up on your paper confessions.

Hyunjae was positive you wrote just basically anything in the papers you gave to him, knowing he’d only throw it on his bag without opening it.

He looks at the window beside him, catching a glimpse of your reflection that only had your head down on the desk, facing the windows beside you too.

And he guesses, maybe you didn’t deserve anything he’s given to you. That is, getting ignored.

“Hyunjae!” Hyungseo wakes him up from the small zone out he had gotten, grimacing. He takes another glance at your reflection, confused as to why Hyungseo had to shout at him as you looked at his back. “I’ve been calling you for minutes already, you good?” Hyungseo shifts on his seat, garnering most of their classmate’s, including yours, attention.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. I’m good,” Hyunjae steals a glance at you, and you were already shifting back to your position a while ago, uninterested in their conversation you would often poke your nose at. “What’s up?” Hyunjae hides the disappointment in his voice, trying to focus on Hyungseo.

“Okay, weird. But here– there’s this party that’s hosted for our block and.. Do you want to go?”

“Who’s going?” Hyunjae almost instantly asks back, expecting you to start jumping on your seat to get into the conversation. He bites his lower lip in anticipation, unconsciously gritting his teeth as he waits for you.

None came.

Hyungseo raises his brow at the man in front of him– all worked up.

“What’s up with you?” Maybe Hyungseo senses it, but he doesn’t want to read between things too much that can make Hyunjae uncomfortable so he zips his lips.

“I.. okay. Sorry. When is it?” Hyunjae disappointingly mutters, looking down and facing forward to sit properly.

“Wait, you’re going?” Hyungseo springs to his seat, excited at the thought of Hyunjae, for the first time after they’ve reconciled, is finally going out with them.

“Yeah sure. I mean, it’s just a normal party, right? Not some sort of frat or any wild things,” He confirms, having only agreed because he felt bad for Hyungseo and Youngjae who tried their best to get close to him again.

And maybe because he was too sure you were going, too.

He was right.

Not so timidly entering the dim house with Youngjae on his side, who did not hesitate to greet everyone that passed by him.

You were there, on the other side of the house, with a non-alcoholic drink in your hand as you swiftly talked to one of your seniors.

“Someone’s been looking at you the moment they stepped in my house,” Wooyoung narrows his eyes on you, then pouting to the main doors.

You scoff at him, but your eyes still look for the one he was describing. Hyunjae, who Wooyoung was describing, was long dragged by Youngjae away from sight to play some ping pong games Hyunjae didn’t know how, so your eyes landed on a schoolmate you’ve only shared frequent smiles with– Hyunjin.

“Ah,” You can’t hide the disappointment in your voice when you instinctively mutter that, Wooyoung cackling at you.

“Why, were you expecting someone else?”

“Hyunjae,” You sulk, turning back to Wooyoung after smiling at Hyunjin.

“Too bad I can’t remember names,” Wooyoung shrugs, patting your arm. “Now if I may, I’ll leave you to have your fun while I keep on welcoming new guests.” Wooyoung smiles at you, ruffling your hair that you’ve prepared for almost half an hour after hearing– eavesdropping, that Hyunjae was going to the party.

Eunbin finally arrives not long after, and you engage in more conversations with the people around you, not a second did you see Hyunjae until Wooyoung called for a game that parties can’t miss on, question or dare.

“Do you want to join?” Eunbin asks you first, and you shrug so you let Eunbin drag you to the forming circle.

“Come on, man. You haven’t played a single game the whole night. Are you planning to just stand around? Let’s play!” You hear Youngjae faintly whining in the background, and you could feel your heartbeat faster at just the sound of someone sighing, letting the younger drag him on the circle, in front yet far from you.

Your eyes linger on him as if it still was the first time seeing him. You were lovestruck. Anyone could see that.

Except him.

Hyunjae’s eyes unconsciously wander around for someone until they land on yours. Habitually, you would’ve smiled at him or even winked, but before you break eye contact, Hyunjae does it.

You pout, slouching on your place and brushing your hair back.

The game wasn’t fun. For you, at least. Everyone was having the time of their lives hearing teas and secrets from people they don’t even fully know, chugging on their choice of drinks.

You only realize Hyunjin was playing too when the bottle points on him.

“Since we’re starting over, Hyunjin will give the question or dare to the next person picked by the bottle!” Wooyoung cheerfully shouts, pointing at Hyunjin. He nods, standing on his seat to turn the bottle himself.

It points at you. You don’t know how, but you were almost positive he manipulated it. You have always felt uncomfortable around him, but can’t quite point your finger on why you did, hence only smiles he got from you, never a conversation.

“Oh,” Hyunjin smiles, going back to his seat. “y/n. Question or dare?” Maybe it was just you who judged him too much. You didn’t want any bad blood so you acted as you are, carefree and confident.

“Uhm,” You were hesitating on what to choose, biting on the insides of your cheeks. “I guess I need to choose a question. I don’t know you well enough to trust you on a dare,” It wasn’t a question, really, but the laughs you got from everyone including Hyunjin made it something laughable.

Hyunjae just stared at you, though. You’re like an open book, at least to him. He easily read you, your facial expressions, the small movement your fingers did when you were uncomfortable or anxious– he knew it all in just a short period. He guesses that it was because he saw his younger self in you, but he just knew.

“Do you find anyone attractive in the circle?” Hyunjin’s eyes wander in the circle, propping his wrists back to assist his back in leaning back. He confidently smirks, your eyes landing on Hyunjae momentarily came unnoticed by him.

“Of course, there is,” You smile at Hyunjin, and he thinks it’s himself you were describing. Before he could ask another question he wanted, you already walked to the middle and spun the bottle.

Unfortunately, it didn’t land on Hyunjae. You couldn’t care less, though. You were slowly having your fun in the game after having participated. Not until it lands on you again and Hyunjin volunteers to be your frontman.

“Question or Dare, y/n?” Hyunjin smacks his lips together, waiting for your answer and when you say dare, he chuckles evilly and pops his fingers bones, acting as if he was to give you the hardest dare he can give. “I dare you to date me,”

Despite the harsh cheers you got from the people around, you stayed quiet and stared at Hyunjin, trying to find any other way to escape the situation.

Your fingers continued to pick on the hem of your shirt, swallowing the lump on your throat while Hyunjin waited for you to do something.

“Well, where’s the y/n I know?” Wooyoung continues to encourage you, hollering.

“I uh,” You look around, to Eunbin, to the floor, to your pants, then to the hand that suddenly reached out to you.

“Let’s go,” Hyunjae says, deadpanning as he looks down at you, waving his hand.

The crowd goes quiet, as quiet as to how they perceive Hyunjae to be.

Even you were shocked. Even Youngjae. Even Eunbin. Even Hyungseo. Everyone was, and they were just waiting for you to say something.

“Uh– me?” You ask confusingly, looking at his eyes and back to his hand.

“Do I look like I’m talking to anybody else? Or do you want to stay?” Hyunjae desperately prayed that he didn’t read you wrong or he’d just want the land to eat him from embarrassment. It took a bit of beating himself up mentally if he’ll help you since a while ago or not. So if you were to reject the offer, he’s better off not showing his face in the school the next week.

Ignoring the harsh thumping of your heart, you take his hand and almost jump at how cold it was. Muttering numerous apologies as Hyunjae tugged on your hand til outside, he continued to walk.

“Are.. you going to kill me?” You cautiously ask, slightly dragging your feet to slow his pace.

Hyunjae just realizes his hand is still held to yours, ignoring the temporary warmth your hand gave him.

“I just saved you. Aren’t you going to thank me?” Hyunjae scoffs in disbelief, a sense of coldness still heard through his voice.

“Thank you, I guess,” You mumbled, and it was something in a blue moon that everything was awkward when you were talking to someone. It was the first time you were finally talking to Hyunjae normally after a few months. Of course, everything was awkward– even for him.

“Do you want to take a walk?” Hyunjae courageously makes the first move, his face softening. He feels himself let go of the breath he was holding when you nod, hopping to his side and getting back to your cheerful self.

“Why did you decide to help me? Do you finally like me back?” Hyunjae couldn’t be more grateful when he hears the same words spill out of your mouth, and he doesn’t know why but the smile on your face finally makes him break out of his stoic facade, a small smile leaving his lips. “What the fuck.. Are you for real?” You cautiously poke his arm and gasp when it doesn’t go through, stepping aside.

The little gesture Hyunjae does that goes unnoticed by you is when he tugs you back, away from the middle of the street when he swaps places with you– like the little gesture he does when you tip your desk to him, his hands habitually assisting the desk’s metal from the side to lean it back to its place.

It’s little, so you don’t notice it.

You should’ve.

Instead, you focused on acting shocked at Hyunjae’s sudden change of personality toward you.

“I swear to god, Hyunjae, if you’re planning on murdering me.. Can I make a run for it now?” Your hands exaggeratedly fly to your mouth, covering it.

“Stop being overdramatic, y/n.. I just.. Think of this as an apology, yeah?” Hyunjae stops and you do too, raising a brow at him.

“Apology for what? For not liking me back?” You scoff, waving your hands in his face.

“No. For always pushing you away,” Hyunjae sighs, and he finally gets it off his chest. He felt guiltier day by day when he noticed the way you acted slightly different around everyone, the weight of his own words digging into his consciousness. “And for being a douche,”

You softly smiled at him, shaking your head.

“It’s nothing. But it’s good to know that you know you’re a douche,” You snicker jokingly, making Hyunjae scoff in disbelief. You walk ahead, leaving him alone a few steps back.

It flowed as natural as a river does on a normal day– your conversation, the blooming friendship you had with each other.

And you know for sure it was going to last for a long time.

You knew because Hyunjae was more than comfortable now– even Hyungseo and Youngjae had confirmed that. Maybe it was your aura or the fact that Hyunjae had found a new friend that he can confide in so comfortably, a friend that had no filter in their words, it was all your magic.

“You know, my confession still stands, right?” You continue to dote on Hyunjae, who did nothing but chuckle on your smooth yet rusty lines of confessing your love to him.

That didn’t mean it didn’t make Hyunjae’s heart flutter, though.

After a few more months, you were now both having your friendly date in a simple fast-food restaurant, waiting for him to finish eating. He just gives you a hum, munching on his food.

You give a light laugh as your eyes dart on the big windows, water slowly splattering one by one on it.

“It’s raining!” You sounded enthusiastic for someone who didn’t have an umbrella so Hyunjae looked up at you, then outside to where it was dimming and getting darker because of the clouds that started covering the moon that brightly shined.

“I don’t have an umbrella, though,” He reasons, looking at you again but you had this big smile on your face, enjoying how the rain, one seemingly wouldn’t stop in a heartbeat, met the ground. “You like the rain?” Hyunjae asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah. They feel calming. Unless there are thunderstorms, though. But I like the ambiance the rain gives,” You cheekily scrunch your nose at him, telling him to continue eating. “You’re such a messy eater, you know that?” Your face distorted to a disgusted one, eyeing him.

Getting a piece of tissue and swiftly wiping Hyunjae’s lip was a touch move, it all happened quickly so you miss the faint blush on Hyunjae’s cheeks, too busy with your heart wanting to get out of your ribcage.

“Are you done? Can we go?” You whined like a little kid, pouting at Hyunjae.

“Go where, y/n? It’s pouring,” Hyunjae shakes his head at your tantrum, wiping his lips.

“Let’s just walk around under roofs. I promise I’ll behave!” Yeah, you were acting like a kid that wants everything to go your way.

Hyunjae lets you, though.

Grabbing his things, he realizes your outfits almost matched each other. He wore a simple white shirt inside his black hoodie and track pants, while you wore a black sweater over your shirt too, in your jeans. He chuckles at the realization, seeing that you were already outside and reaching your hand out for the rain.

“Hey,” Hyunjae pulls your hand back, shaking the water off. “It’s either you keep your hands under the roofs or we stay inside the restaurant.” He hisses playfully, and you pressed your lips to a thin line and continued to walk beside him.

Just like that– he was the one almost getting rained on as he swapped your places, and you hesitate whether to comment on it. You decide not to, touched enough by the little gesture.

“There’s a shed there. We can wait there while we wait for the rain to stop,” You point out at the shed in front of a small basketball court, smiling to yourself.

Escaping Hyunjae’s side, you run to the shed while your small hands protect your head for a second from the rain.

Before Hyunjae even scolds you, he stops himself and sighs it away knowing it was no use so he does the same, running beside you.

You shake the water off your body, while Hyunjae elegantly wipes his. Taking the seat first, you sighed in relief after feeling your legs wobble from all the walking when you’ve only really walked for a solid five minutes.

“Tired?” Hyunjae asks, and you only hum in agreement. You watch how the rain falls on the court, splattering around effortlessly. You catch a glimpse of a ball on the sidelines, smiling.

It was a comfortable silence, the rain being the ambiance you loved. Hyunjae, despite being a few inches away from you, felt warm. He only looked forward, seeming to have a lot on his mind.

“You can tell me anything, Hyunjae. I’m not one to rat out,” You mumble, and Hyunjae looks at you fondly. You look back at him, smiling encouragingly. “You don’t have to, either. If you don’t want to,”

It takes a few more minutes of silence until Hyunjae leans back on the wall like you, sighing as he looks away from the rain, and to his phone, he was holding tightly.

“You know this.. Daycare thing with Hyungseo and Youngjae, right?” Hyunjae hesitates, his fingers starting to fiddle with one another as flashbacks start flooding his mind.

“Yeah.. Hyungseo and Youngjae talk about it as if it was an immaculate place endlessly,” You chuckle, recollecting the times Hyungseo often looked excited when talking about the daycare and the friends he made, especially the people who took care of them.. Dearly. And Youngjae, when he just suddenly bursts into your room to talk about how he missed everyone in there. “Go ahead, I’ll just be listening.”

Hyunjae almost broke down at those words. Those were the only words he has been wanting to hear for years, and you were the first one to offer your ear.

And maybe even a shoulder to cry on.

“They were my family. Sangyeon, Joonyoung, Younghoon, Chanhee, Juyeon, Hyungseo, Haknyeon, Hyunjoon, Sunwoo, and Youngjae. And.. the people who took utmost care of us,” You break your stare in the rain, to look at Hyunjae. He had always had this big burden on his shoulders that you always succeeded to see, and everyone turned a blind eye to it. “You see– my parents.. I never felt like their child. One might say that they never really loved me but.. I don’t know. When I turned eighteen, I started to live independently because I thought.. I thought that I’d be fine that way more than staying with them. But there’s this.. y/n.. There’s this really heavy feeling I always kept in my heart and,” Hyunjae sniffs, swallowing the lump on his throat.

It was the first time he was ever telling anyone about the incident, one that scarred him throughout his childhood and the first time he ever felt like bursting or crying.

Your hands meet his, caressing it in the softest way possible to let him know that you were there, listening, there for him.

“I feel like it was all my fault when the incident happened. Day by day as I grew older, I felt my consciousness eating me up,” He finally breaks down, clutching his chest as he lets his tears fall.

The way you see it, you would never understand how Hyunjae feels. You could only sympathize with him, let him and his tears fall because that is what he needed after keeping it for so long.

Feeling your heart break at the sight of Hyunjae breaking, tears also brimmed your eyes. He continued to sob, loud against the continuous droplets of the rain around the both of you.

“Whatever people say,” he says between sobs, his hand that holds his phone tightened. “It doesn’t matter. It’s still there, and I don’t.. I don’t think anyone can change my mind but.. But him.” Hyunjae opens his phone, a contact number you don’t know whose blaring on the screen.

Teacher Changmin.” The name felt so foreign slipping out of his lips for Hyunjae. It has been years he’s ever said his name, or even if he was to still call the now successful man a teacher.

The name was quite familiar to you, and you vividly remember Hyunjae saying one of his hobbies was dancing, but never showed you so you assumed he was bad at it. You were not one fond of dancing but had a lot of interest when watching it, so putting end to ends together, you bit your lip if it was okay to ask him. There were also days the name slipped out of your two friends’ lips, later sealing it back to avoid any more questions that they don’t want to answer.

“Ji Changmin.. Right?” You breathe out, looking at the number. Hyunjae just laughs, even he can’t believe that the person he used to call teacher is now someone who just doesn’t care for eleven kids, but for who knows how many kids as he’s now a world-renowned choreographer.

“I want to talk to him. Badly, y/n. I want to talk to him so much,” Hyunjae’s voice break along with your heart hearing him, making you pull him to your warmth as you quietly hushed him and swayed him continuously like you cradled a baby to sleep.

You feel his hand clutch at your sweater, as he finally sobbed everything he had been keeping for years. All it took was the words you can tell me, and I’m here for you from someone he knows won’t judge him, and wouldn’t blame him for the reasons of one of the closest in his heart’s death.

The loud splattering of the rain against the roofs drowned Hyunjae’s sobs, and just like you, the rain had become something so calming for him.

When he had finally calmed down and the fistful of sweater he had been clutching on had loosened, you broke the hug and looked him dead in the eyes.

“Hyunjae. You don’t need to feel pressured to do anything– I want you to talk to him because you’re ready, not when just because all the people around you make you feel pressured to do so, okay?” You wipe his tears away, ducking to see his face better that only looked down. When his eyes meet yours, “I’ll be there, then.”

Your hands reach for his arms to pull him up, smiling slyly which made Hyunjae chuckle.

“What are you up to, now?” Hyunjae entirely lets himself get dragged until he realizes you were dragging him outside the shed. “y/n! What the fuck you’re going to get sick!” He tries to pull you back but you were already out in the rain, your usual cheery smile plastered on your face that made Hyunjae give in.

“In here– no one will hear you. Against the loud rain, no one ever would! Nor your tears– no one would see them cause they drown in the rain. You would see the look of judgment on the people’s faces but who cares?! If it makes you happy, free.. I want you to be that, at least in front of me.” You shout to him, your eyes squinting as you feel the rain drenching all your clothes and even your socks.

Hyunjae smiles at you– one that he had never given you nor anyone after Changmin left. It was weird, you were weird. How the hell did Hyunjae get to just asking you to come to eat with him outside to a small park court, getting drenched in the rain.. And him screaming all his lungs out?

You just looked at him with a loving look, relieved that Hyunjae is finally letting himself.. Free.

After Hyunjae had said all his frustrations on Changmin and the cruel world, you only realize that Hyunjae was still holding your hand tightly, and he suddenly engulfs you in a hug under the rain.

“Thank you,” Hyunjae simply mutters, and you feel him tighten the hug as he looks up, letting his face get massaged by the rain. His hand lingers at the back of your head, caressing it. He leaves a feathery kiss by the crown of your head, thinking you were too preoccupied with the rain to feel it. You weren’t. You were preoccupied with him, so you did.

That was the time you knew you didn’t just like him. You fucking loved the man in front of you. And you found yourself in the most confusing place you can be– because you knew there was a connection between you and Hyunjae. You aren’t lovers.. But you aren’t just friends, either.

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

Everything became special after that day. Hyunjae had become more lively, still stoic but more open to talking to others he hadn't had the chance to talk to. It made you wonder, though– how he changed drastically in just a couple of months.

You’d want to take credit for that, but you don’t speak about it.

“y/n,” Eunbin shakes your arm, making you look at her. “You’re smiling again,” She rolled her eyes, and you could only chuckle.

You hear Hyunjae, Hyungseo, and Youngjae’s voices from outside of your room, and your eyes habitually land on the door to wait for them.

Hyunjae had this big smile plastered on his face, one you still can’t grow used to when he’s in his uniform. Hyungseo has his head locked in Hyunjae’s arms, begging to be released while Youngjae cheered for Hyunjae, tailing in the back. Before Youngjae parted ways with them, your eyes met, and you both smiled at each other in acknowledgment.

Hyunjae strides back to his seat, giving you a small smile and taking his seat.

“y/n, Eunbin,” Hyungseo calls you and your friend, making you perk on your seat.

“Yeah?”

“Are you free later? There’s this really good ice cream par–,”

“y/n’s walking me home later,” Hyunjae cuts Hyungseo short, making Hyungseo, Eunbin, and even you crane your necks.

“I am?” You confirm, furrowing your brows to try and trying to recall any memory you might have forgotten.

“You are,” Hyunjae shrugs, shifting on his seat to look in front. You mindlessly nod, muttering a small sorry to Hyungseo.

“Sorry, I needed to talk to you,” Hyunjae says after you wait for him to gather his things, most of your classmates have already gone out to head home.

“And you couldn’t have done that a while ago?” You chuckle but wait for him anyway. “What are we going to talk about? Are you finally going to acknowledge my continuous love letters for you?”

“I just.. Wanted to talk. Is that bad?” Hyunjae hisses at you playfully, squinting his eyes. You just laugh it away, Him ignoring your flirty remarks come unnoticed.

The dark clouds have started to conquer the bright sky, the sun setting.

“Okay– but should it be the other way? Shouldn’t you be walking me home?” You pressed on, but you were still heading to his. You don’t mind having to walk only a few blocks away from your home. Eunbin and Hyunjae lived only a few blocks away from you, but Eunbin always had meetings for her organizations so you rarely walked home with her.

“My house’s closer than yours,” Hyunjae lamely excuses, tugging you once again on the other side to protectively walk on the side of the highway.

“Hey, graduation’s close. You never told me what you want to take on in college,” You gasp, even after a year of being friends with him, you don’t even know where he’ll be after graduating high school.

“Not sure, but the first thing that comes to mind is probably business or.. Criminal justice. I’ve always wanted to be a banker or.. a.. Uh,” Hyunjae stumbles in his words, too embarrassed to say what his childhood dream was.

“What? You want to become a murderer or what?” Joking, you smack his arm lightly.

“A secret agent or something,” He whispers, but you got it and you stop yourself from bursting into laughter.

“That’s.. A nice dream,” You bite your lip, inhaling a good amount of air to calm your insides.

Hyunjae sighs as he snakes an arm around your shoulders, and your expressions froze as it was.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You mumble, trying to pry away from his hold but he just tightens it, “Are you going for a chokehold or something?”

“Someone’s following us.” Hyunjae kept his eyes forward and wasn’t looking nervous. If anything, he just looked tired.

You whip your head back only for your cheek to be pushed by Hyunjae’s fingers.

“Are you serious or?” You mumble but take his advice anyway. You start to get nervous little by little, feeling more cautious by your surroundings as you hear, you assumed, the person who was following you getting nearer.

Hyunjae feels your shoulders tense, and finally, he bursts out in rage. Groaning, he stops in his tracks when his house is already in sight, and for a second you thought he was going to confront the stalker.

He does.

“Stay here,” He says under his breath, gritting his teeth as he pats your shoulders softly. You try stopping him, grabbing his wrists tightly but he effortlessly snaps it off, too ticked off by the person who was now obviously hiding on a thick post, acting as if he was on his phone.

Hyunjae takes the cap off the man, revealing someone very familiar to him and makes his heart shatter at the obvious lines in his face– Ji Changmin.

“Either just talk to me or stop following me every fucking time,” Hyunjae challenges, begs. You stay on your spot, too shocked at what was happening in front of you.

Changmin’s eyes widen softly, as he’s finally gotten a better and closer look at the kid he had always kept an eye on, even after his disappearance.

“Hyunjae..” Changmin mumbles then looks down at his feet. He feels too ashamed to face the now grown-up, the one he so adored but still left alone in the cruel world.

The next thing you know, you were dragged inside Hyunjae’s house, awkwardly sitting between the solo-seat sofa where Changmin was and Hyunjae who was beside you.

“I.. uhm, should get going.” You mumble, gathering your things. Changmin just stares fondly at you, a small smile on his face. His eyes later landed on Hyunjae’s hands that stopped your wrists.

“I need you..” Hyunjae whispers, his eyes begging you to stay. “Don’t go, please..” He urges, and you just plop back on the seat with a sigh.

Your eyes start going back and forth from Changmin to Hyunjae, waiting for someone to start talking.

You glance at Hyunjae’s hands, and he was severely fiddling with it. Sighing, you take a hold of his hand to stop it, intertwining it with yours.

“If you’re not ready, it’s okay. He’s here, and you have his number. But if you are ready– like I told you, I’ll be here,” You caress his knuckles with your thumb, and he looks at you hopefully.

“I’m ready,” Hyunjae smiles at you, tightening his hold on yours. Giving him another encouraging smile, you nod.

Changmin watches the short exchange with sweet eyes, a smile continuously growing on his lips. He recollects the time he spent with his significant other when Hyunjae was still small.

But now, Hyunjae has grown up right in front of his eyes, looking at someone like how Changmin did with his significant other.

“It’s okay, y/n. You should stay,” Changmin takes the initiative, smiling at you.

“You even got a background on my friends?” Hyunjae scoffs, and you stay quiet. “Teache– I mean, Changmin. You’ve been tailing me after you left. You’ve been keeping people on my tabs– why.. Just why can’t you talk to me personally?” Hyunjae’s voice comes off as cold, rude. But you and Changmin knew better than to let it get the best of you, opting to let Hyunjae say whatever he wants to say in any manner to the man.

“Because if you weren’t ready, Hyunjae, I am not too.” Changmin shortly replies, and you could feel Hyunjae’s nails pick on your skin. You don’t tell him about it though, understanding how frustrating the situation was.

“So you want the kid who you left alone, talk to you first? Is that it?” Hyunjae feels tears brimming his eyes, but he doesn’t let them fall.

“No, Hyunjae. I.. I just don’t want to hurt you more than you’re hurting now. If you still haven’t moved on from.. Their death.. Then I can still imagine how much I can still hurt you by showing my face after leaving you.” Changmin had all the answers prepared for Hyunjae’s questions because had always been ready. He just doesn’t want Hyunjae to feel bad for having to deal with his feelings.

He knows he hurt Hyunjae a great deal when he left. Hyunjae had always been one of the reasons for his stay at that time, pursuing his dreams a little bit later. It just so happened that his significant other meant much more than love to him. So when they died.. A part of him died too, but his dreams.

His dreams were the only thing that kept him away from the void. But he knows better than to leave his significant other’s life– the daycare and the kids they adored and loved so much, alone and to grow up like the daycare never happened in their lives.

He made sure that every kid his significant other cared for, grew up like how they both had hoped for, and enough to live and survive in the tough, cruel world.

Like how Hyunjae had grown up.

Hyunjae stays quiet, and all of a sudden, looking at the man he once looked up to– and still is, makes everything fade away. His anger, disappointment, confusion, and everything the like, disappeared when he looked into Changmin’s eyes.

Because it beamed nothing but sorrow and honesty. He knew that if he wasn’t to forgive Changmin yet this instant, he knew he’d just be playing games with himself.

Hyunjae simply stared. There were no more words that slipped out of his mouth, vividly remembering the last time he saw Changmin’s significant other. The one he treated as a family along with Changmin. Hyunjae’s time with them and Changmin.

Because after the daycare closed, his mind only revolved on reconnecting what was once a home for him, along with the people in it.

He holds back a sob, not wanting to break, at least yet, in front of Changmin. But the moment your other hand caresses your intertwined hands, he lets everything dawn into him.

He finally lets his tears flow, looking exhaustedly at Changmin who was already crying since a while back.

“I missed you,” Hyunjae mumbles. Seeing them so broken, even Changmin who you just knew from your friends’ stories, made your heart ache. “I missed you so much,” Hyunjae sobs, letting go of your hand to jump on Changmin’s arms.

You proudly smile, wiping the lone tear that escapes your eyes as you watch them share a brotherly– or fatherly hug.

You knew Hyunjae’s life would change then.

He became someone so fresh in other people’s eyes– someone who changed for the better, someone who’s finally worth approaching. But not for you, because Hyunjae has always been like that.

Your persistence was something you should be proud of because it was something that brought you closer to Hyunjae.

And maybe your feelings too.

What you felt for Hyunjae the first time you met, or rather, looked at Hyunjae, everything was still the same. If not, then harder. You deserve a round of applause for trying to be okay with what you have with Hyunjae now, not giving your feelings a second thought to Hyunjae.

