Crumbledtombstone - 🪽4ng3l 0f D36th🪦

why does everybody else get to be happy but not me? everyone i know is living their life and i'm just here wasting air.

people are getting engaged. people are buying houses or moving out of their parents' house. people are working their dream jobs. people are finding their life partners.

why can't that be me??

~Wieiad~

10•21•24

Breakfast:

• ?g cashews - ~175c

Total: ~175

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~My friend got trail mix this evening and we had been hanging out all day so I took some cashews to not raise suspicion but I really wish I wouldn’t have T . T Ik it wasn’t 200c so I’m not too upset about it ig but my fast is ruined now :C

I wasn’t planning on fasting tomorrow but I might now..tbd..

have you ever been kissed so gently that you feel like you’re the only person in the world, with their eyes settled on the depth of your core after your lips separate - and although you feel so much there’s nothing to do but just smile ??? me neither pass the joint

Some low cal snacks (30 snacks!)

1. Apple slices with almond butter – 100 calories

2. Carrot sticks with hummus – 80 calories

3. Rice cakes with avocado – 60 calories

4. Cucumber slices with cottage cheese – 50 calories

5. Greek yogurt with berries – 90 calories

6. Hard-boiled egg – 70 calories

7. Celery with peanut butter – 90 calories

8. Air-popped popcorn (1 cup) – 30 calories

9. Edamame (half cup) – 90 calories

10. Cherry tomatoes – 30 calories

11. Almonds (10 almonds) – 70 calories

12. Sliced bell peppers – 40 calories

13. Cottage cheese (1/2 cup) – 80 calories

14. Baby carrots – 35 calories

15. Low-fat string cheese – 60 calories

16. Turkey roll-ups (turkey slices with lettuce) – 50 calories

17. Watermelon (1 cup) – 45 calories

18. Seaweed snacks – 25 calories

19. Sliced strawberries – 50 calories

20. Zucchini chips (baked) – 40 calories

21. Grapes (1/2 cup) – 50 calories

22. Broccoli with light ranch dip – 70 calories

23. Cherry Greek yogurt (low-fat) – 100 calories

24. Mini rice cakes (1 small bag) – 100 calories

25. Radishes with salt and pepper – 20 calories

26. Snap peas – 40 calories

27. Cottage cheese and pineapple – 80 calories

28. A small banana – 90 calories

29. Light tuna (half a can) – 80 calories

30. Mixed berries (1 cup) – 60 calories

~ Vent ~

Something I keep thinking about is that my childhood friend told me ~4 months ago that she couldn’t imagine me skinny after she saw how different the pantry was at my parents house. Which is valid for her life experience with me, and great motivation, but wtf…. I’m kind of scared to meet up with her again after I lose more weight. I don’t want her to say anything else about my body.. and she’s one of the luckiest people on earth because she grew up SKINNY, and literally just because of genetics. Her whole family is thin.. lucky mfs lol -but we used to hang out frequently and we’d both eat a lot growing up, and she still does. The last time I hung out with her, she got a honey bun from a convenience store after she ate a sausage the length of a paper plate, and a slice of chocolate cake like 30mins-1 hour before… It’s possible she has some mental stuff going on as well because of struggling to gain weight, but to make such a comment about another person isn’t very mindful. My brain is kind of taking it as “I can’t imagine you being a healthy weight”. - not that I wanna be lol - but sis basically said that without actually saying it.. She knows I grew up FAT AF, a damn boulder, so I’m just struggling to understand how she could say that. In most cases, a persons health is the most important thing, and what she said really makes me feels like she wants me to stay big subconsciously. But, she picked the word skinny and not healthy, so maybe I’m just thinking too much into it lol.. Either way though, it’s still motivating me to do better so ultimately it doesn’t matter, but it does make me anxious about my relationship with her; and the pantry is so different now too compared to what it was the last time she saw it. So actually, I am very scared of her coming over lol.. and I don’t like that I feel that way, I love her a lot. I’m just not as comfortable around her now :c

I might be in the minority on this but I don’t think it’s cool or funny to blow smoke at your pet’s face

~(Late)Wieiad~

10•16•24

Breakfast:

• 2 rice cakes - 80c

• Pork cutlet - ~450c

Dinner:

• 22g pitted date - 67c

• 5g LS peanut butter - 16c

• 1.5g unsweetened coconut chips - 10c

• 3g dark chocolate chips - 16c

Total: 639c

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Went over 500c and I’m not happy about it but I’m gonna fast until Saturday so that’ll be fun at least

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