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I lav hanahaki disease ffs😞😞😞☺️

Bloom for you

Pairing: Sunwoo x reader Genre: angst, fluff, hanahaki, fake dating Word count: 14.2k Warnings: mentions of blood and death, swearing, drinking, and uhhh all the things associated with hanahaki ha...ha A/N: written for @yangkiwi as a part of the "a gift for you" fic exchange hosted by @cherryutas and @ateez-elena ! hi yanna i'm your writer!! i had fun writing your faves and trying something new so i hope you enjoy <3

It's okay if he doesn't return your feelings, and it's okay if you have to hide yourself whenever the petals show up. What's not okay is if he ever finds out the reason for them in the first place.

Sunwoo's usually the perceptive one of the three of you. At the middle school dance, he was the first to notice the tightness of your smile and the slight slump of your shoulders after your boyfriend had dumped you. He was the first to figure out the good news about Eric's scholarship, though it wasn't as if Eric really tried to hide it—his eyes were brimming with endless excitement that was obvious to anyone. And whenever the three of you played your game of guessing the relationships between strangers in public, Sunwoo was able to differentiate between a first date from a dating app and one set up by mutual friends.

Kim Sunwoo was perceptive, and as his best friend, you knew that fooling him would not be easy.

"I have something to tell you," he says quietly.

"So do I."

While it's far from unusual to be hanging out between classes at the apartment he shares with Eric, you get the feeling that it's different this time. The way he messaged you privately instead of in your group chat coupled with seeing how Eric isn't home only confirm your suspicions. If Eric's birthday hadn't recently passed, you would've thought it'd be about planning a gift or a surprise party.

But now, there are more important things to worry about.

"You can go first," Sunwoo gestures at you, nodding in encouragement.

It doesn't make you any more encouraged, but you take a deep breath and decide to take the plunge anyway. This is something you have to do. "Sunwoo, do you think the three of us will be friends forever?"

"Why wouldn't we be?"

"Don't know." Your gaze is trained on his and your shrug is nonchalant, just as you practiced, but every second that goes by makes your stomach twist uncomfortably. Would it be too late to back out of this? "Just wondering."

He searches your face for a second. "Is this about Eric?"

"What?"

"You wouldn't be bringing it up now if it's not about him," he shrugs, though he's no longer meeting your eyes.

It's not about Eric. Not really, anyway; out of the three of you, Eric was the person that this concerned the least. Yet, he's not wrong either because that's exactly what you wanted to talk to him about.

"You like him, don't you?" he says when you don't respond.

"I—what?"

"Y/N, were you worried about how I would react to it?" At the way your jaw drops, Sunwoo has the audacity to laugh, though it quickly dies down and he drops his voice. "It's a good thing that it's Eric. I don't know if I'd trust anyone else to not break your heart."

This is not what you expected at all. You'd practiced and prepared to say these words to him, and now you're hearing him spit them right back at you.

And perhaps there is some truth in his words, but Eric wouldn't be breaking your heart anytime soon. Neither would anyone else when it's already broken. Shattered. "Yeah," you mutter, trying to stop your lips from falling into a frown.

Sunwoo takes your hands, holding them in his lap as he smiles at you reassuringly. It would be a touching moment and if it were the reality of a world where you did like Eric, you'd be more than happy. But all you can do now is force a smile on your face and ignore the queasy feeling in your stomach. You ignore the small fluttering in your chest that you now know is not your heart, but rather the small sprout that's been tickling you with every breath for the past week.

"Right, what did you want to tell me?" you ask, swinging your linked hands a little to shake him out of the reverie he seems to have slipped into.

He simply shakes his head, giving you a smile. "Never mind. It's nothing."

Sunwoo is perceptive—he's the first to notice your fake crush on Eric. But unfortunately, this time he's not quite perceptive enough.

The disease isn't exactly a secret, though there's only been one time you'd personally seen it happen to someone. Chanhee, a guy in your major, had been assigned to work on a group project with you and two other classmates back in second year. The four of you had been sprawled across Younghoon's living room one afternoon researching potential topics for the project, with you complaining every few minutes and Changmin blasting nothing but girl group songs while he was in charge of the playlist. But if you thought that was what made Chanhee leave the room, you were wrong.

You hadn't intentionally checked up on him, nor were you curious about where he had gone. It was something as simple as walking by the bathroom on your way to grab the flash drive from Younghoon's room when you heard coughing. It hadn't been a soft sound either—it quite sounded like Chanhee was hacking up his lungs.

And through the gap he left in the door, you were able to see the petals. Soft, white petals were scattered across the floor, large enough in size that you thought they were plucked straight from a potted plant. An orchid, perhaps, or a lily; you weren't familiar with flower types at the time and didn't know what the petals meant at all. That had been your first and only experience directly witnessing the effects of the disease.

"Chanhee? Are you okay?"

He'd barely looked at you, too preoccupied with the petal in his own hand. He held it up to the light, seemingly studying it as if it were something foreign. And maybe it was—looking back, that must've been the first time he'd coughed up those petals.

"Can—can I help?" you continued stubbornly when he didn't reply. "Is there anything I can do?"

Chanhee shook his head. "No—" Then he paused. "Actually, yes. You can help by not telling anyone about what you saw today."

It was amazing how intimidating he could still look during a vulnerable moment like that, so you'd nodded, quickly leaving to get him some water which he took from you with a blank stare. After that day, he pretended not to know you. It was only your persistence in befriending him that finally allowed him to open up about what was going on.

And although you learned about the disease and supported him throughout it, it never occurred to you that the same thing could happen to you.

"Eric, it worked," you say as soon as you get home and finally drop yourself onto your couch. "I was so sure that he would suspect something, but you know what? He was the one who asked me if I liked you."

"Seriously?" Eric glances at you from above his laptop screen, raising a brow. "I thought we weren't convincing these past few times. Damn, I wish I could call him stupid."

You heave a sigh. "He is stupid though."

Sunwoo is stupid for not knowing, for not having an inkling of a clue about everything that's going on. He's stupid for having no idea that your crush on Eric and your soon-to-be relationship with him aren't real.

And there's no way you could tell him.

Even the thought of him causes an itch in your throat that turns into a cough. Though it's bearable, feeling like a lingering cough from a cold—it hasn't been too long since the start of all this after all. You quickly throw an arm over your mouth to cover it, and when the coughing dies down, there are exactly three small petals sticking to your sleeve. Cherry blossom petals.

"Hey, you okay?" Eric reaches over and plucks one of them off your sleeve, and then holds it up to his face curiously just as you had a few days ago when they started appearing. You'd examined it and pondered in your mind about how such a thing could come from your body because the very thought of that happening was already strange. But even stranger than the science behind growing a plant in your lungs would be the cause of it—unrequited love.

"I'm okay," you mutter, grabbing the petal back from him. As pretty as the flowers may be, the thought of them still make you conflicted. It's embarrassing to know where they come from and why they exist.

Eric snaps out of whatever trance he was in a minute ago. "I still think it's weird. It's obvious he feels something for you," he says stubbornly, crossing his arms. "Can't you see it?"

"Tell that to these stupid flowers." You take the few petals out of your pocket where you'd collected them from earlier in the day and hold them in front of his face. "The answer's right here, Eric. That's what's obvious."

He opens his mouth as if to retort but closes it again and lets the silence settle between you instead. It's a little surprising that he doesn't have anything to say considering he usually shares his thoughts in real time. But this time, it's obvious that he holds back. Perhaps this would simply be one of the changes that your friendship would suffer as a consequence of your situation.

"Y/N," he finally says, the hesitance written all over his face, "are you sure you want to do this?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know I'll help you no matter what, right? But do you think this is the right thing to do?"

"I talked to Chanhee the other day," you say slowly, watching as he glances at you with alarm at the mention of Chanhee's name. You don't blame him though; there have been rumours about the guy that aren't exactly nice, and they all started from the flowers.

"Chanhee?"

"Yeah. I—I think I'll get it removed just like he did." You avert your eyes from Eric's face. This is yet another lie that you'd have to work on telling. "So we just have to go with the plan until then. It'll be fine; I'll even let you think of a dramatic way to break up with me."

"Yeah?" he nods, the grin immediately forming after hearing the last part of what you said. "Okay. If you're sure."

You try to put on a smile too, but there's more than a tinge of guilt in your heart. Eric must think that talking to Chanhee helped you come to a good conclusion, a logical one where you'd simply get the flowers removed and continue living your life as it is. But what he doesn't know is that seeing Chanhee's deadpan stare and hearing the flatness of his voice are the very things that convinced you to make the opposite decision. Having to live a life without feeling the pain that came with unrequited love may sound like a blessing, but to you, it was also a curse that would get rid of a chance at happiness too.

So while Sunwoo may not know the truth, Eric doesn't know the full truth either: you aren't planning on getting these flowers removed at all.

"Thanks, Eric." You turn back to him and finally force a smile on your face. There would be time to worry about that later, but first you need to make sure that Sunwoo believes your relationship with Eric is real.

A few days later is when you put the plan into action.

It's a coincidence, really, that you're with Eric when the two of you see Sunwoo walking by. Your plan was to start at the next study session together, but the opportunity arises in the parking lot on campus after class one day.

"Wait, is that him over there?" Eric pauses just before opening your door for you, tilting his head at someone walking down the path.

It's unmistakable—the figure is getting closer with each step, and you'd recognize Sunwoo's familiar strides anywhere. "Yup, that's him."

"Should we..." He trails off, gesturing vaguely in the air. "You know."

An idea pops into your mind. "Quick, come here."

Maybe this would be strange and awkward and would ruin your friendship in any other context, but this fake relationship needs to be as convincing as possible so that Sunwoo doesn't ever get the idea that your flower situation is because of him.

And so you take Eric's face between your palms, feeling the warmth of his cheeks and the softness of his skin. It may not be anything new, but it makes you briefly wonder what Sunwoo would feel like between your fingers now, whether his newly permed hair would still be as soft as before. How your heart and the tiny flowers around it would react.

Eric is angled so that the two of you would be visible to Sunwoo when he walks by, arms caging you on either side against the car. As you bring him in, you squeeze your eyes shut and anticipate the feel of his lips against yours. They're soft and warm like what you expected, and they fit well as they slip between yours. You feel him bring an arm behind your waist, pulling you closer until you're pressed against him.

It's not bad—it's a nice kiss in every sense. Maybe in a different context it would even be good, or maybe kissing your best friend should be awkward. But right now, it's something you don't have the luxury to worry about.

Soon he pulls back, and you notice a hollowness in your chest that's quite startling. The stillness there feels as if the flowers don't know how to react to his touch at all—as if they're not blooming, not fluttering, but just pausing in confusion for the fraction of a moment.

Which only means the solution isn't to make yourself fall for someone else, you think bitterly.

In the minutes that go by, there's no sign of Sunwoo unlike what you'd expected. You thought he'd come by and jokingly interrupt the two of you and maybe invite himself to your dinner plans—seeing the confusion on Eric's face, it's obvious he thought the same. It's only after you turn to look in Sunwoo's direction that you see his figure getting smaller in the distance. Perhaps he simply didn't look your way or didn't realize who it was, or maybe he was too occupied with carrying the books in his hands.

But as you stare at his disappearing figure, there's a slight slouch of his shoulders and an increase in the speed of his steps compared to earlier. Signs that he clearly saw the two of you but chose to walk away.

It means you're not the only one avoiding him—he's avoiding you too.

Sunwoo opens the door before you get the chance to knock, leaving your fist hanging in the air in front of you.

"Hey," he greets, opening the door wider and stepping back to let you into the space of his narrow apartment hallway. The place looks the same as always, and you can even smell the remnants of pizza lingering in the air—something that reminded you all too much of the game nights here that you've begun to miss with Sunwoo avoiding you and Eric as of late.

But even though not a hair looks out of place, there's a feeling you can't shake off that everything is different. Perhaps it's the lack of smile on Sunwoo's face this time, or the absence of the brightness that he typically radiates every time he sees you. He looks tired, and in a way it's almost like looking at your own face in the mirror. Tired, pale, hollow.

"I, um, have a dinner date with Eric in a bit so I can't stay too long," you say, following him when he leads the way to his room. It only confirms what you sensed from his text—this will be about something serious if he doesn't want Eric accidentally walking in on your conversation when he gets back from class. "Sorry. Maybe we can hang out properly another time? Just the two of us?"

"Yeah, of course." He briefly looks disappointed, and your small mound of guilt for creating this plan piles up a little more.

You close the door behind you and then opt to lean against it, unsure of where you should be standing or sitting when things are no longer the same as before. His room may be small, but it makes the distance between the two of you stretch to infinite bounds.

"How have you been?" he starts, eyes focused somewhere near your head but not quite on you. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You look tired." There's worry in his eyes now, despite the way you tried to keep your voice as level as possible. "Are you stressed? Is your... relationship taking a toll on you?"

"It's just midterm season." You give a casual shrug, trying to change the subject as quickly as you can. It's strange for you to be talking to him about your supposed relationship with Eric and seeing his reaction, it is for him as well. There's a tension in the room that can't be explained but you assume it's simply attributed to the sudden change in your friendship dynamics. "Anyway, I haven't seen you in a while."

Sunwoo looks away.

"Well, actually," you say carefully, finally deciding to put your theory to the test. "I think I saw you last week. Like, by the parking lot? You looked like you were walking home from campus."

His gaze snaps to yours. "Oh yeah? When was that?"

"After class one of those days," you lean back a little more and pretend to pull some balls of fluff off your shirt, maintaining a nonchalant stance. "I was going to say hi and ask if you wanted to grab dinner together, but you walked by really quickly."

"Oh." And there it is—his eyes flicker away from you, an uncomfortable expression settling on his face that only proves your theory to be correct. "You seemed busy."

"Busy? With Eric? Sunwoo, you know that we miss you—"

"Y/N, I lied." He looks right at you before slumping to the ground at the foot of his bed. Running a hand through his hair, and then heaving a sigh. "I'm sorry but I lied when I said I was fine with it. You and Eric... I want to be happy for you. I really do."

"But?"

A bitter chuckle. "But that's clearly not working out."

Crossing the room, you slowly lower yourself as well until you're seated beside him like you've done so many times before. Leaning in just the slightest so that your head rests against his shoulder and hating how even the most minimal contact gets such a big reaction from the stupid flowers. "Talk to me, Sunwoo. Don't keep it to yourself."

He stays silent for a while, so still that only the rise and fall of his chest was any indication that you're leaning on a living person. And when he finally speaks, it's quiet. Barely a whisper. "It just feels like I'm losing you—both of you."

You immediately know what he's talking about because that's exactly what you'd feared would happen to Eric if Sunwoo, for whatever reason, returned your feelings. After all, it'd always been the three of you sticking together since you met in middle school. There's no doubt that feelings would make things messy, and right when you caught your heart fluttering at Sunwoo's smile as he walked you home one night in first year, you knew that nothing about your friendship would be the same ever again.

Now, as he wraps an arm around your shoulders, you wonder if this is exactly what your past self would've wanted: to make Sunwoo jealous and see if there's any ounce of hope that he would be able to return your feelings. But that no longer matters. The itch at the back of your throat and the pressure residing in your chest make it clear there's nothing left to prove, and now it's just a matter of making sure he never finds out the truth.

"It's so selfish to say this but I don't want to be reduced to a—a third wheel to you. But I also don't want you to feel obligated to spend time with me if you'd rather just be with him." Sunwoo looks over, briefly meeting your eyes before he's dropping his gaze again. Another sigh slips out of his mouth. "Sometimes I think about what things were like before. Y/N, I don't want it to be awkward between us."

"That's not selfish of you. I'll always be here, okay?" The lies, along with your pile of guilt, grow a bit larger. "Even if things don't work out with Eric."

"Yeah? Okay." The corners of his lips curve up, but his eyes seem to stay in an unreadable, neutral expression.

Then he mumbles an excuse about quickly sending off that assignment due today before heading to the living room, leaving you alone. The silence is nice, giving you a chance to calm down your racing heart and replay what just happened. Was Sunwoo's jealousy over not being able to spend time with his two best friends the reason for the tension whenever your relationship with Eric comes up in conversation? You wish that could be the worst of the issues within your friendship, but unfortunately, that seems like the tip of the iceberg.

When he continues typing away on his laptop in the other room, you let your eyes roam over the details of the walls around you. It's nowhere as cluttered as the bedroom of his childhood home, though there are a few touches that make it more personalized than the standard dorm room.