Why were you so satisfied with having a label of no label?

“Hey!” Hyunjae suddenly appears behind you, scaring the fuck out of you. “What are you thinking so deeply about?” He chuckles, tucking his hands in his hoodie.

“How I should murder you for being so late. Come on, it’s graduation day and we’re fucking late,” You hiss at him playfully, making him chuckle. “If only Eunbin wasn’t part of the organization, I would be walking with her by now,”

“And leave me? I bet you can’t,” Hyunjae asks– it was supposed to be a joke. You should be taking it lightly. Why did it hit harder now?

“You bet right then,” You just say under your breath, sighing.

“What?”

“I said you should fucking walk faster or I’ll come for your throat. My parents are already there,” You groan, looking at the time.

“You’re walking behind me!” Hyunjae defends, an offended look on his face. He aggressively walks to you, then lifts you on your feet to his shoulders.

“Hyunjae! My hair! I took hours for this!” You continue to hit his back, trying to save your oh-so-messy hair now.

When he drops you, you’re already in front of the school gates.

“I swear to god, one day– I might just,” Raising your fist, you manage to threaten Hyunjae as he backs away from your hit.

Combing your hair smoothly against your hair with a pout on your face, Hyunjae watches for a second before dropping his and your things on the floor, standing in front of you.

He smiles at you, then removes your hand from it. He takes the time to smoothen your hair, giving it the most natural look it can get after ruining it. You made this time to look at Hyunjae, feeling your cheeks flush at the proximity.

Your heart was thumping more than it ever did around Hyunjae. You didn’t want to admit it, no. You just liked Hyunjae.

But did it matter? You were neither friends nor lovers. There were a lot of times that what you did with Hyunjae proved that the line between friends and lovers was blurred. You were confused, scared.

But satisfied.

If it meant that you were both happy, you were satisfied.

You shouldn’t have been.

“There,” Hyunjae smugly looks at you, proud of his work. “Are you ready to get out of high school?” He asks with an expecting smile, making you chuckle. He reaches his hand out for you to take, dragging you inside in a rush.

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

“You’re still going to visit me, right?” Youngjae asks, sobbing childishly as he hugged Hyunjae tightly. Hyunjae simply hums, letting Youngjae dampen his regalia with his hat in hand.

Bidding your parents goodbye to hang out a little with your friends, you laughed at the sight.

“As if we’re going so far, Youngjae,” You squint your eyes at him then looked at Hyunjae, who begged you to come to get the sobbing man. You open your arms for Youngjae and he doesn’t hesitate to get to your embrace, mumbling small I’ll miss you’s, and continuously asking to come and visit him from time to time.

“Youngjae, Hyungseo," You call your friends’ attention, looking at Hyunjae for confirmation. He leaves with a light jog, smiling. “Hyunjae and I kinda prepared a surprise for you. I hope you’re all free?”

“Hell yeah, we are,” Hyungseo mumbles, and you lead them out of the place and to the parking lot. They seemed excited, which was good. You just wished your surprise went as planned.

“By the way, where’s Eunbin?” Hyungseo asks, making a small effort to enlighten the atmosphere.

“Ah, she already went home. Wanting to spend the special day with her parents. If y’all are still free in the week, she said she’ll make time,” The small talk continued until you were finally in the parking lot, asking them to close their eyes for a sec.

“y/n, I swear, if my pretty faces come flat on the–”

“You can open your eyes!” Cutting Youngjae off, they squinted their eyes that later formed tears.

Changmin was in front of them. The kids that grew up well with them in the daycare were all there, smiling proudly at the two.

“Oh my god,” Hyungseo’s hand comes in contact with his mouth, containing his sobs.

He counts– Changmin. Hyunjae. Juyeon. Chanhee. Younghoon. Joonyoung. Sangyeon. Hyunjoon. Sunwoo. Haknyeon. Everybody was there– and he could vividly remember their faces but still managed to know who’s who. Because if you didn’t get it, Hyungseo was the most observant man you’d ever seen.

Youngjae collapses in his place, hugging his knees. His dream finally came true– they were complete. He hesitates to look at them the second time, scared that if he did they might disappear, scared that it was all a dream.

It wasn’t. When he feels your hand caress his back to encourage him, he looks up to you with hopeful eyes.

“They’re finally here, Youngjae.” You whisper, and later it is all drowned as all of them run to Youngjae with big smiles on their faces, ruffling his hair. You take a step back, giving them the space they needed.

You just lovingly stare at them, and you only realize that Hyunjae and Changmin just stare from afar too, Changmin’s arm loosely slung around the slightly taller man’s shoulders.

And you have never felt so proud of someone else before.

“You should go with us. We’re planning on eating outside,” Changmin smiles softly at you, like how he did when Hyunjae dragged you inside his home that night.

“No, sir– uh, Changmin..? Teacher Changmin? I don’t know– but it’s okay! You should have time for yourselves since it’s been a long time and–”

“y/n’s going!” Hyunjae cuts you off, pushing you to walk with them.

“Hyunjae, no! You fuck– you should spend time with them,”

“Ah! You should get to know them,” He giddily smiles, even wiggling his hips as he continues to push you. Ignoring your protests, you just suddenly see yourself sitting beside who you knew was Sangyeon and Hyunjae.

“Hello,” Sangyeon mumbles, before taking a seat. You smile at him, awkwardly shuffling on your seat. “I’m Sangyeon,” Not wanting to have an awkward atmosphere between the both of you, he starts a conversation.

“Hi! Yes, hello. I’m y/n,” You were good at socializing, but being with the people who knew each other but you, you start feeling left out and awkward.

“I assume you’ve met at least half of us?” Sangyeon says, handing you one of the foods to let you get some.

“Thanks. Yeah, I’ve met Sunwoo, Younghoon, and Chanhee once a while back, because of Youngjae and Hyungseo,” You explain, instantly finding comfort in talking to him. “And if running into your.. Teacher? Counts.. Then I’ve met him a couple of times too, because of Hyunjae.”

The conversation flows naturally as if you’ve known each other for years.

Hyunjae notices this but doesn’t talk about it since, well, making friends was your thing in the first place.

The chats fade in the background, one voice toppling over another. You– or they, caught up with each other and chatted the night away.

“Right, y/n,” Changmin calls for your attention after introducing you to everybody bashfully. “Hyunjae mentioned that you’d want to apply for Harvard with him?”

With everybody’s eyes on you, you grew nervous. Hyunjae notices this, taking a hold of your hand under the table.

“Uh, yeah. I mentioned it to him first, though,” You squint your eyes at Hyunjae, making most of them chuckle. “But yeah. Just wanted to try though. If I pass, then I pass, I’d gladly take the offer. If I don’t, then it’d be okay too, there are various outstanding universities here anyway,” You answer, and Changmin just nods.

“Tell me if you pass and are going, though. I can offer you a lodge so that you wouldn’t be hassled,” Changmin offered and you nodded thankfully.

Spending the afternoon with them, you found their company very relaxing and playful. Though you weren’t able to have a conversation with half of them, at least, they made you feel like you were one of them.

After exchanging numbers with them, and them with each other, they finally bid their temporary goodbyes, promising to have another meet-up soon and to be in contact with one another.

“It was fun getting to know you,” Sangyeon says before sweetly patting your head, heading his way after nodding at Hyunjae.

“Lovebirds,” Changmin calls for someone, making you look at him and around. It was only you and Hyunjae left.

Confused, you pointed at yourself as Changmin chuckled.

“Yes, the both of you. Aren’t you heading home yet?” Changmin steps closer to the both of you, his car keys dangling between his fingers.

“I’m taking y/n somewhere first, then I’ll take them home,” Hyunjae says, looking around to see if it was still worth dragging you out for the night.

“Make sure you do,” Changmin reprimands and bid goodbye before going his way.

“Where are you taking me again?” Squinting your eyes, you follow Hyunjae to where he was heading.

“The park. I’m just.. So overwhelmed today. So I wanted a night out,”

“You did well today, Hyunjae. I’ve never seen you so happy,” He hums in agreement because it was indeed the happiest he’s been after years. “I’m uselessly proud of you,” You chuckle at your own words, trying to think of any reason why you’re so proud of him but there was none.

“I need to thank you for everything,” Hyunjae says, taking a seat on one of the free places on the grass. It was already dark, so there were only a few people around.

“You don’t need to, Hyunjae. All I did was stay beside you.”

“That’s why,” He lays on his back, prompting you to do the same. Before your head touches the grass, Hyunjae’s arms spread to make it a pillow for yours.

The gesture was small, but your heart was thumping out of your ribcage.

“You’ve always been there. And without you, I don’t know where the fuck I am now,” He sighs, folding his elbows to scoot you closer to him.

You act nonchalantly, looking straight into his eyes. You think you just saw the stars in it. You see sincerity, fondness, and if you weren’t imagining it– love.

He sighs out in relief, finally letting you lay in peace as you look at the now bright stars.

“I’ve always wanted to stargaze but never had the chance to,” You mumble, taking Hyunjae’s attention. “Now that I’m staring at it, it feels unreal.”

“It’s nice I dragged you with me again, then,” He smirks, calming his heart at the way it abnormally beats.

He asks himself all over again if you were feeling the way he was– or was this all normal for you? The countless flirty remarks and playful confessions can’t get to him, it was just all confusing.

And maybe he found himself just getting satisfied with what the both of you are now, too. He doesn’t want to overthink his feelings and yours, because if it really was something, it should’ve happened by now.

So he thought these were all normal. How you both act was normal. What you were.. Was normal.

“Shooting star!” You continuously smack Hyunjae’s chest, and when he groans, you intertwine your fingers to wish.

“You’re so childish,” Hyunjae mumbles, looking at the trace of where the shooting star was. Despite his words, his inner self made a quiet wish– and that was to maintain solemnity in his life full of chaos.

The solemnity was you.

“Hey. Not childish at all,” You retort after a few seconds, done with making a wish. “If it’s not true, then what’s there to lose?”

“Hope.” Hyunjae surprisingly had an answer to your rhetorical question, making you pout. Hyunjae laughs at you, tucking you closer to his side.

You realize that he was right. Hope. Because if your wish was to be with Hyunjae like this forever, and it wouldn’t come true, your hope melts into nothingness.

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

“You reveal your universities first!” You pout, hiding the bunch of welcoming papers behind your back as Hyunjae did the same.

“Fine, then! I can just ask Eunbin for yours,” Hyunjae sticks his tongue out, and you whine.

“That’s not fair! Why don’t we just reveal it together?” You stomp like a child on your place, making Hyunjae chuckle.

“One, two, three!” You both squeal at having the same designs of papers, passing the same universities even in college.

After exchanging papers and sharing a quiet, knowing look, the smiles on your faces continue to grow, “SNU!” You simultaneously shout your choices, squealing when you both said the same university.

“We should enroll together with Hyungseo to at least get one minor together,” Hyunjae suggests, and you could only nod at the excitement of starting college soon.

“We both didn’t pass Harvard, but we can try again next year,” You chuckled, wiggling your hips as Hyunjae joined you.

Nothing stopped the both of you from gluing your hips together. You both were inseparable– whether it may be your breaks, or walking home back again. The universities weren’t that far from your homes, saving you more money than expected.

You think nothing changed. You still had him, Hyungseo often hangs out with the both of you, Eunbin– who was schooling in the neighboring university, also hangs out normally with you.

You think nothing changed.

Until it did.

“Hyunjae!” You see him hanging outside the room with the class you shared with him and Hyungseo, leaning on the wall. “Were you waiting for me? Aw, so swee–”

“Waiting my ass. Just go inside and save me a seat, will you?” He chuckles, and you thought he was joking. So you hopped inside the room, saving the two seats beside you and the other for Hyungseo.

“Hyun– he’s not here.” You mumble, your eyes tracking back to the windows that showed a little of Hyunjae’s side. “The fuck?”

You look at him for a few seconds while getting your things out of your bag, pouting when he still hasn’t moved an inch. You suppose he was just waiting for Hyungseo.

He wasn’t.

Standing on both feet, Hyunjae finally straightens his back as he smiles oh-so-sweetly to a girl you don’t know and can’t familiarize, his hand scratching his neck bashfully as he reaches out to her.

For the first time, you feel your heart breaking at just the sight.

No. It’s just friendly talk. With the shy smile plastered on Hyunjae’s face, and his hands that kept flying to his neck, to the way he timidly twirled in his place– you wished it was friendly talk.

“He’s going to melt at that point if you keep on staring at him like that,” Hyungseo walks to you, taking the other seat. You only smile at him, trying to focus on taking your things out as you trail your eyes on your things.

It didn’t last long. When you hear your professor’s heels clacking on the tiled floor, your eyes panic as you see Hyunjae pass the door.

“He’s going to be fucking late,” You mumble, quickly standing up to run to the floor and to him, stopping only on the doorsill to see him only in the next room.

Perfect timing– you guess. The girl was just giving him his phone back, also heaving a sweet smile on her face. You see Hyunjae’s ears turn red, chuckling to himself as he takes his phone back and bids goodbye to the girl, as she finally strides back to her room.

Hyunjae turns to go to his room, as he sees you with empty eyes looking at him.

“What’s wrong with you?” He asks, waving his hand in front of you. You shot back to your senses, eyes darting anywhere but his.

“You’re going to be late, loser,” Punching his chest lightly, you jog back to your seat, but not where you were a while ago. Hyungseo coincidentally has another available seat on his other side, taking that seat after pushing your things to that side.

“What are you doing?” Hyungseo watches you do your thing confusingly, but lets you anyway.

Before Hyunjae had even entered the door, you had naturally taken your seat. Your heart aches, but you don’t let it show. It aches, but you ignore it.

It was too early to assume. Because who knows if they only exchanged numbers because of group work? A project? Just a newly made friend that you wanted their number? Who even knows if they exchanged numbers? Hyunjae must’ve left his phone in his last class who happened to be with her and had his phone.

Coincidences– you wished.

Hyunjae, puzzled, takes his seat beside Hyungseo. It was weird that you weren’t in the middle, where you usually were, but he let class continue anyway.

It was a heavy feeling. Ominous one. Yet you keep burying it under and deep in your heart. It isn’t that big. It was. And you yourself knew it.

You told everything to Eunbin, in hopes of telling it to someone might make the feeling in your chest lighten in the slightest– but it doesn’t.

Because you were watching the person you loved fall in love with someone else right in front of your eyes.

Hard-headed. Eunbin says. You throw the feeling again for the nth time. Avoid him. Eunbin says. You can’t– and you didn’t have a reason to.

Eating popsicles on your break at the bleachers, you lazily watch the soccer players kick the ball around with Hyunjae on your side.

“Number 13 will definitely score,” You mumble, making Hyunjae chuckle.

“No. Number 24 will,” He retorts, pointing his popsicle at number 24.

“Aight, bet,” You smile slyly, and the both of you intently watch the small game that was happening feet away from you. “Come on, number 13! You always score!” You shout, removing the popsicle from your mouth and garnering half the field’s attention. Hyunjae pulls you down, covering your mouth with his big ass hands.

“You’re so embarrassing,” Hyunjae mumbles, popping the flavored ice in his mouth to get you in a chokehold.

Faking a cough, Hyunjae finally lets you go as you huff.

“Ah.. my hair, Hyunjae!” You exasperatingly sigh, combing your hair. And just like that day– graduation, Hyunjae helps you with it. Heart thumping, cheeks red.

Hyunjae suddenly pushes your head to the side.

“What in the fuck–” You stop yourself from cursing, seeing Hyunjae grow that smile again. It wasn’t the cheeky little smile he always gave you– it was one that he always gave her.

And just like you expected, she was walking in front of the bleachers as she shyly waved at Hyunjae, unaware of your existence beside him.

And just like how your heart was thumping abnormally just seconds ago, it broke a thousand beats more.

“We have finals left before turning into second years,” Hyungseo groans, “and it feels like we’ve been college students for ten years already,” You chuckle at his words, continuing to do your own work.

Feeling your phone vibrate, you fish it out of your pockets mindlessly and check your received messages.

hyunjaehyun: i know finals is right around the corner hyunjaehyun: but are you free later around eight? hyunjaehyun: i want to treat you something good me: who am i to deny free food?

Smiling to yourself, you put your phone back in your pockets as you try your best hiding your smile that only continues to grow.

“Right– y/n. You still plan on submitting an application to Harvard for next year with Hyunjae, right?” Hyungseo asks you, momentarily stopping his hands from writing his modules.

“Yeah, and Hyunjae probably forgot it. I’ll ask him later, though,” You nod, mentally noting yourself to ask Hyunjae about it later.

“I wish you the best. You’ll still keep in contact, right? Because I’ll make Teacher Changmin hunt you down if you don’t,” Hyungseo pouts, squinting his eyes at you as he waits for you to reply.

Setting your pen down, you face him properly.

“How could I leave the people I cherish the most here without my love?” You appealed, winking at him. Squealing both in happiness, you forget your worries for your finals as you chat away instead of finishing your reviewers.

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

Heaving a deep sigh, you excitedly waited on your seat where Hyunjae asked you to meet, a smile on your face. It has been so long since Hyunjae initiated that the both of you eat outside, now that college was happening, your frequent avoidance to him because of your feelings and just you basically being an indecisive person.

One last confession. If he doesn’t take it seriously now..

“Hyunjae!” You raise your hand like a kid, a wide smile on your face as you try getting his attention.

Your heart drops.

That same girl.

That same girl was wearing Hyunjae’s hoodie that you were just borrowing last month.

He was now trailing behind Hyunjae’s broad back, their intertwined hands hidden behind her sweater paws.

Your smile falls, the habit of your nails unconsciously picking on your fingers anxiously coming back.

“y/n,” You hear it even from afar. You can hear it even from miles away. You’ll hear it even when you’re alone. His sweet, soft voice that always called out to you, it remained in your brain, your heart.

And there was no way of erasing it.

He gently tugs her arm, pointing at you.

You keep a small smile, but your eyes just– your eyes just can’t hide anything at the moment. You try your best, but with the excruciating pain you were feeling in your chest, it was impossible.

Hyunjae, the gentleman that he is, pulls the chair for her in front of you, then takes the seat next to hers.

You smile at her politely, showing a little bit of confusion but nothing that might throw her off the wrong impression. Trailing your eyes back to Hyunjae slowly, you give him a look.

“I know we’re all busy. But I just can’t keep it anymore– Jihyun, meet y/n. y/n, meet Jihyun,” He giddily smiles, two of the most important people to him at the moment meeting, “my girlfriend,”

You stop– everything does. From your breathing to the world spinning. It takes time to sink in, and thinking about it more is breaking you little by little, feeling like dying a slow death. It was suffocating.

And with a single fiddle of your nail to your thumb, you feel it sting. It's what brings you back to your senses, your eyes brimming with tears.

“W-why.. Are you crying?” Hyunjae dumbfoundedly shifts on his seat, hesitating whether to caress you like he always did when you broke down in front of him.

“Sorry– Jihyun. Hello, nice to meet you,” You sob, but pull a smile anyway. “I am so fucking sorry,” You sigh, trying to stabilize your breaths.

“Hi.. y/n. Hyunjae told me a lot about you and I’ve seen you around him too, with Hyungseo,” She warily smiles, taking your hand for a shake. “Are you okay?”

Why the fuck does she need to be kind, too?

Why does god always play favorites?

Why does it need to be you who’s breaking?

But then you think again– you’d rather let yourself break than him.

“I’m so sorry, I’m just..” Your eyes land on Hyunjae. It was blurry because of your tears, and it continued to be blurred by your tears. It was hard to stop, with the way you think someone’s hand was clutching your heart. “So proud of Hyunjae,” You mumble, smiling at him.

It hurt. There was nothing more to say, more to describe how you were feeling.

“I’m so proud of him because I’ve seen him look at you from afar,” Your eyes asked for help. But this was the first time Hyunjae couldn’t read you out of all the years he had known you. It was right in front of his eyes– how you were desperate to show him all the love in the world, how you were so desperate that you’d give him all the stars in the sky.

But he was already blinded by the love he had, that he knew was reciprocated.

No confusion, no holding back.

“I’m so proud of him because he deserves everything he has now. So thank you, Jihyun,” You mumble, not a second did your eyes look away from Hyunjae.

You ask with your eyes, just one more time. Read me, Hyunjae. I love you. I’m here. I’m here, I’m here.. I was always here.

But when he smiles proudly then breaks eye contact to look lovingly at Jihyun who did the same, you realize that the stars you saw in his eyes that night you stargazed together, finally shined for someone else’s sky.

“Thank you, y/n,” Jihyun mumbles, her sweet smile so sickeningly too nice for you.

You want to cry your heart out. You wanted to scream. You wanted.. you wanted to let Hyunjae know how much you loved him. You wanted him to know that ever since the beginning, you loved him.

You always had.

Too late.

"I look like a fucking idiot. I'm so sorry, let me just go to the washroom real quick and redeem my pretty face," You excuse yourself, nearly bumping into a few people as you buzz your way to the washroom.

The moment you hear the lock click, your back meets the cold wall. You stare at your reflection hopelessly, looking like a living dead. Your eyes puffy, cheeks dump, and a heart shredded to pieces.

Everything was all over the place, and you closed your eyes to take a minute to yourself.

It was as simple as admitting it was your fault. If you would've told him you loved him earlier, maybe, just maybe, he would've taken your feelings into consideration.

But maybe it wasn't all your fault to hoard. What were the times he looked at you like you were the most precious gem there is? What were the times he held you like he never wanted to let you go? What were the times where he discreetly showed affection to you?

Did you read things too much, or did Hyunjae take things too far?

With the soft knocks on the door, you knew you took too much time. Washing your face quickly and wiping it, you mumbled continuous apologies to the next one in line.

You dreaded coming back. It was basic manners, yet you pulled the Eunbin called and needed help in her house card, excusing yourself to the couple.

"It's late, we can just hang out again after the finals and we can take you home right now." Hyunjae tries to stop you, grabbing your wrist.

You softly wriggle your hand out of his grip, smiling at them.

"It's okay. Take this time to go treat your girlfriend instead of me. You never owe me anything anyway,"

He did. An explanation. An explanation you craved but didn't even know what kind of explanation.

"Okay," A soft pout forming on his lips, disappointed with how you were acting.

"Jihyun. I'm so sorry," You look at her once more, "It was nice meeting you. I'll see you around and.. please," You smile.

As if it was waving a white flag, surrendering.

"Take care of him,"

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

"Congratulations, y/n!" Hyungseo pops a glass of champagne, pointing it at you. "For being a Harvard passer!"

Everyone hollers, Eunbin included. Everyone was here– from Sangyeon, and his friends from the daycare, your closest friends you made in college, the littlest people you remember back in high school, Hyungseo and Youngjae.

Except for Hyunjae.

Even their Teacher Changmin was here– having to ignore his jet lag from flying from Osaka because of his ongoing tour.

It was a surprise made for you, prepared by Changmin and Hyungseo, Eunbin, Youngjae, and Sangyeon.

Hiding your disappointed face when your eyes distinguish light after being covered for a few minutes, you sense Hyungseo kept on checking his phone.

"Sangyeon," You mumble when you see him striding closer to you. "Thank you so much," You smile softly, feeling grateful that even though having interacted only a few times, he helped set everything up.

"It's nothing. You deserve it. Congratulations again," He smiles back, offering you company for a few minutes.

"Thanks," You gulp the non-alcoholic drink in your hand, making an effort to make small talk.

"You're going to take that scholarship, right?" Sangyeon curiously asks, his eyes beaming with it.

"I uh, still going to think about it." You answer truthfully, "I can just apply again if I decide against it now,"

"We even surprised you!"

"Hey! Not my fault you guys decided to surprise me! I didn't even tell anyone I passed," You retort, whining almost.

You and Sangyeon exchange a few more, before Hyungseo coming back and forth from the kitchen finally pisses you off.

"Sorry, Hyungseo's anxious ass is ticking me off. I'll just talk to him for a sec," You excuse yourself playfully at Sangyeon, then striding to the kitchen. "Hyungseo, you've been in and out of the kitchen a hundred times already in the minutes I was talking to Sang, is there something wrong?"

"y/n! Nah, nothing's wrong.." He awkwardly giggles, taking another glance at his phone.

Grabbing his phone, you finally realized why he was so anxious.

me: jae, we're throwing a surprise party for yn me: where the hell are you me: jae me: jae, you're one of their best friends where the fuck are you

And tons more unread messages from Hyungseo to Hyunjae. With a sigh, Hyungseo lets you scroll through the messages.

You were about to hand it back when it suddenly vibrated, and you naturally look at it.

hyunjae: i'm busy today. i don't think i can go. just tell yn i'm busy. hyunjae: what's with the surprise party tho

"This fuck–" Hyungseo mutters, but it didn't matter. you had already read the message, bringing the phone back to him. "I'm so sorry,"

"Hyungseo, the hell are you sorry for?" You chuckled, masking your disappointment once again. "Don't tell him. I'll bring the news to him," You wink, trying to lighten Hyungseo's worries.

It amazingly does. Hyungseo agrees though still worried, he lets it slip off his mind to enjoy the party he coordinated.

The party ended after a few hours, leaving a little more than you had expected, but it was a little fun, nevertheless.

The daycare kids and Changmin were the only ones left, discussing if they were to barge in Hyunjae's crib to see him for at least a second.

Changmin sensed your discomfort the very least, and he read you. You wanted to talk to Hyunjae soonest, and you were planning that night, that second.

"We should all just go home," Changmin suggests, smiling at you. You smile back thankfully. "Hyunjae's probably tired by now. Let's not tire him up more. Finals just happened, let him rest all he can,"

And they all agree. Sangyeon takes a second look at you, finally reading the room.

After tons of sweet goodbyes, and lastly, from Eunbin, you were finally left alone.

Pondering, you continued to sigh if you were just to walk to his house and talk to him.

What did you even want to talk about? It's been a whole month since the incident, and you talked less. Hung out less. Everything less.

But with the calming rain finally pouring, you realize that maybe, it was a sign to talk to him.

Stepping out in just your hoodie and your pants, you walk to his house while slowly getting drenched in the rain.

Taking your time, you think and think again of what to say to him. But when did you ever need to have something to say? You can simply just barge in there.

It wasn't that late. You knew Hyunjae always has a hard time sleeping, you were positive he was still awake. And judging from the lights from the inside, you knew he still is.

Knocking on the door excitedly, you habitually tipped on your toes as you tucked your hands in your pockets for warmth.

Your hair was damp, but you didn't mind. Just like what you said to Hyunjae, you loved the rain. It made you feel calm.

"y/n?" Hyunjae opens the door dumbfoundedly, shocked. "What are you doing here at this hour?" You chuckle at his state, messy bed hair, shirt crumpled as if he just picked it up from the floor.

"I should be asking you the same. When did I ever need to have a reason to visit you?" You scoff, stepping to the side to try and force yourself inside.

You stop.

There she was, Jihyun. On another one of Hyunjae's big hoodies, one that you remember he was wearing earlier in the school today.

In just his hoodie.

Bed hair.

Hickeys.

You swallow the forming dry lump on your throat, trying to process everything.

If you think you broke that day when he introduced Jihyun to you, then you broke more today.

"Ah," You bite your lip, this time not just trying, but doing your best not to cry. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry,"

You can't take it anymore. You excuse yourself before Jihyun even sees you, but Hyunjae stops you once again.

"It's pouring. Do you want an umbrella? Where the hell are you heading now?" Hyunjae continues to ask, getting nothing but sniffs from you. "y/n,"

"Don't worry. I'll be fine in the rain. Did you forget? I love the rain. I'll just be heading to Eunbin's, so no worries. Enjoy the night," You try to laugh. Your voice breaks.

"y/n. I'm sure you came here for a reason. Tell me first,"

"I can tell you tomorrow, you know." With a pat on his arm, you smile reassuringly.

Hyunjae does nothing to stop you once more as you dove through the harsh droplets of the rain, Jihyun's soft calls making him tear his eyes away from your fading form.

