Elfstearssociety - Elf‘s Tears Society

While working on a telegram Chanel for the clothes and other items I make I tried to count every item (excluding pinns, patches, sticker, postcards, posters) I have made since starting the project in 2019 and even having quite abbreviated in between years… 93 items is what u could count. But I don’t remember all of them and definitely don’t have all of them photographs either •_• so there is actually more. Probably over 100.

The last weeks were somehow mentally heavy. I mean, I know why, it’s just that I always hope, that this time my body and mind will be used to it. But the only way how we are used to it is to not see it until some weeks in the situation already. It sucks, honestly. I now have to, again, make up a new routine with little to no knowledge about my working hours at the internship, pretend like everything is fine there and then spontaneously change the plan every time someone else wants it changed. I didn’t know that an internship in a theater can be THAT autism unfriendly?? Sure, was clear that it will have some chaos, but really not having no palm at all and not even trying to give the interns some sort of knowledge? Nobody even told me upfront “hey btw we are a theater that has no scripts or anything, we just do stuff in the process, so you need to be prepared for changing hours and not knowing more than one day ahead”. It would be horrible news but it would be better than to find it out on the second day (on the first day nobody told us anything really).

I really really need to stop giving a damn haha

But how when Disability bE DiSaBiLiTing?😭🥲🫠

P.s. it’s a so called “inclusive theater” btw and yes they might be mostly good to the acting group but I am also Disabled can someone include me please T___T

My comment:

Yes! This! Sure, screens not cool, Social Media ruining Generation after Generation BUT no social media and no screen actually made damage to all the parts of the body, made your immune system weaker in a way that you are constantly ill with a new thing, made your immune permanently Disbaled, made you so ill that you cannot leave the bed, have a smalltalk, smell stuff or cope with light, cannot remember simple words on a permanent basis, forget the things that you are actively doing in the moment, isolate you from most of the people and almost all places due to lack of acessability and/or your health state, made every condition you have much worse and with every re infection you become worse and worse and actually even if you have been healthy and have been using no screens and no social media you still can become Disbaled and chronically ill in the worst way possible (but even the mild/moderate cases are horrible believe me please). So yeah… phones, right?..

P.s. the way people are in active denial being like “yeah but have you seen research to the way phones alter our brains?” Well yes, but it’s reversible and you can literally just do your best and make yourself busy without the phone. But there is no way you alone can prevent a covid infection and there is no cure or treatment for ME/CFS (which is so often the main chronic illness end up after covid) and LC. So… I would choose the phone and do what I can to not have a problem with it. But even though I mask and have been isolated by people who have been my friends and also by academia, medical institutions, states decisions ect., I am still at risk of re-infection and loosening even more of my energy, brain capacity, concentration and NOTHING is under my control. I can only do things and hope but there is no evidence that some things actually always help. None. You can ”cure” phone addiction or short attention span as a result of social media but you cannot cure ME 🥲 so how about stop the denial, take the mass disabling event seriously and stop comparing apples with oranges?….

It’s always “phones are ruining our brains” and never “the virus known for post-viral cognitive decline, which causes short term memory loss, brain fog, and decreased spatial reasoning, that we let run rampant through our communities for years is ruining our brains”

Finally re-doing my altar after so many months not getting to it. I miss praying. Sure, nobody needs anything to pray, but last months were very stressful and now finally it becomes easier, so, it’s time to reconnect again. Religion is beautiful when not abused.

While writing my last (jeppie!) Theater science essay decided to film some sort of “Study with me” but then my phone got a full storage :( so now I have 1h of footage instead of 2 as planned. But that’s ok. It was still fun.

🤎YouTube: Elfs_Tears_Society🤎

I hope to find more time to read soon, but I am so busy with doing things and having anxiety T.T I finally came around to film a YouTube video about the books I read in the last 11 months, but editing it will be so annoying because I don’t have money for a program that would put proper subtitles in..

Review: Siege and Storm (Leigh Bardugo)

Very intense in my opinion. A lot of new characters, drama, you can feel how lonely and tired the main characters are, it’s great written. Also with more funny sentences because they break the intense atmosphere easier. You know, because the story is SO intense. More diverse Charakters, but I misunderstood some reviews about queer folx being in the story I guess… I have some guesses but I feel like I see queer Charakters just because I want them to be queer, not because they might be. Looking forward for the third book of the trilogy, but will read something else first because yeah. Intense.

Am I asking for too much? Just a tea party with pretty cups and way too sweet pastry and open end gossiping session 😭

Granada's The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes S1Ep11, "The Resident Patient" (1985)

Berlin🌸

I had so many punk, alternative, leftist, communist, anarchist friends and then anti-covid measures were lifted and after half a year into it i was left with two people who are still wearing a mask and take other measures. I got to know some other chronically ill folx which still take covid seriously, but everyone else who was so so feminist and anti-racist and pro trans* rights and pro migrants and antifa and all that.. everyone else just stopped reacting to my info about masks and solidarity and stopped texting me all together. I am asking myself sometimes how do they live with their consciousness? How do they walk around, see masked people sometimes and think "oh, elfi was a great friend to me, i was so grateful for their knowledge and help, but then the whole respect-my-life-and-health thing became too much for me so i just ghosted them. what a great way to say thank you, it was!" Of Corse not, they pushed me out of their lives like they did with everyone else who is chronically ill and/or Disabled while being covid cautious. What a pity. My heart broke so many times in the last 3 years. But also: how are we meant to achieve a revolution, how would we eat the rich or abolish whatever there is to abolish, if we cannot even protect the most vulnerable by making the minimal effort of not making them sick by choice? (because knowing that you can protect someone and not doing so is a choice to bring them in potential danger) How do we talk about feminism and trans* rights if we cannot manage the basic consent question of "i do not give you my permission to bring me in more danger"? Questions about questions, as they say in germany T.T

anyways, after writing multiple articles for the newsletter on that topic i still have so many things to say, one day there will be a great book about it (already made a layout for the story) and I hope i will not get even more brain fog and other issues. There are so many books i yet have to write...

Tbh if you consider yourself "Alt" or "punk," I don't care unless you wear a mask in public. Otherwise, you're just another poser.