On the bulletin board hanging near his desk, he has some polaroid photos of the three of you. You easily recognize where they're from: a Halloween event back in first year where the three of you dressed up in lab coats, pretending to be scientists as if you didn't have to dress in those for your weekly labs. There are a couple of shots at different restaurants when Sunwoo had brought his camera, claiming to capture all your funny antics—clearly the way you and Eric drank with arms linked was one of them. But the last one on the board is your favourite: a photo of you and Sunwoo dressed in fancy prom attire, his arm slung around you, both of you smiling brightly at the camera. It must be the only photo he brought from home, seeing as it's from your high school days.

Just below the board, on his desk, there's a glint that catches your eye. It's a small jewelry box, a little bigger than one that would fit a ring, made with a navy velvet material with gold writing of the brand at the top. And you know that it would be rude to take a look but sometimes it's hard to care about trivial things when your days are numbered. So you reach for it and—

"Hey," Sunwoo's voice interrupts and you try your best not to jump back in surprise. You were so caught up in your curiosity that you hadn't heard his footsteps at all.

"Hey. You submitted your assignment?" When he nods, you decide to directly ask him about what was on your mind. "What's this?"

"Oh—it's um." There's a frown on his face when he comes over to take the box from the desk. He fiddles with it in his hand, body turned in a way so that the box is just outside your view and you're not sure if that's on purpose. If it's something he doesn't want you to see. "Just a necklace I got for my sister."

"Right, her birthday's coming up, isn't it? That's so sweet." It totally slipped your mind. Of course it has to be for his sister. Maybe even for a crush. Either way, it doesn't make sense for you to be holding onto that piece of hope in your heart.

When he opens the box, it's a pretty necklace with a small flower pendant—coincidentally, one that looks like the very flower that you've recently come to be very familiar with. It twinkles so beautifully in the light that it nearly makes you forget the dread that flowers bring you.

And when you see Sunwoo's eyes soften and his smile grow fond, in that moment, you nearly tell him everything. Between the cracks of the walls he always puts up, you can see it—the way it hurts him that you're avoiding him and spending all your time with Eric. The way he knows he's losing both of his best friends but has no choice to be happy for the two of you.

But wouldn't it hurt more if he ever finds out the real reason behind all of this, especially when it's connected to him? Thinking about the guilt he'd have to carry makes you hold back your words once again.

Sunwoo sets down the box and turns to you, but the moment has passed and he has his guards up again. "Have fun on your date tonight, okay?"

"I will," you lie, attempting at plastering on a smile. You go to step around him, thinking that you could wait in the living room for Eric; it shouldn't be too long until he's on his way back.

But maybe it's the sad smile Sunwoo wears or maybe it's the influence of the flowers, for you find yourself stepping forward towards him, chasing the warmth of his touch the way the tiny flowers inside you chase his sunshine. Then you're wrapping your arms around him, burying yourself into the fabric of his hoodie like that's where you belong. And maybe it is where you belong if the disappearance of your chest pains is any indication.

His arms automatically wrap around your waist and the warmth of his embrace is enough for you to pretend just for a minute. That he's not him, you're not you, and none of this is really happening.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" he whispers an eternity later, as if not wanting to break the moment either. But maybe he hears your tears softly pattering against him or the light rattle in your breaths. Maybe he already knows everything there is to know and maybe it's killing him inside just like it's killing you.

"I just—miss you," you admit. A small truth underneath your mountain of lies.

"Hey, if this is because I was avoiding you, then I promise I won't do it again, okay?" He tightens his arms slightly. "We can go back to being the three of us."

But it's short-lived for soon you hear the front door closing loudly, and equally loud footsteps walking around. Eric—the person you're supposed to be dating—is back and here you are in the arms of his housemate. You quickly untangle yourself, ignoring the pressure that immediately reappears in your chest that seems to protest your leave.

Sunwoo lifts a hand as if going to wipe your tears, but you don't wait around to see whether he would just pull back like you expect him to.

"I'll see you soon." Another lie as you go to grab your bag and head out to meet your fake boyfriend. Sunwoo doesn't follow you out.

What you thought was a lie actually turns out to be the truth—you do see Sunwoo very soon. A few days later, it's as if nothing had ever changed between the three of you. Sunwoo holds his promise and makes an effort to hang out with you and Eric instead of shying away from it.

So study sessions at the library are spent with Eric draped across your arm, napping on the table while you look up from your laptop and exchange amused glances with Sunwoo across from you. Game nights are back at their place and has you complaining about how they gang up on your poor character, though Eric sometimes helps you out and you're pretty sure it's not just about being a good fake boyfriend.

Eric also asks a few times if you're comfortable with Sunwoo being around so often, and you give him the excuse of wanting normalcy before the surgery. It's not completely an excuse when most of it is the truth—you do want to live life normally. Besides, you're sure he's glad the two of you won't need to execute the PDA part of your plan right in front of Sunwoo.

You also know it would be difficult to hide the petals, but Eric surprisingly does a good job of covering for you. It seems to work for the time being, however, you know that Sunwoo is perceptive. The longer he's around you the harder it'll be to maintain this façade, and the more cracks there will be between the mask that you're trying so hard to keep up.

But what surprises you is that it becomes easier to breathe when Sunwoo is around: your coughs decrease in severity, there are fewer petals, and there's less pain. It gets to the point where you start wondering how long this would last for. What if simply being around Sunwoo—even if it's purely platonic and even if he will never return your feelings—is enough to stop these flowers from blooming forever? What if this could pause their growth and let you live a life still full of emotions? What if this was the solution?

Though you have a feeling it's too good to be true.

The next weekend has you at a party with Eric. Heavy bass from the music playing at alarming decibels seems to reverberate through your body as you make your way through the crowd, one hand in his and another grabbing onto the first drink in sight. Being the social butterfly he is, he stops by to talk to each friend he sees, and it's just about as awkward as you imagined. Maybe even more, when they look at the two of you with that knowing smile and the twinkle in their eyes.

By the time you make your way to the living room, you find Sunwoo already part of a circle in the corner with some friends you recognized from the occasional lunch together. He waves you over when he catches your eye, shifting back to make room for the two of you.

"Didn't think you guys were coming," he muses, lifting his cup to touch it to your own before downing the rest of what's in it. "Thought you'd have better things to do."

You shrug, lifting your own cup to your lips and relishing in the burn that trails down your throat instead of giving him an answer. Not because of the implication in his tone of voice, but rather the fact that you can't possibly explain your real reasoning for coming here. Thank goodness Eric hadn't questioned your intentions, though you had a feeling that he knew all too well.

"What are they playing?" You nod over at where the rest of the circle is closely huddled together.

Sunwoo eyes you warily for a second before dropping his gaze. "Truth or dare or something. You want to join? They're doing spin the bottle next."

"Yeah, sure." You give him another nonchalant shrug when he turns back to search your face. Sunwoo may be perceptive, and you may be attending a house party despite hating the idea of them before, but surely this can't be as suspicious as his expression makes it seem, right? This calls for another drink. "Eric, you want a drink?" you ask, though you're already up and across the room before he can respond.

Chanhee is in the kitchen when you go to pour the remaining of the vodka into your cup. And with him is Younghoon, the very guy to cause the white petals to fall from his mouth once upon a time. They're talking animatedly—Younghoon throwing his head back as he laughs at something Chanhee says, and Chanhee leaning against the counter with his arms crossed and his signature unamused look on his face.

"Oh, hey, Y/N," Younghoon greets, immediately reeling in his laughter from before. "Surprised to see you here."

"Yeah, um. You're not the first to say that." You laugh a little, sounding awkward even to your own ears. "Needed a change of scenery." The vodka bottle empties without even filling much of your cup and has you reaching for a cooler to make up for the remainder. There's not much of the non-alcoholic selection either from what you can see, but Eric will have to deal with whatever's left of the inventory.

Chanhee remains silent, simply glancing you up and down.

It's strange now that you look closely at him. From the outside, you'd assume that he was the same person as before—a master of sarcasm and a permanent scowl on his face as if judging your life decisions. How Younghoon managed to make him fall in love is a mystery to you, and even more a mystery is how he's coping with the effects of the surgery so well, like nothing ever changed.

Younghoon seems to notice his stare. "I'll head back to the others first? Find you later, Chanhee."

Once he's out of the vicinity, Chanhee finally turns to you. "A change of scenery," he chuckles, though his voice remains flat. "It's not much of a change when the petals follow you everywhere."

"How do you feel talking to Younghoon?" you blurt, not even realizing what you've said until he cocks his head in amusement. Perhaps the drink you downed all too quickly was finally taking effect.

"How do you feel talking to me?"

That's not what you were expecting. "Um, you're cool? I guess?"

He smiles a little and fiddles with the drink in his hand. "I'm just playing with you. That's really what it's like though; talking to him and being with him. It feels like being with anyone else."

"But—but it seemed like you guys were getting along pretty nicely." You frown at him when he simply shrugs.

"Yeah," Chanhee takes a long sip of his drink, and it were anyone else, you would've interpreted that as trying to drown out feelings with alcohol. But you know better. "He confessed his feelings to me last week."

"What?"

A nod.

"Are you serious?" It must be the drink you had. There's no way you're hearing things correctly—

"Yeah," Chanhee scoffs. "It's a bit too late for that. I know I should feel bad, but I really don't."

"Does he... know?"

He shakes his head, immediately knowing what you're referring to. "There's no need for him to know. My feelings are my own responsibility; why should they have anything to do with him?"

"Right." You mentally note that down, unsure of how well you'll remember it after the night is over though it only reaffirms your plan not to tell Sunwoo about any of this. Chanhee's right and it makes too much sense even to your inebriated brain.

But more importantly, what he said about Younghoon confessing sticks around in your mind. How is it that Younghoon only developed feelings for him after the whole flower ordeal? And now that Chanhee's gotten the surgery, he would never be able to return those feelings. It might not hurt him anymore, but your heart aches just thinking about what could have been. They could've been so happy together. They could've loved each other. Instead, now all they have is a broken relationship filled with lost time and opportunity. How could their fate turn out to be doomed like this?

"Y/N, you know it'll only get worse?" The look in Chanhee's narrowed eyes pins you to your spot. "Being around him and pretending like it's sufficient to stop it from progressing."

"Does it not? But I feel better than I have in days—"

"Y/N." He steps closer, setting down his cup on the counter so hard that you can feel a drop of his drink splash onto your arm. "You should stay away from him. It'll feel better for a while, and it'll give you hope. But that won't last; it'll get much worse very soon."

You chance a glance into his eyes and what you find there is confusing. It's almost as if he does have some feelings—enough to watch out for you anyway. Could it be that the surgery doesn't take away all emotions? "Um, yeah. Okay." A nod for emphasis.

But whatever you found in his eyes quickly disappears and his face settles back into its signature displeased look. Then Chanhee gives you a sharp nod before he's picking up his drink again and heading off in the direction Younghoon went in.

The alcohol pumping through your veins makes the encounter fade instantly, and soon, you're joining the circle in the living room once again. Eric thanks you for the drink and then starts the game.

It doesn't even occur to you how this stupid game should've stayed in middle school and not followed you all the way to college. With the bouts of laughter following each round and each funny reaction from the participants getting picked by the bottle, you just about manage to forget why this might be a bad idea. Coming to the party, hearing Chanhee's words, being near Sunwoo.

Well, until the bottle lands on Sunwoo anyway. He's the first person it lands on this round and the crowd reacts, cheering him on and whispering about who they hope the bottle lands on next. Some are looking at him in anticipation; nothing surprising when he's attractive and decently popular amongst the people in his major. Perhaps they'd be praying to the OTP gods to have the bottle land on them. Meanwhile, you're praying it doesn't land on you. You send the bottle your brain waves and you shift in your spot slightly in the hopes that something happens to it—anything, really, as long as it doesn't land on you.

At first it seems to work. The bottle slows down, nearing the end of the spin and appears to stop on Eric. There's laughter on the tip of your tongue and fear in Eric's eyes just at the thought of having to kiss Sunwoo.

And then the bottle rotates just the slightest bit past Eric, landing on you. It's not directly pointing at you, but anyone would be able to tell that it's closer to you than it is to Eric. The laughter dies in your throat.

Eric shoots you a worried look, though there's also obvious relief in his eyes. "Y/N, you don't have to do it. You can back out." There are some coos around the circle, eyes peeling at the concerned boyfriend's reaction to you having to kiss someone else.

But you can feel the way your heart speeds up, the way there's a stirring in your chest that's edging you on. It's something you wanted, after all. Kim Sunwoo—he's what you wanted. "It's fine," slips out of your mouth quietly before you're making your way to where Sunwoo's seated, all the eyes in the room trained on your every step. His included.

"Are you sure about this?" he asks, lips pressed together as if holding back a smile. Why he would be amused at this, you're not sure, but you brush off the thought and give him a firm nod. The full smile appears now. "Okay," he murmurs, inching closer.

When you're looking at him, it's like the rest of the room disappears. A stillness settles, and whether that's from the audience waiting with bated breath, or whether it's the gradual decreasing of the pressure in your chest, you can't tell. But you don't need to. In the next moment, Sunwoo has a hand around your waist and another cupping your cheek. Leaning in until you're shutting your eyes and the tiny smile is the last thing you see before his soft lips finally reach yours.

You knew it would be different from kissing Eric but aren't prepared for just how different it would be. The sharp taste the alcohol on his breath can't hide how soft his lips are, how warm his mouth is. It has your heart thudding ceaselessly as everything else melts away until you can no longer remember why kissing him was supposed to be a bad idea. No, it couldn't have ever been a bad idea. The way he tilts his head to deepen the kiss and the way he pulls you closer tell you that this is exactly where you belong, like he's breathing the air you needed right into your lungs. And then there's the tingling in your chest as if the flowers are reacting to his every touch; they lean into it, they crave it, and the pain disappears when they're satisfied.

It's like the room doesn't know how to react afterwards. You know how it must look—you're dating Eric, but you're here kissing your other best friend. His other best friend. And maybe it was entertaining for the audience, or it looked like a realistic kiss, but there's an awkward energy lingering in the room as people refrain from commenting or cheering.

Eric, for one, is speechless. His mouth hangs open the slightest, perhaps more of a shock at how different you are when kissing the person you're in love with versus kissing him the few times you'd done it just for show. There's a glazed-over look in his eyes like he's coming to a few realizations, ones that completely make him forget that he should be jealous, angry even, in this situation. You hope that people would simply assume he's in too much shock to react.

Sunwoo says something, hand still resting against your wrist. But you don't hear it over the itch at the back of your throat that's been increasing by the second. You can't speak and you can't possibly respond or risk opening your mouth now for there will only be a pile of petals coming out, and no matter how much you try to swallow it down, the pressure only increases.

So you run. You pick yourself up off the ground and get out of the room, making a dash for the nearest bathroom. Hand over your mouth like you're just another one of the guests who've had too much to drink.

Once in the bathroom, you only have half the mind to turn on the faucet and let the sound of the running water drown out the cough that wracks through your entire body. You cough and you heave, and the pressure in your lungs continue to squeeze you until you're doubling over in effort first by the sink and then by the toilet. It's worse this time—that much is obvious even without seeing the bunches of petals that fall into the toilet. They're soft against your tongue and where they stick to your mouth and lips, and they seem to paint the bathroom in different shades of pink where they land.

You almost want to laugh at the situation—the only times you'd seen such a trail of beautiful petals on the floor like this was in movies, always as a set up for a romantic night. Perhaps a path of petals, trailing into the bedroom. And here, in this small bathroom, you're surrounded by the prettiest cherry blossom petals as a reminder of the very lack of romance in your life.

"Hey, Y/N," Eric's voice comes softly from just outside the door, followed by a couple of knocks. "You okay in there?"

"Yeah—" Another cough. Eternity seems to pass before they subside and let you come back up for air. "I'll be fine."

"You don't sound fine. Can I get you some water—"

"Eric, please. Go before he suspects something."

You can sense the hesitation in his steps as he lingers just outside the door for a while longer, but eventually he mutters an 'okay' before he leaves.

It calms down a while later. You catch your breath, sucking in the air between the rattling of your lungs and pushing it out in slow motions to try not to break into coughs again. When you finally flush the toilet and turn off the tap, you can hear the music and chatter floating over again. Luckily, there's no one waiting outside; you still have to deal with the scattered petals across the floor.

Footsteps approach the bathroom again as you're trying to sweep up the petals with your hands, but this time the door creaks open. Great, you'd forgotten to lock it. At least you weren't using the bathroom for its intended purpose, though at this rate, you aren't sure if being on the floor with the petals surrounding you is any better.

"Eric, I told you I'm fine. You should go make sure he doesn't suspect anything," you mutter, your gaze not leaving the handful of petals you carefully throw into the toilet. You're nearly done cleaning and the floor only has about half the amount it started with.