You loved the rain for another reason. It sympathized with you. It drowned your tears.

But that was also the day where the rain had given you a reason to hate it.

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

Tomorrow never came for Hyunjae.

As he waited and waited for you in the halls, you never came the whole day. Even in your shared class.

"Hey, have any idea where y/n is?" He asks Hyungseo, who only gives him a shrug.

"Now, you care?" Hyungseo sighs exhaustingly, looking at Hyunjae with eyes he can't fathom.

"What do you mean?" Hyunjae pouts. He thinks back to last night, where he failed to attend your surprise party, "What was the party for, anyway?"

"y/n said they'll be the one to tell you," Hyungseo answers timidly, gathering his things and leaving Hyunjae alone in his thoughts.

What was the party for? Did he forget something? Why weren't you around today? Did you get sick? Or did you just oversleep and decided to just sleep in? Or were you just too tired from last night?

Hyunjae shakes the questions away, remembering the embarrassing moment you had encountered with him and Jihyun last night. He feels his heart drop to his stomach, feeling bad.

"I can just ask her tomorrow,"

Tomorrow never came once again. Neither the next. And the next.

It eventually slipped his mind, being preoccupied with his small projects and professing his love for Jihyun. Neither did he notice how his friends slowly slipped away from his side, but it was all on him.

Not until you suddenly just show up, did you glue Hyungseo and Hyunjae again.

You just thanked the gods you only shared one class with Hyunjae.

"Where the fuck have you been all week? You've been MIA, always out of your house and Eunbin and Hyungseo wouldn't tell me where you were." He rambles, but you just smile at him.

"Before we start our lesson, let me congratulate y/n.." You sigh, burrowing your chin on your chest shyly. You managed to shut your friends up from blabbering about the news, but your professors. You've been receiving tons of applause because of them. "For passing the Harvard application,"

Everybody claps again, and Hyungseo proudly.

"Congratulations again," Hyungseo smiles widely, giving you a light hug.

"You knew?" Hyunjae asks Hyungseo, who only looked at him disappointingly. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He faces you. Stupid question.

The cheers fade in the background, everything dawning on Hyunjae. He felt bad, not being there when he promised to take it together with you.

"You were always busy so.." You mumbled, pressing your lips to a thin line wryly. "It's okay. It's nothing big," You shook your hand in front of his face, trying to dismiss the depleting atmosphere between the three of you.

He felt worse. How he faked he was busy, how he slowly pushed his friends away because he wanted a life of his own with his girlfriend.

"That was why you came to my house that night?" Hyunjae softly asks as the lecture starts, but you stay quiet, only giving him a sigh.

“Hey, do you have time later? I wanted to go get some coffee,” You reach out to both of them when the professor stepped out of the room, sighs leaving out of your lips.

“Yeah, let’s hang out for a little. It’s been a while,” Hyungseo agrees cooly, waiting for Hyunjae.

Hyunjae ponders– this time, he really is busy.

“Sorry.. It’s Jihyun and I’s monthsary,” He mumbles, and he feels bad yet again. He wanted to go, but he just couldn't cancel on Jihyun last minute.

“It’s okay,” Your smile didn’t reach your ears, and Hyunjae noticed it. Even how you’re rushing to get your things to walk out of the room. He notices everything but holds himself back from pointing it out.

He should’ve had.

Who knew it was the last time Hyunjae had the chance to talk to you properly?

──────────── ·  ·  ·  · ✦

"y/n. Tell me where the hell have you been the whole week?" Hyungseo catches up to you, ditching his last class to get coffee with you right at that instant.

"I was doing fine, thank you," You chuckle, tucking your books back to your locker.

"And I quote– y/n's hospitalized. I found her laying on my porch drenched in rainwater the morning after the party. I took her in and was shivering in the cold. Took her temperature, and I'm not exaggerating when I say this, it was almost 50 degrees. so I rushed her to a hospital because I thought y/n's dying. Oh. Tell Hyunjae I said fuck him. By Eunbin!"

"Eunbin's exaggerating," You chuckle once more, calming Hyungseo. "I'm okay now. You don't need to worry,"

“I’m going to tell Hyunjae,” Hyungseo huffs, turning his back on you. You quickly got his wrist, stopping him.

“Hyungseo,” You breathe out, tears forming in your eyes. Your eyes didn’t fail a day these past weeks crying for him, and pulling a stunt awhile ago to stop your tears from falling in front of him made you weak the moment you hear his name. “Please don’t,” You smile pleadingly, chuckling at yourself as you wipe your tears away.

“y/n..” Hyungseo mumbles, slowly pulling you to his embrace. Hyungseo wasn’t dumb– nor blind like Hyunjae. He knew your feelings toward the man without even asking you. It was as clear as day, and he didn’t need someone to spell your feelings for Hyungjae out to him. “I’m so sorry..” He mutters but knows it did little to nothing to aid your aching heart.

And for some fucking, stupid reason, even with your heart feeling it was slowly dying, you can’t just avoid Hyunjae.

It was suffocating to see, hear Hyunjae all over the girl he loved. It broke you. But you still found your way to him.

It was Hyunjae’s wish.

Despite his words, his inner self made a quiet wish– and that was to maintain solemnity in his life full of chaos.

The solemnity was you.

The shooting star decided to listen to Hyunjae that night, ignoring yours.

Out of all the people who made a wish through that shooting star, it decided to listen to Hyunjae’s.

“Hope.” Hyunjae surprisingly had an answer to your rhetorical question, making you pout. Hyunjae laughs at you, tucking you closer to his side.

You realize that he was right. Hope. Because if your wish was to be with Hyunjae like this forever, and it wouldn’t come true, your hope melts into nothingness.

You realized the weight of his words the moment he said it.

Why did you still hope?

Why did you still hope that your wish will come true?

In your mid-twenties, you’re still crying over the man. You’ve finished college, you’re planning to take your masters– everything changed.

Everything changed but your feelings for Hyunjae.

“Eunbin,” You cry out, instantly breaking down when she opens the door. She knew you were going to run to her. With sorrowful eyes, she cried with you as she engulfs you in a hug. It broke everyone who knew your feelings for Hyunjae. Changmin, Sangyeon, Hyungseo, Youngjae, Eunbin, your parents.

It broke them because they were torn.

Because Hyunjae will never know what you did for him. To what extent you did as you made him your priority over yourself. Your happiness.

Hyunjae was finally happy. He’s getting wedded to the person who made him happy, who loved him with all her heart.

But didn’t you also make Hyunjae happy? Didn’t you also help change Hyunjae’s perspective on the world? Weren’t you the one who was right there with Hyunjae throughout and fought with him?

Weren’t you?

“I can’t believe I ended up getting an invitation than a wedding ring,” You chuckled lifelessly, clutching on Eunbin as you cried, sobbing harder.

There was no chickening out now. You were the next in line, as you gripped on the bouquet once more.

“Let’s go!” You internally screamed, pulling the best smile you could.

Hyunjae was there, standing like the pulchritudinous man that he is in his tux, smiling at you proudly as he waited for you to walk down the aisle.

It makes you chuckle, how there was a line of eleven men as his best man smiling back at you. Bashfully covering your face with the bouquet in your hand for a moment, everything slows down.

It was wonderfully amazing for Hyunjae, how he was now seeing you walk down the aisle in person. When all he ever did was imagine it once. After that night he sobbed at you like a baby, when you both slow danced under the rain when he got the courage to land a kiss on your forehead like how he imagined before– the day after, he had imagined you waking to him down the aisle, but in reality, you were just waltzing down the hallways of your school.

It amazed Hyunjae, that now, you were making way for the bride.

“Congratulations, loser. You won,” You mumbled, winking at him before stepping aside for the bride.

“Bet I’ll get married first before you?” Hyunjae challenges, pouting at you as he huffs. You both apparently were arguing that both of your lovelife was so empty, only having each other even after years.

“Deal!” You shout back, taking the challenge. “But my deal is we’ll get married on the same day, in the same church, together,” Slyly and smoothly telling him your part of the deal, he just scoffs in disbelief and pinky promises to seal the bet.

Striding swiftly to your seat beside Eunbin who proudly smiled at you, you watch as the love of your life gets wedded, blinking back the tears that continuously formed in your eyes.

Seeing them smile at each other, you were at your endpoint– the end of the line.

So you wish.

Now that he wasn’t for you in this lifetime, you wish to at least, meet him again in your next.

And if destiny was now on your side, you wish to be his’ in your next.

But if it still isn’t, you’d rather go through all the pain, if it meant meeting him.

If going through all the pain meant seeing Hyunjae happy as he was now, it was okay.

You’re going to be okay.

At least, you hoped.

Hyunjae sighs as he wipes the sweat off his forehead, tired of having to move furniture here and there, after moving houses with Jihyun.

Lifting the last piece of furniture, a neatly folded paper, one he found so familiar slipping out of the sofa.

“Oh?” Mumbling, he mindlessly opened the paper with a smile on his face, seeing your usual doodling outside the paper.

It was a heavy feeling, opening one of the papers you gave him after a while. But still, he continued.

Hyunjae.

I promised myself one last confession– but it was also the day you introduced Jihyun to me, so I never got to. I swear to god, I don’t intend on homewrecking, it’s the last thing I want, seeing you so happy with Jihyun.

But Hyunjae. All my confessions, I want you to know they’re all real. I want to let you know, say it once– I love you. I always did, the moment I laid my eyes on you.

But.. I don’t know. Maybe it was destiny playing with me, or us. I know that you know there was something between us. Neither can I deny that. There was always something, a connection, or whatever the hell you call it– we just never pointed it out.. Until it became something normal. We made it normal.

As I watched you fall in love with someone else slowly, right in front of my eyes.. I realized that maybe it was my fault. For not having the courage to clear things up. For not having to tell you what I really felt– but I did. And the baton is thrown to you. “It’s your fault,” I wanted to tell you. I wanted to scream at you, make you see that it was your fault for not taking what I said seriously. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to throw a fit.

You’re definitely winning the bet– getting married first. I don’t know when you are, but you will be. Writing this before you get wedded feels weird. Slipping this in the creaks of your sofa as I sit here for the last time feels weird. I hope Jihyun doesn’t see this, nor do you. I just.. Wanted to take another chance to let you know how I feel.

I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry for taking too long. I’m so sorry for saying this now when you’re happy and content at the point of your life.

I’m sorry for loving you and for selfishly loving you, still.

Because I don’t think I’ll stop soon. And this is the part where I blame you for it. For being you– for making me fall. For making me think that maybe, the end line will be us.

But it still isn’t your fault.

And I’m so so lost because I want to blame someone that’s not you. I want to blame someone, but there’s no one.

Hyunjae, I love you. I should’ve said that when I could. And I’m so sorry that I only got to do that now.

But please, please know.. That I wouldn’t hesitate– even for a second to choose you in every lifetime there is for me.

Even if I know that you wouldn’t choose me.

Because you wouldn’t even choose me in this lifetime.

I gave you everything. Love, reassurance, care, everything. But I realize that I cannot love you into loving me.

Everyone would say that you’re overflowing with my love. But they never bat an eye on me– now pleading for a droplet of yours– or anything I can get. Anything I can salvage.

I shouldn’t ever beg for someone’s love. You taught me that.

But just this once, I wanted someone.. But it’s you.

And I’m sorry it’s you.

I meant it when I said I’m proud of you.

I’ll always be proud of you, Hyunjae.

I promised I’ll always be here. I’m sorry that it’s all I can do– given that you already have someone else.

So, I’m sorry if I throw the baton at her. I trust her, that she’ll always be there.

Always,

y/n.

Hyunjae does nothing but looks at the empty words written on the fine paper, his tears smudging the littlest of the writings.

Maybe it was also because he had realized that it was all his fault, that he should’ve faced his feelings beforehand, that instead of becoming an almost or a maybe, you could’ve become more. And it was bad– having little to big regret when he read your letter after he's banded with somebody else's life.

nobody gives a fuck about me, that's what i think to myself when i'M alone in the city, what do i say when there's nobody listening?

HUNTERxHUNTER TV Anime 10th Anniversary Key Visual.

mingi ♤ deja vu facecam

HEESEUNG — du·al·i·ty

(211015) Happy Birthday, Lee Heeseung!!!

[insp.]

I LOVE THIS SM

The Boy [M] Pairing: Kim Sunwoo x Fem!Reader Tags: 22k words, Strangers to lovers, Fluff, Romance, Humor, Smut. Summary: There is so much more to the cute boy at the car wash and he’s hell bent on changing your mind about him.

Warnings: Mature/Adult themes throughout + Sexually Explicit Content at the end of the story. Language, light alcohol use, age gap (reader is 5yrs older), slow burn but not?, a ton of kissing/making out, unprotected sex (m/f), fingering (f), oral (f), mentions of loser exes & cheating, overall its a lot of flirting and fluff, and the story of two people unexpectedly falling in love. 

You know how after a long day of work, every single minuscule thing has the power to send you over the edge? 

The current culprit for your impending meltdown is this stupid, never-ending red light. 

You swear it’s been a solid five minutes without change and you’re ready to gather random materials from the passenger seat to create a makeshift slingshot and fire loose change at the damn thing until it turns green. Just before you let loose another expletive, the light changes and you press down on the gas with a long sigh. 

Things are going to get better. Soon enough you’ll be in your own home, stripped of your heels and business attire, earrings tossed onto your dresser carelessly as you trade it all out for an over-sized sweatshirt and pair of fuzzy socks. You’ll turn on some trashy reality show and dig into the take out sitting next to you. The thought brings a smile to your lips and then the phone rings. 

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he is sso pretty wow

211009 ◇ asia song festival (jeno)

what's wrong with me, why can't i just be like other people?

𝗅𝖾𝗍 𝗆𝖾 𝗅𝗂𝗏𝖾. . . ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈ ࣪˖ 🌐🍴¡?

just thinking about. . .💭💭 g-girls pretty 🤕🤕

He Has fUCking Puppy Eyes ! Why ?!

shes so cute

🎩✒️🖤🕷️🎱

❀ >//< ! 💳📋

ouch

la douleur exquise — n. jaemin

% synopsis: (n.) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable: na jaemin was the one skin you couldn’t touch, not anymore at least.

% themes: unrequited love!au, angst, one curse word.

% word count: 551

like/reblogs are appreciated, i’d love to hear your thoughts about this little drabble!

na jaemin is holding her hand again.

he is smiling brightly at every single thing she is saying as if it is the most brilliant thing he has ever heard in his twenty-one years of life. she is dazzling, as precious as the world’s largest sapphire and maybe even more, you suppose.

he is brushing away her hair to see her pretty lashes flutter better, hating the way his vision of her beautiful face obstructed by the strands of silky hair. he is so painfully enamoured, blind to everything else in this world other than her existence.

na jaemin is so, so fucking blind.

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UTS: Ride Along Masterlist

UNDER THE SPOTLIGHT MASTERLIST

summary: you think that the situation you’ve gotten yourself into was hysterical since being at a race track was not your ideal plan on a friday night. in fact, it was even more hysterical that you happen to meet the playboy of your campus that’s known to be one of the most talented racers that night also, the same person that you remember from a one summer ago.

pairing: bad boy/streetracer!sunwoo x ex fling!fem.reader

genre: mentions of a toxic relationship, illegal racing, there is angst and semi-suggestive for sure and i don’t think there will be a lot of fluff in this?? but definitely some humor to lighten the mood a bit. but again warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol and again toxic relationship between the mc and sunwoo!

updates: tuesdays/fridays? at 7pm est (tentatively)

started on: 04.01.21 ended on: 05.16.21

a/n: this is basically a revamped version of my svt fic wild hearts and also inspired by the concept for breaking dawn heheh, but with more plot and angst!!! if you want to read the prequel then you can find it below but be warned that there is mature content in it!! if you want to be added to the taglist for this series in particular, just click here and you’d be able to put yourself on it hehe or send an ask or dm~ :)) also for a disclaimer this was written for fictional and entertainment purposes only and in no way shape or form is to be taken into the real world!!! anyways hope you enjoy this!!

Keep reading

tokyo revengers manga icon recolor by me ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Like or reblog if u save

[210913 changmin fns update]

☆ﾟ+. Tattoo stuck in my heart To you, why is it a Taboo　ﾟ+.☆

© 2nd header made by me !

THESE ARE SO COOL????

nct mvs as movie posters

click to see details!

ive been reading too much angst lately😑

im fucking sobbung help

KIDULT 2/2 | J.CM

꒰ synopsis ꒱ changmin always believed he was never fond of children, especially when he took the job at your daycare. little did he know the child in him was playing hide and seek, finally revealing itself after growing to love the kids. oh, and you too

꒰ pairing ꒱ daycareworker!changmin x genderneutral!reader

꒰ genre ꒱ strangers to lovers, daycare au, slow burn, fluff, angst, features hyunjae and the rest of the boyz as children

꒰ warnings ꒱ children, car accident, major character death, descriptions of blood, sprinkled bits of profanity and capitalization, and an overall merry bad ending

꒰ word count ꒱ 41.2k+ ( 14.3k+ )

꒰ perspective ꒱ 2nd person omniscient

‘ playlist two ›› spotify, youtube

‘ author's note!! 🍃 — this fic is for @junjungsunwoo 's merry bad ending collab!! biggest thanks to @pjmaparty , @fullsunfluff , @bbanghoonie , and @heejojo for beta reading!! this is the second part out of two <3

‘ taglist ›› @nilesig @reniqt @sunfics @wooyoung-a @kimaya2209 @frickyratz @deputyjuyeon @stealanity @hwallswrld @kyu-rious @changminurheart

NAVIGATION | TBZ MASTERLIST | PART ONE

The jingle from the front doors makes your ears perk, rushing out the playroom and into the entrance. The sight of Changmin never fails to bring a smile to your face, and you immediately wrap your arms around his waist, greeting him with a kiss on his nose.

“You’re here later than usual.”

He sets down his umbrella after closing it and returns the kiss by pressing one onto your cheek. “It’s only 6:10am, dummy. I was struggling to find my umbrella.”

“It just felt way longer since Hyunjae has been here for an hour.”

The statement causes Changmin’s smile to vanish, his lips being slightly parted due to the shock.

But before you allow him to speak, you release him from your hold, dragging him inside the playroom to say hi to the eight-year-old.

“Teacher Changmin!!” the boy squeals, dropping his pencil onto the table before running over to the taller male, engulfing him in a life threatening hug. “I was so bored.”

The statement makes you scoff loudly, standing by your desk as you watch the two. “I said we could watch a movie if you wanted to.”

Hyunjae happily allows himself to be brought into Changmin’s arms, giggling at how he’s now taller than you. “We can’t watch a movie without popcorn.”

Changmin nods, shifting his gaze from Hyunjae over to you. “He’s right, you know. No movie is ever good without popcorn.”

All of a sudden, the male gasps loudly, remembering the plan he had for the day. “Hyunjae, want to go shopping with me? Let’s get some popcorn.”

“Shopping?” Hyunjae’s eyes light up, struggling to remain still in Changmin’s arms after hearing the suggestion. “Shopping??” he repeats.

“Yes, shopping.” Changmin laughs at Hyunjae’s enthusiasm, the corner of his lips tugging slightly upwards. “Teacher Y/N can’t come though.”

He looks over at you, fully expecting your eyebrows furrowing at his response.

“Why can’t I come?”

“The daycare’s opened, remember?” He sets Hyunjae on the ground, urging him to clean up his belongings. “We’re going to be gone for a while.”

“I’m assuming you’re not just going to buy popcorn, are you?” A frown makes its way to your face, slowing your breathing in the process.

“Perhaps.”

You sigh, not wanting to question him any further. You know Changmin has his reasons; he always does, and regardless of what explanation he gives you, you’ll still have to stay within the daycare to look after the other boys.

“You’re going to miss what I have planned for this morning, though…” Your words trail off, your gaze falling to the ground. It’s an understatement to say that you were excited for what you had planned, especially since it relates to one of your ‘dates’ in the past.

“We won’t be gone for long, okay? I’m just going to be stealing him for a few hours.” He cracks a smile and goes to stand in front of you, taking your hand in his. Changmin easily reassures you with a kiss on the lips while his thumb unconsciously rubs the back of your hand. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

Feeling his plump lips gently pressed against your fingers is what convinces you to let him go for the time being, nodding. “...Okay okay, don’t take too long. I’m going to miss the two of my favorite boys.”

“We won’t.” A cheeky smile is brought to his face when he goes back in to kiss you once more, subtly linking his pinky with yours. “We’ll miss you more.”

The kiss would’ve lasted longer if Hyunjae didn’t finish cleaning as fast, running over to Changmin with a loud ‘I’m done!’.

“Have fun, okay?” You wave Hyunjae goodbye as Changmin picks him up again, walking the two outside the daycare.

//

“My butt hurts,” Hyunjae whines, desperate to leave the car.

“A thirty minute ride is not that long,” Changmin mumbles, unbuckling the boy out of his seat.

“Yes it is!” he counters, stretching his limbs. “If my butt hurts, that means the car ride was long!”

“Your butt is fine.” Changmin gives Hyunjae’s butt a gentle pat after helping him out of the car, closing the door shut behind him.

“We could’ve just walked to get popcorn,” he huffs.

Changmin looks up at the sky, glad they no longer need an umbrella due to the rain lessening immensely. He takes Hyunjae’s hand into his, tightly holding onto it as they cross the street over to the line of stores. “We’re not only here for popcorn, you know.”

“Then why are we here?” Hyunjae asks, looking up at the male.

“To buy a special something for a special someone.” A smile grows onto Changmin’s lips when he gives the explanation, not including any more hints for the sole purpose of wanting the boy to figure it out himself.

It finally clicks when Hyunjae is brought to the outside of a jewelry store, shaking Changmin’s hand aggressively while jumping up and down. “Are you buying a ring for Teacher Y/N??”

Changmin laughs, pushing the door open for the two to enter. “Bingo.”

Hyunjae bites back a squeal, letting go of Changmin’s hand to run over to the shelves of rings displayed behind glass panels.

Changmin heads over to the counter, greeting the worker with a warm smile before explaining his situation. Meanwhile, Hyunjae is busy roaming around the store in awe at the amount of diamonds he was seeing. Constant oohs and aahs are heard from the child while the two adults are conversing about the upcoming planned proposal.

“When do you plan on proposing?” the young worker asks, resting her chin in the palm of her hand as she looks at Changmin dreamily.

“Soon, actually. Maybe next week? This kid’s birthday is soon, and I want it to be sort of a gift to him, you know?” Changmin gestures over to Hyunjae before peeking over his shoulder, seeing the eight-year-old on his tippy toes with his face pressed up against the glass.

“That is soon! I hope you find your special ring here, then.” She follows his gaze and spots the boy, her lips forming into an ‘o’. “Is that your son?” she asks, her gaze flickering between Hyunjae and Changmin to see if she could spot any resemblance.

The layer of pink forming on Changmin’s cheeks show how much the question caught him off guard, stutters falling past his lips. “Oh- uh, uhm, n-no, no he isn’t.”

“Teacher Changmin!!” Hyunjae exclaims immediately after, waving to the teacher to come over.

The worker is able to connect the dots after hearing the call and nods, the smile on her lips never faltering.

Changmin goes over to Hyunjae and crouches down by his side, peering into the glass. “What’s up, Hyunjae?”

“Look! That ring reminds me of Teacher Y/N!”

The worker behind the counter joins the two boys, checking to see what the little boy was referring to.

“That one?” Changmin asks, pointing to one of the rings.

Hyunjae shakes his head, adjusting Changmin’s finger by taking it into his own fingers and pointing to the one he was talking about. “That one! The one with the twisty thing.”

Changmin lets out an ‘ah’ at the sight of it, admiring the ring for a few seconds before speaking.

“It’s simple. I like that.”

“That’s our twisted halo ring,” the worker introduces, grabbing the two boys’ attention. “I’d love to bring an extra out to show you if you’d like.”

Changmin puts his hands on his thighs and stands up, nodding. “That’d be wonderful, thank you.”

Hyunjae begins to tug on Changmin’s hand, pulling the teacher back down to his height. “Halo ring??” he whispers.

When Changmin shows his confusion by tilting his head, Hyunjae moves to reach for the paper in Changmin’s back pocket, knowing that it would be there. Ever since he received Hyunjae’s painting from you, he makes sure to always bring it everywhere with him, considering it good luck. Hyunjae only found out about it recently when Changmin flaunted it off one night, saying that the painting is why he won a certain carnival game.

Considering it’s been two years since Hyunjae has painted it, some of the paint has definitely chipped off, but the halo continues to remain on the top of your head, always managing to bring a smile to everyone’s faces at the sight of it.

Hyunjae unfolds it and points to the halo, shoving the painting in front of Changmin’s face. “See? Halo!!”

“Some things are just meant to be, aren’t they?” Changmin sighs, taking the paper into his own hands. He admires it and the little details Hyunjae has managed to add, reminiscing the day he saw it for the first time ever. Little did he know he would actually get to be with you. “Dang, Hyunjae. I can’t believe you painted this when you were six.”

“Can I paint a better one?” he offers. “With a brush? That one looks terrible because I used my finger.”

Changmin ponders the idea, tucking the piece of paper back into his pocket after refolding it. He decides to mess around with the boy, patting his head. “I don’t know, Hyunjae,” he murmurs, cupping his cheek. “This one means a lot to me…”

It hurts his heart when he sees Hyunjae’s face fall, but he keeps up his act, grazing his thumb over his skin.

Shortly after, the worker returns with a box in her hands, placing it onto the counter, and before it could drag Changmin’s attention away, the teacher goes to lean into Hyunjae’s ear.

“A new painting would make a great wedding present, by the way,” he whispers.

And with a wink, he leaves the boy to head over to the counter, unable to stop smiling after seeing Hyunjae’s happy demeanor return.

//

“We’re back!!”

Although Changmin announces it to the class, his eyes are strictly locked onto you. You’re sitting by the teacher’s desk, writing something. You don’t pay attention to him whatsoever, the pen still moving in your hand.

Hyunjae greets the other boys and runs over to Juyeon’s table, joining him and Hyungseo to see what they are doing.

Changmin frowns at the lack of a reaction from you and makes his way over to your desk, but by then, you are hidden, doing something fairly quickly below the desk before revealing yourself to him.

“It’s about time you noticed my presence,” he huffs, setting the grocery bag on the table.

“I was doing something, Jichang.” You roll your eyes and sit up from your seat, eyeing the bag Changmin just sat down. All it has is a box of popcorn packs inside, making you raise a brow. “It took you five hours to only buy popcorn?”

“Let’s just say we got distracted.” He grins, turning his head to face the other children only to realize the amount of flowers within the playroom.

The counters with sinks are decorated with flowers in vases while the rounded tables are full of scattered petals and leaves. The boys are playing with the flowers, some of them making flower crowns while the other ones are sorting the petals into piles by their colors.

Younghoon grins at his finished product and rises from his seat, walking over to Changmin. “I made this for you,” he explains. He brings the linked daisies up into the air, revealing a flower crown with the heads tucked into the stems.

“You made one for Changmin and not me?” you gasp, dramatically throwing a playful fit that Younghoon was surely used to.

“Chanhee is making yours right now, Teacher Y/N. He broke it, so he’s restarting.”

Changmin leans down and tilts his head forward, allowing Younghoon to crown him with the daisies. He gives Younghoon a tight hug and whispers a thank you before waving him off.

“Still can’t believe you got yours first,” you mumble, and Changmin chortles. He leans in to kiss the top of your head, unable to go ten minutes without showering you with affection.

“You’ll get yours soon. Don’t worry, honey.” He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, humming.

“Honey? That’s a new one.”

“It’s cute. I’ll try to use it more for you.”

You smile, resting your head against his shoulder as you gaze at the boys, all ten of them doing something completely different.

“You know, I was going to have them clean up for lunch, but they all wanted another half hour to finish.” You reach to wrap your fingers around his pinky, holding onto it. “They wanted to wait for you and Hyunjae.”

