Plan Of Attack

WLC 6.G: Magic Duel 3v3

L: The first rule of magic duels is don't get into magic duels. The second is to remain calm; if ya lose your s***e, ya soon won't have s***e left to lose.

The first to move is Tanglepork. Dodging an opportune swipe of Ioana's claws as she runs away, she reloads her gun. She quickly turns and fires, but her nerves betray her and the bullet barely misses the lycan's head.

Ioana's fierce gaze remains locked on her prey as she commands the air to twist around her. It becomes like a miniature tornado as she chases after the gnome.

Gudrun locks eyes with the minotaur. "Obey me," she says, her eyes alight.

L: The third rule of magic duels is to know what your opponent can do and prepare to counter it.

"Not this time, b***h," says Honeycrisp, shaking off the force trying to insert itself into his mind.

Gudrun pulls out a silver wand. "Fine."

Honeycrisp focuses and magic courses through his body, accelerating him. Sparks dance upon his horns.

L: Corollary: Know what your opponent knows ya can do and don't do it.

Ling raises a wall of ribs, splitting a third of the room away, isolating the lycan and the deputy from the rest of them. The massive ribs connecting ceiling to floor have gaps too small for most of the room's occupants. "This way, Porky," commands Ling, as she positions herself by the passage to the portal room.

J: How many wall of bones spells do there really need to be?

"Ling," whines Zingiber, "You're supposed to be fighting me." She releases a blast of glittery fire into Ling's face, but the gex licks her eyes clean.

Tanglepork takes a liking to the idea of people not seeing things and turns invisible, then attempts to sneak around Ioana to reach the bone wall. Her steps are calculated to match the rhythm of the other fighters.

Ioana sniffs about and detonates a burst of fire where she believes the gnome to be hiding, but by some gnomish trickery (possibly breakdancing), the deputy remains unharmed.

Gudrun fires a purple beam from her wand, but Honeycrisp defects it with his horn. "S***e," she says, calmly. Foreseeing the sheriff's next move, she conjures a shield in front of her.

Honeycrisp charges forward, his horns smash open the shield. While his target is unharmed by that, the hook to her face makes quite the impact, knocking free a tooth, which explodes. The shrapnel then defies physics and embed themselves in the dwarf's neck.

Ling conjures a facsimile of a dryad -a type of tree nymph- that wraps her arms around the elf. "Hey there, cutie," says the dryad with a wink.

L: Preventing your opponent from casting at all is the strongest option. A lot of magic requires somantics.

Zingiber forces an arm free. "Getting off on this, Dr. Ling?" She gestures wildly. "Then check this!"

Unfortunately for Zingiber, her spell fails for multiple reasons: Tanglepork is out of the area, Honeycrisp (bull) and the dryad (plant) don't have the targeted anatomy, and Ling, because of her experiences in Wizard School, always begins the day with protective spells like Genital Mirror Shield. Thus, the caster herself is the only affected person.

Zingiber clutches her guts as her Ovarian Explosion nearly rips apart her insides. "Mistake."

J: Who even crafted that? Why make that?

"Serves ya right," shouts Ling.

Invisible, Tanglepork sneaks up to the ribs while quietly reloading her weapon and squeezes through. Aiming back through, she takes another shot breaking her disguise. The bullet, buffeted by the wind, glances the lycan's shoulder. "Oh, come on," the deputy grumbles.

If Ioana were the beast she looked like, she'd just run up to the ribs and try to smash through, but the witch is smarter than that. The bones form a fence she can cast through and, with the wind making her a difficult target, she's free to do so. She condenses a suffocating cloud around the gnome. "You can't escape," she growls.

"Help me," demands Gudrun to Zingiber, taking a defensive step away. She locks eyes with Ling and a mental bomb causes her to recoil in pain.

J: How many counters do you have? L: One more than I think I'll need.

"Time to put you b***hes in your place," says Honeycrisp.

"Can you shut your f**king mouth for five b****y minutes!" yells Ling.

"Great idea!" Honeycrisp forms a zone of silence around himself and lunges headfirst into Gudrun, impaling her on his horns and lifting her off the ground.

L: A lot of magic requires incantations too.

Now unable to hear, the false dryad looks to Ling for instruction. Ling gestures for her to keep Zingiber in that area close to the sheriff. Ling then condenses the cloud around the deputy into a shield of water.

Zingiber punches and knees the dryad, bashing onto bark-coated flesh. Breaking free, she scrambles out of the inaudible zone.