But there's no response. Your stomach drops at the realization.

Because when you look up, it's not Eric standing there at all. It's Sunwoo. Sunwoo with his eyes widened, mouth slightly parted, jaw slack. Sunwoo, whose gaze trails over the tiny pink petals that cover the floor, then to where you're sitting with a handful of them in your palm, and then to the open toilet where they float.

Sunwoo, whom you ran away from the second after you shared a kiss with him.

"I—I thought you ran out because of the kiss." He slowly blinks a few times as if he can't believe what he's seeing. Though underneath the layers of shock, there's hurt. Jealousy. Worry. And while it pains you to see him like this, you're just so tired of having to hide it or explain it or deal with this stupid flower situation at all. Maybe coming here was a bad idea and pretending like everything was fine was a bad idea.

Maybe loving Sunwoo was a bad idea.

"Y/N." Hands are on your wrists, stopping you from where you're still trying to grab at the little flower pieces. "Hey, look at me." Sunwoo gets down beside you, face mere inches away from yours. Forcing you to look at him. "What happened? What is all this—Y/N, why didn't you tell me about this?"

You have no response to his questions. How can you possibly tell him that all of this was because of him? Because of your inability to handle your feelings for a friend? Even without the thought of the flowers making their home in your body, there's the constant fear of ruining your friendship with him, and in turn, your friendship with Eric too.

Luckily, you don't get a chance to answer him, because Eric appears right behind him in the next moment.

"Y/N?" Eric's eyes widen when he sees what's going on. "It's late. Let's get you home." Thankfully, he catches the desperate expression you throw him and carefully steps around where Sunwoo's kneeling on the floor, reaching to help you stand. You give him a weak smile, feeling the relief seep through your body at the excuse for walking out of this difficult situation.

But it doesn't quite go as you expect.

Sunwoo stands, hand catching your elbow as you try to walk past him. "We're not done here. Y/N, Eric, what the fuck is going on?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Eric scoffs, voice dripping with a venom that you've never heard from him before. "Get out of here, Sunwoo."

Immediately, you can feel him stiffen next to you as if bristling with hostility. "No, not until you tell me what's going on." Sunwoo steps in front of you, eyes pleading with you. "Y/N, what is all this? Why are you—"

"That's enough." Eric shoves him lightly, though it sends him stumbling back. He steps in front of you, arms out like he's protecting you from him. "You won't get it, so just stay out of it."

"What did you say to me?" Sunwoo grabs at him, getting a handful of his collar. "You want me to stand here and watch while Y/N is—is dating someone who doesn't even love them?"

That final bit is what does it. It has Eric sending a fist into Sunwoo's jaw. "Shut the fuck up. You have no idea what you're talking about."

You hear a gasp, but it takes you a second to realize that it was from you. Everything after that is a blur.

Sunwoo retaliates, landing a few punches before Eric is pushing him back. Soon the commotion catches the attention of the other partygoers, and a crowd begins to form around the small hallway. You can almost hear the whispers in the audience. It'd be jealousy over the kiss—jealous boyfriend Eric trying to fight best friend Sunwoo over what looked like a much more passionate kiss than what should've been possible. That would be the logical way to go. No one would be able to wrap their head around the truth that's suddenly become so overly complicated.

Someone steps out of the crowd and grabs onto Eric at the first opportunity to hold him back. Sangyeon—at least that's what you think his name is—shoves Eric behind him and holds out his arms in front of Sunwoo, blocking him. If he's not afraid that Sunwoo would simply give him a punch of his own, he's right. Neither of your friends have been much of a fighter and this is the first time an altercation like this has happened.

So you do the same. You step in front of Sunwoo, hand on his chest. "Sunwoo, please. Stop."

He looks at you then, and it's like the fury or whatever it was clouding his eyes completely disappear. There's a new sense of clarity in them and he slowly drops his arms, clenched fists gradually loosening.

One final worried glance and then you're heading to Eric. You nod a quick thanks at Sangyeon before grabbing Eric's hand and leading the way through the crowd. But just when you think the worst is over, you make the mistake of looking behind you as the two of you walk out the door, and there Sunwoo stands glancing back at you with what looks like betrayal in his eyes. It's not great, but you'd rather have him feeling betrayed instead of guilty or helpless over what's happening to you.

There's silence in the car the entire drive home. Eric doesn't bother turning the radio on, though it's clear that neither of you would listen to it anyway. He's stuck in his head just as much as you are, and you can't help but wonder what he's thinking about. Whether he feels just as trapped in this situation or whether he really thinks things will go back to normal after the surgery you said you'd get.

"Hey, you okay?" He finally glances at you just after parking the car outside your apartment, neither of you making a move to get out.

You can't help the grin creeping onto your face. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

He breaks into a smile too and it makes you forget everything else that happened tonight. The fact that he's still your best friend and that he's still by your side despite this whole situation is something worth smiling over.

"Ow—" The moment ends when his smile disappears. A fresh line of red appears between his split lip and the sight of it has you scrambling out of your seat then dragging him out of his.

A short elevator ride later, you seat Eric down on a chair in the kitchen and grab the first aid kit. But even when you're gently cleaning the cuts on his face, it's hard to not think about Sunwoo. How Sunwoo would be all alone in their shared apartment, how he probably wouldn't bother doing anything about his injuries at all. You can't help the pang in your heart at the thought of that despite how it sounds ridiculous that even when you're dying, all you can think about is helping him.

"Hey," Eric glances at you with hesitation in his eyes as you start with the ointment. "Do you think I can crash here? Not sure it's a good idea to be going back with Sunwoo around."

"Yeah, sure." Then you think twice about it. "But wouldn't he just get more pissed if you stay here?"

He only gives you a grin that's soon followed by a small wince when it pulls on his battered lip again. "That's the point. Kim Sunwoo is going to be so pissed when he figures out that I'm staying here."

The look on his face paired with his words suddenly seem so funny. Although the fight has sobered you up for the most part, the remnants of the adrenaline pumping through your veins gives you a different kind of high—one that has you setting the ointment down and bursting out laughing. Eric joins you until he's doubled over, head landing in your lap and probably ruining all you've done to fix his wounds.

But for a while, none of it matters. For a moment it's only your best friend and you, back in the room of your childhood home laughing at an inside joke that no one else could possibly understand. For a moment there are no worries about the future and no flower petals and nothing that may cause your friendship to be hanging on by a thread.

"Dude, that was so dumb," Eric lifts his head, wiping away the tears at the corner of his eyes. "It's funny now but maybe I shouldn't have punched him so hard."

You look him up and down. "Do you really think he ended off in worse shape than you?"

He gives you a frown before rolling his eyes. "Your bias is showing, Y/N." Then he waves you off when you shake your head a little too vehemently in response to that. "How can you be on his side even now?" It comes out clearly sarcastic like it's a joke, but you can't help but hear the truth lacing his words underneath all of it.

"No, I didn't mean—"

"It's okay," Eric gives you a weak smile and when he stays silent, you realize just how quiet the room has become without the sound of his laughter from just a minute ago. Fading until you can no longer remember what it sounded like. "I can see it, you know. I saw it. Y/N, I didn't believe it at first," he looks down, averting his eyes from where you're hovering to continue working on his wounds. "Well, I've never been very observant, so I didn't see it when you first told me."

You keep the cotton swab in your fingers light and steady as you finish up with the last cut on his cheek, not showing the shakiness you're starting to feel at his words.

"But I saw it back there. Not just how much you care about him, but how much he cares about you too. You felt it, didn't you?" Eric's eyes meet yours again. "What we all saw... that can't be faked, Y/N."

"I guess my acting was terrible the few times you and I kissed then." An attempt at trying to deflect the conversation as you step back to pack up the first aid kit. "Sorry about that."

But Eric shakes his head. "Y/N, forget about our kiss. That's nothing compared to what went down tonight." A bittersweet smile appears on his mouth and then he lowers his voice. "You love him. You're in love with him."

"Yeah," you finally bring yourself to admit, setting everything down just before he pulls you into a hug. "But it's not like that changes anything. I wish I could say that I hated tonight and that it made me hate him too."

"You don't mean that."

A sigh. "I don't."

There's a stillness in the room and one in your chest as well. It's nice being in his arms—calm, warm, and without the strong currents that threatens to pull you under every time Sunwoo is around.

Eric breaks the silence. "I shouldn't have said all those things to him."

"You shouldn't have fought him either."

"I shouldn't have." He sighs, burying his face into the crook of your neck. "I was just so angry at him—it's so easy to think that all of this was because of him. That it's his fault you're..." dying, you would've said, though it's not like he would know. "It's his fault you're hurting."

"It's not his fault. None of this is."

"I know but," he pulls back to look right at you, "should we tell him? Doesn't he deserve to know? He already saw what happened, Y/N. I don't see how we can keep holding it back from him."

"Yeah, I agree." You have to force yourself not to look away for this next part. "But it won't be long until the surgery. We can tell him after, yeah?"

Eric frowns, bottom lip between his teeth. "Okay," he mumbles, clearly hesitant, "if you're sure."

"Just don't mention that it was about him. He doesn't need to know that."

He nods.

You leave him to settle on the couch as you dig through your closet for the spare blankets and clothes that the two of them have left here on numerous occasions. A pair of sweats and a baggy hoodie is what you pick out, though you're not quite sure if they belong to Eric or Sunwoo; you suppose it wouldn't matter with the rate of which they share their clothes anyway.

"We'll talk in the morning, okay? I have a feeling Sunwoo will be showing up right after he gets rid of his hangover."

"Wait." Before you can turn to leave, there's a hand wrapping a hand around your wrist and pulling you down onto the couch next to him. "Y/N... what do you think will happen with us now?"

When you glance at him, there's worry on his face and something unreadable swimming in his eyes that you've never seen before. The Eric you know would never worry about anything, much less over a silly fight with his best friend. But this isn't quite the Eric you know, and you're no longer the you that once existed; everything from here on out is uncharted territory, and the thought of that makes your heart sink a little.

You try your best to put on a smile. "You'll make up with Sunwoo and things will go back to normal."

"You think so?" He searches your eyes, and you only hope that nothing he can find in them will betray you. Not now, not yet. "What about you?"

What he's asking is obvious—it's a question of your feelings for Sunwoo and whether you'd be able to overcome those, or it's about your lack of feelings after the supposed surgery. But all you can do is shrug a little, pressing your lips together to hide the way they quiver. "I'll be just fine."

Whatever joke you made about Sunwoo having a hangover is not so funny the next morning. You wake up to sunlight streaming through the window, so bright that it only aggravates your pounding headache and creates waves of nausea in your stomach. And while it's a nice change to be making a run to the bathroom for a more normal reason than to cough up petals, the sharps pains in your chest quickly make their presence known.

Eric looks just as bad from where he's sprawled across the length of the couch when you drag yourself up and head to the living room. His face is swollen, bruises darker and fully formed, and the way he squints at you must indicate that the same fatigue is affecting him too.

Yet to you, it was all worth it.

Initially, you hadn't wanted to go to the party—heck, the party scene has never been your interest and you'd always opt for an arcade adventure or a game night with your best friends instead. But along with the many changes to your life that the flowers had brought was a change in your mind too. Your real reasoning for going was that you knew it would be your last chance at having fun before things progressed too far. The kiss was just the cherry on top.

And even if the party went to shit, you have a headache that seems to split your skull in half, and the flower situation gets significantly worse, it was all worth it.

"Morning," Eric mumbles, face half covered by the pillow he uses to block the light.

It's well into the afternoon, but you don't tell him that. "Morning." You set a glass of water on the table in front of him and then head into the kitchen to figure out hangover foods.

Sunwoo doesn't show up as you'd expected he would, but it's for the best. The pressure in your chest makes it obvious that you should be avoiding him from now on because Chanhee was right. Everything he said last night was true and it was stupid that you briefly thought it wouldn't be true. Or you thought it just wouldn't happen to you.

But now, it's happening to you. Maybe it would've been fine if you were simply near Sunwoo at the party, but the instant he kissed you, you knew that something changed. And you also knew that you didn't have much time left.

The rest of the weekend goes by in the same way. Eric stays over, half afraid of the truth spewing out of his mouth once Sunwoo confronts him, and half afraid of ruining things with Sunwoo forever. You hate having the situation with Sunwoo weigh the both of you down like this, but there's no way you could let the truth get out. And so, Eric recycles the measly amount of clothes he has at your place, occasionally stealing a hoodie out of your own wardrobe too.

It's after he heads to class the next week when you hear a knock on the door.

"Did you forget something—" You stop when you realize that it isn't Eric turning around to grab his bag at all. Sunwoo is the one standing there, dark circles under his eyes and face hollowed as if he hasn't slept in days. Which, knowing him, is probably true. He'd be bothered by the events of the party endlessly.

"Hey," he says, voice neutral and expression unreadable.

"Hi. You want to come in?" You open the door a little wider though Sunwoo lingers hesitantly where he stands in the hallway, unsure of whether to accept your invitation. It isn't until you reach to pull him in when he finally moves and follows you over to the couch.

All your previous jokes with Eric about how funny a confrontation with Sunwoo would be disappear in an instant. It's no longer funny and you don't seem to recall why it had been in the first place.

"How are you?" he asks, still looking very much uncomfortable where he's now seated on your couch. "Are you okay?"

You nod.

"Look, I'm sorry for the other night," he runs a hand through his hair, eyes only briefly pausing on yours before fleeting away. "And for being an asshole in general. I didn't know what you were going through."

"It's okay. I didn't want to burden you with this."

"What? No, it's not a burden."

It gets quiet. Even the hum of the fridge abruptly stops, leaving you completely on your own.

"How long has it been?" Sunwoo asks, and though his face is half turned away, you can hear what his words seem to say: how long do you have left?

"A few weeks."

Silence.

"Does Eric know?"

A nod, then more silence. It feels a bit like an interrogation at this point, and you can't seem to shake off the strange feeling between the two of you.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, eyes still not meeting yours. You sigh a little, searching his face for any trace of a hint or an answer that his voice fails to give, but finding none of the jealousy or hurt that seemed to seep through his presence at the party.

The answer is obvious, of course: you didn't tell him because you don't want him to live with the guilt of knowing his lack of feelings for you is the cause of this. But instead, you settle on another one of the cards from your deck of lies. "It's kind of just between me and him."

"Is that why you guys started dating?" When you don't answer, he continues. "So the flowers are for him. And you've been trying to make him fall for you." The last bit comes out sounding like a statement, so you don't answer that either. It's like he's working through his own thoughts out loud, and even if they're far from the truth, you can't correct him.

Sunwoo looks like he has more to say or ask but is clearly tentative about how far he should push this, and so you let the silence linger uncomfortably. But the strange feeling builds and at this point you aren't quite sure if it's something that really exists or if it's another reaction of the flowers. You haven't seen him since the party and while you're hoping that his presence alleviates some of the pain, Chanhee's words echo in your mind like a siren. Warning you that being with him may only make things worse.

"I have something to tell you," Sunwoo starts slowly, breaking the silence. "This might be bad timing, but I just want to say it in case I might not get a chance to later."

You're too afraid to ask if he means that in the sense that he won't be seeing you much when you're supposedly dating Eric, or that you may no longer be around to hear it anymore. Either way, there's a foreboding feeling; perhaps this is what you've felt since the instant he stepped into your apartment.

He draws in a long breath. "Y/N, I like you. No—I love you. I have for a long time, and—fuck, I might actually be in love with you. But I guess none of it matters now." You think that's all he is going to say, but then he finally lifts his head to meet your gaze with a wry smile and continues. "Do you remember the day you told me you like Eric? I wanted to tell you that day. That's why I called you over."

"What? How? Why didn't you?" That's impossible; he has to be joking, though it's not a very funny joke. Especially when it hurts to breathe.

"If it were anyone else that you liked, I would've told you." His eyes soften, smile turning fond. It reminds you of the tiny glimpse of him you saw the other time in his room, and it looks so real that it your heart stutters. "But it was Eric, and I could never do that to him."

It hurts to speak so you don't. You keep quiet and let him fill in the silence.

"And ah—you found the necklace in my room," Sunwoo breaks off into an awkward chuckle and ducks his head just as you catch a glimpse of his reddening cheeks. "That was supposed to be for you. Anyway, I know you're dating Eric now, but I just—I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest. Maybe it'll give you some comfort knowing you're not the only one in this whole one-sided love thing."

One-sided love. That's about all you catch when all your attention is directed to breathing. You have to focus on pushing the air into and out of your lungs between the branches or roots of the plant residing there when it's so difficult. It's not too different to what happened right after the kiss you shared with him at the party—your throat tightens, and your chest hurts and there's too much pressure all of a sudden. As if the strange tension was building up to this moment the entire time. You're aware that what Sunwoo's saying is something important and that you should hear the rest of it, but the urge to cough is uncontrollable.