“What did you have them do? Make flower crowns?” He uses his free hand to play with your hair.

“Kind of.” You look up at Changmin while wearing a crooked smile, one that made his heart burst. “See the vases of flowers on the counters? The boys made those themselves. I actually got a majority of the flowers from the field a few miles away, remember?”

He raises a brow, letting his hand drop to the side. “The one where I got stung?”

“Precisely. Also!!-” You remove your head from his shoulder and move behind your desk, bending down just like you were earlier. You take out a white vase with purple flowers shoved into it, and the sight almost makes Changmin laugh.

“I may or may not have cheated a bit and bought a few extra purple flowers from a nearby flower shop, but I’d say it’s worth it, don't you think?” You smile at the assortment of flowers, but when you turn to look at Changmin, he has a hand over his mouth, truly trying his best to contain his laughter.

“You can laugh, you know,” you sigh, setting the vase onto the table. You fully expected this response from him, especially with how messy the assortment came out to be, so you aren’t at all offended.

“I’m sorry it just- Y/N did you make that?”

“Kind of? The other boys helped me with it, and we all kind of struggled, but purple is your favorite color, right?”

He nods, bringing the vase into his own hands.

“In all honesty, I would’ve fixed it, but the messiness is kind of what makes it- special. It reminds me of how we met too.”

Your sheepish tone softens Changmin immediately, gazing at the flowers. “How so?”

“Well,” you begin, “if you think about it- our first impression of each other wasn’t the best. I thought you were incompetent.”

He shoots his head up to look at you, snorting at the comment. “Then why did you hire me?”

“I was desperate, but that’s not the point,” you grumble, taking the vase from him. “It’s just….the way we met- it’s like, well, it wasn’t perfect, but it...it was real, nonetheless.” You started playing with the petals, running your fingers across the smooth surfaces. “Just like these flowers. They’re not the best looking bunch out there, but they’re real.”

You set the vase aside. “I considered buying fake ones so they would last longer, but I decided against it.” You then look at him. “They look pretty regardless, don’t you think?”

He looks at them and smiles. “They do.”

“But, all that aside, what had you gone for five hours, Mr. Ji?” You look at him skeptically, teasing him through your tone.

He grins, playing along with your words by teasing you in return. “Nothing in particular. Why do you ask?”

“You’re not keeping something from me, are you?” You cross your arms over your chest, pouting.

“Hm...maaaaybe.” He has his arms behind his back, looking at you like a kid that’s hiding a secret from their parents.

“Teacher Y/N!!” Chanhee interrupts, erupting from his seat. He waves the chained daisies in the air. “I finished your crown!!” he yells.

Changmin urges you over to the boy, forcing you to forget your previous conversation.

“Don’t think I’ll forget about this,” you mutter.

“I’ll tell you in a few days, okay? Now go over to him to be crowned the love of my life.”

//

The day has finally arrived, and Changmin’s worry is constantly bubbling up within him, unable to stay in one spot.

While the rest of the kids are in the parking lot, you, Changmin, and Hyunjae are in the playroom to gather last minute items.

Well, only you are doing so.

Changmin is busy pacing around behind you, gaze constantly shifting between the box in his hands and your back turned to him. He’s always been confident in whatever he did, but to be proposing was just on another level Changmin wasn’t used to.

Thoughts flooded his head, clearing his throat every few seconds. You would turn around to see if he was alright, but he would shrug it off, saying that he was just excited for Hyunjae’s birthday.

Hyunjae snorts loudly when hearing Changmin’s lame excuse, leaving the round tables to grab Changmin’s hand. He pulls Changmin away from you and to the other side of the room, explaining that he needed help with putting on the party hat.

He brings Changmin over to your desk, making him crouch down before asking him the question he refused to stop pestering Changmin about.

“You have the ring, right?” he asks, furiously shaking his hand. The excitement radiating off of Hyunjae causes his whisper to be way louder than intended, making Changmin’s eyes widen.

The teacher hushes him, praying that you hadn’t heard what Hyunjae ever so carelessly asked.

He looks at you standing by the sinks, and thankfully you haven’t reacted whatsoever. You are too busy moving around the playroom to even care about what the two were talking about, much less doing, taking the utensils out of the plastic bags you put them in.

“I do, Hyunjae, and no, I’m not showing you for the nth time.” He rolls his eyes, tightening his grip around the navy blue box.

Hyunjae frowns, taking note of the fist Changmin’s creating in his right hand. The teacher grabs one of the party hats off of your desk and snaps it onto the birthday boy’s head, eliciting an ‘ow’ out of him.

“It’s your birthday,” Changmin reminds, booping his nose with his finger.

“Yeah, but-....but still!!” Hyunjae begins to whine, throwing an unnecessary fit.

Throughout the two and a half years of knowing Hyunjae, Changmin learned that Hyunjae doesn’t really make a fit out of anything unnecessary. It was a change from the other boys you two watched over, but it didn’t settle correctly within him.

So despite how loud Hyunjae got with his whines, Changmin could only smile, glad that the boy is comfortable enough to throw a playful fit over something that doesn’t even have to do with him.

He sets the box onto the ground to cup both of Hyunjae’s cheeks, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead. Being with the young boy really calmed his nerves, especially when he takes the box back into his fingers with ease.

“C’mon Hyunjae, let’s go outside. The other boys have been waiting for you for a while now.” Changmin extends his left hand, wiggling his fingers.

Hyunjae grabs it after sniffing loudly, adjusting the hat on top of his head as the two begin to make their way to the door.

Changmin peeks over his shoulder to look at you, his eyes becoming locked onto your figure. His heart is pounding against his chest as he’s reminded of how today is the day. The day you’ll become more than a tango duo that has been sharing sweet little nothings and kisses for the past two years.

You’re dressed beautifully, as always, but your fits for special occasions never fail to make him extremely flustered, truly taken aback by your beauty.

“You coming, Y/N?” he asks, garnering you attention by amplifying his voice.

“One sec!” you call out, informing the two. You dump the remaining utensils into the paper plates and rush over to the boys with the stack in your hand. You reach out to hold onto Hyunjae’s other hand, looking down at him with a warm smile that has resided on your face. “Excited?”

“More than ever,” he responds, nodding furiously. He then resumes to pull the two of you out the playroom and outside the daycare, harshly tugging onto your hands.

“Let’s go!” the now nine-year-old commands.

With how much Hyunjae is tugging on your hand, it almost makes you drop your plates, and Changmin laughs at how cute you are when you stumble over your feet.

“Careful, Hyunjae,” Changmin warns when beginning to cross the street, constantly looking both ways before allowing the boy to walk over to the parking lot.

Hyunjae continues to lead the two teachers to the nine other boys occupying themselves by the tables in the parking lot, loud music blasting through the speakers you displayed earlier.

Hyunjae releases both of your hands when Youngjae tosses a balloon at his face, charging at the six-year-old when the younger boy cackles.

“Can you lower the music? I’ll light the candles.” You approach him with a gentle kiss to his cheek, setting the plates down by the cake Sangyeon helped you place.

Changmin does exactly as you say, and by the time the music is lowered, you have gotten all nine candles on the cake to light up. Sangyeon is the one who initiates the birthday song, singing it very loudly for others to join in.

And unlike Karaoke Sundays, you join along in the singing, clapping your hands along to the rhythm while you’re watching a bouncy Hyunjae make his way over to the cake.

He blows out the candles once the song ends, causing everyone to clap.

“Should we do cake first or presents?” you ask, letting the birthday boy decide.

“Cake!!” Haknyeon shouts, bringing the attention over to him.

You’re playfully sending a glare towards the interruption while Hyunjae smiles brightly, agreeing. “We can do cake,” he affirms.

As you’re busy cutting the cake, Changmin has unintentionally drifted to the opposite side of the parking lot, resuming his pacing in his spot. His fingers fiddle with the box in his hand, wondering how he should come across this proposal. It doesn’t help that he hasn’t even asked you (much less anyone else) out before, so to be proposing gave him another level of anxiety.

Changmin has already celebrated Hyunjae’s birthday twice in the past, but this one certainly proves different. This one is special. The present he has for Hyunjae is something he’d never be able to outdo in the future years to come, and even Hyunjae knows that.

So it explains why the youngster sprints over to Changmin instead of standing in line for his slice, tugging on his shirt rather aggressively.

“Now??” he whines, practically begging Changmin to get it over with.

Changmin feels his breath hitch in his throat, growing hesitant with every passing second. His mind is running with countless thoughts, unable to organize them. This causes his brain to malfunction, realizing that this maybe wasn’t a good idea after all.

“Hyunjae, maybe-...maybe this isn’t a good idea. I haven’t even asked Y/N out. It’s too early, I don’t think I can do this. I’m- I don’t know, I’m sorry Hyunjae. Maybe another time?”

But Hyunjae completely disregards every word that leaves Changmin’s mouth and reaches for the male’s closed fist. He pulls the teacher’s fingers open to retrieve the box, running away with it in his hold.

Changmin stares at him in disbelief, his arm still being extended outwards with his hand empty of the box. Changmin has been holding onto that box ever since he arrived at the daycare, and for it to be taken from his grasp for more than ten seconds made his heart plummet. He wants to chase after Hyunjae, to take it back, and never show his face again due to the embarrassment shooting up his neck.

Hyunjae’s party hat falls off his head when he reaches you, but he doesn’t care, panting as he reaches to poke your side.

“Hyunjae!!” you yell, flinching at the touch. “You can’t surprise me when I have a knife in my hand,” you frown, setting it aside after handing Haknyeon his rather large slice of cake.

Without saying a word, Hyunjae raises the box into your view by presenting it in the palm of his hands, looking at you with wide eyes.

Meanwhile, Changmin’s suffering in the background, his feet unable to move as he bites on his fist. His mind is constantly running with thoughts of grabbing Hyunjae and tossing him across the world for doing such a thing. He wants to reverse time and never have bought the ring in the first place, the idea of rejection stabbing at his heart repeatedly.

You raise a brow at the sight of the unfamiliar navy box, bringing it into your hold.

Changmin starts to sob internally when seeing you open the box, moving to hide behind one of the set out unfoldable chairs. And just like a kid, he brings his hands over his ears, preparing himself for the worst possible outcome with his knees pressed up against his chest.

But his self-deprecating state doesn’t falter Hyunjae’s smile in the process; if anything, it only made it grow impossibly wider, bright eyes anticipating your reaction.

All the boys have stopped whatever they were doing to look at you, only now realizing what was happening.

Your eyes finally fall onto the ring in the box, and your heart nearly stops in your chest. Although your lips are parted, you’re left with no words to speak.

You have no clue what to feel.

But you know your answer. Your mind is chanting ‘yes’ repeatedly in your head as you think of the future the diamond ring holds, but the most important man is missing from the scene.

You scan the parking lot for Changmin and spot him instantly behind one of the chairs.

If it wasn’t for his white shirt flowing through the breeze, Sunwoo and Youngjae pointing at him definitely gave it away.

With shaky fingers, you close the box. You’re nervous yourself; hell, this is the last thing you were expecting on a day like this. You make your way over to the chair with slow steps, Hyunjae quick to tail after you.

You’re finally able to bring the entirety of Changmin into your view when you approach him. His eyes are closed incredibly shut with his arms wrapped tightly around his legs, slowly rocking back and forth in his spot.

The sight makes you melt in your spot, and seeing him only confirms the fact you want to be with him. You want to be with him until the end, until your very last dying breath, and you need him to cooperate with you. Just like the day Changmin confessed, you are now basically begging for a response from him, wanting to hear that he does want to get married to you.

He senses your presence and peeks an eye open at you, closing it immediately after at the sight of you holding the box.

“Peek-a-boo,” you whisper, removing the chair so you could see him clearer.

You can hear Sunwoo snickering in the background, but it quickly turns into wheezes when Chanhee elbows him in the chest.

Changmin opens his eyes again at the sound of your voice, slowly allowing his gaze to meet yours. He smiles warmly, slightly waving his hand up towards you. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” you laugh, grabbing one of his arms to pull him up onto his feet.

He immediately breaks out into incoherent rambles, fixing his dress shirt. “I- uh, well Y/N, heh, you see, uhm...funny story, actually-”

You cut him off by waving the box in his face, handing it to him. “I’m assuming this is yours.”

Changmin drops it like it’s fire, raising his hands up in the air defensively. Hyunjae groans at the teacher’s stupidity, and Youngjae is giggling in the background, shortly joined by Sunwoo and Juyeon.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about!! That- that isn’t mine, uhm, yeah. Who-...who told you it was mine?” His nervous laughter trails off when he scratches the back of his, his cheeks being completely flushed with a bright shade of pink.

“Who knew Teacher Changmin could be this embarrassing?” Haknyeon grumbles, shoving a forkful of cake into his mouth. Sangyeon reaches over the table to slap the blonde boy’s head, telling him to shut up.

You’re sending daggers towards Changmin’s way through your gaze, bending down to pick up the box. Thankfully, you’re easily calmed down by Haknyeon’s comment, laughing to yourself.

Changmin has his hands dropped to his sides, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he eyes the box in your hands. He doesn’t say anything else, knowing the situation will only turn out worse if he utters another word.

Because of this, you understood that this won’t be going anywhere. Changmin will continue to deny his possession being his, and it would be no use just standing there, trying to hand the engagement ring back to him.

So you take matters into your own hands, heart racing as your mind impulsively makes you move down onto one knee.

You certainly weren’t expecting to propose on Hyunjae’s birthday, but regardless of that fact, your hands move on their own accord, opening the box to present the ring to him.

Hyunjae is holding back squeals in the background, you could tell, and he’s grabbing onto Juyeon’s hand, holding it tightly as he anticipates what’s going to happen next.

And with a whisper, you finally ask the awaited question.

“Changmin, will you marry me?”

He, along with the other boys, gapes at your response, and Hyunjae screams ‘YES’, shaking Juyeon by his shoulders.

The smile lingering on your lips shows Changmin that you already know his answer, but you continue to stay on one knee, waiting for a reply.

Changmin feels like screaming, wanting to say ‘yes’ instantly just to reassure you. He wants to pull you up onto your feet and press his lips against yours, keeping you in his arms until the world ends. He wants to scream ‘we’re getting married’ and show you off to the world, but he does none of it as he stands there in shock, growing weak at the ever so pretty sight of your smile.

“Oh brother,” Hyunjae mutters, letting go of Juyeon’s shoulder to run over to the two of you.

He pulls the ring out of the box and knees Changmin’s thighs, getting him to react. “Say yes,” he demands, grabbing his hand to shove the ring onto his finger.

Changmin wheezes out a ‘yes’ in pain, rubbing his thigh as Hyunjae figures out how to get it to fit. The ring was too small for all of his fingers. Well, all but one.

So he slips it onto his pinky finger, giving you a tight hug once you thank him.

He runs back to where he was previously standing, and you get onto your feet, brushing off any dirt that remained on your knee.

You finally look at Changmin and notice the way he’s gazing at the ring. It was meant for you, so to see the ring on his finger only made his mind go dizzier.

Before you could say anything, Changmin looks up and doesn’t hesitate to bring you close against him, linking the pinky with one of yours.

“I’d say yes a million times. Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes, I’ll be your husband. Yes, I’m yours.” He uses his other hand to cup your cheek, making your eyes lock with his. “Holy fuck, I’m yours.”

You laugh loudly, happiness filling up your lungs. You swing your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a quick kiss.

“You’re real,” you whisper against his lips, half hooded eyes looking into his. “You’re real, and you’re mine.”

“I’m forever yours,” he murmurs, “and you’re forever mine.”

That’s the last thing you hear from him before he pulls you into another kiss, pressing a hand up against your back.

//

You have a book in your hands when Changmin exits your bathroom, purposely having his entrance to your bedroom go unnoticed as you continue to ‘read’.

He’s about to flaunt how good he looks after moisturizing when you don’t even spare him a glare, sending him into a pout when he reaches your bed. “You’re not even reading that,” he mumbles.

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re reading it backwards,” Changmin points out, referring to how you keep flipping the pages into the opposite direction. He adjusts his flannel pajamas before joining you on your bed, letting out a content sigh at the fluffiness of your blankets.

“I have powers you’re not aware of,” you hum matter-of-factly.

A ‘hey!’ escapes you when Changmin snatches the book from your grasp, confiscating it for the time being.

He reaches over you to set the book on the nightstand, taking note of the time displayed on the alarm clock.

“It’s-...nine pm, Y/N,” he states before looking back at you. “It’s our first time together in your apartment at this time. I’m not letting you ignore me with a book.”

When you think about his words, he isn’t wrong. For the past year, you’ve been inviting Changmin to stay the night in your apartment whenever it got too late (an example being Hyunjae being picked up in the middle of the night). But otherwise, he’s never been here earlier than 11pm.

The crack of thunder accompanies the silence that washes through the atmosphere, and Changmin moves to bring the blankets over both of your torsos, making sure you’re comfortable. He doesn’t even question your lack of words, knowing you’re thinking about something whenever creases form on your forehead.

He rests on his side with his head propped up onto his hand, waiting for you to notice him staring at you while the rain patters against the windows.

It takes a few minutes before you finally notice him, heat shooting up to your ears when your eyes unintentionally lock with his. He smiles at your shyness, pulling you to lie down with him.

“What are you thinking about, honey?” Changmin has you close to him when he runs his fingers through your hair, fluffing it up.

The pet name never fails to calm you.

“About us,” you respond simply.

“Us?” He helps to untangle the knots in your hair, gently loosening them.

The room is dimly lit, but that changes only for a mere second when the lightning decides to be present. Though, it only adds to your comfort, knowing you’re safe in Changmin’s embrace.

“We entirely skipped the dating stage, didn’t we?”

His movements stutter at your question. “...Kind of? I mean yeah, basically, but I don’t mind.” Changmin pauses, shifting his gaze from your hair and down to your eyes. “Do you?”

You shake your head, pulling his hand out of your hair. “The thing is- I just never really got a chance to call you….my boyfriend.” The last part becomes a whisper, focusing on interlacing your fingers with his.

He gives your hand a gentle squeeze, the sounds of the rain eventually drowning out as he makes you his focal point.

And out of nowhere, he sighs dramatically, letting go of your hand to look at the ceiling. “Alas, it’s a loss.”

You slap his chest for talking like that, a throaty cackle escaping him shortly after. He brings an arm over his forehead, continuing to stare at the ceiling and the shadows of the window panel.

“But honestly? Y/N?” He turns his head to look at you. “I prefer fiancé.”

You giggle at how he’s always managed to be so smooth, rolling your eyes. He goes back to turning his entire body to have it face yours, sticking out his pinky. “Can you believe we’re engaged?”

The question makes you scoff, laughing. “Can you believe we’re going to be married?” you counterattacked, linking your pinky with his. “Us?”

He raises his brows. “Wow, I’m hurt. Personally, I think I look stunning in a suit.”

Your toothy smile shines through the dark when you look at him. “I actually don’t doubt that one bit.”

The playful atmosphere seems to fade when you’re given time to just get lost in each other’s eyes, slowly retracting your pinky from his.

He looks down at his fingers, and reality finally settles in.

“We’re going to get married,” he whispers.

Changmin then realizes there’s something he’s planned on doing yet never did earlier that day, so he gets you to sit up with him. You’re confused, as expected, but you slowly start to understand when he wiggles the ring off of his finger.

He asks for your hand and slowly slips it onto your ring finger, and the added weight takes a toll on your heart. It stops beating in your chest, and only now do you understand why Changmin was looking at his finger ever so lovingly earlier at Hyunjae’s party. This time, you’re the one that’s finally able to admire the diamond and the curves of the ring, finding it absolutely gorgeous.

“When are we going to get married?” you ask, looking up at him. “Where? And our honeymoon? There’s so many things we need to plan-” you pause. “We’re making Hyunjae our best man, no exceptions.”

“Definitely,” Changmin affirms, clicking his tongue. “The boy is one hundred percent mature enough to make an entire speech about our relationship.”

You laugh, agreeing with the nod of your head. “Okay, but seriously, Changmin. How are we going to plan all of this? We’re just- two losers working at a daycare.”

“Two soon-to-be-married losers,” he corrects. He brings you into his lap, allowing you to rest your forearms on his shoulders while he rests his hands by your sides. He then lowers his tone, whispering. “Let’s worry about everything another time, okay? We have so many years ahead of us.”

He continues his rant while his fingers play with the fabric of your shirt. “We don’t have to get married this year or the next. Hell, we don’t have to get married the year after that. As long as you’re always by my side, we’ll be together forever.” He leans in to press a fluttering kiss against your jaw.

“Okay okay,” you murmur, reassured by his words. You bring your hands up to his face, cupping his cheeks, and he immediately falls into the warmth of your palms, an unbearable amount of butterflies forming in his stomach especially when you whisper ‘my fiancé’ before kissing his nose.

The comfortable silence returns, and all you two do is hold each other while the storm crashes down onto your windows. But no single clash of thunder makes either of you two flinch, too lost in each other’s touch to even notice.

“Y/N?” Changmin croaks, voice lower than usual.

“Yes?”

He hesitates, his words coming out breathy.

“Y/N?” he repeats.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

The name causes a smile to bloom onto his face, laughing as he shakes his head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“So you just like saying my name for fun now?” you tease, squishing his cheeks with your fingers.

The playfulness dials down eventually, and you rest your head against his shoulder with your eyes fallen shut. The tranquility wrapped around the two of you brings Changmin confidence once again, repeating your name for the third time.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“...I lov-”

He’s cut off by your ringtone blaring throughout the bedroom, causing both of your heads to turn to the direction of the noise. You apologize through a murmur after rubbing your eyes, leaving Changmin’s lap to check your phone. You’re immediately kicked out of your tiresome state when you see the caller id, accepting the call.

Changmin watches you curiously, and he doesn’t get a chance to hear a single word from the other line since you brought your phone up to your ear. He shrugs it off as a personal matter but notices how you don’t speak a single word into the call, making him confused when it ends.

Your face is now far from the cheerfulness you were feeling earlier, standing up from the edge of your bed.

“Who was that?” he questions, crawling over to the edge of the bed. “Why were they calling at this hour?”

You toss your phone into his lap and make your way over to the closet in hurried steps, taking out your raincoat.

Changmin grows worried at your silence, and it isn’t until he notices the bright light illuminating from your phone, taking a glance at the caller id.

Hyunjae’s mother.

//

“There he is,” you whisper, freeing yourself from the buckle in Changmin’s passenger seat before exiting the car.

Throughout the entire drive to the daycare, Changmin’s face remained completely void of emotions, his jaw clenched as he sped through the storm.

He slams the car door shut when leaving, and the two of you run across the street without sparing a glance to oncoming cars, racing to the entrance of the daycare.

Usually, Changmin would be complaining about the storm being ever so heavy in the middle of autumn, but with how focused he is on the situation at hand, he doesn’t give one single damn about the rain crashing down onto the two of you.

The boom of thunder doesn’t startle either of you in the slightest; if anything, it was the sight of Hyunjae sitting under the roof of the entrance that makes your heart drop, the boy trying to gain warmth by hugging his legs.

He’s facing the ground until he hears the sound of running footsteps his way, his heart pounding hard against his chest. Maybe it’s a sense of a relief that washes over him when he sees you two, but the tears that were pooling up in his eyes finally rush down his cheeks in streams, breaking the dam that he’s been holding up for so long.

He sobs when you crouch down to his level, quick to pull him into your embrace.

“We’re here, Hyunjae, we’re here,” you murmur.

The warmth of being in someone else’s embrace only makes him cry hard, little fingers clutching onto your wet coat.

After pulling out his keys and unlocking the doors, Changmin nearly breaks the glass doors down when shoving them open, ushering the two of you inside.

He’s the first one to enter the playroom after flicking on the lights, and you pull Hyunjae to the side, making him look at you.

The boy is breaking down in front of you, having his tears fall into the palm of your hands when you cup his cheeks. He’s holding onto your wrists, fingernails digging into your skin as he continues to sob. He’s growing weaker each second, unsure if he’ll be able to stand for any longer.

The sight of seeing your favorite boy like this rips you apart, choking up on your own tears as you do your best to reassure him, reminding him that both you and Changmin are here and that he’s okay.

Through his tears, Hyunjae is looking at you like you’re completely unreal, and his tearful, broken gaze pierces your heart.

Changmin returns with a roll of paper towels and sets them aside before taking Hyunjae from you, one knee on the ground as he makes the crying boy look at him.

“What happened?” he interrogates, showing no sense of pain as he stares at him. Fury continues to boil up within his chest when Hyunjae doesn’t respond, amplifying his voice throughout the daycare.

“What happened, Hyunjae?” he repeats. The question is more of a hostile demand, his fingers wrapped tightly around the boy’s wrist. His tone only makes Hyunjae cry even more, unable to keep himself up for any longer.

You rush over to Hyunjae and take him back into your arms, letting him curl up against your torso while you stare at Changmin.

Changmin doesn’t ease up in the slightest, only growing even more furious as he allows his hands to ball up into fists. His eyes are constantly flickering between Hyunjae and the storm outside, mind running with possibilities of what could’ve happened if you two didn’t get to him sooner.

“M-my m-mommy-” Hyunjae croaks, trying to get words out of his throat before falling right back into his sobs, burying his face in your chest with his fingers bunching up your shirt into a fist.

“That’s it,” Changmin spits, not regretting a single punch of hatred he’s had for Hyunjae’s mother.

“Changmin,” you say sternly in hopes of calming him down, knowing how out of control he could become when unsupervised.

Changmin rises from the ground and makes his way behind the front desk, yanking the drawer open. He flips through the files and comes across the one he wished he never thought he’d have to take out, slapping it onto the desk so hard that it makes your nerves jump.

“Changmin,” you repeat, raising your voice this time.

“No, don’t say another word,” he orders. Just like the storm outside, his voice is thunderous, stinging you with how cold his demeanor had become.

“Enough is enough. How can a mother be so heartless? How could someone leave their son outside an empty building in the middle of a storm?” He flips the file open, scowling. “On his fucking birthday too,” he mutters, pulling out his phone.

He scans the list of phone numbers on the paper before finally catching sight of the one he’s been seeking. Changmin begins dialing in the number, mumbling ‘I should’ve done this two years ago’ under his breath.

You know exactly what he’s doing, and you let go of Hyunjae to stop him from calling Child Protection Services by grabbing his wrist, taking the phone away from him.

“Please,” you beg, desperation present in your tone.

You’re looking at him with eyes he’s never seen before, trying to convince him through your gaze.

But it doesn’t work, and Changmin yanks your arm away just to take the phone back from you. He fails as you continue to hide it from him, eyes frantically searching for a way to have him do otherwise.

Then you give in, remembering all the scoldings he’s given you in the past.

“I’ll talk to her!” you blurted, freezing his actions. “I’ll say something to her, okay? I promise.” You set the phone face down onto the surface of the table, allowing yourself to breathe before continuing. “I’ll work this out with her when she returns. I’ll tell her how this isn’t right, and that we will call if she ever does something like this again. Just for now, let’s just focus on Hyunjae.”

You slip in another ‘please’ after your rant, and it makes him look back at the crying boy in the corner. He looks back at you, and you’re brought to tears yourself, letting one slip down your cheek as you look at him.

So Changmin gives in, finally understanding that Hyunjae deserves to be their first priority at the moment.

The sounds of Hyunjae continuously sobbing is something Changmin has never wished to hear. He allows his shield to lower before rushing back over to him, bringing the trembling boy into his hold. Hyunjae rests his head against his shoulder, having his tears fall onto Changmin’s flannel.

“It’s okay, Hyunjae. We’re here,” he whispers, rubbing his back.

You’ve disappeared into the playroom and come back with a blanket, wrapping it around the two boys after joining them. The warmth and attention brings Hyunjae to ease, his tears lessening as he calms himself down.

Changmin is looking at him with a weak, gentle smile, staying silent when you start whispering little nothings to the boy.