Tanglepork peers around the shield (reloading) and focuses on that first bullet, the one that's still in the back of the lycan's skull. The tiny piece of lead becomes hotter, burning its way into the witch's brain.

Screeching with pain, Ioana draws in through the floor as much spiritual energy as she can. The sheriff cannot avoid having part of his soul drained and the dryad wilts, while Tanglepork's fidgeting about causes her to be less effected and Ling avoids it entirely by hopping onto the wall, taking note that Zingiber is casually unaffected.

Gudrun thrashes about, desperately trying to free herself from the horns. Her punches and kicks are not enough, however.

A bright light flashes the room as Honeycrisp channels electricity through his horns and Gudrun's body. He then charges at Zingiber slapping her across the room with her dwarven cohort's charred, but still living body.

L: Anything is a weapon. Everything is a weapon.

Ling takes a moment to think. Two of these witches should be dead now; why aren't they? It must be that contract. She commands the weakened dryad to grab the elf again (which she does). Ling yells, "Porky, we need to leave."

Zingiber once again forces her arms free to aim another spell and then shoves the dryad away. The sheriff collapses as his muscles detach themselves from his bones. Ling recognizes her own spell, Tendon Tearer.

As Tanglepork continues to burn a hole through Ioana's head, she yells to Ling, "How?" She takes another shot from the other side of the shield, sinking a bullet into the lycan's chest. "Eat that!"

Ioana retreats to the entrance door, as if daring her enemies to try to get through her. She stomps on the ground, causing the already misshapen cubes of the room to twist around becoming a series of crude pyramids. Now even just standing here is an issue.

Gudrun pries her body off of the sheriff's horns and pathetically crawls away. Her bleeding, burnt body struggling to cross the threshold of sound due to the floor's sudden shift.

Honeycrisp sends a message via vibration directly through the floor and wall to Ling's ear bones. While she doesn't know the exact meaning, it isn't hard to guess the intent.

J: Why would you keep saving him? L: Because it's the right thing to do. A: Meat shield.

Ling restores the sheriff's ability to move -his muscles reattaching themselves- and orders the dryad to muzzle the elf; the dryad's solution is to shove her hand into Zingiber's mouth.

Zingiber bites the hand and pulls a brown jewel out of her robe. She stabs it into the dryad's ear and detonates it. The dryad's mostly headless body dissipates.

Tanglepork pulls a glass bottle out of her pocket and lodges it into the barrel of her gun. The special bottle is launched by the force of her shot and explodes on impact with the lycan, whose whirling winds erupt into flame. "Give up already!"

Ioana quickly draws the moisture in the air (and the water shield) onto her person, suffocating the fire. Realizing her wind had burned away, she conjures a shield to deflect further gunfire.

Gudrun crawls further from the sheriff and attempts to scramble his brain, but cannot tell what effect she actually has.

Honeycrisp leaps with intent to crush the elf, but his vision is blurred and wobbly like a drunkard, and he smashes his fist centimeters away from her head. She weaves around the following blows.

Ling continues to rack her brain. She kicks off a burst of mental energy, accelerating her thoughts. Zingiber mentioned several construction-related spells and this lair is blatantly artificial, that entity needs mortals to interact with this world, and the witches seemed to have thought that sacrificing children into the portal was the point. ...Maybe they built the portal? So, having them harm it would break the contract?

"Porky, this way," she yells as she forms an arrow of light pointing to herself in front of Honeycrisp, "Pull back!" Ling hopes that the witches will follow after them.

While Honeycrisp is distracted, Zingiber sees an opportunity. The sheriff's horns are covered in her friend's blood. Reaching up and grabbing them, the elf drives the blood like knives into his skin and rips his face off.

A: I like this woman. Obviously became a demon.

"You f**king b***h!" Tanglepork's rage cannot penetrate the muted bubble the elf remains in, but her bullet can, barely grazing Zingiber's nose.

"Time to end this," says Ioana, teleporting right behind the deputy. A swipe of her claw slices open the gnome's backside.

"Help me," calls out Gudrun, putting pressure on her bleeding wounds. She tries to lock eyes with the deputy, but the gnome is too wrought with emotion.

Bleeding profusely, Honeycrisp slams his fists into the elf's guts, sparks passing through her organs with each strike.

"Can't get near the k**bhead," Ling grumbles. She calls upon the sheriff's flesh to mend itself, stealing pieces of Zingiber's hands in the process.