The bathroom is still a few steps away when the coughs start and a shower of pink petals land on the floor, trailing after you. But even when you're hovered over the toilet, it's like the petals don't stop this time. They fall much like each spring breeze shakes the petals from a cherry blossom tree towards the end of the season, and they pile around you like they had at the party. They only make you realize Chanhee was right. Being around Sunwoo was making this much worse than you ever thought possible.

He's right outside the bathroom, and the worry is apparent in his steps and the quiet knocks on the door. "You okay?"

"Just—give me a second." You can barely hear yourself say it over the pain that blares across your body. If Sunwoo hears, he doesn't react, and you can't bring yourself to repeat it. It's hard to focus on anything at all when simply breathing is taking up all your energy.

"Y/N? What's wrong?" He opens the door and the concern on his face is the last thing you see before the world goes black.

There are voices nearby, you vaguely realize. Eric and Sunwoo's voices, though you've never heard them like this before.

"No, I—I couldn't have told you before," Eric says, and then sniffles slightly. "It wasn't my secret to tell. I'm sorry."

There's no doubt he's telling Sunwoo all about it. Hiding it might not be an option anymore, but you can only hope that Eric doesn't reveal the true cause of all of this.

The next time you wake up, it's to Sunwoo's face. He's seated on a chair beside you, hand on yours and body draped across the hospital bed. Eyes closed, seemingly fast asleep. Despite having spent nearly half your life being around him, it's become rare to see him so vulnerable—somewhere along the way, you'd begun to get the sense that he'd put up a sort of guard between him and the world. And that included you.

"Oh, you're awake," he mumbles, pulling his hand back to rub the sleep from his eyes. You hope that napping here was a chance to catch up on the rest he's been missing, but the tiredness written all over his face says otherwise. "Thank goodness."

"So are you."

He doesn't react to that. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

There's a pause and you belatedly realize how tense the atmosphere is. All the words that you wanted to say suddenly disappear from your mind, and seeing the way Sunwoo hesitates, perhaps the same is true for him.

"I told Eric to go home and get some sleep." He chuckles a little, almost bitterly. "Is it selfish of me to want to be here when you woke up? I just—I want to take up all your time even though I know Eric's the one you should be spending time with."

"Wait, what?"

"So that he might return your feelings." Sunwoo reaches for your hand and drops his gaze to where he intertwines his fingers with yours. "I'm sorry about what I said before. It doesn't matter if you're dating Eric or if he doesn't feel the same way about you yet. As long as you're okay... that's what's matters."

There's nothing to say to that. You look away, glancing at the ceiling instead. Counting the number of squares in between the grids of the fluorescent lights above head.

"You will be okay, right?" he prompts, squeezing your hand a little as he shifts closer. "Eric says you're getting the surgery soon and—"

"I lied."

It's the hope in his eyes. Lying to him and deceiving him has been difficult already for the past while, but it's seeing the way his eyes light up as he glances at you with such hope that finally stops you from perpetuating the lie. Many things would end soon, and maybe the lying should be one of them.

"What?"

"Sunwoo, I lied to him. To both of you." The wires and tubes around your free hand prevent you from wiping away the stray tear, but he takes care of it for you. "It was never Eric, and I'm not getting the surgery."

"What do you mean?"

"These flowers aren't for him; they never were." It takes you eternity to muster the courage to say your next words. Even in the face of death, it doesn't get any easier. "They're for you, Sunwoo. They were only ever for you. It was never Eric or anyone else."

Time seems to freeze the moment Sunwoo's jaw goes slack along with the hand that was holding yours. He lets go of you and sits back in his chair as if putting space between the two of you. And despite knowing this entire time that there's absolutely no way he'd reciprocate your feelings, —the stupid petals told you that much—there was still a tiny inkling of hope in your chest that things would be different.

Perhaps misery always starts with the delusion that things would be different for you.

Now, as he glances back at you with an unreadable expression, you can only resort to being grateful that you wouldn't have to see this expression on his face for much longer. It leaves you thinking it's good you never planned on getting the surgery; you don't know if you could stand coming back to a ruined friendship.

"Wait," Sunwoo says slowly. He has his bottom lip between his teeth, brows furrowed like he's deep in thought. "But Y/N, that doesn't make any sense."

"Why? You never thought I'd fall for you?"

"No, that's not what I mean." If you don't know any better, you'd say he sounds almost exasperated. Frustrated. You're afraid you'd see the shades of guilt on his face that you'd imagined whenever you thought about confessing to him, but of all the emotions that seem to flash across his face, guilt isn't one of them. Why would it make him frustrated to hear about your pathetic feelings for him that started all of this?

So you give him a weak smile. "It's okay, Sunwoo. You don't have to worry about—"

"No," he says firmly, leaning forward and taking your hand in his once again. "It doesn't make sense because I've loved you forever, Y/N. I—I just. How can this still happen?"

"I don't know how it can happen either—wait." Now it's your turn to pause in disbelief, replaying his words in your head to make sure you heard correctly. Surely, it must be the drugs in your system confusing your mind. "What did you just say?"

It sounds familiar, as if you've seen a glimpse of this scene from a dream before. Had it been real? Had he uttered these words before?

"Wait," you stop him just as he opens his mouth to explain, "that wasn't a dream?"

The memories start to come flooding back all at once: Sunwoo on the couch in your apartment, being interrupted by the petals, but most importantly what he'd confessed.

You hadn't had the time to process his words at the time, but now, your overactive mind has you second guessing them. That surely, they had to be fake. Was it sympathy for believing that Eric really didn't return your feelings? Because how could you possibly believe him when all the signs are pointing you in a different direction?

Sunwoo must see the conflicted emotions written on your face. "I'm not lying to you. You saw how I was avoiding the two of you at first," he smiles now, a small and sheepish smile spreading across his lips. "I really wanted to be happy for the two of you and thought that if my two best friends were happy, it'd be enough for me. I tried staying away until I could get a handle on my own feelings, but it only made me miss you." A pause, and then he rolls his eyes. "Well, him too."

"You didn't know it was fake? The whole crush-on-Eric thing."

The corners of his mouth form into a frown. "I didn't want to question your relationship. Besides, when I did see things that made me doubt it, I thought I was just seeing what I wanted to see. That maybe, somehow, you don't really like him that way."

"You're not joking."

"No, of course not." Sunwoo shakes his head. "Y/N... will you get the surgery? Please? We can work things out after it."

Now that you've heard what he has to say, everything is different. But you hadn't thought this far—in all the possible outcomes that you'd imagined, there was never one in which Sunwoo would return your feelings. Because how could he? The very reason for these flowers to be harbouring in your lungs stems from the fact that your feelings are unrequited.

But if Sunwoo's telling the truth, and it seems like he is, then why has this disease taken over your body in the first place? And how can you possibly remove the flowers now, knowing that he loves you? That you'd be coming back as an empty shell of a person, incapable of giving him the type of love he deserves. You'd seen the way Chanhee talked about Younghoon, and how he's now lost the opportunity to have something he'd always wanted. For all the suffering you'd done silently, believing your feelings to be unrequited, you don't want to put Sunwoo through even more of that.

Especially when happiness is so close you can almost taste it.

You sigh. "I can't." When he starts to protest, you continue. "Sunwoo, it's for the best. If I get the surgery, I wouldn't be able to return your feelings. I wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore, and it just—" Another tear slips out but this time he doesn't go to brush it away. "I can't live like that. Especially knowing that we could've had everything. We have everything right now, Sunwoo. If we get out of here right now, we'd still have some time together. Can't this be enough?"

"But—but if you get it, you'd still be here. You'd still be our friend."

"I wouldn't be me, though."

Sunwoo shakes his head. "No, there has to be a way. Don't give up on this, not when we're so close."

His determination is easy to get lost in, and for a second you think that everything will be okay. It's the same feeling as when you were with him before—thinking and believing that his presence will be sufficient to stop the disease from progressing. Something you now know is false with the sharp reminder with each effortful inhale and exhale.

But Sunwoo doesn't know all that. He glances at you with a small sparkle of hope back in his eyes, bright enough that it almost disguises the fear and the sadness underneath. "Y/N," he's tentative, eyes averted from yours, "can I try something?"

"What do you mean? What is there to try?"

"Can I kiss you?"

Already, the mention of a kiss has you thinking back to the one at the party. How it had felt, how it had been worth it despite the progression of the coughing and the pain in your chest afterwards. Now, this could go very well or very badly. Maybe nothing would happen—the pain might be relieved for a while like when you'd spent time with him before. Or maybe everything would get worse. But maybe it's a chance that you're willing to take for one last kiss with Kim Sunwoo, someone who you now know loves you, despite what you've believed for the past few months.

So, you say yes.

He reaches up to gently caress your cheek, and then leans forward so slowly that you're sure he would've jumped back at any sign of interruption. But nothing interrupts, and there's a bit of a smile on his lips right before they meet yours.

If you thought the kiss at the party was good, then you aren't at all prepared for just how it feels knowing you aren't the only one in love. Sunwoo's lips are soft like they are before, and now there's a sense of familiarity, as if you're returning to where you belong. He kisses you so delicately, like he cares, like this is a moment that you've never known but will never get back. The way his plush lips seem to melt into yours like there's no space where one ends and the other begins. And in any world, this should be enough to convince the flowers that your love has been reciprocated and was never unrequited at all.

You feel it again—the fluttering of petals, the movements of the branches ever so slightly. The pressure in your chest. They follow his every movement like they always do, like they're trying to soak up as much sunshine as they can get. But then they stop.

They stop like they're completely gone, and there's an apparent emptiness like they were never there. You can still feel the way your heart speeds up at each of Sunwoo's gentle touches and there's the pull that's always been there, telling you to get closer until there's no space between the two of you. But those are the things that have always been there, before the flowers have taken over.

When Sunwoo pulls back, he's speechless for a while. Hovering over you like he doesn't want to be apart quite yet. "I've been thinking about that since the party," he gives a lopsided smile. "Thought you ran out because you hated it."

"So this wasn't about finding a solution?" You raise an eyebrow at him, and the tips of his ears immediately redden.

"Sorry, I just—well, yes, it was kind of an excuse to kiss you." He settles into his seat, hand finding its way back to yours. "But we will find a solution. There has to be one."

And maybe there is one.

The emptiness you felt a moment ago, the lack of response from the tiny plants residing in your body—are they not signs of what's happening? That instead of having the disease progress further, maybe the kiss and the confession and the ending of a lie were the solutions to ending this situation once and for all.

You half expect a branch to be sticking right out of your chest, that maybe it's not a solution you're feeling but the opposite of one. But when you look down, there's nothing there.

Nothing except for the slow realization dawning upon the both of you.

"No way," Sunwoo's eyes widen as he reads the expressions that must be fleeting across your face. "Did it actually—please tell me it worked."

"I don't know." You don't want to give him false hope which would only fuel your own hope that you're holding onto. "I can't feel it. Nothing's happening and I—I don't know what's going on."

But perhaps the flowers were never really about the person you love being unable to return your feelings, but rather what you believed. Perhaps they weren't a glitch and Sunwoo wasn't lying about being in love with you either, but rather they stemmed from the fact that you never gave him a chance to tell you or show you. You were so fixated on the consequences of your feelings not being returned that you never gave yourself the chance to believe otherwise.

"It actually worked," Sunwoo breathes, pulling you out of your thoughts. "Y/N, we did it. We really did it."

This time, the weight on your chest isn't from the presence of little plants filling your lungs but rather the weight of Sunwoo's body crushing you in a hug. The warmth you feel isn't from a fever or sickness but from his touch and perhaps this time it's no longer the flowers that bloom, but rather the hope and the love between you.

Tomie // Junji Ito

⠀๋⠀᳝⠀༶⠀▒.⠀۟⠀｡⠀🎠. ․⠀๋⠀᳝

🗒 ❛ ⁿᵉʷ ᵗᵉˣᵗ ༉‧₊˚✧  📼✧.*ೃ༄      𝓘𝓷 𝓐𝓵𝓵𝓾𝓴𝓪'𝓼 𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓫𝓸𝓸𝓴

🧸▩݅͜𖨌♡ hii, this is my first time doing ""digital art"", that is why it's so messy (apart from the soft kidcore aesthetic), but anyways, if someone asks me nicely I will be making more app icons and/or other hxh characters to match these ones, I actually had a lot of fun so I could try again

𝙡𝙚𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙨𝙤𝙛𝙩 𝙞𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨;

[𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘦]

You look hideous on me

❥ Bad boy Sunwoo x reader, 15.6k | AO3 ❥ Soulmates AU, college AU, fluff, some humour ❥ Warnings: mentions of bruises, swearing, references to mature subjects, a... pretty suggestive scene towards the end

❥ Is he a bad boy because he's bad at everything...? You had simply rolled your eyes when he'd zoomed by on his skateboard, trying to show off. You'd found it hilarious when he ended up falling face first into a fruit stand. But it's not so funny anymore when the bruises start to show up on your body right after.

"Hey, Juyeon, do you think it could be this guy?" You nudge your friend, turning your laptop screen so he could see from where he sat on the floor beside your bed. "That guy right there—Sangyeon. Do you see that bruise on his upper arm?"

When you roll up your sleeve to show him, there's a similar splash of blue on your arm that gives you a pang of hope that you'd finally found the one. You almost prayed to the OTP gods to please let this Sangyeon guy be your soulmate because he was good looking and broad and—if he were actually your soulmate, one look at his handsome face might just erase all the hate you'd been harbouring all these years.

Hatred towards your soulmate.

"It does look similar," Juyeon says slowly before leaning towards the laptop screen until his face is almost touching it. "It looks like he also has one on his collar though; do you have that one as well?"

You heave a sigh. "No."

It's another day that yields no results on the soulmate front, which shouldn't be surprising at this point, but it's a growing frustration that the continuous stream of bruises on your body left no clue as to where your soulmate could be.

Boxing has never been an interest of yours but ever since the bruises started appearing, Juyeon had suggested that your soulmate might be a boxer. It had been a joke at first but seeing as the bruises never stopped as you waited year after year to find this soulmate, your last resort was to try and look for them anywhere you could. It led you to watch boxing matches quite regularly, but the boxers' bruising patterns never quite matched yours, and the timing of your bruises didn't quite match theirs.

Soulmate—the one person in the world that shared your bruises, whose body displayed all the blues and purples of your pain like watercolour on a canvas. The concept sounded beautiful, and sometimes you could indeed see the beauty in Juyeon and Hyunjae's shared glances as congruent spots bloomed across their skin simultaneously. You saw it in the way every mark told a story, how each one was a reminder that there is someone to share your pain and that they are never too far away.

But as nice as the idea of a soulmate sounded in theory, you didn't know how to feel about the fact that your soulmate was out there getting their body battered. Were they playing a sport that involved frequent injuries? Were they actually a boxer or maybe even a stunt actor? Were they super clumsy? Or were they just—you definitely did not want to imagine the other scenarios that could possibly lead to such frequent bruising, especially when certain locations of the bruises shared a little too much about this annoying soulmate's actions.

The point was, you didn't understand how someone who was constantly getting their body bruised like that would possibly be compatible with you, an innocent student just trying to graduate from college and get a job. Though at this rate you might as well become a professional makeup artist with the amount of makeup you were wearing on a daily basis just to cover all the bruises. All that just made you more determined to find this hell of a soulmate and maybe give them a punch of your own.

"Hang in there," Juyeon says gently, pulling you out of your thoughts. "You'll find them soon."

"What did I miss?" Hyunjae comes into you room with his face entirely blocked by the bags of snacks he was carrying in his arms. He settles in between you and Juyeon, perched comfortably on the edge of your bed as he starts munching on chips. "No progress again today?"

"I thought that it might be this Sangyeon guy." You point at the screen where the boxer is walking by after a match that he won. It really would've been a good day to have him as a soulmate. "But now I'm even angrier at my soulmate for not being him."

"Oh, he's hot," Hyunjae nods. "But why, did you fantasize about having him as your soulmate or something?"

"Shut up. Not all of us are lucky enough to have hot soulmates, you know."

"Yes, please don't remind us that you once liked my hot soulmate." Hyunjae puts an arm around Juyeon possessively and you have to resist the urge to smack him.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

"But wait. Is that a new bruise?" He manages to poke your cheek before you swat his hand away and give him a glare.

It's your right cheek today instead of the usual left, but the timing isn't unusual for the bruises to start showing up. You sigh again, grabbing your phone to check in the camera, and just as he pointed out, the hints of blue-green hues are starting to make their way across your skin.

