Have You Ever Been Kissed So Gently That You Feel Like You’re The Only Person In The World, With Their

~Wieiad~

10•20•24

Breakfast:

• 27g Mini Blueberry Protein Bar - 104c

• 3 Unsalted Rice Cakes - ~125c

• 12g Chopped Dates - 39c

• 31g Caramel Rice Cakes - 119c

• Vitamins - 100c

Total: 487c

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I broke my fast right before I went to sleep.. I feel like maybe I could’ve lasted until this morning but my family has a history of heart attacks and my heart wasn’t acting like it’s usual self so I didn’t want to risk anything. Once I’m on my own it won’t matter but while I’m with my parents I’d prefer not to traumatize them if they even care enough lol.. I didn’t do too bad with the cal intake though, so ig there’s something kind of positive to think about? - and I’ve started another fast but I’m hanging out with a friend tomorrow and food might be around * . * Hopefully I can completely avoid eating but idk if I’ll be able to fast for as long as I’d like to :c I’ll l bring a can of green beans or something else low cal just in case so I hopefully don’t cause any suspicion. My friend used to have an 3d so she’s already pretty aware of some issues I have but I don’t want her to know the full extent of much I’m restricting myself.. but besides the food stuff- tomorrow should be fun. I’m going to help her move some plants and other stuff to her new house and we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks so we’ll have a decent amount to catch each other up on✨

(Side note: Caramel rice cakes are pretty good. I avoided them for a while but I got some a few days ago and they might be a new safe food for me now, I haven’t decided yet.. Cals aren’t great but it’s the lowest it can possibly be so I have to deal with it or avoid it again)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hey girlie take your vitamins ~~

They will never understand the sadness that you can physically feel in your chest

⚡️ collarbones ⚡️

All I want is for the

scale to go down

& my mind to stop

screaming

~Wieiad~

9•29•24

Breakfast:

2 Iron gummies - 10c

2 Zinc gummies - 20c

2 Vitamin D gummies - 15c

2 Vitamin 3 gummies - 20c

2 Biotin gummies - 10c

2 Omega-3 gummies - 25c

T: 100c

Lunch:

125g Chicken breasts - 134c

43g Sweet potato hash brown - 65c

T: 199c

Dinner:

85g Oikos TZ Vanilla Greek yogurt - 50c

8g Highkey choc mini cookies - 37c

8g Highkey double choc brownie mini cookies - 40c

3 Highkey sandwich cookies - 70c (I forgot to weigh them T . T)

T: 197c

Total: 500

Water Intake: 51 FLOZ

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~Macros~

Carbs - 63g

Protein - 40g

Fat - 18g

Fiber - 13g

Sodium - 1,008mg

Calcium - 143mg

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I lightly seasoned the chicken and put pepper on the hash brown, and I weighed the seasoning but my scale stayed at 0 so I can’t track it as easily. I’m just gonna add it as a few calories and consider my total intake to be 500…Not too bad of a day tho. Sodium is high but there’s days when it’s really low so I’m not too concerned; I drank a couple diet cokes and that’s what pushed it so high.

~ Vent ~

Something I keep thinking about is that my childhood friend told me ~4 months ago that she couldn’t imagine me skinny after she saw how different the pantry was at my parents house. Which is valid for her life experience with me, and great motivation, but wtf…. I’m kind of scared to meet up with her again after I lose more weight. I don’t want her to say anything else about my body.. and she’s one of the luckiest people on earth because she grew up SKINNY, and literally just because of genetics. Her whole family is thin.. lucky mfs lol -but we used to hang out frequently and we’d both eat a lot growing up, and she still does. The last time I hung out with her, she got a honey bun from a convenience store after she ate a sausage the length of a paper plate, and a slice of chocolate cake like 30mins-1 hour before… It’s possible she has some mental stuff going on as well because of struggling to gain weight, but to make such a comment about another person isn’t very mindful. My brain is kind of taking it as “I can’t imagine you being a healthy weight”. - not that I wanna be lol - but sis basically said that without actually saying it.. She knows I grew up FAT AF, a damn boulder, so I’m just struggling to understand how she could say that. In most cases, a persons health is the most important thing, and what she said really makes me feels like she wants me to stay big subconsciously. But, she picked the word skinny and not healthy, so maybe I’m just thinking too much into it lol.. Either way though, it’s still motivating me to do better so ultimately it doesn’t matter, but it does make me anxious about my relationship with her; and the pantry is so different now too compared to what it was the last time she saw it. So actually, I am very scared of her coming over lol.. and I don’t like that I feel that way, I love her a lot. I’m just not as comfortable around her now :c

TW My motivation quote of the day

-Starvation is fulfilling. I will do whatever it takes. Colors become brighter, sounds sharper, odors so much more savory and penetrating that inhalation fills every fiber and pore of the body. The greatest food is actually found when a morsel never passes the lips.

-Pain is weakness leaving the body.

-Starving is not pain, it's the cure.

-It's not deprivation, it's liberation.

-Starving is an excellent example of will power.

-Hunger won't betray you like eating will.

-Hunger hurts, but starving works.

-Know that the pain will pass. When it passes you will be stronger, happier, and more aware.

-This isn't so bad. I can go another day.

-You've made a decision. You won't stop. The pain is neccessay, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are STRONG, can withstand anything, that you are NOT a slave to your body, that you don't have to give into its whining.

Th!nspø =^•^=

=°•~♡~•°= - =°•~♡~•°=