Hyunjae becomes mentally capable of explaining what’s happened after an hour of you two holding onto him.

“M-mommy, she-...she-” he stops when his voice cracks, and Changmin reassures him with a kiss on his forehead, telling him to take it slow.

Hyunjae has a bit of trouble breathing while explaining, but he manages to sort his thoughts. “I-I had a nightmare, and the storm s-scared me…” He flinches at the rumble of the thunder, working up the courage to continue.

“She—she yelled at me,” he whispers, sniffing loudly.

Changmin stiffens with every word that Hyunjae stutters, but he remains quiet, letting him go on.

“She yelled at m-me when I told her I was s-scared, a-and she-” The boy starts choking on his tears again at the memory, and Changmin helps him through it.

Everything clicks for the two of you after that. Hyunjae doesn’t need to say another word for you two to understand what happened, so you convince Hyunjae to take deep breaths.

Another hour passes, but this time you’re with Hyunjae in the bean bags, reading him his favorite book as he dozes off to sleep beside you.

Changmin’s left to clean up the water outside the playroom, tossing all the paper towels into a nearby trash can. He eyes the paper on his desk, staring at it. You’d be too busy to even notice if he calls, but he fights against his own beliefs.

He trusts you. He trusts you and your word, so he shoves the paper away back into its file, putting it back into the drawer.

You’ll finally talk it out with his mother, and things will be better.

//

The playroom is filled with silence once the storm has subsided. The dark clouds still remained in the sky and the winds were still causing the trees to trash around, but the rain had stopped and you could no longer hear any bursts of thunder.

You look over at the two sleeping boys in the bean bags, smiling warmly at them. Although the playroom is dimly lit, you could see Hyunjae snuggling up against Changmin’s chest, holding onto his arms. They looked comfortable, but you haven’t gotten an ounce of sleep.

For the past few hours, your mind has been constantly thinking of things to say to Hyunjae’s mother when she arrives. You’re thinking of the anger she’s given Changmin and the pain she inflicted on Hyunjae, but you’re still left with no words to say.

You hate to admit it, but you came to terms with the fact you’re scared. You’re scared for what’s to come, knowing that she could lash you out at any minute. She’s done it before, and she’ll certainly do it again.

It doesn’t help that she reminds you of your own parents, feeling the balance in power when she stands in front of you. Although she manages to muster up sweet words to you with that warm smile of hers, you knew she was anything but. She is manipulative and easily has you wrapped around her finger.

Hell, she knows she does. It came as no surprise when she called you, stating that she’ll be dropping Hyunjae off at the daycare. She doesn’t ask you because she knows you’ll drop everything for her son.

She knows how much you love him, and she holds that over your head like you’re a little kitty, enjoying the way you try to take away what’s hers.

Your face is buried into the palm of your hands as you try thinking of ways to confront her, but you’re given no more time when you hear her car pull up into the parking lot. Your eyes shoot up to the only clock in the room, acknowledging how it was 3 in the morning. With sluggish steps (and a defeated sigh), you remove yourself from the chair and make your way over to the two boys.

“Wake up,” you whisper, gently shaking the two boys awake.

Hyunjae is the first one to react, rubbing his eyes open with a confused expression worn on his face. “Huh?”

“Your mother is here,” you explain, bringing the small boy to his feet.

Changmin stretches his limbs before standing up. He shoots a look towards you when hearing the jingle from the entrance.

It hurts to see Changmin ever so expressionless, especially when you know what’s about to come; it’s why you prevent him from leaving the doorway of the playroom.

“Don’t- don’t say anything, okay? Just stand here. I’ll work this out on my own.”

He tries going against your words but you shoot your gaze to the ground, avoiding all eye contact with him. “T-trust me for once. Fighting with her will only makes things worse.”

His eyes soften at the sight of you, and he gives in with a nod. He does as he was told, standing by the doorway when you go to approach Mrs. Lee with Hyunjae.

She looks exhausted, but it doesn’t cover up how her eyes are darting into her son’s skull when he walks over to her, showing no remorse for what she had done.

The lady clears her throat and faces you, plastering the same kind smile she’s shown you ever since day one.

“Thank you, Y/N, for watching over him.” She glances over at Changmin, clearly noticing the other teacher in the room, but says nothing.

“Yeah, o-of course,” you whisper, peeking over at Changmin. You’re unsure how to continue, and he could easily tell, but he doesn’t make a single attempt to step in, repeating your words in his head.

“Mrs. Lee!!” you call out, stopping Hyunjae’s mother from leaving. Not only don’t you want to disappoint Changmin, but you know Hyunjae’s well-being is also on the line.

She turns around on her heels, furrowing her brows ever so innocently at you. “What’s the matter, Y/N?”

The question serenades you, making your mind run blank.

Changmin stares at you, breath caught up in his throat as he waits.

“I-....I never got to hug your son goodbye.” Your voice turns into a squeak, and you could feel Changmin’s eyes burning into the back of your head.

She looks down at her son, visibly holding back a scowl. “Well then….you heard them, Jaehyun. Go give Teacher Y/N a goodbye hug.”

Hyunjae stumbles over his feet as he makes his way over to you, hugging you tight. “Goodbye,” he whispers.

“Goodbye, Hyu-...J-Jaehyun.” You pull away from the hug to look at him, brushing your thumb over his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

He nods, repeating you through a murmur. “Tomorrow.”

Mrs. Lee’s phone begins to ring, and she picks it up, glaring at her son. “Let’s go, Jaehyun. It’s late.” She’s the first one to exit the doors, leaving while Hyunjae struggles to follow after.

When the door shuts, Changmin moves to reveal himself to you, and saying that he was fuming would be an understatement.

“What was that?”

You turn to him with your teeth latching onto your lower lip, not daring to meet his gaze.

“Look, Changmin-”

“No, don’t ‘look, Changmin’ me. You said you’ll tell her. You promised you’ll do something about it this time.” His voice breaks at the end of his sentence, disbelief washed over his features. “I-I trusted you, Y/N. I fucking trusted you to fix this for us, and you just let her go.”

He shakes off your apologies, pushing you away from him as he goes to pull the glass doors open.

“An ‘I’m sorry’ means nothing, Y/N. I thought you’d learn that by now,” he scoffs, gritting his teeth. He mutters a ‘pathetic’ before leaving you alone in the entrance, exiting the daycare.

The word takes a stab to your heart, and you feel your entire world crashing down on you. You follow him out, ready to beg for him to come back, but he’s already chasing after Hyunjae’s mother, taking matters into his own hands.

But you two stop in your steps when you see what was happening.

Mrs. Lee is talking on the phone, completely oblivious to how Hyunjae was falling behind her.

The boy is yelling out for her and telling his mother to slow down, but she doesn’t listen.

Changmin spots the car racing towards Hyunjae on the road, and he runs. You tail his steps, sprinting over onto the street to save Hyunjae from the car.

Changmin is faster when it comes to running, reaching Hyunjae in a quicker amount of time. He picks the boy up and tries to run, but it’s already too late.

The sound of the horn blaring fills up his ears, and the headlights blind Changmin’s vision.

He shuts his eyes and holds onto Hyunjae with his life, but nothing happens.

The car had swerved, and it struck you instead.

The vehicle comes to a halt, and the sound of your head colliding with the pavement fills the air.

Everything has gone silent, including Mrs. Lee’s voice when she sees what happened. Hyunjae is left in too much shock to process anything that he just witnessed, causing him to be handed over to his mother shortly after. Changmin no longer cares about what Mrs. Lee does with her son, rushing to the scene with pleas falling past his lips.

The driver has left their car, countless apologies pouring out of them as they stumble to call for emergency.

All Changmin could see was blood covering your figure. The liquid continuously pours out of you and into the puddles left by the storm, coloring the water a dark shade of red.

“No no no, Y/N.” He frantically pulls you into his hold, hugging you close against him with his hand patting your cheek. “Y/N, please talk to me.”

But you’re not moving. He feels for a pulse and finds it wavering, unsure if you were still with him. He begs for you to wake up, and the driver only watches with a hand over their mouth, in complete disbelief at what they had just done while informing the dispatcher.

Changmin is screaming your name, shaking you repeatedly as he sobs into your chest. He’s hugging onto the hand he kissed only hours ago, trying to not only reassure you but himself as well.

“We’ll—we’ll get through this together, o-okay? C-come on, Y/N, stay….s-stay with me. I know you’re there—I know-....I know you’re holding on. I-I believe in you.” His voice croaks as he utters the last sentence, his tears filling up his vision.

He doesn’t curse when blood seeps into his pajamas, praying as he tightly squeezes your hand. “S-stay with me, Y/N.”

//

One of the nurses gives him a fresh set of clothes when he enters the hospital, telling him they’ll do all they can to save you.

He nods and takes the clothes, going over to the bathroom. He locks himself inside and turns on the lights. He refuses to look at himself in the mirror, and he couldn’t tell if it’s because he would see his tear-stained cheeks or your blood drying up in the fabric of his pajamas.

The clothes he was given were nothing too special. It’s just a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, and surprisingly they somewhat fitted him. He takes one last glance at the pajamas before tossing them into the trash can provided within the bathroom.

Changmin tries to calm his anxiety by setting the toilet lid down, sitting on it. Unfortunately for him, his mind refuses to stop racing with possible outcomes of the situation, leaving him irritated.

He stops thinking when realizing he left something in his pajamas, taking them out of the trash. He searches his pocket to find the thing that appeared in his mind, letting out a sigh of relief at the sight of the paper. He takes it out and drops the pajamas back into the can, sitting back down on top of the lid.

With shaky fingers, he unfolds the blood-stained painting. He doesn’t shed a tear at the sight, only praying that you’ll be okay with the luck the painting has always given him.

It always brought him the most luck out of any scenario, and he knows he needs it now more than ever.

After minutes of staring at it, he tucks it back into his pocket. He looks into the mirror and tells himself that everything will be okay. He forces himself to ignore any other signs telling him otherwise, clearing his mind before leaving the bathroom.

His footsteps echo throughout the hallway as he walks past the doors, hating how quiet the hospital seemed to be in the middle of the night.

Earlier, he was told not to enter your door, so when he came across the door numbered two, he sat down in the chair opposite from it.

He rests his elbows on his legs, closing his eyes as he tries to block out any sounds of the incident that wouldn’t stop ringing in his ears.

The sounds go silent at the click of the door in front of him, making him rise to his feet.

The nurse quickly shuts the door behind her, standing in front of it as she’s met with Changmin’s presence. A saddened, solemn expression takes over her features, but Changmin dismisses it when approaching her.

“How’s Y/N?” he asks, desperate to know about his lover’s condition. His eyes have a glint of hope in them, one that the nurse knows will vanish.

She hesitates to speak, fumbling with her fingers as she avoids all contact with Changmin. “You’re-...you’re the one who’s engaged to Y/N, correct?”

He nods, confirming his identity, and her eyes start to fill with sorrow. She parts her lips as if to say something but closes them shortly after to process her thoughts.

“Sir,” she begins. “Y/N-...in the incident, Y/N….Y/N lost a lot of blood.”

Changmin doesn’t hesitate to cut her off from continuing any further. “I can donate mine,” he offers. “We share the same blood type! AB, right?” He thinks back to when you found out about sharing the same blood type, jokingly declaring the two of you destined with fate after squealing about it.

The nurse pauses, and then shakes her head. “I’m afraid that’s not the case, sir-”

“Does Y/N need surgery?” Changmin asks, frantically pushing out his words. “I have the funds for everything, and I’ll pay anything just to make sure Y/N is alr-”

“Sir,” she says sternly, forcing him to cut off. After minutes of avoiding Changmin, she brings herself to have her gaze meet his, and only does Changmin now notice the tears prickling at her eyes. He shuts up, allowing the nurse to speak.

She looks down while digging for something through the pocket of her coat, slowly pulling the item out. “I-I came to return this to you,” she whispers.

“...What?”

The nurse hands the item to the male, and Changmin is finally able to tell what it is.

“...No. No, no there’s no way. Why-...would you give me the ring...Y/N-”

“We lost a pulse, sir,” she whispers, hanging her head as she drops the information.

Changmin’s entire body freezes and the ring in his hands falls, filling the empty hallway with the sound it makes when it hits the ground.

In complete denial, Changmin pushes past the nurse and pulls the door open, bursting into the room. His eyes search the room, and that’s when his gaze settles on the flat line presented on the monitor.

He stumbles back a few steps, and the only doctor in the room turns to look at him. She’s just as speechless as Changmin is, and she steps away from your bed to walk over to him.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she murmurs, leaving him alone with your lifeless body in the room

Although you’re covered head to toe with a white sheet, Changmin manages to get a glimpse of the blood dripping from your fingers, your now empty fingers, noticing the puddle that has been created on the ground.

The scene makes Changmin dizzy, and he feels like passing out as he uses the door frame as support. Too much is going on in his mind to have him fully comprehend what he is seeing; that it’s your body he’s looking at.

The nurse remains with him in the hallway, picking up the ring he dropped seconds earlier to hand it to him.

Just like the doctor, she apologizes as well, but Changmin doesn’t get to hear the end of it when he leaves with the ring. He storms past the staff walking through the hallways and leaves the hospital, not willing to have strangers witnessing his tears.

All Changmin does is get in his car and drive.

He drives to the daycare, refusing to let the reality dawn on him because when he reaches the daycare, he’ll be able to see you.

He’ll see you working at your desk, planning the activity for a day with a smile on your lips as you think about Hyunjae. He’ll see you twirling around in your swivel chair, telling him to join you.

But none of that happens when he enters the daycare, turning on the lights to the playroom. All he is met with is the vacancy of the room and your raincoat tossed onto one of the round tables.

And for the first time that night, Changmin realizes he’ll never see you again.

//

Growing up, people have always told Changmin to think about what he has rather than what he doesn’t have.

But how could he think about what he has when he no longer has you?

He doesn’t have you sitting in the passenger seat of his car, rating each song in his playlist or your smile that would wish him good morning whenever he enters the daycare. He doesn’t have your hand to hold and caress or your forehead to kiss.

He doesn’t have a reason to smile, so what was there to think about?

He didn’t even get a chance to say I love you.

It was such a foolish mistake to not say it to you everyday. If he had the chance, he would say it whenever you drift off to sleep and wake up beside him. He would say it after you slap him on the back for saying something stupid and kiss him on the cheek to make up for it.

But he never did. He never once uttered those cursed three words to you.

He was too lost in love to even acknowledge the lack of the three words being shared in the first place, and it doesn’t help that the world has taken you from him shortly after.

Changmin walks around the playroom in order to calm down the inferno burning up his insides, but that all fails when he drives his fist in the wall, wishing that the pain will replace the emptiness in his chest. He tosses all of the children’s paintings into the trash, along with the purple flowers you arranged for him a week ago.

With the only light in the playroom being the moonlight, he pulls out Hyunjae’s painting without thinking and tears it into pieces, ripping it until it could no longer be torn. The pieces fall onto one of the round tables like confetti, and his hands meet the table, letting out the sobs he’s been holding in ever since he’s heard the news from the nurse.

This place became his home in only two years, and he blames the stupid smile that would always reside on your face when you greeted him into the daycare. You and the kids were always the reason why he looked forward to waking up everyday, creating memories that would bring comfort to everyone in the room.

He sits down in one of the chairs, wiping away his tears as he pulls the ring out from his pockets, watching the way it glistens under the light illuminating from the moon. Carelessly, he tosses it onto the paper he’s ripped apart, pushing the table away from him.

You didn’t even get to wear it for a day.

Through his tears, he sees a paper on the ground, one that hadn’t been there when Changmin had entered the room. He quickly realizes that it fell out of the vase when he trashed the flowers away, picking it up between his fingers.

He hesitates to read what it says. He’s already dealing with too much pain that his heart is unable to handle anymore, but his fingers can’t help but move on their own, opening the paper to reveal the purple ink written all over.

Dear my (second) favorite person on earth,

I know you’ll throw these flowers away when they die. After all, that’s the classic Changmin I’ve grown to love so when you do, when you find this letter, I hope you read every single word I’m about to write.

I love yow.

I didn’t think my letter would get that fucked easily. Hyungseo tried peeking over my shoulder to see what I was writing, and I accidentally wrote a ‘w’ instead of a ‘u’ because of him. Honestly speaking, I hate it here. (No I don’t).

That reminds me. Did I ever tell you how much I love writing? We should write each other notes while we have the kids do an activity. You know, like highschoolers in love. I think it’ll be cute seeing you get caught writing mid-sentence by Hyunjae.

I should really stop rambling because Haknyeon’s starting to eat the petals from the flowers and Youngjae and Sunwoo refuse to stop hyping him up. Can you believe these boys? This is what you and Hyunjae are missing out on. I can’t believe you’ve been gone for hours now with him,, why’d you have to steal him from me >:( kidding, by the way. I hope you two are having fun without me. (Yes, I’m still petty).

I love you, Changmin. Two years with you, and I’ve never gotten to say it. It’s not like it matters because our love language is anything but, but it wouldn’t hurt to say it every now and then because I truly do mean it when I say I love you. I would say it to your face if I wasn’t such a wuss about it so here I am, expressing my feelings through a stupid letter. You better enjoy reading after this, by the way. I’m not going to write essays about how much I love you just for you to not read them.

Anyways, I bought this purple pen yesterday! It’s pretty, isn’t it? It isn’t the exact shade of purple you like, but the same could honestly be said about the assortment of flowers the boys and I made for you.

….Okay listen, I know you’re going to laugh when I show them to you. I swore the flowers looked beautiful when I bought them, but somehow when I gave them to the kids, they all managed to fuck them up and have them all bent in all the wrong places. So as an apology, I’m hoping this note makes up for it. Shit, I went off topic again.

I love you, Jichang. I love you more than words can do any justice, so instead of writing I love you a thousand different times…

Changmin, would you like the honor of being my boyfriend?

Shut up, I know you’ll say yes regardless, but I’ll still be expecting you to pick me up and twirl me around in the air, declaring yourself as my official boyfriend. It’d be nice, wouldn’t it?

Changmin sees how your handwriting trails off, figuring that was when he entered the playroom with Hyunjae and the popcorn. He wishes there was more to read, more to hear from you, but this is the most he’s ever going to get.

His sobs return, and he’s crying like Hyunjae except Changmin is in the arms of no one; no one to hold him, no one to tell him they’re there for him.

His mind is flashing images of you, reminding him of the memories he’s shared with you.

He’s reminded of the roll of your eyes when he would make a snarky remark and of your cuddles whenever all the kids have finally left the daycare. He remembers the way you would smile at him whenever he’s playing with the kids and how you always manage to unintentionally daydream about him when he’s sitting right beside you.

All those moments that made him fall in love with you are now memories that took turns taking a stab at his heart, crushing the organ until there was no more.

He wanted to scream at the world for taking you away from him so soon, but his throat is raw and he’s barely able to whisper. He’s craving your touch, your lips against his, and he’s wishing he could hear the jingle from the glass doors, signifying that you have arrived.

He wishes he had the chance to dance with you at least once in the middle of the empty playroom, maybe even practice the one you’ll share at your wedding.

The idea of the wedding makes Changmin look at the ring on the table, bringing it back between his fingers.

“I feel so lost,” he whispers, his voice breaking as he clutches onto the ring. “Y/N, what-...what do I do without you?”

He has no one to guide him, no one to tell him to believe in himself, and no one to love.

//

Changmin carries the last box into the trunk of his car, stacking it on top of the others. He wipes the sweat off his forehead, looking up at the sun shining bright in the sky despite it nearing winter. He pulls out his phone to check the time, realizing he has another thirty minutes before he has to leave.

In the past two months, Changmin has closed the daycare and called the dance academy. It took a few paperworks to be filled out before he’s officially accepted, and today is finally the day he’ll be leaving.

Changmin hears a car pulling up next to his in the parking lot, looking over to see who it was.

He regrets doing so, especially when Mrs. Lee leaves the driver’s seat.

“Ch-”

“The daycare’s closing, Mrs. Lee,” Changmin states, closing his trunk shut. “I have to leave soon too.”

His tone would’ve been more bitter if it wasn’t for the fact that Changmin is drained. For the past two months, Changmin has been drained of his tears and pain, causing him to be left with only soreness and a throbbing heartache.

“I know, I know, but Changmin, please listen to me.” She follows him across the street, tailing after his steps to the daycare. “My son keeps getting constant nightmares, and all I ask for is for you to give him all your time before you leave.”

“Your son?” he scoffs, stopping when he reaches the glass doors. “I owe you nothing.”

He wraps his fingers around the handle of the door, ready to push it open before hearing Mrs. Lee.

“Jaehy- Hyunjae. Hyunjae wants to see you. He wants to say goodbye.”

Changmin shuts his eyes at the name he’s been avoiding for so long, turning around in his spot to face his mother.

“Please, Changmin, talk to him one last time, I beg of you.” She’s distraught, not knowing how else to get her desperation across.

His mind runs over the idea of talking to Hyunjae for the last time, heart wrenching at the thought.

“Alright. Tell him to enter alone and make it quick. I don’t have all day.” Changmin’s just about to enter the daycare before realizing something, turning back around to look at the lady.

“Oh, and Mrs. Lee? Don’t bother ever stepping foot into this building ever again. I mean it. You’ve already inflicted enough pain.”

He pushes the door open and makes his way into the playroom.

The emptiness of the room engulfs him as he enters, looking at how lifeless the walls looked after taking down the colored posters that had the abcs written all over them. Truly nothing remained in the room except for the counters with sinks. The bookshelves have been donated along with all of the books, and the bean bags have been given to Sunwoo and Youngjae’s families. He looks around the room one last time, unable to pinpoint how he used to call this dinky place ‘home’.

A few minutes after roaming around the place with a hollow heart, Changmin hears the front two doors jingle, tiny footsteps making their way into the daycare.

Hyunjae peeks into the playroom and when he catches sight of Changmin, tears begin to fall down his face. He runs over to the male, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist as he breaks out into full-on sobs.

Changmin hesitantly crouches down so Hyunjae is able to hug him better, remaining emotionless as the young boy wets his shirt with his tears. His little fingers desperately cling onto his sleeves, and no words are exchanged between the two boys for minutes. Though, to Changmin, it feels like hours, holding the boy in his arms as he stares off into the void.

Hyunjae is the first to speak up, voice quivering. “Don’t leave,” he whispers.

Changmin struggles to find the right words to use in the moment but gives up, deciding to just be blatantly honest with the boy. “I have to, Hyunjae. I can’t stay. I’m leaving.”

Hyunjae looks up at him, redness tinting his puffy eyes while tears continuously pour down his face. “You can’t- you just can’t-” he sobs, going back to hiding his face in the teacher’s chest. “What w-would I do without you?”

Changmin pats the back of his head and thinks, smiling back at a memory. “Hyunjae, do you remember that book you always liked? The one Y/N bought for you two years ago?”

The nine-year-old stiffles his cries for only a second, nodding.

“The main character...He dies in the end, right?”

Again, Hyunjae nods.

“But you’ve read that book how many times?”

The boy frowns. “What does this have to do with anything?” he hiccups, wiping his tears away.

Changmin sighs. “Life is kind of like, well, a storybook. Whatever is written is permanent, and there’s nothing you can change. You can keep flipping the pages back and forth, wishing that you’ll be able to change the outcome, but you can’t because the ink has already seeped into the paper.

So it’s hard to, you know, turn the page when you know someone you loved ever so dearly won’t be in the next chapter, but you do it regardless. You come to accept the fact they’re gone because you’ll have to move on with the story, and eventually you’re able to turn that page.”

He cups Hyunjae’s cheeks in his hands, reassuring him. “You’ll move on, Hyunjae. Just like how you’ve gotten over the boy’s death in the book a trillion times. Trust me.”

“But that’s different,” Hyunjae reasons, removing Changmin’s hands from his face. “I-In the book, they still get their happy ending. In the book, the people still live happily ever after, even with the death of the boy.”

“Yes, ‘in the book’, Hyunjae. This is real life.” He looks at the ground. “Not all couples get happy endings.”

“But we could get ours.” Hyunjae makes Changmin look at him, tears being brought back into his eyes. “You’re here with me right now, and you can stay. You can stay with me, and we could write our own story with a happy ending.”

“I’m afraid it’s not that easy, Hyunjae,” the male whispers.

“Teacher Y/N already left,” Hyunjae mumbles. “I can’t-...I don’t want to lose you too.”

With shaky hands, Hyunjae reaches up to cup Changmin’s cheeks, tears cascading down his cheeks as he tries to speak. “P-please, please don’t leave me,” he hiccups through his tears.

Changmin closes his eyes, preventing himself from falling vulnerable into the hands of a nine-year-old. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”

“B-but we’re family, and family....family sticks together, right?”

“We’re not family, Hyunjae.”

Changmin’s words pierces into Hyunjae’s heart, and the boy no longer says anything else, the two allowing the young boy’s sobs to fill up the room.

Changmin opens his eyes to look at Hyunjae, and he knows this image of Hyunjae will forever be engraved into his mind.

And out of nowhere, Changmin smiles. He smiles because he knows they’ll be okay.

“Thank you.”

Hyunjae sniffs loudly, still holding onto Changmin’s cheeks. “F-for what?” The boy is biting back his upcoming batch of tears, but it fails when Changmin starts to speak.

“Thank you, Hyunjae, for being the sunshine that always brightens the daycare’s day and being the shooting star that glitters the dark skies at night. Thank you for your little surprise hellos and your comforting goodbyes. Thank you for the happiness you’ve brought to not only me, but Teacher Y/N as well.” Changmin finally allows his tears to fall, not breaking eye contact with Hyunjae. “Thank you for being so fucking strong for the both of us and growing up to be the angel Y/N will always love and cherish.”

Hyunjae’s sobs even harder after hearing Changmin, unable to contain himself. “Please-...don’t go.”

But the male continues. He removes his face from Hyunjae’s palms and moves to rest his forehead against the boy’s, working his words through his own tears.

“Thank you for being your bestest self in front of everyone. Thank you for bringing a smile to everyone’s faces every single day, and thank you for always giving me a reason to wake up. Thank you for being the first person to give me hugs and loving me when no one else would. Thank you for making me feel like a kid again these past two years. Thank you, Hyunjae, for being the gift in my life.”

Changmin pulls away from the young boy and presses a sweet, gentle kiss to his nose, hugging him tightly afterwards. “I love you,” he whispers.

The teacher then stands up and doesn’t take another glance at the boy he had only broken further, leaving the playroom. He walks out the glass doors of the daycare and heads for his car, looking ahead towards the path he was always meant to take.

The kid inside him once played hide and seek for twenty three years, and during those twenty three years, Changmin refused to play along.

Now, the only person that remains inside the vacant daycare is the kid Changmin grew to love and eventually left behind; the boy that led him to his inner kidult.

Maybe, just like in Hyunjae’s painting, Changmin was the devil after all.

As always, you’re reading a book despite how late it is at night. Your legs are sprawled out on top of the blankets, waiting for Changmin to exit the bathroom as usual.

He’s dressed in his usual flannel pajamas, a bright smile on his face. You close your book and set it aside before spotting a piece of paper peeking out from the pockets in his pants.

“You bring that thing everywhere, don’t you?”

“Huh? This?” Changmin pulls it out of his pocket and waves it in the air, making you confirm his words with a nod.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he snorts, raising his brows. “If you had this gem, you’d bring it everywhere too.”

You roll your eyes and grab a pillow, tossing it at his face. “Yeah sure, but I wouldn’t shower with it, dummy.”

He stumbles back due to the hit and picks it up from the ground, tossing the pillow right back at you. “I don’t shower with it!” he exclaims.

Changmin joins you on your bed after setting Hyunjae’s painting down onto the nightstand, yawning loudly.

“Whatever you say, Jichang.”

You put the pillow back into its spot and bring the blankets over both of your bodies after turning off the lamp, leaving the two of you in complete darkness. Though, the lack of light doesn’t stop Changmin from bringing you close against him, snuggling up to you.