"It's okay," he says nonchalantly, "look on the bright side, at least it's not at a weird location."

"Um." You did not want to discuss weird locations. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know. Like your neck or stomach. Or thighs." Hyunjae pauses for a second as a teasing expression slowly spreads across his face. "Though I guess if they were on your thighs you wouldn't exactly be telling us about them or showing us."

"Hyunjae!" Juyeon elbows him for you. At least one of the soulmate duo has some sense.

You don't say anything in response as you grab another chip, pretending as if your privacy—or was it your soulmate's?—hadn't just been violated by your supposed best friend. You did not want to be picturing your soulmate doing questionable things with other people.

"Wait... don't tell me you've actually gotten them there before. Y/N!"

You push him off the bed.

The morning flies by in a rush of insistent knocks on your door by the soulmate duo, running around your room to pack your bag for class, and then completely forgetting about putting on your safety net of a cake face to potentially cover up the evidence of your soulmate's injuries. Maybe that should've been your warning sign to skip class entirely today, but the soulmate duo reassures you that everything would be just fine. Hyunjae states that the chance of your soulmate getting beat up at this early morning hour was low, and on the other hand, Juyeon says you look perfectly gorgeous without makeup.

While you appreciate their efforts, you know they don't quite understand your reasoning for covering up the marks you get. You've seen the way they wear their bruises proudly, as a sign that their soulmate exists and as a statement of that bond just like a promise ring. That's naturally what happens when they've known each other since elementary school, where a fall on the playground resulted in a matching bruise on a classmate.

One day, if you ever find your soulmate, you wished to be able to boldly show off each and every mark too. But for now, you hated even the thought of possibly wearing your soulmate's ugly black eye like it's a fashion statement.

Campus is calm and quiet so early in the morning, a nice change from the bustle of crowds you usually see on the way to your afternoon classes. Clubs are just beginning to set up their tents for the club fair, including the pop-up farmer's market that comes to your school every month. In the distance, you could already see the bushels of various fresh fruits and vegetables set up on the stands, and there's a small bakery section at the very end filled with what looked like pastries and coffee shop drinks.

"Are we too late to even stop for coffee?" you groan, already imagining the suffering you'd be doing in lecture when the professor's monotone voice lulls you to sleep.

"Unfortunately." Juyeon gives a wry smile.

Hyunjae shakes his head at you. "You should've slept earlier."

"I had so much work to do for tutoring," you whine. "Anyways, coffee run after class please. Hyunjae, you owe me."

But just before you could hear his snarky retort, there's a roar of wheels against the sidewalk followed by a loud gust of wind.

Only a few inches away from you, so close that you could smell his cologne as he winks at you with a smirk on his face. A skateboarder, his dark hoodie and beanie blurring together as he zooms by. It nearly makes you fall despite how he didn't actually bump into you.

"What the—"

"You okay?" Juyeon grasps you just in time.

"Yeah, thanks." You quickly get back on your feet and subconsciously brush the shoulder that the skateboarder nearly touched. "But wow, how rude. You're not the only one who's late, asshole."

"Look at the way he's showing off now," Hyunjae snorts and when you follow his gaze, you could see the skateboarder continuing to weave his way through the students on the sidewalk, occasionally doing those jump tricks off the curb. The rumble of wheels on concrete fades as he gets farther away, but you don't miss the way he makes a few other students nearly fall as they scrambled to move out of his way.

"Must think he's so cool—" you start. And then stop. Because right then, karma literally manifests and catches up to said skateboarder faster than the blink of an eye. Maybe there was a rock on the sidewalk or some sort of ledge in between the cracks because the next thing you know, the guy is sent flying off the skateboard. It makes him tumble quite a distance, and what's absolutely hilarious is the way he lands. Right in the fruit stand that the farmer's market had set up.

Face first, straight into a bushel of apples.

"Ouch, that's got to hurt," Hyunjae says. It only takes one glance at him for the two of you to burst out laughing.

"Is he a bad boy because... he's bad at everything?" you say amidst the giggles.

"But did you see the look on his face?" Hyunjae holds onto your shoulder as he doubles over in laughter, only coming up when there are tears at the corners of his eyes. "Oh wait, only the apples could've seen that!"

The skateboarder slowly gets up as the people at the farmer's market gather to watch, their expressions equally divided between sympathy and amusement. You don't feel bad about laughing at all. Besides, this was totally karma for giving you and everyone else such a scare on the skateboard earlier. Especially that wink at you; who does he think he is?

Juyeon shakes his head. "Well, it's a terrible day to be his soulmate. Imagine waking up to that giant bruise on your face."

"It's probably a terrible day to be his soulmate every day," Hyunjae cackles again.

The fall of the skater boy causes the three of you to be late, though it was worth it. By the time you finally make it to class, the professor was already droning on about something on the next assignment, so you sneak in quietly and sit at the back while he's not looking.

"Maybe going to morning classes isn't such a bad idea when you can see stuff like this happen," Hyunjae whispers as he settles into his seat. The grin is still there, with teeth and all which was a rare occurrence.

"Are you suddenly awake now?" you whisper back.

He pulls out a notebook and writes the date, giving you a thumbs up enthusiastically. "Awake and ready to take on the day." It's not the correct date but you don't bother telling him.

When he turns to you again, he freezes. There's a look of confusion on his face that tells you he might've realized that the date he wrote was wrong or that he might've forgotten something important. But it soon turns into realization and then horror in under a second as he simply stares at you.

"What is it?"

Hyunjae's expression changes again and this time his lips curl into a mischievous smirk that could only mean he's up to no good.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. It's just that," he leans over to whisper in your ear, "you happen to be developing a nasty bruise right on your face."

Maybe you die a little inside.

Suddenly the idea of falling face first into a bushel of apples doesn't sound so funny anymore.

Hyunjae teases you about your supposed soulmate for the rest of the day. It's not surprising, really—he still teases you about your former crush on his soulmate after all, even though it's been years since freshman year of high school. And although you assure him that there's no way the skater boy is your soulmate, that it had to be a coincidence, you could still see the curl of his lip whenever he looks your way.

You're sure he would've dragged you over to wherever this rude skater boy was, determined to put an end to this mystery while getting a new reason to tease you. But he didn't have to. Because when you go back to the farmer's market tent after class for some fresh coffee and baked goods, the rude skater boy is there.

Only this time, he's not on a skateboard, nor is he falling into the fruit stands. This time, he's working there.

A blue vest covers his black hoodie with an obnoxious looking name tag that says "Sunwoo" when you get close enough to read it. There's a collection of colourful stickers on his cheek that conceal an area matching the one you'd smeared with emergency makeup on your own face, and his beanie is pulled low as if trying to cover as much of his face as possible.

A coincidence, you tell yourself. Besides, your actual soulmate had also given you bruises on the upper arm and lower shin yesterday, and you're sure this skater boy wouldn't have those.

"Y/N, where are you going?" Hyunjae singsongs like he's enjoying your misery. "Weren't we going to get coffee?"

"Um, let's go visit Younghoon instead?"

But he comes up to your group before you could effectively escape.

"Hey. Welcome to," the skater boy pauses, glancing back at the sign, "the farmer's market. Can I help you with anything?"

"Holy shit, he's actually working here," Hyunjae whispers to you so loudly that you're sure this Sunwoo guy could hear what he said. "How did that happen?"

The rude skateboarder scowls at the three of you, looking very disinterested. "They wanted someone hot to be the new face of their organization. Obviously."

"Couldn't have been a very nice face with that giant bruise on it," you whisper back to Hyunjae, just as loudly.

Although that's what you say, you can't help but notice that it was actually quite a nice face—plump lips, big eyes, and a sharp jawline that could cut someone. He was good-looking and he definitely knew it, perhaps a little too well because who brags about that to complete strangers? Why were all the good-looking ones like this?

"Ah, that's where I remember you guys from." The skater boy nods in Hyunjae's direction, "Definitely couldn't forget the pretty boy."

"Juyeon, are you hearing this?" You sigh, crossing your arms. "Can we g—"

"Oh, he's matched?" The Sunwoo guy raises a brow and then glances at Juyeon. Looks him up and down. "To quite the looker too, wow. Guess it's true what they say about hot people having hot soulmates."

"Bet your soulmate can't look too nice with all the bruises they get," you retort.

The skater boy sighs. "You really got to witness that moment, huh." He picks up a few of the fruits on the counter and sorts them in the baskets on the shelf. "Damn, really should've taken the motorcycle instead. But you see, I'm actually not that terrible at skateboarding. It only happened because I got so distracted by your beauty," he nods your way. "I guess you could say... I fell for you." And then there's the wink that you definitely saw coming—it's already his second wink at you and you've only been in his presence for a total of a minute.

"Are you kidding me? You nearly ran me over on your skateboard and you have the audacity to say stuff like this?"

You raise your hand jokingly as if to punch him, but then Juyeon's holding you back and shaking his head. "Hitting him won't do you any good, Y/N. Just in case he's... you know."

"Nah, we don't have to worry about that because there's no way he's my soulmate."

"Soulmate?" Sunwoo asks, eyes bouncing between you and the two others.

Hyunjae nudges you lightly, lips curling in amusement. "We're only stopping you from inflicting visible damage, but there are always other options. For example, bruises on legs are much easier to hide."

"Hmm, you're right. A kick should do it—"

Of course you weren't actually going to kick him. But even before you could finish your sentence, the rude skater boy is already turning his body away, dodging you while holding his hands out to protect himself.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I was just kidding," he pleads, running back behind the pop-up tent for protection. "But please don't; I just got a bruise there."

Juyeon tilts his head, brows furrowing. "Hey, Y/N. Maybe you're right that he's not your soulmate after all, since he has bruises that you don't have."

Yeah, thank goodness, you wanted to say. But you could only stare back at your friend in silence. Time seems to slow down.

Because when you lift your pantleg the slightest, it reveals the new bruise that you had noticed this morning. The same splash of aqua on your lower shin that has now deepened in colour and covers a little more area than before.

"Oh."

You feel like you're going to throw up.

In front of you, Sunwoo looks like he's about to faint.

Most people may not be lucky enough to have a nice meet-cute with their soulmate, but it felt like yours was more of a meet-ugly... literally.

No one talks about it this time, which you're very thankful for. But instead of the jokes and teasing that you expected to hear, there's a very obvious silence about anything to do with soulmates, as if Hyunjae and Juyeon were walking on eggshells when it came to the topic. It makes the whole situation feel too real when you were just trying to avoid thinking about it, and so, maybe the awkwardness wasn't better than their teasing after all.

Heading to the tutoring center after a study session with the soulmate duo has you walking by an area you don't normally pass by, and even from afar you could see just who hung out here. Their table stood out against the grassy fields and students scattered around, a monochromatic speck of dark hoodies and leather jackets amongst a sea of colour. You don't look too closely at the faces around the table, but it fit Sunwoo's image so well that it would've been a little surprising if he wasn't there.

And sure enough, he is there. You notice the girl sitting beside him first, so obviously flirting with the way she bends over as she laughs at something he says, her long hair falling over his shoulder. The way she clings to his arm and presses her whole body against him, and the way she hits him cutely. It's almost funny how she manages to get him right on the bruise on his arm, one that only you knew about. And only you could see the way he holds back a wince. But in the next moment, he looks up and suddenly his eyes are meeting yours.

Sunwoo blinks a couple of times before a knowing smirk appears on his lips. For a moment, he smiles back at the girl beside him; there's a twinkle in his eyes as if he's purposely turning up the charm, an abrupt change from the indifference that you'd seen just seconds earlier. She beams, nodding enthusiastically at everything he says. But to your surprise, she soon leaves their table looking the slightest bit disappointed.

And then he leaves the table to catch up to you.

"Hey, soulmate," he says. The smile on his face looks the same as when he smiled at her with the artificial sparkle in his eyes and all, and you want to hurl at how fake it is. Then there's how gross the word 'soulmate' sounds coming out of his mouth like it's just a joke to him, like he's rubbing this terrible situation in your face and laughing about it.

Typical fuckboy behaviour.

You speed up your steps a bit to shake him off. "Bye."

"Hey, wait up!"

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" you ask, still refusing to look at him or slow down your steps. "Like, with one of your girlfriends?"

"Aw, are you jealous? Don't worry, I'd rather be hanging out with you, soulmate."

You don't react to that, letting the silence fill the air between the two of you as he matches your quick stride without missing a beat. It feels strange to be walking beside him, like there are more eyes trained on you today as they pass by, more turning of heads.

"So how've you been? I haven't seen you around in a while."

"I was doing well until now," you say dully.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" he teases.

"In your dreams."

"I do hope you'd visit me in my dreams tonight, soulmate."

"So are you just going to keep following me?" you finally turn to ask when you're halfway across campus and he's showing no signs of leaving.

Sunwoo shakes his head. "Nah, I'm going that way too."

"If you say so."

The conversation, if you could even call it that, continues the same way the whole time he's by your side and it reminds you why it was so difficult to talk to him in the first place. The brief curiosity you had after your last meeting with him quickly fade, replacing itself with the original anger and annoyance you had towards him instead.

He tells you about some party happening this weekend (you tell him to take one of his girlfriends), then he invites you to go for a spin on his motorcycle (you tell him you don't trust him, especially not after that skateboard fall), and finally he asks for your number (you say it's the number of the local animal shelter because they take strays, not you).

The most you give him is your name, so that he might stop calling you by the S-word that you've come to hate so much. Though now you're not so sure if the S-word is soulmate, Sunwoo, or skater boy.

And then you finally arrive at your destination.

"Waitwaitwait." Sunwoo's eyes widen with realization once your steps finally stop, nearly walking right into the door of the tutoring center. Unfortunately, he stops in time. He looks at the sign on the door and blinks multiple times. "This is where you're going?"

It takes all your effort to hold back your laugh. "Yeah. Didn't you say you were going this way too?"

"Um. Right, yeah. Let's go."

To your surprise, he actually enters the room first.

"Hey," Jacob—the head tutor and administrator—greets as the two of you enter. He turns to Sunwoo, "Are you here to get tutored?"

"Um, I guess?"

"Alright." Jacob goes to grab the clipboard with the list of the tutors. "I'll see who's available today."

Sunwoo's eyes widen a considerable amount. "Wait, can't I be paired with Y/N?"

"Y/N is already paired with—"

"Hey, Y/N." As if on cue, Younghoon shows up. He takes a seat in his usual spot as if Sunwoo hadn't been standing right there, then sets a coffee cup on your desk. "I made you your favourite today."

"Aw, thanks Younghoon." You pop the lid off to take a look, and just as you expected, the usual heart design is floating at the top. "Wow, as pretty as always."

Sunwoo scoffs. "Younghoon? Why the fuck are you here?"

"Well look who it is." Younghoon glances at him up and down. Smiles a bit. "I told you about this long ago, but you just said it was for losers."

"When did I say that?" Sunwoo mutters under his breath, the frown on his face growing. "But how do you even know Y/N?"

"We were paired for a project in bio last term," you answer, finally sitting down beside Younghoon.

"Oh, was it the project?" There's a teasing smile on Younghoon's lips when he looks at you. "Didn't we meet at the coffee shop when you spilled your drink all over me?"

"I—wait that was you?" you ask, the embarrassment threatening to show on your cheeks at any moment. While you do recall having spilled a drink on a cute barista the first time at that new cafe on campus, you never made the connection that that cute barista had been him. "And you still remember that?"

Younghoon chuckles. "How could I forget? It's not every day when a customer spills a drink on the barista."

"Ugh, don't remind me; that was so embarrassing."

Sunwoo visibly stiffens. The frown on his face deepens with every second that goes by, turning into a permanent scowl as you continue to chat away with Younghoon while ignoring him. It makes for such an unbearably funny sight that you have to bite down on your lip several times to stop from bursting into laughs, and Younghoon wasn't doing much better.

"Yeah... so anyway, I'll be your tutor today," Jacob says brightly, pulling Sunwoo away from where he'd planted himself at your desk. Part of you felt guilty because Jacob probably has no idea what he was getting himself into, but one look at the betrayed expression on Sunwoo's face says it's all worth it.

The session goes well but the highlight was definitely seeing the skater boy's fuming expression every time you look at him.

"You should've called me!" Hyunjae pouts, waving around his phone in your face. "I would've walked right out of that group meeting and run across campus just to see the look on his face."

"You can come with me today," you joke. "Maybe he'll show up."

Getting the soulmate duo caught up on the latest skater boy story had Hyunjae laughing so hard within your first few sentences that the three of you get kicked out of the library—not that it was the first time something like that has happened. So you'd relocated to the courtyard and then told them about the way Sunwoo fumed at Younghoon and then scowled at you for a whole hour after getting ambushed by that tutoring session.

