All This Expectation Is A Knife!!
All this expectation is a knife!!
Getting worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better
I recreate situations in the Sims 4 to feel some grasp of control over them
More Posts from Frightbunny and Others
The sky is a foggy dark gray like I’ve hotboxed the whole planet and not just my 13th floor apartment, smoke curls out the window and it always has somewhere to go.
There is no room for hesitation or stupidity. It just is, and I am carried by want, impulse, the direction of the wind.
Like she said, I want to feel the heat of all the bodies. I want to be alive but aliveness disgusts me, I want to be predictable and human-like. Every moment I am thinking about how it will end and this gets me nowhere, so no wonder I feel stuck.
Trapped in between two tall buildings, endless city blocks, always paralyzed by fear, asking stupid questions like it’s part of my nature— which it is— existing under a false lightless sky; I’m finding wonder in things that I can’t see, taking the easy way out.
Bruises on my knees i don't know where they came from. My seventh cigarette of the day.
either way by odie leigh // jeff buckley // normal people by sally rooney // unknown, possibly natalie diaz // eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (2004) // old friend by mitski // halloween by phoebe bridgers // unknown // unknown
Friendship
I listened to the whole of your three-page poem about the life you wanted to live. I cupped your dreams by my heart.
The gasp when the wind is knocked out of you. When you can't do anything but react. It's harder to stay quiet when you have to- the time I just had to smoke weed way past dusk boundaries and brought you with me and we lay on top of each other in the snow, your hand over my mouth because I was so high and each breath felt like a roar.
I brought you with me everywhere I went. Around my neck during hazy nights sprawled on the bathroom floor. Bad hookups where neither of us have had enough to drink. I'll never forget your face in the periphery of every memory.
Last summer I watched as you fell in the pool and your blood stained the water like little explosions. You were fine, it was just your foot, but afterwards we lay naked on the hot pool deck and you confided in me the things only I could hear, that sometimes still you wished you were dead.
I had no advice to give because I felt the same way. It was kind of funny. We've known each other for sixteen years but we're still right where we started. Looking towards the same future. The same people.
super low quality meme. valerie come back we need you more than ever </3
It's Saturday and I'm smoking out my bedroom window again.
A lyric is stuck in my head: the end is closer every second than it's ever been right now.
I wonder that dying is the only thing I'll never be able to control. I find it hard to believe that I won't be scared.
I know that's why people believe in God— because they're scared. I don't really have anything to believe in; maybe the air bubbles in oil, adrenaline, a first draft.
I want to believe in something that's worthy of it. But I haven't found anything like that yet.
Myself, maybe?
On being weak
Rainy days, everyone is equal. Everyone's pant cuffs soaked, smokers under awnings. We're all missing somebody else.
I basked in idleness like a dog in light. I saved myself.
Things healed and plants grew and if I die here or not litters will still be born. I could be born with them.
