Okay This Is Kinda A Stupid Thought I Had Once I Got Over The Craziness Of Odysseus.

Okay this is kinda a stupid thought I had once I got over the craziness of Odysseus.

All the like middle aged men are dead cuz of the war except for the weak and cowardly

And now Odysseus has killed all the suitors which was basically all the younger men of Ithaca. Plus some faraway princes and such

So in doing that he basically made Telemachus the most eligible bachelor in all of Ithaca and the neighboring kingdom.

His first day as a dad and he’s already wingmaning his son

More Posts from Certereali and Others

1 month ago
certereali - Lune

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.


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4 months ago
XX Judgement
XX Judgement
XX Judgement

XX Judgement

Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see


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3 months ago

You Can’t Find My House

I just got off the phone with mom, and we came to the realization that my family has lived in a series of unplottable houses for a couple generations now.

-The First Unplottable House is on my dad’s side of the family, in Delphi, Iowa.  The directions to it are the stuff of Buried Treasure:  Turn off the county road with a fraction in it’s name, to the Named Dirt Road, then turn at The Discount Eggs Sign on to the Unnamed dirt road that takes a meandering path THROUGH a corn field, DO NOT take any forks on that road or the farmer will shoot your ass, then take the paved road that dead-ends on ALL the way to the end- No, farther, the road keeps going it’s not a cliff-The only indication that You Have Arrived At The Correct Driveway is that a fat gray pony will charge the car, screaming, then escort you the rest of the way there.

It’s on the side of an enormous river, they’ve owned the property since 1911, and that’s the ONLY route there.

-The Second Unplottable house is in Bedford, Ohio and belonged to my mother’s parents.  It’s at the corner of two side-streets, right across from the tiny Italian grocery store.  Due to strange development decisions, the house is about 30 feet above street level and rendered invisible by a chestnut tree so majestic Hyao Myazaki would probably put it in a movie.  The driveway, however, is VERY visible from any of the surrounding houses, the grocer, or the street.  

At least in theory and old photos, becuase if you actually GO there,  your eyes slide right past it to the neighbor’s lillac bush, or to the retro neons of the grocery store or up the Chestnut tree.  it is literally HARD to look at that driveway, all the world around it wants to pull you away.

-The Third Unplottable house is in Salinas, CA, home of my paternal grandparents.  It is the single most BORING house possible- like, if you were to ask a third-grader to draw a prototypical house, they would draw my grandparent’s house.  Utterly Unremarkable. 

Except for the part where my Grandfather, spurred by his success with the “non-fruiting” peach tree, decided to plant a California Redwood Tree, and it grew to approximately 150 feet over the course of a few short decades.  It is the tallest damn thing for miles around, and SOMEHOW deliveries keep being missed, mail is delivered to the neighbors, and any non-blood family that tried to visit would end up on the other side of town.

-The Fourth Unplottable House was the one I grew up in CA.  The Directions to it are as follows:  It’s the Bright Orange house Right Across From The School.  You know, the one with six flamingos and the Volunteer Avacado Tree.

SOMEHOW, we got everyone’s mail but OURS (we still wonder about the letter from Fort Knox for Mr. Thomas Saxophone), the other kids got lost trying to visit and ended up in Mr.Phan’s yard on the other end of the block.  Officer Brown, Mom and Dad’s friend, who had GPS back in the early 90′s becuase silicon valley, regularly got lost looking for our place.  The Flamingos did nothing.

-My parent’s current house is the second house on the right  after two right turns off the state highway that runs through town.  Sounds easy, right?  

Except that due to a couple small trees and a bend in the road, the house is invisible from the road.  I have to stand out in the road if i want my pizza delivered.  The Mailman is the only person who could reliably find the box, but he drives a subaru that’s older than my sister from the passenger side by leaning over, and delivers mail based on the aztec lunar calendar, so he’s probably not actually human.  I tried to host a party, tied rainbow balloons to the mailbox, and all nine friends had to be waved in from the street.

-My current apartment building Does Not Exist, according to my Bank, medicaid, Google, and City Hall which was a bit exciting when I first moved in and had to call everyone that yes, I was sitting in a building that really exists.   

Unless it’s my classmates, becuase they can apparently come to parties I don’t host. This Friday I had a friend telling me she had a great time at my place last Teusday… when I was home alone.  She assures me that I held a houseparty with “Those polish things you make” (I make great mini klatchky, but haven’t served them to her) and that “You were definitely there, we talked about Carvaggio and you drive me home”


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3 months ago
Guess Who’s Backkkk With More Cringe 💪💪 Omg I Started Listening To The Magnus Archives And Dude.
Guess Who’s Backkkk With More Cringe 💪💪 Omg I Started Listening To The Magnus Archives And Dude.
Guess Who’s Backkkk With More Cringe 💪💪 Omg I Started Listening To The Magnus Archives And Dude.
Guess Who’s Backkkk With More Cringe 💪💪 Omg I Started Listening To The Magnus Archives And Dude.

Guess who’s backkkk with more cringe 💪💪 omg I started listening to the Magnus archives and dude. Beating jon with hammers I love that prick <33


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1 month ago

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4 months ago

Jon and Martin as a couple actually mean the world to me. As an ace person, I hardly ever get to see media that represents asexuality in a way that feels realistic to my experience. Romance is important to me, but it’s always tied in with sex as if they are inseparable. Most ace characters are aroace, and I have literally never come across an ace character in a romantic relationship until Jon and Martin. I think that’s part of the reason they’ve taken over my brain so much in a way no other ship I’ve come across has so intensely. On top of the fact that I love their characters and the TMA universe as a concept like they have lowkey changed my life.


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4 months ago

I STAND FOR THE FLAG RAHHHHH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

I STAND FOR THE FLAG RAHHHHH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
I STAND FOR THE FLAG RAHHHHH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
I STAND FOR THE FLAG RAHHHHH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
I STAND FOR THE FLAG RAHHHHH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
I STAND FOR THE FLAG RAHHHHH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
I STAND FOR THE FLAG RAHHHHH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
I STAND FOR THE FLAG RAHHHHH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

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1 month ago
certereali - Lune

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.


Tags
4 months ago

Thinking about how Odysseus carved the wedding bed out of an olive tree, which means the bed is rooted in the ground.

Thinking about the line “You don’t think I know my own palace? I built it!”.

Thinking about the fact that Odysseus built his entire palace around that olive tree, his and Penelope’s wedding bed, a symbol of their love.

Odysseus’ world is literally built around his love for Penelope.

…..i’m not crying, i just have an odypen in my eye.


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certereali - Lune
Lune

I like art, I am a fan of many things, I sometimes even have opinions.

31 posts

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