Talking about him makes you realize that maybe you didn't hate him. He'd become somewhat akin to the popular boys back in high school; someone who always annoyed the girls and never did their work. Someone you'd never fall for, of course, but someone who made life a little more interesting. Besides, he was just playing around, and you never saw him as a soulmate anyway.

Juyeon wiggles his eyebrows. "Was he jealous of Younghoon or something?"

"Nah, he's just mad he didn't get a chance to make me fall for him like everyone else does," you mutter. "He's just playing."

"Wait, look here." Hyunjae suddenly reaches over to gently cups your chin, turning your face towards him and then proceeds to observe closely at various angles. "Y/N... I think your boy has gotten himself into another altercation."

It's nothing new, but there's still a sinking feeling in your heart. You had been beginning to think that maybe you had some kind of positive influence on Sunwoo since no significant bruises had appeared after meeting him. That maybe simply knowing who and where his soulmate is would make him back off from the reckless behaviour a bit, for your sake.

But as the beginnings of purples appear on your face and knuckles with no signs of stopping, it seemed like all that had just been wishful thinking. Why did you have so much faith in him in the first place? Why did you think that meeting your soulmate would be so impactful on both of your lives?

In the end, he's still the same person that he's always been. Maybe you'd just have to consider it as his payback for being roped into a tutoring session.

You heave a sigh. "Okay, I guess I'll get going now since I need to look presentable and all. Jacob would freak out if I showed up like this."

"If skater boy goes today, try not to kill him, okay?" Juyeon gives you a sad smile and ruffles your hair.

"I see no reason not to," you groan. Then point at your own face, "How can people like him when he goes around looking like this?"

"Hey Y/N, we're only trying to save your own image here." Hyunjae glances at you up and down, pressing his lips together as he shakes his head. "Bruises or not, I don't think you can afford to be any uglier."

"And this is why I hate you." Getting up, you quickly sling your bag over your shoulder. Juyeon gets a soft pat on the head while you make sure to give Hyunjae the hardest flick you can muster. "Bye loser."

"Shut up; you love me."

What surprises you first when you get to the tutoring center is the worried look on Jacob's face. His eyes flicker to you the moment you step into the room, and then every few seconds as he organizes the files on his desk.

"What?" you finally ask. "Is there something on my face?"

An ironic question because yes, there are bruises are your face today. Though you made sure they were covered nicely with the emergency makeup you always carry with you.

"No." He hesitates only for a moment before walking over to you. "Y/N, that guy from last time..."

"Sunwoo?"

"Yeah him," Jacob nods slowly. "Um, if he's bothering you or anything like that. Just let me know? We can get him kicked out or banned from here."

You nearly choke on your own spit. "Is that what it looked like?"

"Well, he spent the entire session looking like he wanted to murder you—or maybe it was directed at Younghoon; I'm not sure—so um, yeah."

"Nah, Jake. He's—" my soulmate, you were about to say. But something about acknowledging it makes your stomach twist. "He's just someone I know. Who probably needs better grades." You shoot him a quick smile. "Thank you for worrying about me though."

You half expected Sunwoo to not show up since he got baited into the last session after all, but for some reason, you find yourself constantly glancing over at the door. And for some reason, he does show up.

There's a relaxed smirk on his face this time—a complete change from the startled then bitter looks of the last time. Though not much of his face is visible underneath a baseball cap and the hood of yet another black hoodie over it.

And then you realize why.

There are splotches of colour around his eye and trailing down his cheek until his jaw; the same ones that you worked so hard to cover up just minutes earlier. There are a few small bandages around his fingers, and his knuckles are red with fresh wounds.

"Hey soulmate." Sunwoo casually sets his bag down on your desk and grabs a nearby chair, setting it down right beside yours. "How've you been? Where's my hug?"

"Not in this nation," you say dryly. You open your notes slowly, refusing to look at him despite the way he peers at you.

"Oh? Then which?"

"Your imagination."

Sunwoo laughs loudly as if you'd just said the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "You're funny, soulmate. If you keep this up, I'll be falling for you in no time."

"No thanks."

"Y/N, is Younghoon coming today?" Jacob holds up the clipboard, checking off the list of students in the room.

"Um, I'm not sure—"

"He's not coming," Sunwoo answers for you. Then adds quietly, "You're stuck with me, soulmate."

You ignore the last part. "Did Younghoon tell you that?" Their interaction had been quite strange last time but you're sure they knew each other somehow. The way they talked made them sound like friends, though rivals could also be a fitting description.

An easy shrug. "He didn't have to."

"What does that mean?"

"Younghoon won't be coming anymore."

"Did you say something to Younghoon to make him stop coming here?"

The corner of his lip twitches the slightest.

"What, did you threaten him or something?"

"What makes you think I had something to do with him not showing up?" Sunwoo says innocently. He leans back in his seat and there's a faint smirk on his face that makes him look satisfied, contradicting his words. "The last I checked, he seemed to have gotten good enough grades to not need to study with you anymore."

There's something about the lack of a text from Younghoon paired with Sunwoo's relaxed demeanour that doesn't sit right with you. As much as you wanted to believe him, the fresh bruises on his face and hands told of a more complicated story.

You sigh, finally turning to the rude skater boy. "Alright, fine. Why are you here?"

"To see you, soulmate," he drawls lazily. You really hope that Jacob doesn't hear any of this conversation because you would be quite mortified.

"So do you think your grades don't need the help?"

Sunwoo smiles a little. "Okay, I know I'm hot and all but that doesn't mean I'm stupid."

"You think you're hot with all those bruises?" Standing up so suddenly earns you a concerned glance from Jacob. "You know what? Come with me." You take Sunwoo's hand and pull him out of the classroom with you, not once looking back at him.

It's empty in the stairwell when you finally stop and turn to him. Dropping his hand immediately.

"You're cute when you're angry, you know?"

"Just stop."

"I'm only telling the truth," he shrugs.

"Then tell me, how did you get all these?" Your fingers ghost over the patches of deep blues on his face and he flinches. Looks away. "Did you... get into another fight? Perhaps with Younghoon?"

His gaze snaps to your face.

"Why?"

Sunwoo groans, leaning back against the wall behind him. "That fucker is totally into you."

"So?"

"You're my soulmate," he says bluntly, frowning back at you.

"So? What, are you jealous or something?"

"What if I am? What then?"

"I don't buy that," you scoff, crossing your arms. "You've clearly never cared about me at all."

His eyes flash. "What do you mean?"

"Have you even once thought that your actions might affect your soulmate as well? I've always had to wear layers of clothing and makeup to cover up these hideous patches just to look like a normal person. Seriously, how can you think that a fight would solve anything?"

Sunwoo is silent now, gaze back to the ground where he kicks around some dust.

You sigh, turning to leave. "But if you do care, then maybe try getting your life together first. You aren't going to be anyone's soulmate at the rate of which you've been getting those bruises all your life."

More than a week has passed since that incident with Sunwoo, and you hadn't seen him around at all—not in person nor in the form of bruises. It was as if the words you'd spoken to him had completely vanished him from your life, just as you had wanted. But even though he'd been out of sight, he hasn't been off your mind for a moment because of your growing sense of guilt. You'd spent so much time building up these angry feelings towards your soulmate that it became hard to see from other perspectives, and maybe things were not as straightforward as you thought. Maybe he didn't deserve the harsh words you'd thrown at him, and he didn't deserve to have such negative energy coming from someone who barely even knows him.

Because before being soulmates, you guys were merely strangers.

You spot him the moment he walks in the lecture hall. Face half covered by his hood and bag casually slung over one shoulder, he walks in nonchalantly a minute before the lecture is supposed to start. It isn't until he's at the front of the lecture hall that the chatter in the room dies down, getting noticeably quieter. The way his eyes scan the crowd slowly makes you shrink into your seat a little, and you keep your head low just in case. But it's no use.

The hush in the room turns into whispers echoing off the walls when he slowly walks up the steps, but he doesn't seem to pay them any attention when his gaze is fixed on you. A casual stare, without intensity. Somehow, it still makes your stomach twist.

And just as you'd been dreading but expecting, he stops right in front of you and sits in the seat beside you.

"What are you doing?" you hiss at him in a low a voice as you could muster.

He gives you a confused frown. "I'm coming to class?"

In the background, your name was already being thrown around amidst the whispers just like that day he walked beside you across campus. You could only imagine what the rumours about you would look like—would you be known as Sunwoo's new fling? Someone that others would be jealous of? A new tally on his body count?

You sigh and rephrase the question. "Why are you sitting here?"

"It was an empty seat."

"Are you even enrolled in this class? I've never seen you here before."

He raises an eyebrow. "Oh, so were you looking for me?"

You roll your eyes, ignoring the urge to facepalm. The feelings of guilt you'd had earlier completely disappear with his reminder of why you'd snapped at him in the first place. What was the point of talking to him when every response was either a joke or straight up flirty? "Yeah, you wish you were that important."

"I figured it'd be easier for you to see me here instead of looking for me at the tutoring center."

"I—hey! I was not looking for you."

Sunwoo doesn't reply but a small smile appears on his face, the first genuine smile that you've seen from him in the couple of weeks since you've known about his existence. There's none of the fake charm and rough persona that he tried to project before; all of a sudden the harsh lines and black and whites of his image blur and soften, melting into an image of a soulmate that almost makes you forget to breathe for a second.

Maybe he was too distracting for his next words are so soft that they have you second guessing if you heard correctly.

"Y/N, I'm just kidding. I've actually decided to stop skipping class from now on. I'm going to get my shit together and do better."

"What?"

There's a playful twinkle in his eye. "I'm going to be so perfect after this that you will have no choice but to fall for me."

Soon class starts and Sunwoo doesn't say anything to you for the rest of the lecture, diligently taking notes in his messy scrawl across pages. Sometimes you can feel his eyes on you, glancing over briefly from beneath the edge of his hood and turning away just before you could ever catch him staring.

You're not sure if he would've said something to you after lecture ends, but you don't give him the chance to as you quickly leave to meet your friends at the library.

Though when you get to the library, Hyunjae and Juyeon are among those people who turn and gawk at you as you enter.

"Are the rumors true? Did he actually show up to class and even sit beside you?" Hyunjae whispers with the excitement in his voice and eyes filling to the brim. "Did he say anything?"

Oh. So that's what it was about.

Juyeon's eyes gleam with just as much anticipation, leaning forward to hear everything you'd say. "Is he even in your major? I've never heard you mention him before."

You sigh. "Yeah."

"To all of the above?" Hyunjae's jaw drops. "Details, Y/N. Give us the details."

Turns out it was Eric, a loud guy in your class, who told his friend Changmin, who then told Hyunjae about it. With pictures too! Not that they were good quality photos, but even from the pixelated images you could tell that sitting beside Sunwoo slouching in his hoodie with the hood up makes you look much uglier in comparison. Great, not only is he making you look hideous with the bruises, but now he's also making you look ugly just by being beside you.

At this rate, Eric and Changmin have probably told everyone about today's events, but it didn't really matter to you since sooner or later they'll all find out about you guys being matched anyway.

"So." Hyunjae furrows his brows, a puzzled look ghosting across his face after hearing about all the events that had happened between you and the rude skater boy. Which wasn't much, really, despite how the shifting of his face through all these different micro-expressions may have suggested. "He's really trying for this, huh?"

"What do you mean?" you counter. "That's exactly what fuckboys do. Duh?"

But your sarcastic remark is not met with one of Hyunjae's usual joking responses. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all and there's a brief pause as the soulmate duo exchange a look, making you very aware that you're the third wheel. For once, you can't tell what they're thinking. What was the big deal about the story you told? Surely, they couldn't be thinking that the skater boy was genuinely interested in you, because that's simply ridiculous.

Hyunjae waves dismissively and then his usual, easy smile is back on his lips. "You're right. Never mind. So," he leans in super close until you could count the number of eyelashes he has—which are very long and make you all the more envious—and then peers into your eyes, "are his tactics working?"

"Are you kidding me?" You push his face away and finally open the textbook sitting on the table. The one that you were supposed to be studying from this past hour. "I refuse to be swayed by a fuckboy. Even if he is my soulmate."

"Sometimes even fuckboys catch feelings," Juyeon says, shrugging before turning to his notes.

If you'd thought Sunwoo's tactics would've just ended with him actually attending class and sitting beside you in it, you were entirely wrong. Somehow your days quickly become filled with his teasing 'hey soulmate' at every turn from where he waits outside your dorm to walk to you to class, to when he monopolizes your time at the tutoring center. It's a mystery how he even figured out which dorm you lived in—Juyeon had shrugged innocently while Hyunjae had simply laughed and said that Sunwoo follows you around like how you followed Juyeon around all those years ago.

You're definitely glad the soulmate duo stay away whenever he's around though; picturing Hyunjae pretending to vomit was all too easy when he wrinkles his nose and pulls Juyeon away every time he spots you with Sunwoo.

"I got you your favourite today," Sunwoo announces as soon as he walks into the tutoring center. There's an air of confidence today despite the way he looks the same as usual in his black hoodie with the hood up. His loud footsteps make Jacob look up alarmingly, though you suspected that the head tutor has gotten used to your annoying student by now. "Just for you, soulmate."

Then he sets down the coffee cup on your desk. A familiar gesture, though just not from him.

"What?" Sunwoo says when notices how you're just staring at the cup in front of you. "It's your favourite latte or whatever." And when you still don't answer, he continues, "You're looking at it as if I poisoned it or something."

You look up. "Did you?"

"Oh please. The worst I could've done is spit in it."

You could only stare at him.

"Hey, spit isn't even that bad—it would just be the same as kissing me, you know." He settles down in his seat beside you and leans back, crossing his arms. "Which you'll be doing eventually anyways."

"How are you so sure about that?" you ask dryly.

"Because you're going to fall for me," he says with certainty, a pleased look on his face. "Very soon."

When you turn your attention back to the cup, the first thing you do is pop off the lid. A habit now, from when you used to check what Younghoon had drawn each time he brought you a drink he made. Though the unexpected leaf floating at the top today makes you realize that he'd mostly been drawing hearts for the past while.

Sunwoo snorts at the frown on your face. "Well obviously I'm not going to let him send you hearts in your drinks anymore. You'd think that with all the hearts you've gotten, you might've noticed his big fat crush on you by now."

"I thought he drew those in everyone's drinks," you mutter, quickly putting the lid back on the cup and filing that information away for another time. "But is that why you decided to get me this?"

"Hey, can't a guy do something nice for you?" He switches to perching on the desk beside you, swinging his legs back and forth. "But I mean. This way you won't need to see him ever again."

You shoot him a glare and he just cackles.

Similar small gestures continue throughout the term. It's as if he took an entire crash course on how to be a gentleman, or the closest he'd ever come to being one anyways. But while his actions say one thing, his lips say another as he constantly throws around the 'have you fallen for me yet,' even upgrading the 'where's my hug?' to 'where's my kiss?'

And the worst part is, you find yourself letting him do all this. You let him take your hand, let him swing your arms as you walk across campus like a typical campus couple. You let him pull you in for the briefest of hugs in front of your residence building before parting ways. You let him send you the good morning and good night texts, even if you don't reply most of the time.

You let him because you knew there should be no risk of falling for him.

"Are you cold?" Sunwoo asks when walks you back to your dorm after class one night.

It's already dark outside and for once you're grateful to have a walking buddy even if he wasn't your first or second choice. Though your first and second options have been ditching you more frequently—even the study sessions in the library with them became few and sparse when Sunwoo happened to be in your major while they were not.

"Nope," you respond, more out of habit than anything. It's a lie; the cool breeze seems to blow right through your clothes with every step, and for once you can't make fun of Sunwoo's fashion since that beanie would at least be keeping him warm.

He laughs. You shoot him a glare.

But in the next moment, he's taking your ice-cold hand between his warm ones. Warming your hand with his breath a little before he laces your fingers with his, and then placing them both in his pocket.

"If you wanted me to hold your hand, you could've just said so," he breaks into a grin, the usual teasing sparkle in his eyes as he gives your hand a squeeze, "soulmate."

"Hey—I did not!"

It might be because your view is obstructed by the wind induced tears, but for a second there seems to be something in his eyes that's a little softer than usual; a slip of brightness between the cracks of the walls he's always had up. If it were from anyone else, you might've said it was a look of fondness.

"Anyway," you quickly change the subject a few moments later, glad to have already arrived at steps of your residence building. "This is me."

Sunwoo nods and pulls your hands out of his pocket but doesn't let go. He shifts slightly so that he's on the step below the one you're standing on, spinning you around so that you're face to face.

