I'm Just The Culmination Of All Things I Hate

top ten humbling experiences: forcing yourself to choke down food with shaky hands while trying not to faint

I was never meant to go through this much character development

Death is an old friend.

She rocked my cradle when I was a baby. Held my hand as I took my first steps. Sat with me at lunch in school when no one else did.

She never says anything, but I understand her nevertheless. She finds ways to comfort me in silence.

I thought she was cold and distant at first. Cruel, even. When she tore apart families, orphaned young children, made parents have to bury their hearts along with their babies.

But she also provided peace to the ones who have been sick for a long time. Brought justice to those who wronged others. Ended much suffering.

She's kind and cruel at the same time.

She arranges visits with my grandpa sometimes if I ask nicely. He doesn't trust her, but he likes visiting me. He manages to put up with her long enough.

She's always there for me. Even when no one else is. Especially when they all leave. She visits me when I sleep, giving me a preview of what awaits.

She tells me my time will come soon enough. I'm glad. I find solace in her cold arms.

maybe I'm so cliché because for once I just want to feel like I'm normal

cutting isnt enough i need to blow my head off

I’m still trying to figure out if I am valid

Or if I’m as worthless as you make me feel

Escape

I've spent my whole life running away

From something or someone

Trying to put as much distance as I can

Between myself and others

But I've somehow managed

To distance myself from me

I don't know who I am anymore

Or what I am supposed to be

Now I'm trying to figure out

How to connect with myself

But it's like trying to bridge a chasm

That has no definite end

But ever since I met you

That gap seems smaller somehow

You've filled it with your warmth

And it doesn't seem impossible now

To find myself again

To be human, to be kind

You've glued all the puzzle pieces

Healed my body and mind

I've only ever thought about you once

Because you've never left my mind

It's you I think about before I go to sleep

Each and every night

You haunt me in my dreams

And every waking moment too

It's like I can't escape you

But I'm not sure if I want to

And I'm still spending my life running

But this time, I'm not running away

It's you who I'm running towards

And I'm hoping you'll let me stay

Because this is the first time

I'm not planning an escape

I finally feel like I'm home

And I'm hoping you'll let me stay

I can't give you the stars

Because they aren't mine to give away

But I can carve your name into my skin

Because I was always yours to begin with

what is anger if not pain in disguise?

The urge to slice my fucking neck open.