Zingiber dodges another swing as she rolls out of the silent bubble and does a wild swinging display spraying her own blood about into floating runes that drive themselves into the sheriff. On contact, the pieces of herself stuck in his face explode, taking his head with them.

Screaming with rage and grief, Tanglepork races toward Ling across the crooked, spiky floor and tries to shoot the blood-dancing elf. The bullet comes nowhere close.

Ioana chases after and commands pieces of the stone floor to erupt as a cage around the gnome, but the agile deputy leaps to freedom.

"Stop," demands Gudrun, but the deputy refuses.

L: But the most important rule of a magic duel is:

"We're getting the kids," yells Ling, ostensibly to Tanglepork, "And then we're getting the f**k out of here." She conjures a massive potato to block the lycan's path.

"No, you're not," yells Zingiber forming further runes. With a great forceful push, the corpse of the sheriff is launched at the doctor, who dives out of the way. The body tumbles into the corridor and explodes, collapsing the tunnel.

L: Never forget why you're fighting.

"Zingiber, you fool!" yells Ioana, but it is too late.

"The final line has been crossed," announces a booming voice, "No simple task was beneath your ability to fail. The violation of the contract has ceded all boons I have blessed upon you."

From the liquid metal in Ioana's brain and the burnt, ruptured organs in Gudrun's body, the two die with no fanfare.

"What?" Zingiber staggers forward in confusion, the blood-loss killing her slowly. "That's not fair."

Tanglepork stops running. Ling and she carefully walk toward Zingiber. "You killed my boss," says Tanglepork, out of breath.

"Whatever," says Zingiber, focusing on Ling, "Going to kill me, Ling? Plenty of ways to make me suffer. You could sta-"

"I'm talking to you," says the deputy.

"I don't want y-"

BANG

The deputy helps Zingiber paint the ceiling a delightful new shade of pink.

"Bl'ell, Porky," mutters Ling, "You didn't-"

"It's over." Tanglepork sits down.

Ling turns to the collapsed passage. "I'll get the kids..." She looks around at the bloody mess that was once three witches. "...And ya... deal with this?"

Mikado Mirror

There are so many death animations in Bushido Blade 1 and a few in the sequel. For some reason (probably demons), I recorded Mikado ending herself for more than six minutes straight.

Just screaming and dying for six minutes.

Mikado of Narukagami

I would like to draw your attention to one of my favorite characters. She is one of the protagonists of Bushido Blade and I have several posts I'm going to make about her.

A shrine maiden at the Tatara Shrine, member (turned acting head) of the Narukami shinto school, and (former) assassin of Kage. Her design is rather straight-forward, sure.

In 1997, the dojo master, Hanzaki, went mad (got possessed) and had to be put down. The other major players went their separate ways, but Mikado stayed to continue the organization's true purpose: protecting the last descendant of the Kagami family.

In 1998, the rival school Shainto saw the weakened Narukagami and launched their attack. Mikado, however, had foreseen this and had called most of the old team back, plus a few new friends. The Shainto had overplayed their hand and Mikado saw the chance to bring the 800 year feud to its end, once and for all.

WLC 2.5: To the Underdank!

The two blessed women approach the house of Dr. Ling. The nagi priestess, Kalyani, wearing a leather jerkin and cloth shirt, and the undine champion, Maraja, clad in her armor, both carry the vertical eye icon of Vanessa; Kalyani's on a pendant and Maraja's on her shield.

"Are you sure this is the place?" asks Maraja at the sight of the windowless brick building, "And where is this hole?"

"Look at the ssign," says Kalyani as she points to the plaque by the door, "Food Wizzard; thhiss musst be herss."

Before they can knock, the door swings inward, "G'day, mates," says the gecko clad in dark leather armor and a new (equally ratty) wig, "Ready for the Hole?" She pats the small bag tied to the base of her tail. "Ya do have supplies, right?"

"Yess, dear," says Kalyani, who points to a large bag sitting on the floating disc behind her, "Tent, food, water, sspell sstavess, everythhing we'll need."

"Where's your's, wavey?" asks Ling, eyeing the champion.

"I'm so grateful that you are both taking this seriously," says Maraja, "But don't we have enough?"

L: Can you believe that? Sheila's on the quest unprepared, but the nun's ready in a day.

"Ya ever been to the Underdank?" asks Ling, "There's barely any water, the temperature alternates between extremes, and everything edible is poisonous, ravenous, and/or explosive."