It's then when you notice that he's quite tall. Maybe you never realized since you've always been hanging out with the soulmate duo, but now that he's in front of you, the step puts you that much closer to his face. Close enough for you to see his round eyes, his plump lips, and his beautiful sun-kissed skin, no longer hidden under the prominent colours of bruises and swelling.

It's supposed to be annoying—wasn't this was practically the same as Hyunjae always being up in your face, trying to annoy you? You're supposed to push him away, roll your eyes, laugh it off.

But for some reason, you can't. His gaze seems to pin you to the spot, making you unable to do anything except stare at the way his fluffy hair lands near his eyes. It makes you forget everything except for the way he swallows, the way he wets his lips before pressing them together. None of this makes it feel like he's the popular boy at school annoying you anymore.

"You're beautiful," Sunwoo says quietly, breaking the silence. "Can I... have a kiss?"

It's something he always says but this time, it doesn't come out sounding like a joke.

The kiss—it was really meant for his cheek. Something compels you to close the mere centimeters between you, an act that is done all too easily when his face is right there. But as your eyelids flutter shut just as the warmth of his skin was all but against your lips, he moves. Shifts ever so slightly so that the heat of his cheek is actually the heat of his lips. On yours.

You quickly jump back, not giving yourself a chance to find out if they're as supple as they look.

"H-hey!" is all you manage to get out.

The playful smile is back when he gives your hand a squeeze before finally letting go. "Just a little teaser of what we could be doing."

Without another word, he gives you a bit of a wave and leaps down the stairs. Leaving you standing there, wondering if your shivers are because of the wind and if the slight flush on his cheeks was from the cold.

Sk8ter boi: u up?

You: if this is some kind of booty call then no

You: call one of ur other girls lol

Sk8ter boi: you're the only one for me

Sk8ter boi: soulmateeee <3

Sk8ter boi: come out for a while?

You leave him on read, even putting your phone away and turning off the light. Closing your eyes. But it soon becomes apparent that there's no hope for sleep to come with there's a small nagging in your stomach. It compels you to throw on a jacket and get out of your dorm, the same kind feeling that compelled you to actually kiss him the other day on these very steps.

Though you don't count it as a kiss. It was definitely more like a brush of lips—hardly even touching for longer than a millisecond. Besides, he'd totally tricked you.

He's waiting on the steps in his usual getup, kicking around a rock aimlessly, and it takes you a second to recognize his backside without the hood on.

"Sunwoo, it's so late. What are you doing here?"

He meets your eyes with an easy smile. "Just wanted to see you."

"At this hour?"

"Every hour is missing Y/N hours," he teases, and you come very close to pretending to barf. "How are you? Are you cold?"

"I am not falling for that again." You glance him up and down warily.

"I wanted to show you something." Sunwoo shrugs, taking a few steps down and then beckoning you over. You don't even reach the bottom of the stairs before you realize your hand is back in his.

The 'something' that the skater boy wanted to show you turns out to be an old building on campus, one you've never had class in but one that you've walked through many times during your time here.

"Um, what's so special about this?"

Sunwoo's smile seems to grow at your question, and he simply points up instead of answering. Following his finger leads you to a ladder at the side of the building, going up to the roof. He gently tugs you, and soon enough the two of you are standing at the base of the ladder.

"The roof? You want to go up there?"

He probably catches your wide-eyed stare. "Aw, is Y/N a bit of a scaredy cat?"

"No!"

"Then go ahead," he says, gesturing towards the ladder.

"I just don't know why this is what you called me out for." You give him a glare and finally put a hand on the cool metal. "But if I fall and die, I hope the marks make you so ugly that no one else will like you ever again."

Sunwoo barks a laugh at that. "Don't worry. I'll catch you if you fall." He pauses briefly then adds in a quieter voice, "And I don't need anyone else to like me."

The climb up isn't too bad since the building isn't particularly high, and you don't get a chance to look down. Though your hands still grip each rung of the ladder as tightly as possible.

You had expected a nice view once you reached the top just based on how Sunwoo wanted to come here, but it really wasn't impressive. All you could see were the fields and trees on campus, though there's a gentle breeze in the air that makes it seem a little more thrilling.

"Come sit." He settles down on sort of platform, gazing at you with a sparkle in his eyes.

You can hear the quiet hum of electricity so surely this roof was supposed to be for building maintenance or something? And surely, being here is already breaking some sort of rule on campus? But tonight, maybe you decide to trust him.

"It's not so bad up here, right?" The wind ruffles his hair, and you suddenly realize that you've barely ever seen him without some sort of hat or hood on. He's never shown the world more than just a sliver of his face and you don't understand why because his hair is beautiful. His curls look so soft under the moonlight, and it makes you wonder how they would feel between your fingers. If they're as soft as they look.

"How did you even find out about this place?"

"There was a ladder, so I climbed it," he laughs. "Then I started coming up here whenever I needed to think. It's quite peaceful."

"Can't say there's much of a view though."

Sunwoo gasps dramatically, looking at you with wide eyes. "What? No, the view is amazing. Come here, I'll show you." He waves you over and then leans back until he's lying down, staring up at the sky.

You follow suit and make sure to leave a small distance between the two of you. But instead of your head meeting the rough surface of the platform like you expected, it lands on the softness that's Sunwoo's arm instead. He moves, pulling you in until you're settled in the crook of his shoulder.

"Look, it's the big dipper." With his free hand, he points to the sky just towards your left. "And there's Aries," he points to a patch of sky just above you, "and there's Capricorn."

Looking at the sky where he points reveals nothing except for the dots of light from airplanes in the distance and wisps of cloud. The moon seemed to be the only celestial body in the sky that you could see.

"Um. I'm not sure if you need your eyes checked, but there's actually nothing there," you say, giving up on the lack of a view and turning to him instead.

"Wow, couldn't you have just agreed?" He whines, lips forming a pout. "This is fake star gazing; I point at something that's not there, and you say you see it too. And then we marvel at its beauty."

"Why would you marvel at something that you can't see?"

"Hmm. Maybe you're right." Sunwoo suddenly turns to face you. "Why look at the sky when I could be staring at you?"

"Okay, stop."

"You want to play a game?"

"Yeah? And where is this going?" You definitely did not trust him with this.

"Let's do twenty questions. We'll take turns asking and if you can't answer something, then hmm," he pauses. Hums as he thinks. "Then you owe me a kiss."

"Sure. That's easy."

His eyes widen, "You want to kiss me that bad?"

"No! I meant the questions," you say dully. "And what if you can't answer something?"

"Then I'll give you a kiss, of course," he singsongs. "Hmm, have you ever had liked anyone? Other than me, obviously."

"Who says I like you? But yes, I have," you say bluntly, sputtering with disbelief at why he would start with this. "Why, have you not?"

"Well, yeah. But nothing too serious because I knew it wouldn't work out. Everyone's only interested in finding their soulmates in this world." The last part comes out sounding bitter.

"Yeah, I get it. I had a crush on Juyeon when I first met him, but it was—quite obvious that that wasn't going to work out."

"Juyeon? The pretty boy's soulmate?" he asks with sudden interest.

"Um. Please don't go beat him up?"

Sunwoo simply cackles at your words.

"Seriously, please don't. Hyunjae would kill you, you know."

"You don't think I could take on both of them?"

"Sunwoo!"

"I'm just joking with you," he laughs. "Don't worry. I'm not going to get into any more fights, Y/N. You are going to live bruise-free for the rest of your life."

"I didn't mean—"

"Well, unless you want me to mark you up sometime."

"S-Sunwoo!"

"Alright, next question. Have you ever looked for me?"

"Yeah," you admit. "It was not a fun time."

His eyes are unreadable for the most part when you tell him about the boxing matches, the interest in stunt acting. The days the patches of colour on your skin acted like little puzzle pieces, hints to where your soulmate could be.

It's only after you tell him that you start to think maybe you shouldn't have. Maybe he thinks the whole soulmates thing is stupid. Maybe he thinks you're stupid for believing in it.

"You thought I could've been a boxer?" he chuckles. "That's cute."

You roll your eyes at him. "Well, who thought you'd be some kid getting into fights all the time for no reason."

"So were you disappointed when you met me?"

You open your mouth with a sarcastic reply ready at the tip of your tongue but for some reason it doesn't seem appropriate to say anymore. His voice was still light and casual, but there's a dreading feeling in your heart with the fear that the conversation is really going to go down the slippery slope that you both have been dancing around. One that you both may never come back from.

"Don't worry," he says when the silence stretches a little too long, "you can tell me the truth, you know."

"I guess you already know the answer to that based on what I said to you that time in the stairwell." You focus on the curve of his lips instead of meeting his gaze. "I was disappointed that you turned out to be a popular fuckboy on the verge of failing out of school."

"Hey—give me some credit. I haven't hooked up with anyone since meeting you," he says hotly. "And I'm not on the verge of failing out of school. The popular part is correct though."

"Wow, congrats. You get a gold star for that." The sarcasm drips out of your voice, but he doesn't show any signs of acknowledging it as he laughs. "But Sunwoo, I'm not disappointed. I was surprised and in denial at first, and let's be real, the first few times we met went quite terribly. I don't know, I guess I was too harsh to judge you like that right away."

This time it's his turn to stay silent.

"Wait, that wasn't even supposed to be my turn!" You give him a push.

"Oh, oops." There's a bit of a smile on his face but his wall of indifference was still up. "Okay, you can ask me anything."

You take a deep breath. "Do you even believe in soulmates?"

"Oh," he says slowly, frowning. "No one's ever asked me this before. But to be honest, not really. Or at least I didn't before." Sunwoo pauses and you think that's it for his answer, but to your surprise, he continues. "I guess it's because my parents aren't soulmates, so I thought it was whatever at first, that it didn't matter. But when things started getting bad between them, I kind of just gave up on the idea of love completely."

"Oh."

It wasn't unheard of to spend a lifetime without meeting your soulmate, and marriage between non-soulmate pairs wasn't exactly rare either. It just wasn't something that you'd really thought about, seeing as the people in your life had all found their perfect matches.

He tells you about the happiness of his childhood, the way the concept of soulmates wasn't even introduced to him until he started school. How his parents got strange looks when people noticed their marks didn't match, how he became determined to forget about the whole soulmates thing. He tells you about lashing out at the world, watching love fall apart and then grow together in different ways, hating how the world made the whole soulmates thing seem inevitable. Hating the fact that he had one, and then refusing to believe he did.

"I still think that this whole soulmate thing is bullshit though, in general. People should be allowed to love whoever they want to, and besides, love can bloom anywhere. It shouldn't be just limited to soulmates," he states, brows furrowing. "But the bruises sure are annoying as fuck; I'm sorry I never realized that you'd be suffering through the consequences of my actions."

There's a stillness that lingers in the air as you quickly turn to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill out. This reveal of a more vulnerable side of him has you stunned, not knowing what to say or how to react when he's never let you see this side of him before. It makes the seed of guilt grow: the guilt that you blindly judged him and hated him for a lifetime, that you probably still would if you hadn't had the chance to meet him and get to know him like this.

But now that the first step has been taken down this path, there was no going back. There was something that you had to ask.

You turn back to him. "Does finding your soulmate change anything?"

He seems to hold his breath as he thinks. Face impassive. "I don't know, Y/N. Does it? Do you want it to?"

Thoughts fly at a thousand miles per hour through your mind, each possible answer threatening to throw you off the edge of the cliff you were cautiously teetering on. You'd known that this was going to be a conversation that your undefined relationship would never recover from, but you were not ready for it to hit you like this.

So you grab him and then your lips are meeting his.

He makes a sputtering sound from the back of his throat, definitely not expecting your bold move. But he quickly goes to kiss you back a moment later. You pull away.

"Have you fallen for me yet?" Sunwoo whispers after catching his breath. The casual line he keeps throwing around no longer seems so casual now. As he searches your eyes for an answer, you could see how full blown his pupils are and how dark his gaze has become as it gradually trails down to your lips. Dark with a sparkle from the reflection of the moon, just like the starless sky.

"And what if I have?" you repeat his words from the time in the stairwell. It no longer sounds like a taunt. "What then?"

He doesn't answer but then his mouth slowly curves into a smile.

And then he's kissing you.

His mouth is hot and his lips are everything you imagined with how soft and supple they are, fitting so well against yours. He pulls you closer until there's no space between you, until you can feel his breath hitch, until you find out that his hair really is as soft as it looked. Beneath the smell of his cologne is a faint sweetness that's so distinctly him that it's like you're breathing in Sunwoo Sunwoo Sunwoo. And—you didn't know that it could feel like this. You didn't know that kissing someone could be so overwhelming that it makes the world spin and makes your heart feel like it would jump out of your chest. You didn't know his every touch would feel like electricity running through your veins, that the muffled moans he makes would be so addicting.

It was exhilarating. It was scary. Maybe this is what it's like to be with a soulmate. Maybe this is what it's like to be in love.

In love.

Wait—

You break the kiss and pull away from him. Gasping to catch your breath as everything rushes to you all at once.

Sunwoo gives you a bit of a questioning look before the wall of indifference is sliding back into place. There's a gentle smile, not the kind he showed the world but not the ones he'd secretly shown you either. It doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"We should probably get going," he murmurs, sitting up and reaching for your hand. "It's late and you have morning class."

It's only when you're back in your dorm that you realize neither of you answered each other's last questions.

Sunwoo doesn't text you.

He doesn't read your texts either, for that matter; the couple of short messages you sent remain unread and unopened for the next few days. For once, your phone is awfully silent, and it makes you wonder if this is what it felt like to be ghosted by him. If this is what it felt like to be anyone other than his soulmate.

It's like he disappeared from your life as quickly as he'd entered it.

Maybe he finally decided that he's had enough, that he's lost interest in you. And maybe it was a good thing because you didn't know how things could possibly proceed after last night. How could you possibly pretend like there was nothing between you after everything that's happened? How could you possibly endure seeing his flirty facade when you now know he's so much more than that?

There's only silence in replace of the comforting presence to walk to you class, and an empty seat next to you in your shared lecture. The stares and whispers are back this time, and even Eric sends you a questioning glance to which you respond with a shrug.

Jacob gives you worried looks throughout your time at the tutoring center when Sunwoo doesn't show up, though he never outright asks. Which you're grateful for, because you're not quite sure how it would feel to acknowledge the problem that's been eating away at you.

Because when you think about it, you hadn't even realized just how much of your life Sunwoo had taken up—all of your waking moments had consisted of him trying to worm his way into your heart. How he was constantly being up in your face, throwing around cheesy lines and the ever so casual 'soulmate'. There were the small gestures like getting you coffee, walking you up to your door, heck, even the fake stargazing. Holding your hand, warming it up. Lips fitting so well against yours. The genuine smiles he'd shown you, different from the fake ones he'd plaster on for the rest of the world. And then there was the seemingly daily check-in of have you fallen for me yet?

And—oh.

You'd fallen for him.

He did it. He won. He got you to fall for him just as he wanted, just like he'd joked about every day.

And your heart sinks at the realization.

"Okay, spill." Juyeon sits you down at cafeteria after class with a platter of fries in front of you. Comfort food, he'd said, shooing away Hyunjae's hand when he tried to steal one. "What's been bothering you?"

You heave a sigh and then begin with the last time you saw Sunwoo on the rooftop. A night that had started with breaking the rules and mediocre views, ending with deep talks and kissing. You had to admit that it'd been romantic at some point, but had it been a date? Had anything between you two been... anything?

"So you guys kissed?" Hyunjae's eyes fill to the brim with excitement as he leans towards you. "Like, with tongue and all?"

"Okay, ew. Just because you're comfortable sharing things about your sex life does not mean I am." You push his face away just as Juyeon turns into a mess of coughs.

"Sex life?" Hyunjae repeats, entirely ignoring the way his soulmate is now sporting a furious blush. "Who said anything about sex life? Are you saying you had s—"

"Shut up," you quickly cover his mouth for your own sake. And Sunwoo's. And Juyeon's. "That is so not the point of this conversation."

Juyeon clears his throat. "So he hasn't contacted you at all since that night?"

"He has not," you sigh, reluctantly letting go of Hyunjae. "Guess he ghosted like the typical fuckboy? I shouldn't have expected anything from him."

"But it doesn't sound like he's afraid of commitment though," Juyeon says slowly, deep in thought. "He's made the effort to start going to classes and to get to know you."

"Doesn't he do that with everyone he flirts with?" you mutter under your breath.

"But he hasn't," Hyunjae crosses his arms, "flirted with anyone else since meeting you."

"That's a lie; I totally saw him—"

"He's afraid of being rejected by you," Juyeon finally says.

"Wait, what?"