It’s silent, and you would think he’s asleep until he shifts in his spot.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Isn’t it crazy how like...Hyunjae painted that thing when we only knew each other for, what? Two days?” He scrunches his nose at the memory before turning to look at you to see what you thought.

“It is,” you respond. “Kids do the darndest things.”

Changmin laughs at your word choice but agrees nonetheless. “Don’t you think it somehow links with fate? The two of us ending up together?”

“Mmm, perhaps. Depends on how you put it.” You shift in your spot, turning to face him. “Hyunjae’s special like that.”

You reach to hold one of his hands, playing with his fingers. “Together forever,” you sigh, pressing a kiss against his knuckles.

“That includes Hyunjae, right?” Changmin asks, lazy eyes watching your every movement as a cheeky smile makes its way to his lips.

You laugh, nodding. “Yes, that includes Hyunjae. All three of us...together forever....Oh my god, Changmin, remember that pinky promise you had the three of us do before you left?”

He grins at the memory, remembering how grim that day turned out to be until he asked you out. “Yeah, yeah I do.”

He pulls his hand away from you to tuck his nose into the crook of your neck, growing drowsier with each hum that escapes you.

“The three of us and our happy little ending,” Changmin murmurs, that being the last thing he says before drifting off to sleep.

NAVIGATION | TBZ MASTERLIST

Star-gazing → Kim Sunwoo

@just-a-random-shawol asked: Hi! 🥰❤ Can I request a The Boyz Sunwoo scenario where he (your boyfriend btw) randomly appears at your front door at night and brings you somewhere to stargaze together? 🥺❤ Have a lovely day! ♡

Requested.

WC: 2.5k

Warnings: None.

Genre: Fluff, Comedy.

You threw your body on the couch, it was a very tiring day, you had a lot of lectures to the point where you felt your mind would explode. Luckily, you were able to finish and go home before you lose your sanity. And because the following day was your day off, you decided to let all the college work for tomorrow and enjoy a little break. You placed the bowl of popcorn in your hands beside you on the couch, before taking the TV controller from the small table beside you. You decided to stay up late and binge-watching K-drama.

An hour and a half later, you heard a knock on the door. Frowning, you stood up and walked to the door. It was almost eleven, who could possibly visit you at that time? You opened the door and your eyes widened upon seeing the face of your visitor.

“Sunwoo?!” you gasped, before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug.

“Hey, babe,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer into the hug.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re here! Come in,” you said pulling away from the hug and ushering him to enter.

“No, no we don’t have time, just change into something warm and let’s go,” he told you pushing you gently inside.

“Wait, what do you mean? Where are we going?” you stopped and turned to him.

“I will explain in the car, just hurry, we are already late,” he said and you nodded obeying him.

You ran to your room and went through your closet, searching for your favourite hoodie, you snatched it soon as your eyes fell on it. You ran back to the living room, you put on the hoodie and grabbed the TV controller to turn it off.

You put on your sneakers and ran to the door, not forgetting to take your keys and your phone.

“What took you so long?!” Sunwoo whined as you closed the door behind you.

“Stop being dramatic, it was just five minutes! ” you said rolling your eyes at his dramatic antics.

“Whatever,” he said and looked at your outfit squinting his eyes, “Wait a second, is that what I think it is?” he asked looking at the hoodie you were wearing.

You smiled sheepishly at him, “Oh yeah, it’s exactly what you’re thinking,” you nodded proudly, putting your hand inside the pocket of your (his) hoodie.

“Oh my god Y/N! Do you know for how long Iʼve been looking for that hoodie?! Why didn’t you tell me that you took it?” he groaned as you walked through the corridor.

“First, you were the one who gave it to me. Second,  you could’ve asked me about it, you idiot,” you stated in defence, making him sigh in defeat.

You both descended the stairs and walked out of the building. You walked to Sunwoo’s car, talking about your latest news. You got in the car and he started the engine.

“Now, we are in the car, tell me where are we going?” you asked excitedly.

“It’s a surprise... You will see once we get there,” he smirked and you furrowed your eyebrows.

“Come on babe, please!” you pleaded, fluttering your eyes. He shook his head no, you sighed knowing you won’t get anything out of him. You pulled your sweater paws as a cold breeze hit you from the window. You looked at the hoodie and dosed off.

You remembered the day when Sunwoo gave you that hoodie. It was in your junior year in high school, it was your first year in this school and you got bullied a lot back then. One time, when you were cleaning the schoolyard as a part of your volunteer hours, one of the girls you hated splashed you with water from the hose of the garden and pretended that it was an accident. The weather was so cold and your shirt was soaked wet, you ran inside the school building and ran into an empty class.

Little did you know that Sunwoo saw what happened as he was wiping the windows of one of the classes. You sat in that empty class trying to figure out what to do with your soaked and transparent shirt. You heard a knock on the door and you turned to see who it was, and it was Sunwoo, he wasn’t looking at you and kept his eyes fixed to the ground as he put something on the nearest desk and left. You walked to the desk and saw a white hoodie, you looked outside for him and saw nothing but empty halls. You changed your wet shirt to the hoodie and walked out to complete your duty.

And this was how your friendship began, at the end of that day, you gathered up your courage and went to thank him, you offered to treat him and he accepted, you both hung out that day together and you gave him back his hoodie.

Days and weeks went by and you became closer and closer to each other, until the juniors prom when Sunwoo finally got the guts to confess his feelings for you. And as you were also in love with him you confessed too and you two started dating.

But life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, you two got accepted in different universities and yours was even in another city. You two went on your last date before you moved out, and at the end of the day, he gave you the same hoodie again, saying that now he can always be with you. And since then, your relationship became a long-distance relationship and you barely became able to meet each other.

It was hard but you two managed to keep your relationship strong, even if you would only see each other on holidays when you would go back to your hometown to spend the holidays with your family.

“Y/N?” Sunwoo’s soft voice pulled you out of your thoughts, you hummed, looking at him.

“You’ve never been this quiet before, what’s wrong?” he asked softly, his expression concerned.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it, baby.” you smiled looking outside the window and saw that you were out of town. Your eyes widened and turned to him.  “Seriously, Sunwoo! Where are you taking me?!” you questioned and he laughed at you.

“Relax Y/N, you will know when we get there, and I’m sure you’re going to like it,” he said and intertwined his fingers with yours reassuringly.

Knowing you would never get anything out of him no matter how hard you tried, you decided to give up and enjoy the trip to that unknown place. You leaned your back and rested your head on the chair, looking outside the window and humming with the song on the radio.

Half an hour later, Sunwoo stopped the car, you opened the door and slowly stepped out of it as Sunwoo did too. You frowned as soon as you took in your surrounding. Turns out Sunwoo has parked the car at the bottom of a hill.

“What are we doing here?” you asked confused, as Sunwoo went to the car trunk, he pulled out a huge bag, swung it over his shoulder before closing it.

“Come on, let’s go.” He said walking to you, grabbing your hand in his before dragging you with him.

You both climbed the hill, there were a lot of trees and you weren’t able to see anything, you gasped as soon as you reached the top of the hill. It was a breathtaking scenery, you could see the city lights from there, not to mention how beautiful the sky looked. Sunwoo let go of your hand, sat down opening the bag.

“Wow,” you breathed walking a few steps to the steep of the hill lost in the view.

“I told you, you will like it.” Sunwoo’s voice brought you back to your senses. You hummed turning around only to see a blue blanket spread on the ground just where you and Sunwoo were standing. A box of chocolate covered in strawberries was placed open on it, and beside it was what you guessed was a scented candle.

“Oh my god, Sunwoo you didn’t!” you clasped your hand on your mouth in surprise. He smiled proudly walking over to you.

“You always said you wanted to go stargazing together,” he paused looking you in the eyes, before grabbing your hand and pulling you with him back to the blanket, confused, you let him drag you.

He sat down and pulled you to sit on his lap, he wrapped his arms around you pulling you closer to him, your back was against his chest, his head rested on your shoulder and his fingers intertwined with yours. “Just wait, it will start any minute now,” Sunwoo whispered in your ear.

Looking up to the sky, still confused you followed suite, a few minutes passed, you were both admiring the beauty of the view, but still, nothing happened, and you couldn’t help your curiosity.

“What exactly are we waiting for?” you asked making Sunwoo groan.

“For God’s sake Y/N, stop trying to ruin the surprise and wait!” he exclaimed, you pouted, your curiosity was killing you, but you really didn’t want to ruin the surprise, because even when you don’t know what did he plan, you’re pretty sure he worked so hard on it.

“They said it would start now,” sunwoo mumbled, checking his watch. “Thank god!” Sunwoo sighed in relief and you gave a confused look, then followed his gaze to the sky.

Your eyes widened at the sight, as a shooting star roared across the sky. You clasped your hands together and closed your eyes to make a wish, but Sunwoo shook you violently, making you glare at him.

“Wait, Not now, you will miss it!” he exclaimed pointing to the sky. You followed his finger and saw another couple of shooting stars roaring across the sky.

“What?”

Your mouth fell open, your eyes wide in surprise, as more shooting stars kept coming. “It’s a meteor shower!” you exclaimed, realising finally what Sunwoo was talking about. You locked your eyes to the sky, truly mesmerised by the scenery.

Dozens, hundreds, maybe thousands of shooting stars followed, cutting through the sky, making it look like a beautiful canvas. It was really breathtaking. Sunwoo smiled, proud that his plan worked. “Make a wish, princess,” he whispered in your ear, before planting a small kiss on your cheek.

You closed your eyes and made your wish quickly, before opening it again and locking your eyes again on the sky. You leaned back on Sunwoo, giving him the chance to pull you closer and closer to him, tightly wrapping his arms around you, and resting his chin on your shoulder. You placed your hands on his, as you two watched the beautiful view.

The meteor shower started to get heavier and heavier, then it started to slowly fade, you frowned watching the last few shooting stars, you didn’t want this beautiful sight to end, but what can you do about it? The last one cut through the sky and out of your sight, the sky was back to normal, except for the little traces of the last shooting stars. You sighed in content, still not believing you’ve witnessed something as beautiful as what you’ve just seen.

“That was amazing!” you exclaimed, turning around to face Sunwoo, who was smiling goofily, his heart swelling with pride, knowing that his plan succeeded, seeing your reaction and how happy you were, made him the happiest he has ever been.

You stood up from Sunwoo’s lap, only to sit on the blanket in front of him. “I’m just really curious, how did you know about this?” you asked, taking one of the chocolates covered in strawberries and shoving it in your mouth.

Sunwoo chuckled, knowing there is no way out of this one, “Alright I will tell you.” he said, lying down, resting his head on your lap.

“I know how you love the stars and how always said you want us to go stargazing together. So, I started planning it, failed miserably multiple times, because you know, College, exams and stuff,” he explained, and you listened intently.

“Until last week, one of my project teammates who’s apparently interested in astronomy, mentioned that they calculated that a meteor is going to penetrate the earth’s atmosphere, which will cause the known phenomenon ‘meteor shower’, so I looked it up, following the news, and I figured out the day and the approximate hour, I searched for the best place we can watch it and I made sure to finish everything I have on my to-do list before today, so I can execute my plan.”

“That’s why you kept asking about my schedule!” you exclaimed cutting him off, he nodded chuckling,

“Yes, I had to make sure you have nothing on that day,” he said and you leaned back smirking slightly.

“But, what if... You know, these calculations weren’t accurate, you’d have done all this for nothing,” you said and he nodded.

“I know, that’s why I prepared all this,” he ushered to everything on the blanket, “A backup plan just in case, we could’ve just sat together stargazing, and talk.” he smiled, sitting up, lacing his hand with yours and intertwining your fingers together.

You just stared into his eyes, you were truly speechless, your mind went blank, you can’t even think right anymore, it’s not like it’s the first time Sunwoo surprises you with the ways he expresses his love for you, but you still can’t believe he planned all of this, driving for more than two hours in the night to get to you and drive back to the edge of the city, to give you the best view, all this was just to grant your wish.

Tears of joy gathered in your eyes, you throw yourself at him, causing his back to hit the ground with you on top of him, your arms wrapped around him, hugging him tightly, he groaned from the sudden act, but then wrapped his arms tightly around your waist chuckling.

You pulled away from the hug, gazing into his face, you cupped his face with your hands, before leaning down and crashing your lips to his, he smiled kissing you back, his arms still around your waist. You poured all your emotions through the kiss. You pulled away for air,

“I love you,” you panted, not giving Sunwoo a chance to speak, “I love you, Kim Sunwoo!” you yelled, smiling widely, he laughed.

“I love you too, Y/N Y/L/N!” he yelled back, your voices and laughs echoing through the night.

You both lied down cuddling, your head resting on his chest, his arms wrapped around you, both of you staring at the sky and talking. You wish to always be happy like how you’re right now, spending time with your boyfriend in a place as beautiful as this, hoping this night will never end.

- Written by Jade 🌸

i PEACE)

the way life goes — two

pairing: jaemin x reader genre: smut, angst, fluff wc: 14.7k

chapter warnings: slow burn-ish, so much plot and way too much dialogue lol, fwb type stuff, friends to lovers i guess???, the majority of kpop 00’ liners are in this, other nct members also make brief appearances, a lot of crack humour, a lot of sex talk and jokes, black haired jaemin, jaemin is just super mysterious and sexy, explicit language, explicit content, BIG SMUT, jaemin fingers reader while the boys are downstairs, jaemin wears rings while fingering reader it's hot, grinding, dry humping, protected sex (stay safe besties), very soft!dom jaemin, sub!reader i suppose, praising, slight hair pulling, big dick jaemin, jaemin jokes about multiple orgasms, yangyang is still trying to get down n dirty with reader lmao,

⌜part one⌟

summary: you and jaemin discuss your friends with benefits situation before things between you both start to escalate. also, your friends are crazy and they know about it.

“Have you guys started that creative writing assessment Professor Moon asked us to do?” Miwoo questions at the table during lunch, dipping her baby carrots into a hummus pot as she takes a quick glance at Haru’s notebook, watching the blonde scribble something down. “Wait, are you writing notes?”

“No” Haru shakes her head before pointing at the spare notebook that you’re currently holding, your eyes scanning over the page. “Those are my notes”

“Give me those!!!” Miwoo hisses as she reaches over to snatch the notes out of your hands and slam them down in the middle of the table for her to see. You glare her way, flicking her the middle finger which she ignores. “I haven’t started anything”

“It’s not supposed to be handed in until next week” You inform. “Why are you in a rush to get it done already?”

“So I don’t have to worry about it all weekend?” Miwoo says as if it was the most obvious answer in the world, grabbing a notebook and pen out of her bag. “The only thing I want to worry about is if I run out of money or get pregnant, not some stupid assessment”

Haru keeps her eyes down but her lips curl upwards. “I thought you wanted to get punished by Professor Moon?”

“I wish” Miwoo snorts before munching on another baby carrot. Her eyes flitter over to you, cocking her head to the side. “So, what’s up with you and Jaemin?”

You give her a blank look, but your heart races. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on… we’ve all noticed how close you and Jaemin have gotten since the whole incident on the weekend. Now spill the details about yours and Jaemin’s little one on one last night!!” Miwoo grins excitingly and even Haru peers up from her notebook, eyeing you in curiosity. Your face feels hot under their stares, becoming uncomfortable due to the sudden attention but you clear your throat, leaning back into your seat as you try to act as calm and collected as you possibly can.

“Nothing happened” You shake your head. Liar. “He came over, we ate and we talked”

“Talk about what?” Miwoo presses before she wiggles her brows. “Anything interesting?”

“Just how loud your moans are” You send her a sarcastic smile and she retaliates by rolling her eyes. “Seriously, it’s some porn star quality material... have you thought about going into that profession?”

“Ha. Ha. Hilarious” Miwoo grumbles, pulling a face when Haru laughs. “Laugh all you want!! You’re just jealous that I’m getting railed into oblivion by Jeno’s fat co—”

"You're so disgusting, shut up!" You groan out but the smile on your face gives away how much you actually find the comment funny. "You have no shame"

"And that's what you all love about me" Miwoo smiles prettily as she bats her eyelashes. You jokingly roll your eyes with a hum just as the boys finally make an appearance, walking through the double doors of the college's cafeteria and heading straight for your table.

Renjun pulls his laptop out of his bag once he sits down next to Haru, laying a kiss on her temple and she leans into his side while she continues to write in her notebook. You zone out as you watch them, how the arm around her shoulder rests so comfortably and how mindlessly he traces patterns on her skin even though his attention is focussed on the screen in front. Haru’s hand is placed gently on his thigh, unmoving, but you know that the little gesture is something that’s so calming for the both of them, so natural and so secure.

Your eyes flitter over to Jeno and Miwoo, the former smothering the latter’s face in loud smooches and nibbling the shell of her ear when he runs up behind her. fingers digging into her sides in hopes of a loud reaction that she doesn’t give apart from the giggles and the warning slaps before he sits down, capturing her mouth in a sloppy kiss.

"Gross" Donghyuck gags as he settles down beside you with Yangyang following suit and sitting on your other side. "Save the face sucking for another time, just looking at it makes me want to puke"

"You just wish it was you and Aisha" Renjun fires back just before Jeno could react, not even bothering to take his attention away from his laptop.

"And what about it?!?!" Donghyuck hisses back angrily, seemingly defensive. "Also, don't think for one second that you guys are so slick... we all notice the lingering touches and that not-so-subtle lovey dovey bullshit!"

"What's crawled up your ass today?" Haru questions, glancing up from her notes. "Why are you in such a sour mood?"

"Aisha rejected him big time" Yangyang reveals with a snicker, quickly grabbing your shoulders as using you as a human shield as Donghyuck tries to reach around you to attack him. You huff as you get squished between the two, trying to calm down Donghyuck while prying Yangyang's grip off. "He finally grew some balls and asked Aisha out on a date but she rejected him straight off the bat and told him that she wasn't interested"

"Apparently she's seeing that guy who brought his guitar at our party last weekend" Donghyuck sulks with a pout, getting ready to slam his head down on the desk but you're quick to react, holding out your hand so his forehead smacks your palm. He whines. "That Canadian motherfucker..."

"At least she was honest!" Miwoo tries to cheer him up. "I mean, would you rather have her tell you the truth and go through a little bit of heartbreak or have her lie and lead you on?"

"Duh, lie and lead me on"

"You're such a fucking brat!" Miwoo throws one of her baby carrots forcefully at Donghyuck's head in frustration and he looks up to give her an evil glare before reaching for the not-so-damaging weapon and shoving it into his mouth, angrily munching the vegetable.

"Where's Jaemin and Shotaro?" You ask, noticing the missing presence of the two and secretly hoping to change the subject from Miwoo and Donghyuck, too tired to hear them bicker any while longer.

"Jaemin is helping Shotaro with his new dance video that he's gotta present in front of his class soon. Jaemin's getting the right shots, the right lighting and all that kind of stuff for him..." Jeno explains as he turns to you, a teasing smirk spreading on his lips and he raises a brow. "Why? Are you missing Jaemin?"

You roll your eyes. "Shut up"

"You guys have been getting close, you know" Yangang points out, resting his chin on his hand to look at you. "I even heard he came over to your apartment last night... all alone... just the two of you"

"That's because Miwoo and Haru were getting their backs blown out by Jeno and Renjun and were being too loud" You tell him and Yangyang gasps loudly, covering his mouth as his head snaps towards the four in question whilst Donghyuck has a gagging fit beside you. "He came over to get away from the noise"

"For your information, it was Miwoo that was loud" Renjun corrects, ignoring the glares he was getting from the girl.

"Wait, so Haru doesn't make a sound when you guys have sex?" Yangyang gives Haru a sympathetic smile, reaching across the table to pat her hand in fake comfort. "Sorry to hear that he doesn't please you enough, must be annoying"

"Nope, I'm good" Haru shakes her head. "I love the way Renjun chokes me to be quiet"

The noise that leaves from everyone sends Haru into a laughing fit while Renjun reminds quiet, but the cocky smirk he wears clearly shows how proud he is of himself. Jeno gives him at pat on the back and two impressed thumbs up while Miwoo stares at Haru, wiggling her brows suggestively.

"I don't know why you guys are so shocked, honestly" Donghyuck mutters. "It's always the quiet ones who are the freakiest"

You feel movement beside you and your eyes narrow. "You better not be looking at me Yangyang"

"I'm looking straight at you, baby girl" Yangyang grins. You roll your eyes, scrunching your face in disgust at the pet name and swatting his hands away as he tries to touch you, fingers reaching for your arm to try and tug you into his lap.

Donghyuck joins in on the teasing, wrapping his arms around your middle and pulling you back into his chest and you curse him out, pinching the skin on his arms in an attempt to get him off, not even caring about the other students that give your table dirty looks for being so loud.

With your one hand in Donghyuck’s hair and the other gripping Yangyang’s ear, you turn to look at the others in hopes they would help you escape from their teasing but your face drops, a blank expression taking over your features as you make eye contact with Jeno’s iphone camera, realising he’s been recording the entire thing.

“Wipe that stupid grin off of your face, Lee Jeno” You warn, shooting daggers at the camera lense. “If you post that video anywhere on social media, I swear to god I will turn you inside out”

“Oh yeah?” Jeno raises a brow, the grin still remaining on his lips. “Try it, bitch”

Before you could even get the chance to leap over the table and rip Jeno’s face off, Haru and Miwoo both react fast by whacking him across the head, the former gasping in shock and dropping his phone to rub the sore area. Jeno goes to give the girls the same treatment but his hand freezes in the air as Renjun’s head snaps towards him, almost daring him to lay a finger on Haru and Jeno pouts, opting to grab the pressure point in Miwoo’s knee instead and squeeze, earning a loud yelp.

“You’re all so dramatic” Donghyuck tuts, his arms finally slipping from your body to grab Jeno’s phone. “Couldn’t be me”

“You’re literally the most dramatic person here” Yangyang looks at Donghyuck as if he sprouted two extra heads on his shoulders and Donghyuck simply flips him off, watching the video of your mini squabble on Jeno’s phone. You lean in close, your chin digging into Donghyuck’s arm as you watch the video along with him, ignoring the way he hisses in pain at the pressure you’re putting on his arm.

You fail to notice Jaemin and Shotaro approaching the table, too engrossed in watching yourself pathetically fight back against Donghyuck and Yangyang’s antics but you grin widely the second you see your hand rip his hair and the pained expressions on his face, making Donghyuck scoff at your reaction.

The others greet the two latecomers, moving around to make some room at the table and Shotaro sits beside Renjun, and Jaemin opts to slide into the seat opposite you. A foot knocks against yours and you tear your eyes away from the phone, ready to snap at Jeno until you see it was Jaemin.

You blink in surprise, lips curling into a shy smile and Jaemin mirrors your expression but radiates a lot more confidence, leaning back into his chair and locks your foot with his own, keeping you trapped.

The contact makes your heart race as you quickly glance around at the others, hoping they haven’t noticed anything different or if they somehow realised your heart was about to leap out of your chest. You felt embarrassed at how easily Jaemin could turn you into a flustered and nervous wreck, you prayed you wouldn’t react like this all the time.

“How did the filming go?”

“It was great!” Shotaro beams as he answers Haru’s question, pulling a bottle of water out of his bag and unscrewing the cap. “I’m really grateful that Jaemin helped me out. The shots looked amazing!!”

“Can we see it?” Miwoo grins, leaning on her elbow as she dreamily looks off into the distance. “I find dancing so sexy…”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “You’re just easily pleased”

“And what about it?” Miwoo mocks his words from earlier and Donghyuck rolls his eyes, poking out his tongue just as Jeno snatches his phone back from his grasp, checking if the video wasn’t deleted and untouched in his camera roll.

You try to focus your attention on Shotaro who’s asked by Miwoo about his one on one time with Yeji yesterday but you struggle to do so as you feel Jaemin’s foot rub against your calf slowly, his hands subtly reaching beneath the table to grip your ankle.

You press your lips tightly together as you feel the coldness of his rings shock your skin, jerking your leg out of his grip and moving them as far away from Jaemin who grins at your reaction.

Jeno throws a crumpled up paper ball at Jaemin’s face. “What are you grinning about?”

“Nothing” Jaemin shakes his head as he leans back against his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. The corner of his lip lifts upwards. “Seems like you guys had a great night last night”

Donghyuck groans, covering his face with his hands. “Not this again... Can we change the subject? This just makes me realise that my sex life is non-existent!! I may as well be a virgin again”

“Bro, you can literally have sex whenever with whoever” Yangyang says, leaning forward on the table to give Donghyuck a look. “You’re just too obsessed with Aisha to realise that”

“I’m not obsessed”

“Yes you are” The entire group, minus Donghyuck, says in unison and he huffs, crossing his arms over his chest and turning away from the table in an attempt to give you all the silent treatment, even going as far as shoving his fingers in his ears whenever one of you call out his name.

Your attention is pulled away from teasing Donghyuck as you feel your phone vibrate against your leg, pulling your brows together in confusion as you pull the device from your pocket, wondering who could be texting you when all your friends are present.

jaemin: hi

You look up from your phone over at Jaemin who’s smiling at you from across the table and you smile back softly, watching as his thumbs dance across his phone’s keyboard.

jaemin: do u want to come over after classes end

you: over urs?

jaemin: yes

you: oh you: ok you: why???

jaemin: :)

You raise your head from the confusing reply to give Jaemin a weird look, watching as he grins and shoves his phone back into his pocket, turning to look at Shotaro who softly calls his name to ask him something you couldn’t hear while you do the same with your device.

The second you put your phone down, you feel eyes staring into the side of your head and you turn to face Yangyang, the culprit of the staring. He raises his eyebrows and bites down on his bottom lip, winking with his left eye then right multiple times.

You blink. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m trying to seduce you” He answers as if it’s a normal response, resting his chin on his hand as he smiles at you prettily, batting his eyelashes. “Is it working?”

“Stop, Yang” Your lips pull together in a sympathetic smile as you pat his shoulder, shaking your head. “Just stop”

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

You huff as you’re pushed down on a bed, Jaemin’s body crawling on top of yours as his lips attack your jaw, smothering the skin in wet kisses while his one hand rests on the opposite side of your jaw, holding your face gently in his grasp.

A gasp emits from the back of your throat as you feel his teeth nibble down and you’re quick to move his head, pressing your lips against his to avoid any obvious marks on your skin. He sighs softly against your mouth as your hands caress the back of his neck, melting in your embrace.

You couldn’t grasp onto the fact that you were here, in Jaemin’s bed with his body on top of yours, kissing each other like it was your last moment on earth. Kissing him makes your head spin; the messy yet sensual and erratic pace makes you feel hot and you struggle to breath, his clothed erection pressing against your covered center makes you wet with arousal as he sucks on your bottom lip.

“Okay, wait” You mumble breathlessly against his lips, pressing your palms to Jaemin’s chest and pushing him back to give you both some space and air, your chest rising up and down rapidly from the lack of oxygen. “Stop for a sec”

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Jaemin questions, licking at his lips as he scans your face for any regrets or hesitations, wondering if he’s come on too strong or has done something wrong. His throat tightens at the thought of accidentally hurting you and he cups your face softly when you take awhile to answer. “Y/N?”

“I’m fine, It’s just… I think we should probably talk about some stuff before going deep into this friends with benefits type of thing… you know?” You explain, gesturing between the both of you and Jaemin nods in agreement, immediately rolling off of your body and shifting comfortably beside you.

He leans up on his elbow to stare down at you. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Rules? Maybe?” You suggest, nervously fiddling with your fingers. “I think we need some rules”

“Okay, rules” Jaemin nods. “What kind of rules are we thinking about?”

“Okay, uh, rule number one” You hold one finger up. “No couple stuff. We can’t talk about the idea of boyfriends and girlfriends, we can’t buy each other gifts and no taking each other out on dates or anything like that”

“Hmm, okay, but what about hanging out?” Jaemin asks and you look at him confused. “Like, what if I want to hangout with you alone or grab a bite to eat, go to a party etcetera etcetera?”