"That-"

"And further on are the gravity waves and seismic shifts, so the whole thing can rearrange while you're down there."

"I unde-"

"And the b*****ds living there: orc barbarians, Vrow huntresses, dweorg slavers, kobold pranksters-"

"I GET IT!" shouts Maraja, "Everything is deadly and terrible, but I can make water." She raises her sword and says, "And I can handle monsters." She swings and points it. "If you can guide me through the caves."

L: I knew it was going to be a hard quest, this one.

"Sister," says Ling to Kalyani, "Anything to say?"

The priestess shakes her head and the two head toward a blue dome about fifty meters away. The champion races after them.

Stationed there stands a smallgoblin in blue leather. His gaze is unfocused as he chews on the end of a wooden stick, its tip alight. The sound of footsteps drags his attention back to reality. "'Ello, Ling," he says, dry.

J: Is that how Mr. Snarbly was back then? L: People tend to be happier not standing near a death pit for eight hours a day. J: I'm glad he quit then. You taking his job at least made someone's life better.

"G'day, Bob," says Ling, expectantly waiting for the guard to open the gate.

He grasps the twig between a pair of fingers. "Reason for leaving?" His voice remains unemotive.

"Right," says Ling, "Different today. On a rescue." She jerks her head toward Kalyani. "There with me."

"Morning, Bobbobo," says Kalyani, as Maraja catches up, "May we pass?"

"Time to return, Sister?" He returns the twig to his mouth.

"Dunno," says Ling, "Maybe days."

Bobbobo claps the fingers of his right hand against its palm, then slaps the dome. The magic barrier become translucent revealing a large hole in the ground with a twenty meter diameter. "Be careful down there."

D: Oh, that's the hole outside! L: Yeah, same one. D: What happened to the dome? L: No one's around to maintain it. J: No one's around to fall into it.

"That's the way in?" asks Maraja, "How far does that go?"

"Four hundred metres straight down," recites Bobbobo, "The Township of Rankedge 'olds no responsibility for your safety. It is advised not to enter the Underdank."

"How are we to go down that?" asks the woman in platemail.

Ling wiggles her exposed fingers and toes. "Well, I'm climbing," she says, "But you could ride that disc."

J: Please, tell me she tried that. L: Nah, smart enough to avoid it. J: Shame.

"I do have a few sspellss to sspare," says Kalyani, adjusting her gloves, "The shhrine had thesse sspider glovess in sstorage."

The smallgoblin blinks slowly. "When you return-"

"Ring the bell. I know," says Ling, "We do this every week, Bob."

WLC 2.4: Ring of Fire

"I must say," says Vanessa, pulling eyes back into formation, "You are the third best I've-" Her flames reignite with a cough. "Mortal! The third best mortal I've-" Vanessa eyes focus on Ling, or rather, the burnt husk of her. The wizard's arms weakly gesturing spells, seemingly indifferent, or perhaps oblivious, to her missing leg. "You two," says Vanessa to Maraja and Kalyani, who still stand at the crossroads of shock and awe, "Aid her, for she now has my blessing to aid you. Priestess, you are to go as well. Assist them..." Vanessa's eyes dart about staring in different directions. "With... the quest they are on. ...I have to go." As the duo run over to Ling, Vanessa's avatar returns to the window.

As the pair begin healing Ling, she attempts to laugh only to cough up charred pieces of her tongue.

"You're a loon," says Maraja, channeling her energy into the roast gecko's chest, "Truly mad."

"Horrifying," says Kalyani, "Yet captivating." She holds the sides of Ling's head, forcing life through her.

"I'm number three," says Ling, weakly, "I am number three." Runes begin tearing open her burnt skin.

The champion runs her hand through her liquid hair and begins rubbing the nearest arm. "Why is that your focus?" She scraps and the skin peels away. "Do you have any idea how long a list that even is?"

"At least three," says Ling. Her voice returning, she yells a spell and a new leg erupts from the scorched stump. "Important rule for keeping patient's calm and out of pain: distraction. Think about anything else." Dr. Ling sits up with enough force to fling the rest of the dead skin off of her front.

"You're a doctor?" asks Kalyani, "I thhought you were jusst the town drunk."

Ling hops up and shakes the rest of her old self onto the floor. "Of biochemistry, but close enough," she says, naked as a hatchling, "Meet me at my place tomorrow morn." She begins running toward the door. "It's the brick house by the Hole."