Juyeon nods and even Hyunjae is staring at him with confusion.

"Okay, what do you know that I don't?" Hyunjae blinks at his soulmate, peering at him intensely.

"It was just something Eric said," Juyeon shrugs. "He was mostly making fun of Sunwoo for how much he's changed since meeting you," he nods your way, "but he also said that Sunwoo thought he wouldn't be good enough. Like he was afraid you'd never see him as a soulmate."

"Since when did you become so wise?" Hyunjae says, patting Juyeon on the head. Then his jaw drops when the words sink in. "Wait, you're only telling Y/N this now?"

"Only because Y/N still doesn't believe that lover boy's feelings are genuine," Juyeon huffs, crossing his arms. "The universe was supposed to straighten itself without my interference."

"So much for being confident that I would fall for him."

"But," Hyunjae says deliberately, "didn't you?"

"No—" you start, and then stop.

As if he could see exactly what you had been ruminating about for the past few days, Hyunjae's jaw drops even lower than the previous time. "Oh my god."

"Okay, fine!" you confess only because he already saw right through you. "But it's not a good thing."

"You had no qualms with falling for someone who's not your soulmate but now you're worried about falling for your actual soulmate?" Hyunjae raises an eyebrow and then cocks his head over at Juyeon.

"Ugh, you're never going to let me live, are you?" You stifle a groan from where your face is buried in your hands. It's not usually embarrassing whenever Hyunjae teases you about your former crush on Juyeon, but this comparison makes your cheeks immediately heat up. Maybe because there is some truth to it. "I'm sorry that Juyeon is too hot for you?"

Juyeon laughs while Hyunjae glares at you.

"Not the point," Hyunjae gives a dismissing wave. "It should be easy, Y/N. It should be like falling into place with someone, not falling off a cliff like how you're making it sound."

"It's scary though. With someone who's not your soulmate, you might not care as much because maybe it won't work out anyway. But with your soulmate, this is like the one chance of your lifetime."

"You're right, but you have one who genuinely cares for you. What's the danger in that?" Juyeon asks.

"The danger is that he doesn't even believe in soulmates." You finally take a fry, already cold by now but comforting, nonetheless. And then you think back to that night on the rooftop. What he'd said about soulmates, then what he'd asked you.

I don't know, Y/N. Does it? Do you want it to?

A question you hadn't answered.

"Just make it clear to him how you feel," Juyeon continues when you don't say anything else.

"Easier said than done," you whine. "It's like he completely disappeared. No one knows where he is and he's not answering my texts either."

"Oh that's easy." Hyunjae's lip quirks up, holding your gaze as if distracting you from when he goes to steal a fry. "All you have to do is go talk to Younghoon, and then Sunwoo will suddenly appear to beat him up again."

You don't know whether to laugh or cry at that comment. "Um. I was going to tell you to shut up, but you know what, that's actually hilarious. I'll accept it."

"Why, thank you." Hyunjae smiles. Stuffs the fry in his mouth. "But anyways, don't worry too much about it. Lover boy will be back in no time. Especially when every hour is missing Y/N hours."

"Remind me to never tell you anything ever again," you say, reaching to stuff a handful of fries in his mouth to shut him up. "But I don't even know if that's a good thing though. Him... coming back."

"Why not? Be in love with your soulmate freely, Y/N," Hyunjae gestures dramatically as he chews. "You didn't go through all those years of ugliness for nothing."

"I think I'll go talk to Younghoon and see if he knows anything." You put the platter of fries in front of Juyeon, "Thank you for your help, bestie." Then turn to Hyunjae and knock him on the head, "And just so you know, I still hate you."

"It's okay to admit it, you know. That you loveme."

"Keep us updated, okay?" Juyeon pokes you gently. "Let us know if we can help with anything."

"Yeah, let us know if you need us to beat him up for you. Well, if you don't mind having some extra bruises for a while," Hyunjae says, waving his fists arounds.

"Thanks, but it won't be necessary."

Heading to the cafe has you shivering at the cold wind against your skin; the sun had disappeared with the clouds quickly moving in, darkening the sky with the incoming storm. If Juyeon were right that Sunwoo wasn't ghosting you, then there would have to be another reason for disappearing so suddenly. An unsettling feeling that makes your stomach clench.

Luckily for you, the cafe seems emptier than usual when you head over. Younghoon's there chatting with a co-worker—Kevin, if you could read his nametag properly—and he turns to the door at the sound of the bell.

"Oh, hey Y/N!"

"Hey, Younghoon."

Kevin whispers something to him and then gives you a quick smile before going into the backroom, leaving the two of you alone.

"I'm glad you stopped by, actually. I wanted to apologize for um..." he trails off, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. "Causing you all that trouble. Not knowing about you and Sunwoo."

"Don't worry about it; you already texted me about this." You wave a hand at him dismissingly. "And besides, the important thing is that you're okay. I would've beat up Sunwoo myself if you weren't."

That makes him laugh, though the usual twinkle in his eye isn't there. "We can still be friends, yeah?"

"Yeah, of course." Then you pause, not knowing how to approach the subject. "Actually, that's kind of what I wanted to ask you. Do you know where Sunwoo is?"

Younghoon hesitates. "There were some... people looking for him a while ago. He said he was going out of town to deal with them, but that's about all he told me."

"Some people?"

"He didn't want them to find him here." Younghoon bites his lip. You could tell that he clearly knows more but you're suddenly unsure of whether you wanted to find out at this point. "Y/N, it's probably best if you don't know."

"Oh."

But who would be looking for Sunwoo? Just what kind of people were he involved with? The way Younghoon spoke about it sounded like there would be danger involved; that Sunwoo was being chased by a gang or thugs. That there would be fights, weapons, and maybe even car chases, just like in the movies.

It just confirmed the sad fact that you knew nothing about him. You were completely clueless when it came to what kind of person he was, what his hobbies were, who his friends were. And yet, he knew all those things about you. He knew your schedule, your favourite coffee order, how you met your best friends. In the couple of months that you've known him, he already knew you inside and out.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Younghoon asks, gaze instantly softening at what must be quite a sad looking frown on your face. You barely manage to shrug in response. "Sunwoo might act like an asshole sometimes, but he's not a bad guy. I don't know what he's said to you, but he really does care about you."

"Thanks, Younghoon."

"I'll keep you updated if I hear from him."

When the silence of your room greets you, this time you're scrubbing off the makeup to look for clues. The marks that you once dreaded now became your hope because at least then you'd have some sort of sign. A tiny splash of blue as proof of his existence, a patch of purple to know that he's somewhere close by, that maybe the connection you had with him wasn't a fabrication of your imagination but rather something tangible.

Because maybe you did miss his presence. Because maybe you didn't hate it as much as you once thought you did, and maybe you actually never hated it at all. Maybe you've gotten used to it and maybe the way your heart soars and the way it sinks is the very definition of what it means to be soulmates.

There were no marks. A good sign, you supposed, if this meant he hadn't been getting into fights while he was gone. But something about seeing the clean slate of your skin makes you miss the familiar sight of marks, as if they were a piece of his presence you carried around.

It's already hard to believe you'd once hated them so much.

When your phone finally vibrates, you almost think you're imagining it. That it has to be some figment of your mind that you were projecting too hard.

Sk8ter boi: open the door soulmateeee <3

But when you open the door, he's there. It doesn't even matter how he knew which unit you lived in or how he made it past the front door of the building or why he decided to come. It doesn't matter that he's dripping water onto your floor from his soaked clothes, or that he drops his helmet and jacket by the door.

"Sunwoo?"

"Sorry for taking so long," he says softly as he closes the door behind him. There's a glimpse of a smile but it doesn't match the turmoil in his eyes. "You can see my handsome face all you want now."

"Are you okay? Where did you go?"

"Let's just say there was some unfinished business with some people I knew."

"Did you..." you trail off, not knowing how to ask what was on your mind or whether if you should be prying at all.

He shakes his head and some water droplet fall from his soaked hair. "I'm not going back to that kind of life, Y/N. Had to cut off ties with some people, that's all. Everything's done now. I'm all yours."

You let out a breath of relief that you didn't even realize you'd been holding.

Strands of his hair curl at the ends, and water droplets fall. Then you notice that the white tee he has on is see-through with how soaked it is, and the way it clings onto his body leaves little to imagination.

You slowly force your gaze away. "Oh."

"Were you looking for me?"

"I—yeah," you admit. The sight of him in front of you, alive and well, was enough to wipe away all of the snarky responses you once had in mind and make you finally decide to be real with him. To finally confront your feelings. "Yeah, I was worried about you. I was afraid you'd gotten into an accident or some sort of fight and—"

He shakes his head again, showing you both sides of his arms. Turning his head and pointing at his cheeks. "Not a scratch. See? I know how to resolve things peacefully. I promised you that there would be no more marks, Y/N."

"But Sunwoo, do you mean that? I was afraid you'd left because of what happened that night. That you decided you were done with—this," you gesture vaguely. "Sunwoo... are you just playing with me?"

"What? No." His eyes fill with confusion, and he finally crosses the room. "Y/N, is that what you thought? Is that what it seemed like?" Then he's right in front of you, gently brushing away a tear that you hadn't even realized was on your cheek. "Hey, I'm sorry for taking off like this. I wasn't trying to ghost you, I was just... afraid. Afraid of what you'd say if you answered that last question because I wasn't ready to be rejected by my own soulmate." He takes your hands in his and gives you a sad smile. "I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but now, I've come to terms with it. And it's okay because I promised you that I'd get my shit together and I'm going to make it happen."

Then you're burying your face in his chest, arms pulling him closer despite the wet clothing, despite how you thought you hated him all your life. Because somehow, hating him first makes you like him even more now. And somehow, wanting to get rid of him at first makes you want to cling to him tighter now, to hold him closer and let this moment erase your guilt of ever pushing away someone who now seems to fit so well against you.

"You know, you were right to be mad at me for never thinking about you or about how my actions would affect you and the people around me. I hadn't really cared about anything in the world and didn't think about possibly meeting my soulmate in this lifetime. And even after we met, I didn't think anything would change. You were right that I was only interested in fooling around with you—only at first though." He pulls back just slightly, and you could see the honesty in his eyes, steady, unwavering. "But things did change. I usually don't give a shit about people's feelings or opinions, but for some reason, I care about yours. And I find myself wanting to get to know you, to be good enough for you. To not screw up one of the biggest chances in my life."

He caresses your cheek so delicately as if afraid this moment could shatter with a touch too strong.

"Wanting to love you and be loved by you."

If you'd been treading carefully around him before, now you find yourself drowning. Drowning in the warmth of his body against the coolness of his clothes, drowning in the sincerity in his words, in the hope that had begun to bloom in your heart so fast that it aches and yearns.

"Sunwoo, I should've told you that night."

There's a brief flash of fear in his eyes that's quickly replaced with a glimmer of hope that mirrors yours.

"Because I would've told you that I do want this to change everything. I want you to believe that soulmates can exist, and love can be real, and that the possibilities are endless if you're willing to experience it all. And that I do want you, as a soulmate."

He lets out the shaky breath he was holding. "Have you fallen for me?"

And this time when he asks, you're not afraid to answer.

"Yeah, Sunwoo. I have."

Then waves crash and surround you as his lips meet yours, dragging you into the depths and you're sinking, sinking, deeper and deeper. His mouth is hot as he kisses you hungrily, pulling you infinitesimally closer as hands get tangled in your hair and in his tee. Sunwoo's breath hitches when you press your palms against the bare skin under his shirt and there's heat sparking from everywhere you touch like a live wire. His every touch feels like air, a lifeline always keeping you alive and wanting, craving for more as you drown in his body.

He comes up for air first, pulling back the slightest, breathing hard.

"Sunwoo, you're freezing," you whisper.

"Then warm me up."

This time his lips veer from yours, creating a blaze of fire on your skin as they trail to your jaw, your ear, and down your neck that makes your breaths quicken. His shirt comes off with some effort and the bit that was left to your imagination turns into reality when your fingers trace his sun-kissed skin, following each line of his abs, each dip and curve until he's stifling a moan against your neck.

When there's a pause, his pupils are full blown, cheeks flushed as he searches your eyes. Searching for an answer for not only what would happen next, but for an answer about what would happen to the two of you. What you were and what you would become.

And then Sunwoo's kissing you again. Clothes are flung, teeth clack, and then he's pulling you with him until there are silky sheets and the heat of his body against you. Soft moans that you'd gotten a taste of that night now fill your ears as lips and hands are everywhere. His mouth trails down every inch of your body as if learning your every memory, your every bruise that had left you wondering over the years. Erasing then rewriting the stories through splashes of pink hues that darken into the blues and purples of watercolour on a blank canvas.

When the sun peaking through the curtains wakes you up in the morning, there's a disorientation in your head as if a fever dream that only lingers at the edges of your memory. The first glance at your body makes your heart sink as you realize you're covered in marks yet again, but then the memories flood back so fast that it takes a moment to catch your breath.

Sunwoo.

It's hard not to stare when he's right there. His long eyelashes, his high cheekbones, the way his lips curve into a small smirk as if knowing you're staring.

"Oh."

"Oh?" he mumbles, giving you a teasing look. He reaches over and pulls you even closer, until all you can see are those beautiful eyes. "Are you surprised I'm here?"

"No, but I was just afraid you... left."

He softens instantly into the brilliant smile that you'd seen only a few times so far. "Hey, I would never do that to you, soulmate. I was serious about what I said last night."

You nod, not trusting your own voice just yet. There's a tenderness in his eyes and fondness in his hands as his caresses your cheek, a softness that feels like warm sunlight trickling between the cracks. And when he kisses you this time, it feels like a first kiss. Whereas the night before was rough edges and stormy seas, this time it's filled with the innocence of a first love, the sweetness of a summer's day. His lips are gentle but what you notice most is the small smile that lingers on them like he can't contain his happiness.

This time the bruises that you see on your body aren't a sight that annoys you. They're not a sign that your soulmate is out there being reckless or fooling around; these are marks that your soulmate made directly on your skin. This time they're a reminder of what happened last night, not only a sign that he exists, but also a sign of how much he wants this too.

This time just before you head out, you're about to reach for your makeup bag before ultimately deciding against it. Because this time, you don't need to question who your soulmate was, where they were, or where the marks were coming from. It definitely feels different when you look over at Sunwoo and see the matching pale pink mark peeking out from the edge of his collar.

Maybe now, you can finally wear the bruises proudly.

The matching marks are the first thing that the soulmate duo stare at when you and Sunwoo walk into the cafe. You could see the way their eyes bounce back and forth between the two of you; Hyunjae giving you a very mischievous grin while Juyeon beams as if he were the matchmaker himself. Maybe he was, in a way; maybe the universe would've straightened itself out without his interference like he'd said, but he certainly helped.

There's a fifth seat saved for Younghoon, but it remains empty as you heard that he's been busy with the soulmate that he had found only recently. It's ironic that that fight with Sunwoo had been the solution for finding his soulmate all along—the bruises on his face had also showed up on a classmate of his. You were just happy that he's met someone he could finally channel all his love towards.

"Oh hey, pretty boy," Sunwoo nods towards Hyunjae when the two of you join them at the table, then turns to Juyeon, "and Y/N's ex-crush."

You elbow him lightly. "Please. Not you too."

The three of them laugh and for a second it feels so natural. You're glad to have brought them together even if their source of entertainment was from teasing you.

When Hyunjae looks at Juyeon, there's a particular look they exchange. A glance that said neither of them has ever doubted that your relationship with Sunwoo would work out, that they know all too well what the soulmate bond feels like and perhaps how its pull is inevitable.

You see it in the way Younghoon glows when he walks in with his soulmate later—Minji, he said her name was. The affection in his gaze when he looks at her, the way her eyes twinkle when smiles back at him. There's no denying their bond when it's all so different from how he looked at you before.

And you see it in all of Sunwoo's soft smiles and the crinkle of his nose and the way his eyes curve. The smiles you once thought were rare are now all you can see when no longer hidden beneath a facade. Maybe he's right that soulmates don't actually exist, and that love can bloom anywhere at any time. Maybe it's the choice to believe in it that makes the love for that person stronger than anything else. But on the way home when you see him subtly look at the marks on his skin with such fondness in his eyes, you knew that it didn't matter.

hyuck is bb. hyuck is smol. say it w me

i’ve missed you guys

just to clear things up i used to be:

@/etherealjaem (i think)

@/jijisun (i also think lmfoaaos)

im still the same person just swtiched things up a bit. why am i writing as if ppl are acc gonna see this💀 LDMAOAOOA oh well.

im literally so indecisive, kinda just changed up my whole blog buh is whatever

*heart eyes* 🤍