You purse your lips in thought. “Yeah, that’s fine. As long as we don’t label it as a date, it’s fine”

“Cool”

“Rule number two: No telling anyone at college that we’re doing this or make it public… they’ll turn it into a big deal, especially our friends... let's keep it on the downlow from them for a bit until they get suspicious” You tear your eyes away from your fingers to look at Jaemin, watching him nod slowly. “And yes, it means we’re not exclusive fuck buddies, if that’s what you’re thinking… you can fuck whoever you want”

“I don’t want to fuck anyone” Jaemin says almost instantly, eyes meeting yours. “I just want to fuck you”

You blink in surprise, almost gulping at the way he’s looking at you. “C-Cool…”

Jaemin smiles softly at you, looking down at your hand and reaching to grab a third finger, holding it up. “Rule number three: No feelings, no falling in love, no getting jealous”

You scoff. “Duh, obviously. Although, that might be hard…” You pause as you turn to look at Jaemin, a wave of confidence washing over your body as you wink and send an air kiss his way. “I’m quite the catch”

“Shut up” Jaemin grins, nudging your shoulder playfully and you giggle, focussing your attention back on your three fingers. He watches you carefully as you examine your three digits, going over the rules in your head and scrunching your brows together as you try to think of another. He smiles. Cute.

“Does that sound okay to you?”

“What?” Jaemin hums, blinking back to reality.

“Rule number four: We talk to each other. if we have any problems or concerns with anything, we tell each other… full honesty. Okay?”

“Yeah, sounds good to me” Jaemin smiles at you and you can’t help but smile back, craning your neck upwards to kiss his lips softly but you pull away quickly as you hear shouting downstairs, eyes widening as you realise the boys are home. Jaemin chases your lips when you move back and you shake your head rapidly, pushing him away with urgency.

Jaemin raises a brow, his lips still puckered waiting for you to plant one on him until he hears the noise, rolling his eyes as he realises what’s going on. He slides off of the bed, bare feet padding across the wooden floorboards towards his bedroom door. You watch as he peeks his head out, looking back and forth before closing the door and locking it, spinning on his heel and heading back to the bed to lay beside you.

You laugh quietly, shaking your head at his silliness but your laughter slowly comes to a stop as you see him reach for you.

Jaemin’s fingers brush against your lips as he admires your face, his eyes locking with yours, filled with nothing but adoration. You feel hot under his stare, heart rate rising higher and higher as you clench your legs together to get rid of the forming ache in between your thighs.

He quirks a brow, the corner of his lips twitching upwards into a smirk as he briefly glances down before meeting your eyes again. You feel embarrassed to be reacting this way over one simple touch and his stare, he already has you wrapped around him. You were already captivated.

The pad of his middle finger glides over your bottom lip and you fail to control yourself as you instinctively open up, his finger sliding in your mouth, saliva covering his digit.

Jaemin’s eyes widen in shock before he chuckles, biting down on his own lips as he presses his finger down on your tongue and you suck, swirling the pink muscle around his digit as if it was his own cock. He adds his index finger into the mix, gently thrusting them inside of your mouth.

The wet sounds it makes has your head spinning and your pussy desperate to be touched while he looks unbothered, the actions seeming to have no effect on him and even if it did, he refused to show them. It makes you frustrated.

He pulls his wet fingers out of your mouth, watching your face intently as he slowly drags his hand down your body. Your heartbeat is loud in your ears as he stops above your stomach, a little bit of skin on show from your t-shirt rising from your small little moments and a wet finger dances agonizingly slow around your belly button before he dips his hand under the waistband of your shorts without any warning.

A gasp rips from the back of your throat as his fingers make contact with your wet heat, stroking your folds as he leans up on his elbow to look down at you, tilting his head to the side with a teasing smile.

“You’re gonna have to be quiet, you know that the boys are home” Jaemin says with a whisper but you fail to notice that he was waiting for you to say something, your attention focussing on the way his middle finger rubs up and down your slit. “Unless… you want them to hear you?”

“No” You shake your head quickly, meeting his eyes. “I can be quiet”

“Yeah?” He holds your gaze as he sinks two fingers into your pussy and you gasp again, mouth agape as you fling your head back against the pillows. Jaemin smirks. “You sure, baby?”

“You’re annoying” You snap, failing to show your irritance as his thumb rubs against your clit, eyes squeezing shut to try and focus on making no sounds.

“That’s not nice to say to someone who has their fingers inside your panties right now” Jaemin tuts with a smirk, shaking his head as his fingers press against your walls. You let out a satisfied sigh, biting down on your lip as you open your eyes to meet his. “Am I making you feel good?”

You hum a response and Jaemin smiles at that, his fingers moving quicker as they pump into you and you accidentally let a loud and obvious moan rip from your throat.

You cover your mouth in embarrassment and he laughs despite making no moves in stopping what he’s doing to your dripping pussy.

The second his thumb rubs your clit, you find it harder to control the gasps and whines that you make, opting to roll into Jaemin’s side and nuzzle your face into the crevice of his neck, lifting your thigh over his hips which helps him hit a deeper spot inside of your core.

The sounds are now muffled and barely audible, but shivers are sent down Jaemin’s spine as he can hear everything in his ear and your breath panting against his skin. A grin is present on his face, rubbing faster against your walls and the lewd wet noises fills your ears which nears you closer to your orgasm.

“Look at you, baby” Jaemin coos. “You’re a mess”

“Fuck” You cry out quietly, gripping the fabric of his white shirt as your thighs quiver around his hand.

“You gonna cum?” He asks with a whisper and you struggle to find your voice, nodding quickly for his answer before your orgasm hits. Your whole body convulses as you cum around his fingers, letting out a strained cry while you grip on to the material of his hoodie as tight as you possibly can.

Jaemin holds you against him as he helps ride out your high, slowly massaging your walls and basking in the quiet sounds you make in his ear, grinning at the feeling of your lower half moving against his fingers at their own accord.

“You okay?” He whispers softly after a few minutes and you nod, refusing to move your face away from his neck, your cheeks hot with embarrassment. You couldn’t look at him, not with his fingers still buried inside your pussy, not with your cum dripping down his hand and certainly not with your fucked out expression.

Jaemin laughs as you cling to his side, carefully removing his hand from between your thighs and gripping your hips tightly to pull you on top of him. You wince as your sensitive core brushes against the bulge in his shorts and you go to make a comment until his lips press against yours softly.

You sigh into the kiss, hands cupping his cheeks while his own press against your lower back, bringing you closer to his body as his tongue brushes your bottom lip before entering your mouth. You remove your hands from his cheeks, arms slithering around his shoulders and fingers gripping the hair at the nape of his neck, holding back gasps and whines as he helps grind your hips down on his.

“HEY! NA JAEMIN!” Jeno’s voice is heard yelling from the opposite side of the door, heavy footsteps echoing in the hallway. You spring apart from Jaemin’s lips, eyes wide as you watch the doorknob rattle from the force Jeno uses as he tries to open it. You hear him whine. “Why is it loooocked? Open the door, man. I got you something”

You feel panic start to rise and you swing your leg from over Jaemin’s body to remove yourself from his lap but his hands keep you still, gripping your hips to prevent you from moving anywhere.

You look at him incredulously as you mouth. “What are you doing?!”

“I’m busy!” Jaemin calls back to Jeno, completely ignoring you while the latter decides to start rapidly knocking against the door and Jaemin rolls his eyes, leaning his head back against the headboard and poking his tongue at his inner cheek in annoyance.

“Dude, stop jerking off to some weird hentai porn and come take this shit off of me before I decide to go get my money back” Jeno’s warning makes Jaemin groan, gently pushing you off of his body and climbing off of the bed, heading towards his door. You move as far as you can to the back wall, heart pounding loudly in your ears at the fear of getting caught the second he unlocks the door.

“What do you want?”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist just cause I disrupted you from your ‘me time’” You hear Jeno snicker. “Here. We went downtown today and I visited that art store that you like, bought you some stuff that you might need: film for your camera, new sketchbook for your photos and a polaroid camera that I had a discount on because apparently my ass looks good in these jeans”

“Oh, wow” The shock is obvious in Jaemin’s tone but he takes the bag out of Jeno’s hand, appreciating the kind gesture. He peers inside the bag, seeing everything that Jeno described and he smiles. “Thank you… what do you want from me?”

Jeno scoffs. “Can’t I just give you a present without being accused of wanting something?” Jaemin gives him a blank look, raising his brow which makes Jeno break. “Okay, yeah, there is something I want but I genuinely did want to buy this shit for you… I know you don’t go in there anymore because—”

“What was it that you wanted?” Jaemin immediately cuts him off before he could finish his sentence. Jeno blinks at Jaemin’s sudden abruptness, aware that he’s hit a nerve but he sends an apologetic smile as he pats his shoulder.

“Your video camera. I’m going to try and start an OnlyFans again”

“No. Fuck off” Jaemin steps back, slamming the door in Jeno’s face and locking it. Jeno whines on the other side, before disappearing down the hallway while stomping his feet, clearly upset with not being allowed to use Jaemin’s camera. You watch Jaemin as he comes back to you with the bag in hand, placing it down on his desk chair before settling down next to you.

You take note in the way he stares at the bag, eyes scanning over the company label with an unreadable look. You want to comfort him, to ask him what’s wrong and why he got snappy with Jeno over the mention of the store but you’re not sure if you’re allowed to ask such personal questions, not wanting to overstep any boundaries or act out of line.

So, you decide to say, “Do you always let Jeno borrow your video camera whenever he has the sudden urge to start an OnlyFans again?”

A laugh escapes past Jaemin’s lips and he smiles as he nods his head slowly. “Yeah, usually he just takes it without asking me” He tears his eyes away from the bag to look at you. “Last time he had the brilliant idea of starting an onlyfans, he left the footage on my camera”

“Wow. Sexy” You tease and Jaemin rolls his eyes as he shuffles backwards in bed, coming to sit beside you with his hands resting in his lap. “You know, he always has the urge to start one but he never goes through with it”

“It’s probably because he realises that no one is going to pay to see his one inch needle dick”

You shrug your shoulders with a smile. “I doubt that. His dick is actually pretty impressive”

Jaemin’s head turns towards you in confusion, his brow raising as he takes in your words. “You’ve seen his dick?”

“Sadly” You nod your head. “Miwoo once dared the boys to go skinny dipping during our mini vacation over her parents lake house last year… it’s a shame we didn’t know each other back then, you would’ve had a lot of fun”

“Yeah, sounds like it” Jaemin smiles softly and you smile back, pushing your hair out of your face as you take a look around his bedroom, getting flashbacks from the first time you came in here, cringing in embarrassment at your drunken state. Taking a quick glance at Jaemin, you suck in a breath as you notice he’s already staring at you, quickly turning your attention to something else in the room which happens to be something you failed to notice the first time.

You focus your eyes on the ring that lays on his bedside table, seeming too small for Jaemin’s own fingers and you itch you reach for it, to ask who’s it was but you remember your conversation from yesterday, how Jaemin had said he was in a similar position to you after breaking up with his ex.

Jaemin notices your silence, following your eyes to see what you were looking at and his heart drops into his stomach, chewing his bottom lip nervously as the simple piece of jewellery stares back at him.

“It’s a long story” He copies your response from last night when the topic of Eric was brought up and you nod your head in understatement. “Another time?”

“Another time” You agree.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

[jeno’s one pubic hair - groupchat]

jeno: guys jeno: i have something to tell u jeno: hold on who the fuck changed the gc name u fucks

yangyang: AHAHAHAHAH

donghyuck: LOOOOOOOL

miwoo: guys cmon u know he’s insecure about it :(

yangyang: aint my fault jeno is only just going through puberty

donghyuck: i bet u take good care of that lil pubic hair don’t u jeno <33

jeno: die.

donghyuck: god i love it when u speak dirty to me

miwoo: leave him alone u dicks

yangyang: imagine little miss itty bitty titty telling us what to do

donghyuck: smh i will NOT take orders from THAT

jeno: why are u calling her itty bitty titty?????

yangyang: coz her boobies are small

donghyuck: ｡｡ donghyuck: that’s her tits btw

jeno: cmon theyre not small theyre just fun sized [yangyang and donghyuck laughed at this message]

yangyang: jeNOOO AHAHAHA

donghyuck: BRO

[yangyang changed the groupchat name to ‘fun sized titties’]

miwoo: do u have a death wish lee jeno

jeno: what did i do

renjun: can u pls stop talking about fucking tits and tell us what u wanted to tell us

jeno; oh yeah jeno: anyway jeno: i have important info about a party

miwoo: ?

jeno: supposed to be a HUGE ass party jeno: so many ppl from different colleges are apparently going jeno: gonna be a shit ton of booze, drugs n people folks

donghyuck: that sounds donghyuck: so sexy

yangyang: i came just thinking about it [donghyuck liked this message]

haru: ok haru: but u are missing out one big detail

renjun: who is hosting it

jeno: ah jeno: well u see jeno: um jeno: :)

miwoo: YEEUN?!?!?!?! [haru, renjun and yn emphasized this message] miwoo: LEE JENO WHAT HTE FUKC

jeno: NO SHE JUST MESSAGED ME TO INVITE ME I SWEAR !!!!!! jeno: she sent me details and ask me to invite people jeno: u guys are my people <333 [donghyuck and yangyang loved this message]

shotaro: whats going on???

miwoo: hey shotaro!!! <333

haru: hi shotaro :)

renjun: hi taro

jeno: hey man

donghyuck: HEY

yangyang: taro <3

you: <3

jaemin: hi

shotaro: (◜◡◝) hey guys !!

miwoo: why would she message u about inviting ppl to the party when she knows i hate her guts

haru: it sounds extremely sus

renjun: ^ ^ ^

jeno: IDK!!!! jeno: i’ve been ignoring her calls since friday but when theres a party mentioned u know i gotta get involved

yangyang: we’re still the best at hosting parties btw

donghyuck: fuck yeah we are

jeno: ofc we are but this one is super big and we gotta go to it jeno: plus its not ACTUALLY yeeuns party, its sunwoos but theyre planning it together coz theyre using his house jeno: yk jeno: coz he rich rich

miwoo: oh miwoo: its at sunwoos?

yangyang: i actually like sunwoo yangyang: hes kinda chill to hang out with yangyang: also he gives u stuff super cheap

donghyuck: he once rolled three joints for me without me even ASKING donghyuck: hes a angel sent from above [yangyang and jeno laughed at this message]

miwoo: didnt he fuck that new girl giselle on campus

jeno: yeah i think it was in a empty classroom

donghyuck: he fucked new girl giselle AND new girl karina donghyuck: at same time btw

shotaro: ?? shotaro: how

donghyuck: youve got a lot to learn my son

renjun: hes lying shotaro, dont listen to a word that comes out of his mouth [donghyuck disliked this message]

donghyuck: IM TELLING THE TRUTH U FCK donghyuck: literally ask sunwoo

renjun: no. fuck off. [donghyuck disliked this message]

yangyang: btw why are yn and jaemin so quiet in this gc yangyang: yn u are usually the one thats the most active in this shit wya :(

you: no im not thats u and hyuck

yangyang: i know i just wanted to hear your voice <3333

you: yang you: shut up

jeno: you can hear her voice upstairs [everyone questioned this message]

donghyuck: wat

jeno: yn is upstairs :) jeno: in jaemins room :)

haru: what?????

miwoo: jaemins room???? miwoo: yn what are u doin in jaemins room ;)

you: jeno...

jeno: i knew u were in there the entire time btw :) jeno: u are not that quiet yk

you: JENO [jeno laughed at this message]

miwoo: HUH miwoo: NOT THAT QUIET?!?!?!?!

haru: ynnnnn? haru: YN

miwoo: hello??? where tf did everyone go

shotaro: they ran upstairs to jaemins room to see yn shotaro: oh shotaro: yangyang is screaming and donghyuck is on the floor shotaro: miwoo ur bf is getting beat up by yn

miwoo: please tell her to watch out for his face and balls pls <3 miwoo: they are very precious to me

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

It’s been a nearly a week since Jeno had basically outed on what was going on between you and Jaemin: Yangyang trying to burst into the room to see first-hand if you were actually present in Jaemin’s room and he dramatically screamed when he saw that you were in fact on the bed beside him. Donghyuck laid in the middle of Jaemin’s bedroom floor and babbled some bullshit while you screech and launched yourself at Jeno for making a joke about your lack of quietness, wrapping your hands around his neck in an attempt to strangle the life out of him.

Renjun was stood in the doorway, clearly amused with the situation and even going as far as getting his phone out to document what was going on while Shotaro cowers behind him with wide eyes. Jaemin manages to pluck you off of Jeno’s body with ease, just in time for Miwoo and Haru to arrive and witness what was going on before laughing loudly.

Lucky for you, after a long and difficult conversation, your friends promised to not make anything a big deal or run off telling everyone, but that didn’t stop any of them from sending suggestive looks or flirtatious comments in both yours and Jaemin’s direction.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Haru asks you in the comfort of her own bedroom one afternoon, sitting cross legged in front of her mirror on top of a towel as she bleaches her hair blonde, meeting your eyes through the reflection of the mirror with uncertainty.

Haru was hesitant about your decision starting what you have with Jaemin, knowing how vulnerable you were during the breakup with Eric and how vulnerable you can end up being. She’s always supportive of your choices and is always at your side when things go south, but she couldn’t hide the fact that she wasn’t too sure that you were doing the right thing.

“Who cares what she’s doing?! She’s getting dicked down!!!” Miwoo cheers happily, pumping her arms up in the air with little sound effects.

Miwoo was the excited one out of the two, glad to finally have you out of the ‘no sex, no hookup’ mindset you had for three months which, she claims, seemed like torture. She was happy you were finally allowing yourself to have fun and do whatever you wanted without worrying about anything or anyone.

“I’m not getting dicked down” You laugh awkwardly, glancing over at Renjun who sprawls across Haru’s bed in a deep sleep, his hair no longer a dark brown but two toned due to him wanting to bleach his hair along with Haru and letting her experiment.

“You’ve been doing this friends with benefits thing for, like, a week and you’re telling me that you haven’t slept with him yet?” Miwoo looks at you in disbelief, mouth agape.

“We’re taking things slow”

“He finger banged you a few days ago, sweetie… that’s not taking things slow” Miwoo shakes her head with a smile and you roll your eyes, kicking her playfully with her foot and she laughs, focussing her attention back on her nails that she’s applying acrylics too.

“As long as you fully understand what you’re going into and you’re completely okay with doing all this, then everything should be fine.” Haru says as grabs another section of her hair and applies the bleach with the brush. “I just don’t want you regretting anything or end up hurt again… because I will kill Jaemin”

You smile at that, shaking your head as you resume applying one of Haru’s fancy moisturisers to your face, rubbing the cream into your skin evenly, making sure not to miss out any areas. Miwoo holds her hand out in front of her as she scans over her light blue acrylic nails, the colour that was chosen by Jeno a few hours ago over a facetime called where they argued for a hour and a half over the colour which Miwoo, at first, found ugly until Jeno explained the significance of having light blue nails.

“Everyone knows you’re my boyfriend!!!” She had screamed at him. “Why do I need light blue nails to let people know I’m in a relationship?!”

“I know what guys are like, baby!! They’re disgusting little creatures!!” He had screamed back just as loud. “Make them light blue—let them know you’re taken by ME… wait, can you write J on your ring finger?”

“BYE JENO”

“You know…” Miwoo begins to speak, humming as she admires her nails. “The colour actually isn’t that bad, they look pretty” She slowly turns her head to meet your eyes. "Don't tell Jeno that, I can't have his ego get any bigger"

You chuckle and nod. “Okay”

“Hey, Renjun” Miwoo calls his name and he peels his eyes open casually as if he hasn’t been sleeping for the past forty minutes. She outstretches her hand towards him and wiggles her fingers to show off her nails. He looks straight at her, uninterested. “If you saw these nails, what would you think?”

“That you’re in a relationship” Renjun mumbles into the pillow.

“Oh, wow” You gape. “Jeno was right”

“So, would you make Haru wear light blue nail polish? Or acrylics?” Miwoo asks, glancing between Renjun and Haru in curiosity. “You know, seeming as though you both claim that you’re not in a relationship when it’s obvious that you both are—oh don’t give me that look, you’re not fooling anyone with this 'i don't like labels' bullshit!”

“We actually made it official last night” Haru announces as she finishes bleaching her hair, putting the brush down into the empty bowl carefully and looking over her shoulder at you and Miwoo who grin widely. You lift your hands, giving her two thumbs up and mouth ‘congrats’ the same time Miwoo throws her arms in the air.

“And why are we not celebrating?!”

“You’ll use anything as an excuse to celebrate” Renjun mutters and Miwoo completely ignores his tone, keeping her eyes on Haru who shrugs her shoulders as she cleans up after herself.

“Because it’s not a big deal” She stares at her reflection in the mirror, making sure she hasn't missed any spots on her head before she stands. “Plus, I’m low on money so I need to ask Johnny for extra shifts at the store”

Haru grabs her phone off the edge of her bed to do just that, thumbs tapping quickly against her screen as she pulls up Johnny’s contact. Miwoo tidies up her little nail station, putting things back where they belong and throwing things that she no longer needed inside Haru’s mini trash can.

“Are you going to go to that party?” You hear Miwoo ask and you take no notice, thinking it was for either Haru or Renjun but when you lift your head, you realise the question is directed to you when you lock eyes. You point to yourself. “Yes, I was talking to you”

“Oh, uh, maybe? I don’t know… haven’t really thought about it” You scratch the back of your neck. “Why?”

“Because it’s at Sunwoo’s and wherever he is, Eric is” The way she says it so bluntly causes you to firmly press your lips together, an uncomfortable feeling trickling into your stomach at the mention of his name. Miwoo lets out a sigh. “You know, I’m so sick and tired of that pink haired fucker ruining things for you!! I want you to be able to have fun and do whatever you want without worrying if he’s going to be there!!”

“I do have fun” You reassure her, despite the doubt that lingers in your mind.

“Not as much as you did before Eri—” Miwoo’s words are immediately cut off by a pillow launching across the room and smacking her straight across the face. Both of your heads snap towards the culprit, seeing Renjun with his arm outstretched and Haru glaring, her attention completely taken away from her phone. Miwoo lobs the pillow back in Renjun’s direction as she hisses. “What was that for?!”

“For you opening your big mouth” Renjun grumbles, catching the pillow with ease and placing it back under his head as he lays back down. “Be careful with what you’re saying next time, Miwoo. Use your brain before you use your mouth”

Miwoo scoffs. “You’re such an ass, has anyone ever told you that?”

The second Miwoo and Renjun start to bicker back and forth, you quietly excuse yourself and leave the room, taking no notice in the way Haru’s sad eyes watch you walk out. You head for the kitchen, immediately busying yourself with something to do to try and take your mind off what had just happened but you couldn’t, her words continued to repeat themselves in your head.

You’re aware how much you’ve changed since breaking up with Eric, you’re aware that you were no longer the same girl you were three months ago all because of a boy who isn’t really worth your time of day, yet he’s all you ever worry about.

The thought of him makes you sad, seeing him in person reminds you of all the stuff that has happened and you struggle to push it aside and forget. But, truth be told, it's been working a little since starting a friends with benefits relationship with Jaemin who somehow helps take your mind off of Eric whenever you’re with him.

Yet, whenever Jaemin isn’t around to distract you from your thoughts or somebody brings the topic of Eric up, those memories and the feelings you try to forget come back to hit you in the face. You hated it.

“Are you okay?” Haru’s voice softly speaks from behind and you nod without even looking back, busying yourself with cleaning the kitchen. You hear her feet shuffle across the floor, nearing closer and the second she lays her hand on your shoulder, you stop your movements.

She tugs at your shirt to turn you around and you comply, facing her but refusing to make eye contact which she sighs at.

“Miwoo probably didn’t mean it, you know that right?” Haru says as her hand gently pats your shoulder, her touch giving you comfort. “She’s always been straightforward and doesn’t think before what she’s saying… they’re arguing back there but Renjun is giving her some words of advice which will hopefully stick this time”

You chuckle at her words, shaking your head slightly. “It’s fine. I’m just being sensitive, that’s all”

“It’s still a sensitive topic… what you’re feeling is completely normal and completely valid, may I add” Haru smiles at you and you feel your heart warm at her kindness. “Look, you’re not going to get over what happened straight away but we’re going to help you get over it, no matter how long it takes. Miwoo is right… you deserve to be happy and have fun without worrying about anything, especially him... but we’ll help you”

“Thank you” You murmur, allowing her to wrap her arms around your shoulders and pull you in for a hug. You smile, your own arms slithering around her waist and reciprocating the hug that spreads warmth throughout your body.

During the embrace, Miwoo and Renjun emerge from the hallway of Haru’s room, Renjun’s face impassive while Miwoo looks like she was about to get down on her knees and beg for forgiveness, but instead she rushes forward with her arms wide open and crashes into your side to squeeze in between you both.

“I’m sorry” She apologises, tightening her grip on your body. “I didn’t mean it. I need to learn to shut up sometimes”

“It’s okay” You tell her, moving your hand to pat the back of her head. “You were right, anyway…”

“I know” Miwoo sighs jokingly and you laugh, pushing her away from the hug and she stumbles back slightly before composing herself. “I am seriously sorry. Sometimes the words just come out before I even realise what I’m saying… It's a curse. I am cursed”

“Well, at least you’re honest” Haru teases, earning a shove from Miwoo who mutters that she was supposed to disagree with her. The former leaves the kitchen with her boyfriend trailing behind her with his hands on her hips, leaving you and Miwoo standing alone.

Miwoo turns to look over her shoulder at you, teeth gnawing on her bottom lip to stop the words that she so desperately wants to say from flying out of her mouth, no longer wanting to hurt you or offend you in any way. She cares for you, without a doubt, and she definitely wants what’s best for you but she struggles to word it in a way that doesn’t come across as harsh.

Similar to the others, Miwoo hates Eric for what he has done and frankly, she wants to hurt him, (even though she has threatened to do it multiple times). She started to notice that you rarely talk about what happened, that you refuse to bring light to the topic and keep all of your emotions bottled up.

Miwoo hates that you do that. She wants to see you crack, she wants to see you let out all those pent up emotions and take it all out on the one that deserves it the most… maybe Jaemin can be the one that’ll help you break.

“What are you doing?” Your brows pull together in question as you realise that Miwoo’s gone too quiet while looking straight at you. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

Miwoo blinks herself back to reality, her eyes meeting yours. A tight lipped smile spreads across her face as she shakes her head. “It’s nothing… wanna watch a movie?”

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

Jaemin makes himself at home easily when he presses in the code and enters your empty apartment, kicking off his shoes at the door and shuffling down the hallway in a direct beeline towards your bedroom.

Being at your place has become second nature for Jaemin, having visited a handful of times whenever you’re home or if he’s sat waiting for you to finish your classes, like today. Lucky for him, he had an early finish and unlucky for you, your classes don’t finish until late and when you gave him a quick text to let him know, Jaemin was more than happy to wait for you at the apartment.

Haru and Miwoo are also finishing their classes late so Jaemin had the place all to himself for a bit, deciding to put his backpack down at the bottom of your unmade bed before he climbs into it, pulling his phone out of his pockets and mindlessly scrolls through his instagram feed as he awaits for your arrival, hearting the pictures that appealed to him the most and a few pictures that his friends posted.

He stops on one that was recently uploaded by Miwoo. The picture is of her, Haru and you sitting in class, holding up finger guns to your temples and pulling different facial expressions. Jaemin’s eyes stick on you, the corner of his lips twitching into a grin as his finger traces your features which accidentally causes him to swipe up and onto the next photo that someone else uploaded, the smile immediately wiping off of his face as he sees the girl and the username.

