I Feel Indecipherable To Everyone Including Myself And I Hope My Blog Translates That Well

@creatures-in-posts is this creature satisfactorily goopy

the world is in peril, and people are hurting

but even so, we can take comfort in knowing we have creature of wet slop. grins.

source

I once burnt popcorn so bad the center popcorns were literally a black charred mass of kernels. I tried to pull it out of the other pretty badly burned popcorn and it was like one piece. I had to open it outside. (Also I did not eat it)

my brother just left an entire bag of popcorn bc he burnt A Few of them. i mean like free popcorn for me but what the hell. waste of popcorn. crime.

Reblog if you're not homophobic

Every url that reblog’s will be written in a book and shown to my homophobic dad. 

me, trying to drink my orange juice: lalala i dink my oange

the treacherous trachea:

“I once brought up mothman in class and you could see him get visibly angry and say ‘don’t play poker with him’ before muttering something about 10 dollars. He then disappeared for, like, 5 days and when he came back he had a giant moth antenna and ten dollars sitting on his desk. 5/5 dunno what his deal is but I’m pretty certain he could kill god.”

Hc that Ford gets a job at a local community college as a physics prof after he and Stan are done sailing around the world and fulfills his destiny as the eccentric professor he was always meant to be

And he quickly gains a reputation amongst the stem students as That Professor

I bet his ratemyprof reviews would be insane:

“He didn’t grade any of our homework until the end of the semester, but he brought something called a ‘plaidypus’ to class and let us pet it. Her name was Dorothy. 5/5”

“He constantly ranted about how ‘triangles are the most untrustworthy shape’ whatever that means. Also he doesn’t know how to use the internet. I hated his class. 5/5”

And many more iterations of “this guy is terrible. 5 stars”

ALL OF THOSE EVIL SCIENTISTS HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CONDUCT RESEARCH! Don’t they understand if you use the SAME PERSON for the ‘creating a mutant creature’ test AND the ‘cryostasis for 100 years’ test it’s GOING TO SKEW THE RESULTS!!!!! NO im not “above average tolerance for humans” you SPLICED my dna with a goblin shark, raven, therizinosauraus, and that undercooked spaghetti noodle you found on the ground, OF COURSE my data is wrong! And don’t get me STARTED on the poor sap who got ‘injected with random needles’ and ‘see how fast he can complete a maze’! Idiots!

Even better: it actually kills bill and everything goes back to normal.

au where in response to the end of the world and his family being missing for days stan says fuck it and decides to roll the infinity die

No… it can’t be…

New year new me. And I’m gman now. But they don’t know that.

@absolutelyzoned @clownface-dot-net

Haaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!

ATTENTON MY 5 FOLLOWERS:

After 2 months of not posting, I have finally decided it’s time to get the ball rolling again.

Here goes;

*ahem*

𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓶𝓴𝓮𝓷