L: Crazy that she vaporized my clothes. D: Why would she do that? L: Like I said, it was boring adult stuff. Don't mind it. D: But how does- J: Gods are weird, Dalini. They did things like that all the time.

"What's the hole?" asks Maraja.

"I believe shhe meant the entrancce to the Underdank," responds Kalyani, commanding a small wind with a gesture to blow the ashes out. "I can shhow you thhere. Do you need a placce to sstay for thhe night?"

Another demon passing through my thoughts:

Wearing a hard hat, putting on safety goggles, before chasing people while dual-wielding portable power drills.

Does that make the twins a pair of sneasels?

Sneasler + Hsien-Ko

WLC 6.A: The Real "Disarm Traps" Spell

Ling looks upon the runic circle and scans the area. As she expected, the big trap is filled with various smaller traps, some more cleverly hidden than others.

"Bl'ell," says Ling, "Only one way to deal with this."

Ling conjures a herd of false deer. She directs the biologically accurate meat puppets to charge through the field while she hides a magic shield-tree. The traps and curses detonate with explosions of various flavors of energy. Flaming chunks of meat fly into the air.

When the cacophony ends, Ling peers out onto a wizardly warzone. Stone and ice statues stand over struggling half-sunken beasts, all coated in viscera amid the burnt field and corrosive pools. Several deer suffer from various disfigurations: extra limbs and openings (like Ling's own spell "Unwanted Orifices"), inside out (Sir Kenra's "Bodily Inversion"), and a torrent of diseases - both natural and magical.

"Guess I have a fan," mutters Ling.

A: You created that spell? Wouldn't have expected you to craft such a horrifying transfiguration. L: It only lasts a few seconds. J: Enough time to cause mental damage, sensory discordance, and intense physical pain. L: Yeah, that's how suddenly gaining and losing fully functioning body parts works.

The meat and deer dissipate, causing the crumbling of the now hollow statues. Holes remain where they had been trapped.

Ling still keeps her attention focused for more hazards as she approaches the broken windmill, carefully stepping around the lingering hazards.

WLC 5.4: Making Light of the Situation

"What did you just say?" asks Jevoi, "Then where are we?"

"Take a look, Ling," says an old woman, her voicing echoing from nowhere.

With a flash, the area is bathed in green light. This allows Tanglepork and Luminița to finally see, but blinds Jevoi temporarily.

"F*****g b*****d c**t," swears Jevoi, "Why the b****y g******n hell?" She rapidly licks her eyes and Gank rescinds her soulsight.

D: Does that mean you're going to say what Tanglepork and Loomy looked like now? J: Oh right, yes.

Tanglepork is a small gnome woman with curly blonde hair and rosy cheeks. She's wearing cute pink gloves and pointed boots, a leather vest over a mustard shirt, a loosely strapped stetson, and a matching skirt over leggings. She is currently lying on the floor looking up at the source of light.

Lumița is a large lycan woman with thick brown fur with a blue patch around her left eye. She's still wearing her red cloak. Underneath it, she is wearing a dark corset with a long skirt. She is now several meters away from Jevoi.

The light spreads out roughly nine meters and faintly another nine from a point slightly in the air, highlighting the crude stonework. As Luminița had called out, the skeletal remains of several small humanoids are scattered across the floor.

The source of the light, and the voice, is a ghastly, green lycan. Her eyes are empty and her teeth are sharp.

J: I'd rather not repeat what she said next. I didn't need to hear it myself. L: I reckon I know.

"What language," says the ghost, "To think I let that foul tongue inside me."

Jevoi gags.

"Mamaia?" ask Lumița, "What's going on?"

"Traitor," snarls the ghost, "You side with my killers? This lecherous lizard and the conniving d***f?"

"Hiiiiii, Ioana," says Tanglepork, feigning happiness, "So glad you remember me. Yay."

L: I can explain this, but ya finish this first.

"I don't know you, lady," says Jevoi, "I'm not Ling. I can send the message."

Ioana howls, "You are the only of your kind!" The wind begins to whirl dust about. "I'd recognize that filthy wig anywhere."

"Great," mutters Jevoi, "Mum doesn't even have to be near me to keep ruining my life."

Checking the List

I have significantly underestimated this scale of this task.

While doing this, I've reconsidered the lizard for now, but I have another idea: Tumblr structure seems a fine place to try writing a "found document" type of story. It's about a corporate lawyer devil in a post-apoc city.

Edit: I may go through with the lizard story.