Eunbin.Kwon, the username reads, and the picture of her in a art studio with paint smeared across her cheeks and a cheesy grin on her face almost makes Jaemin want to squeeze his phone and shatter it to pieces, but instead, his heart aches and his throat makes it hard to swallow.

He shuts off his phone, leaving it laying on his chest as he stares up at the ceiling, the picture replaying in his mind but the second he shuts his eyes to concentrate on his erratic heartbeat, the picture fades, and then it’s blank.

His fingers grip your bedsheets, instantly reminding him of where he is and his mind is filled with you. God, he can’t wait for you to get back. The thought of you makes his body buzz in excitement and he reaches for his phone in a flash to bring up your contact, pressing the message icon.

jaemin: when do u get here

you: in ten you: why

jaemin: bored jaemin: i cant wait to see u

you: :) you: i think we have the place to ourselves btw you: haru got work & miwoo is going over urs to see jeno

jaemin: :)

An incoming facetime call flashes across his screen and an exciting smile spreads across his lips thinking it was coming from you but it falters as he reads Jeno’s name. He sighs softly, laying back comfortable against your pillows and holding his phone above his face as he answers the call.

Jeno’s face appears on the screen, a neon green toothbrush hanging out of his mouth with toothpaste bubbling at the corners. He grins once seeing Jaemin, trying to prop his phone on the bathroom counter.

“Where are you?” Jeno speaks through a mouthful of toothpaste, hastily scrubbing his teeth with one hand while trying to prop the phone with the other.

“Y/N’s” He answers, stretching out his arm to show his surroundings to prove that he was in your bedroom. Jaemin brings the phone back to his face. “What are you doing? Why are you brushing your teeth again?”

“Miwoo’s coming over. I want her to sit on my face until she suffocates me” Jaemin snorts at that, running his fingers through his hair. Jeno spits out the toothpaste and wipes his mouth with a towel, his eyes flickering to Jaemin. “So, it seems like you and Y/N will be having the apartment to yourselves?”

“How did you know that?”

“Well, Miwoo is coming over here to be with me and Renjun said that he’s going to help Haru out with work because that kid still has a broken toe” Jeno states, throwing the towel to the side before picking up a bottle of moisturiser and squirting the contents on his hands before rubbing his face. “So, in conclusion, you and Y/N will have the apartment to yourselves… unless Yangyang cockblocks and decides to come over unannounced”

“He’s finishing up his music stuff with Donghyuck today, I spoke to him before I came here” Jaemin says, fiddling with the ring on his middle finger. “I think Shotaro is with them too. Looks like you and Miwoo will have the place to yourselves too”

“Thank god. I’ve been dying to have sex with her for days… If any of you fuckers come home early while I’m trying to dick her down, I will slaughter you all”

Jaemin laughs at Jeno’s threat, throwing his head back against the pillows with a wide smile. He briefly remembers Jeno and Miwoo having some alone time in their room when Donghyuck and Yangyang decided to burst through the front doors unexpectedly, only to scream in fright when Jeno came running naked down the stairs chasing them with Miwoo’s high heel shoe.

“You know, I can’t believe you haven’t had sex with Y/N yet” Jeno tuts as he finishes applying the moisturiser, shaking his head as he grabs his phone and walks out of the bathroom. “You’ve made out and fingered her, like, four times and you still haven’t got any action? I mean, good on you for holding back for so long but bro… couldn’t be me”

“I’ve came in my pants like a fifteen year old every time it happens so I’m not complaining” Jaemin tells him with a chuckle, his tongue licking at his lips as images of his fingers deep inside your pussy and his soiled boxers come to mind. His eyes meet Jeno’s through the screen. “I don’t want to pressure her into doing anything”

“It won’t hurt to ask” Jeno shrugs his shoulders. “And if she says no, it’s a no. Simple”

Jaemin scoffs. “I know that. I just don’t want to make her uncomfortable”

“You won't” Jeno gives him a look and Jaemin gives back an innocent smile. “Right, I’m gonna go and make Miwoo some food for when she gets here… Stay safe, bro. Wrap it up before you—”

“Okay, bye Jeno”

Jaemin is quick to end the call, pressing his thumb against the end button and throwing his phone to the side just in time to hear the code to the front door being pushed in. Jaemin immediately sits up, listening to the sounds of footsteps nearing closer and closer to his destination and his attention turns to the doorway of your bedroom, eyeing the shadow that appears.

A smile instantly spreads across Jaemin’s face as you appear around the corner and enter your room, tiredly throwing down your bag before dropping beside him on the bed, shoving your face into the pillows with a groan. Jaemin’s hand touches your back, fingers kneading into the bottom of your spine before sliding upwards to your shoulder blades.

“That feels nice” You sigh softly, melting into the touch. This makes Jaemin grin, continuing his ministrations on your shoulders as you turn your head to the side to look at him. “Thank you”

Jaemin leans down, gently pecking your lips while he whispers. “You’re welcome, baby”

“Baby?” You repeat with a hum, raising your eyebrow as a small smile threatens to slip onto your face. “You really like that nickname, don’t you?”

Jaemin shrugs his shoulders, the grin still remaining on his features as he watches you flip around onto your back, his hands sliding off of your body and onto the mattress beside you. He watches you for a while, taking in your appearance which weirdly makes his heart warm. Your hair is messily splayed across your pillows, dishevelled from the wind outside and your eyes look drained, your classes and assessments clearly taking a toll on you.

But you still look really pretty, Jaemin thinks.

“What do you want to do today?” You finally ask after a few minutes of silence, not even noticing the way Jaemin has been watching you during that time. “We can watch that new series Shotaro was talking about yesterday? I’ll even cook food this time considering you did it last… or we could literally skip to the part where we make out all night—”

“I want you” Jaemin interrupts and you gape at him, still not used to his boldness as you choke on your spit in surprise. The shock on your face is evident and it almost cracks another smile out of Jaemin but he easily conceals it as he turns to you completely. “I want you. I want to fuck you… if you’ll let me”

I want to fuck you if you’ll let me. His words repeatedly ring through your ears and you struggle to catch your breath.

You’re not sure why you’ve held off having sex with Jaemin for so long, knowing that once you jump into a friend with benefits situation with someone, they’ll immediately fuck to ‘seal the deal’. But neither of you were in a rush or bothered to bring it up or even initiate it, opting to just makeout or even shove your hands down each other's pants to relieve the tension. Was now the time? Were you both finally going to give in?

“Okay” You respond.

“Okay what?” He presses, making sure that you will verbally give him the go ahead, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable.

“Okay, I’ll let you fuck me”

Jaemin immediately straddles your waist as he crawls on top of you once you give him your consent, staring down at you with excitement in his eyes. A hand grips your chin, his thumb smooths over your skin before he leans down to mould his lips with yours in a deep but slow kiss.

Your body feels warm and a little stuffy, the clothes you’re wearing are starting to become uncomfortable to bare and you’re desperate to rip them off to finally let yourself breathe but you didn’t want to rush, you wanted to bask in the moment of having Jaemin on top of you.

Jaemin pulls away from your lips to lean back against his heels, bunching up his shirt in his hands before he pulls it over his head, throwing it carelessly to the side.

You take this moment to admire him. His messy black hair hangs just above his darkened eyes, lips swollen and wet. You almost start salivating at the mouth as you move your eyes south. His body is slim and toned, something he must be proud of considering you were told previously that Jaemin used to work out like crazy after an injury you weren’t too sure of.

You wanted to run your hands over his chest and his abs, to grip the necklace that dangles from his neck and pull him closer towards you but you fail to do so as his hands grasp at the shirt you’re wearing and pulls it over your head, leaving you in your bra and shorts.

Jaemin kisses you again, his hot tongue playing against yours and a low noise rumbles from the back of his throat as your hands come up to twist in his hair. His kisses move from your mouth, to your cheek, to your jaw and finds a place at your neck.

You let out a small moan when he sucks at a sensitive spot, eyelids becoming heavy. His bottom half gyrates against yours, letting you feel his cock through his sweatpants.

“I’m so hard right now” Jaemin pants against your skin, his breath hot which sends shivers down your spine. You bite down on your lip as you push him away from your body, tugging at the waistband of his sweatpants, eager to tear them off of his body.

Jaemin smiles down at you as he lets you awkwardly pull down his sweatpants, kicking them off of his legs and throwing them to the side carelessly.

You can’t help but eye the bulge in his boxers, mouth salivating at the size and the cocky smirk that crawls on his lips make you roll your eyes.

Noticing he’s the only one in just his underwear, he’s quick to reach for your shorts, keeping his eyes on yours as he tugs the material down your legs, craning his neck to press open mouthed kisses to the skin that he reveals.

Your shorts are carelessly thrown over his shoulder and the hands that caress your legs are moving upwards to your clothed heat, the material uncomfortably clinging to your wet core and you gasp as he grounds his hand against you. It wasn’t enough to give your clit the attention it so desperately needed, but it still makes your back arch in pleasure.

His hand slithers up your body, running up your stomach and over your chest, squeezing your tits over your red lacy bra which you mentally applauded yourself for picking today. His fingers wound in your hair and pull you upwards in a sitting position, your forehead almost pressed against his collar bones but the hand in your hair tugs your head back to bring your eyes up to his.

“You’re so fucking pretty” The way his husky voice compliments you sends shivers down your spine and your pussy throbbing, his hazy gaze making your head spin and you crane your neck to messily kiss his lips.

He lets you do as you please as he unclips your bra and pulls at your underwear, struggling to get the material down your thighs but you lift your hips to help him. Your teeth nibble at his bottom lip and Jaemin grunts as he feels your hand brush against his confined cock.

“Fuck—don’t” He breaths out, ripping his lips away from yours and you pull your hand away as quick as you possible could as if you’ve been scolded, eyes wide in worry that you’ve done something wrong. Jaemin laughs at your expression, pecking your cheek in reassurance. “I’m gonna cum fast if you touch me, baby… your hands will be the death of me”

You nod your head as you fall back into your pillows when Jaemin pushes you down, reaching behind him to retrieve his backpack from the ground, unzipping it fast and dipping his hand inside only to pull out a small silver packet.

“Do you carry those around with you?” You teasingly question and Jaemin sends you a grin as he finally disposes of his boxers, dick standing tall against his toned stomach.

“Just for you” He winks and you snort, wanting to make a comment but your words get trapped at the back of your throat as you watch Jaemin between your legs, your heart pounding wildly against your chest as he tears open the packet with his teeth, throwing it on your bedside table before rolling the condom on his length.

His brows scrunch in concentration as he stares down at himself, fingers working against his cock to adjust the rubber, making sure it was on securely. You find the sight in front of you exotic, the way Jaemin touches himself and how his cock twitches at the contact causes you to clench your thighs together, knees knocking at his stomach.

“What are you doing?” He asks with a chuckle, placing his hands on the top of your knees to pry your legs apart, lowering himself down between your legs and you gasp as his cock nudges against your centre.

Your body buzzes with nerves and excitement when you see his lust filled look, eyes half lidded as he stares back at you with a smile and you return the soft gesture, hands reaching up to cup his face and bring him down for a kiss.

Jaemin’s lips mould with yours as he pushes his cock head inside your pussy, breaking the kiss for a brief moment when your walls instinctively close around him before finding your lips again.

You find it difficult to continue the kiss, a shuddering breath escaping past your lips as you feel burn of his cock stretching you out, hands gripping the bed sheets for some sort of support which Jaemin spots and he grabs your wrists, flinging your arms around his shoulders so you could cling to him as he leans over you.

You both let out a shared gasp as he completely sinks into you, bottoming out and your fingernails dig into the skin of his shoulder blades.

“Fuck—jesus chri—you’re so fucking big—shit!!!” You babble, unable to form a correct sentence and Jaemin grins at that, not wanting to move yet to allow you to get used to his size.

“Breathe, baby” Jaemin coos, his hand affectionately caressing your hair while trying to calm his own breathing as he feels your walls clamp around his cock. You cry out as you feel Jaemin move slightly, his tip prodding against your sweetest spot and your legs uncontrollably twitch.

You weren’t sure if it was because you haven’t had sex in three months or if it was the size of Jaemin’s cock but your core burns at the continuous stretch, even the slightest of movements Jaemin makes sends you over the edge.

Jaemin presses chaste kisses to your face, his hips making the tiniest of movements to get comfy and you whine, your arms tighten around his shoulders as the burning feeling spreads throughout your thighs.

“Are you okay?” He asks with genuine concern, his hands still caressing your hair while smothering your face with soft, delicate kisses. “Can you take me?”

The question would’ve usually made you roll your eyes and send a slap to his bicep, but it didn’t come across as cocky or teasing, he was asking a genuine and real question and all you can do is nod.

Jaemin’s hand moves between your body, his thumb rubbing circles at your clit in hopes to help you relax and calm down your nerves while slowly beginning to rock his hips back and forth. It wasn’t a drastic movement, his dick hardly budged from inside your pussy but the feeling of him rubbing against your walls makes you let out a high pitched moan.

The sound of Jaemin breathing so heavily into your ear makes your head swirl and clench around him, light moans slipping through his lips at the hold you have on him. Fuck, you needed to hear that again.

“Jae…” You breathe out his name and he raises his head to meet your eyes. “More”

“More?” He repeats, licking at his lips. “I can give you more, baby”

He moves back, leaving just the tip buried inside your heat before pushing his hips forward, skin slapping against skin quietly. Your nails scratch at his shoulder blades as he repeats his movement, his thrusts slow but hard as he pounds you open, noises uncontrollably spilling from his mouth as your walls close around him.

“Fuck, you’re so wet” Jaemin mumbles under his breath, looking down to where your bodies are connected, panting heavily as your pussy swallows him to the base. “Look at that, you’re taking me so well”

“It feels—” You choke on a gasp. “It feels so good. You’re making me feel so good”

You feel like you could cry from the pleasure that ripples through your body, his cock rubbing against every inch of your walls and prodding repeatedly against your sweet spot. The desperation in his thrusts is enough to send you over the edge, your mouth falling open as a cry of his name leaves your lips, legs trembling around his hips with your walls convulsing around him.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you allow the euphoric feeling take over your body, your body twitching in his tight hold and he coos softly in your ear, whispering nothing but affections and praises as his thrusts grow sloppier, the grip of your heat around his cock bringing him closer to his own end.

“Wanna see you cum” You slur your words, your fingers scratching at his back before running up through his hair, tugging at his roots as you start to beg. “Pleasssse… wanna see you cum”

The look in his eyes is unrecognisable but he follows your words, teeth biting down on his bottom lip while his hips piston into yours, gripping the flesh of your thighs with his hands. A choked gasp of your name flies out of his lips when you tighten around him, helping him near his orgasm and you smile as his movements fasten, his need to cum taking over. You tug at his hair again, sharp thrusts jostle your body and you ignore the throb of your pussy, loving the way Jaemin moans out your name.

“Baby…” Jaemin grunts, his body stills and lips mushing against yours as he fills up his condom with quick spurts of cum. He struggles to keep up with the messy kiss, panting against your lips as he empties himself inside of the condom, his body tensing above you while his arms shake, struggling to hold himself above your body but you tug him down, allowing him to put his entire weight on top of you.

His tongue lazily plays with yours as you bask in each other’s embrace, your fingers still tangled in his sweaty locks and he only pulls away when your walls accidentally clench around him, breaking the kiss to wince at the sensitivity on his cock head.

You smile apologetically and Jaemin chuckles, pecking your lips before slowly pulling himself out of you. You feel empty, clenching around nothing but air and you watch with a slight pout on your lips as he carefully removes the condom from his length, making sure not to spill anything over your carpet as he disposes it in a small waste bin beside your bed.

The silence takes over you both and you’re unsure of what you’re supposed to do now. Usually after having sex with Eric, you cuddle, but you have no idea if you’re supposed to do that in a situation like this and the thought makes you instantly close your legs, already feeling shy despite Jaemin touching and exploring your body a mere few seconds ago.

You wonder if Jaemin was having the same inner thoughts as you, and even if he was, he didn’t show it. Instead, he stands up from the bed and slips out of the room. Your brows scrunch in confusion until you hear the water running from the bathroom and Jaemin appears back inside your bedroom, offering his hand out for you to take.

“Let’s go get cleaned up” He tells you as you remain laying down, unmoving from your position on the bed.

Jaemin doesn’t give you enough time to consider his words as he’s already gripping your ankles and tugging you down the bed, a loud laugh erupting from your chest as he somehow scoops you up easily over his shoulder, carrying you to the bathroom with his hands securely holding your thighs.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

You twirl your fork around your pasta, shoving the creamy goodness into your mouth with a hum of delight, finally being able to feed your hungry self after the bath you and Jaemin had. You spent a good hour inside the bathroom, helping each other wash up and even relax a while with a few shared kisses and lingering touches.

Jaemin even helped wash your hair, applying the right amount of shampoo and conditioner, and massaging your scalp with his fingers. The act alone had felt a bit too intimate and you took it upon yourself to finish the rest, leaving the bath as quickly as you possibly could before Jaemin followed behind.

He didn’t question the rush, despite it weighing heavy on his mind, and he continued on as normal. He helped you cook pasta for dinner and even added his own little twist of extra spices and sauces.

You’re sitting together on the sofa, the TV playing whatever nonsense in the background while you dig into your food, occasionally meeting each other's eyes whenever you glance up to see what the other is doing. You immediately avert your eyes first whenever you’re caught staring, face hot with embarrassment and Jaemin chuckles every time.

“How are you feeling?”

You look from your pasta bowl to peek over at Jaemin, his eyes already looking back at you. You swallow. “How are you feeling?”

“I asked first” He retorts with a smirk but he answers you anyway, placing his empty bowl and fork on the coffee table in front of him with a clang. “I’m good”

“Cool” You nod awkwardly. “I’m good too”

“Cool” He repeats your words, his body fully facing towards you and you start to feel intimidated by his attention, averting your eyes down to your pasta bowl which was becoming empty. Damn it. Where the fuck are you supposed to look now? “Was it good?”

“Was what good?”

His face goes blank. “My dick inside your—”

“OH!” You splutter, choking on your food. Jaemin’s hand is quick to pat you on the back as you uncontrollably cough, struggling to find your breath and you put down the bowl to rub at your sore throat. Jaemin smiles, finding your reaction amusing as he rubs your back in circular motions. You clear your throat to regain yourself. “It was… okay”

“Just okay?” Jaemin raises a brow. “You left scratch marks on my shoulders and—”

“Oh my god. Shut up!” You screech, hiding your face in pure and utter embarrassment and all Jaemin could do was laugh. You keep your hands attached to your face as you mumble another answer. “It was good, really good…”

“Thank you, baby” Jaemin cheekily grins, pushing himself across the sofa to sit beside you. His arms wrap around your middle, hands creeping under your shirt and pressing against your skin for comfort, resting his head on your chest. Your own hands slip from your face slowly, eyes wide at his sudden affection and you reciprocate the hug by carefully sliding your arms around his shoulders, fingers playing with his damp hair.

Was this okay? Were we allowed to do this? You chew your bottom lip anxiously. Friends hug. Friends with benefits can do this sort of thing… It's normal. Your internal panic was cut short by Jaemin raising his head from your chest to peer at you, a slight pout on his lips.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Jaemin asks, rubbing patterns into the skin of your side to grab your attention. You meet his gaze, your heart warming at the gentle smile he gives you as he caresses your cheek. “What’s wrong?”

You shrug your shoulders. “Just thinking”

“About… ?”

“It’s nothing” You shake your head, looking away. “It’s stupid”

“Hey, look at me” Jaemin urges and you fix your eyes back to his face. “It’s not stupid… One of the rules we made was to be honest with each other, right? So, tell me… talk to me”

“I haven’t had anything like this for three months” You begin, a wave of nerves washing over you and hitting you in the pit of your stomach. “I haven’t kissed anyone in three months, I haven’t slept with someone in three months… I haven’t been like this with anyone for three months. It’s weird for me and my mind just goes overboard with so much shit, and I have no idea how to control it”

“Do you—”

“Eric and I were together for a little over a year” Jaemin sits up in shock, not expecting you to open up about your ex so soon but he’s intrigued, his hands still on your body in hopes to comfort you while you explain. “He was my first exclusive boyfriend and our relationship was fun. We did everything together… I mean, he was not only my boyfriend but he was my best friend too… I think that’s what made it so hard after he told me that he wanted to break up, to see other people. He said he loved me still, but he wanted to be single. He didn’t want to be tied down”

Jaemin’s heart clenches at the sad look on your face, the way your eyes turn glassy and you refuse to meet his gaze.

“Right after we broke up, Miwoo dragged me and Haru to this party which I didn’t realise was hosted by Eric. I saw him making out with some girl in a corner of a room… he turned to me and he smiled at me as if nothing happened the day before. He came over and kissed me to greet me as if it was the most normal thing to do”

“Y/N—”

“How could you claim to still love someone if you want to break up and see other people? How could he kiss me after breaking my heart?” The way your voice shakes and cracks makes Jaemin feel a mixture of emotions, seeing the girl in front of him slowly breaking down at the thought of another man's doings.

He softly whispers your name as he brings you forwards, allowing you to melt into his chest as he cocoons you in his arms, resting his head on top of yours. You couldn’t cry, despite feeling the absolute need to. You couldn’t scream and you couldn’t shout at the top of your lungs to let out all the emotions you wanted to let out. It was stuck and you had no idea how to let it go.

Instead, you allow yourself to relax in the arms of someone who understands your pain and can comfort you in a way that will help you forget about your problems, your fingers grasping the front of his shirt and pulling him closer even though he was already flush against your body.

Jaemin leans back from the embrace to cup your cheeks in his hands, his thumb smoothing over the skin as his eyes look into yours. “Do you want us to fight him”

The corner of your lips twitch amusingly. “What?”

“Do you want us to fight him? Because we will. Jeno can throw a few good punches, Shotaro’s quick on his feet so he can jab him a few times. Renjun’s harsh with his words so he could definitely make him cry… Donghyuck’s a little psycho so he would probably shave off his hair or cut up his clothes or something, Yangyang would probably join in”

“Oh yeah?” You giggle at his little rant, tilting your head to the side as you look up at him. “And what are you going to do?”

Jaemin ponders for a moment, lips pursing in deep thought as he glances around the room for some inspiration but a wide smirk spreads across his face as he slowly turns his attention back to you. You gulp at the familiar look in his eyes, a glint of something you were sure you had seen a few hours ago.

“I would fuck you right in front of him” His words sends something shooting straight down to your core. “I would force him to watch me make you cum more times than he ever could… I want him to hear you scream my name over and over again”

“You could do that?”

“Oh, baby” Jaemin tuts, connecting your lips for a brief moment before he whispers. “You know I can make you do that”

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

“So? How was it?” Miwoo asks you at breakfast the next morning, shoving spoonfuls of cereal in her mouth as she eyes you up. Jaemin left way before Haru and Miwoo came home last night, giving you one last mind blowing orgasm with just his fingers alone before leaving with a smug smile on his face.

The girls came in just as you got ready for bed, disappearing behind closed doors and throwing yourself in bed while giggling like a little girl who has done something so daring and new, even if it wasn’t daring or new.

You take a sip of your coffee as you raise your eyes to Miwoo. “How was what?”

Miwoo scoffs at your response. “The sex, obviously”

You slowly place your cup down on the table as you stare at Miwoo, brows furrowed with eyes wide. “How the fuck did you—”

“Oh please, I know sex like the back of my hand. Plus, you have this—” She pauses, waving her hand around your body. “—glow to you, which I know comes from having good sex. So, come on, spill everything. Tell us all the dirty little details”

“I’m actually intrigued too” Haru admits as she leans her chin on her hand.

“You guys are unbelievable” You mutter under your breath, shaking your head as you lean back comfortably in your seat. You lick your lips, keeping silent for a few seconds longer before a smile breaks out on your face. “It was really good”

“I knew it!!!” Miwoo squeals excitingly, clapping her hands together. “Is his dick big? Did he know how to use it well? Did he make you cum first? Did he—”

“Yes, yes and yes. Everything that you’re going to ask is a yes” Miwoo screeches as she kicks her feet, thrashing around in her chair and Haru keeps her composure even though the smile on her face widens every second that passes. “He even run me a bath and helped clean me up, it was crazy”

“That’s kinda romantic” Miwoo points out, eyeing you suspiciously. Your face drops at that, panic begins to rise as you start to wonder were the actions too romantic and heading towards more of a couple relationship instead of a friends with benefits one.

“It’s not romantic” Haru reassures you with a gentle smile as she notices the shift in your demeanor. “It’s just him giving you aftercare, it’s normal”

“Sounds quite suspicious to me” Miwoo hums to herself, lips pursed as she eyes you one last time before grinning widely again. “Is he into dirty talk? Did he talk dirty to you?”

“Not really, he said a few words but it seemed like he was holding back on a lot of it” You take a sip of your coffee to let Miwoo squeal before you start talking again. “I, uh, I actually brought up the whole Eric situation to him… I told him everything”

Haru sits up straight. “You did? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it just… sorta came out? I felt comfortable telling him and Jaemin just sat quietly and listened to everything I had to say” You heart warms as you recall what happened, the way Jaemin watched you in concern and kept a comforting hand on your body while you opened up about your past made you thankful.

“What did Jaemin say?” Miwoo presses. “Does he want to kill Eric too?”

“He said that he’d get the guys to beat him up” You tell them, averting your eyes away from them shyly as you remember what else he said. “And that he would fuck me in front of Eric”

Haru pulls a face. “That’s so—”

“Hot” Miwoo cuts her off with a gasp, fanning herself with her hand as she shakes her head. “That’s so fucking ho—why can’t Jeno be like that?!?!”

“Um, Jeno is like that” Haru points out, crossing her arms over her chest. “He literally wanted to fuck you in front of that guy that was flirting with you two weeks ago”

Miwoo blinks. “Yeah, but, that’s not the same thing… I want him to fuck me in front of an ex-boyfriend”

“You don’t have an ex-boyfriend”

Miwoo throws her arms in the air dramatically. “Why are you bullying me?! This feels like a personal attack right now, Jeon Haru”

“Because you make no sense!!” Haru laughs loudly. You sigh, bringing the cup to your lips as their bickering gets louder. “How can you say you want Jeno to be like that when you don’t even have a ex-boyfrie—”

“It was just a figure of spee—hey! Stop bringing up the fact that I haven’t got an ex-boyfriend!!! Do you have a death wish?!?!” Miwoo sucks at her teeth as she looks Haru up and down with a disgusted look on her face. She abruptly turns her head, startling the both of you. “I don’t even want to look at you”

“Good” Haru shoves a spoonful of cereal in her mouth. “You nearly made me lose my appetite”

“Fuck you!!!”

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

tags 🏷: @ijuuy | @lalalovejeno | @m1ss-foodi3 | @ukiyone | @choppedupcactus | @generationct | @luckyonejaehyun | @dnylwoo | @parkchaeyoung1997 | @sunshinedhyuck | @daydreamiies | @ahgastayzen | @beingpeachy

@luvenshiti | @ye0njunch01 | @daisybutterlions | @constantinopleo | @deryderydery | @yuthereal-mp4 | @wonnieluvs | @kyngaji | @baekhyunangst | @jaeminie-cricket | @therewillalwaysbearainbow |@heychan | @subhyuck

@bockhyun | @jvngkookks | @carelessshootanonymous

# 🥢 he give it to me everyday ︴🌱 🍳

no bcuz its razors bday, best boy ever!!!

I LITERALLY HOPE NONE OF MY IRLS FIND MY TUMBLR LOL

ohMY GOD THIS SONG?????? help if sum1 like sang this to me and theyre playing the guitar and we r sitting around a small campfire and its like winter and the sun is setting so the sky is like a orangey blue kinda like the sky in the album cover, like its not too cold but its cold`???? ygm??? like a fresh breeze PLS TELL ME YK WHAT I MEAN and theyre singing to me w their guitar and im like melting in the inside i think id start crying i love people that play instruments