Aughhh I Can't Focus Any Longer!!

The train station is so beautiful when everything's in bloom...

Ah... I'm tired. Finals are over, and I'm worried about my marks now— but at least there's time to sit in bed and stare at the wall for a while.

I want to disappear...

First post

Testing, testing!

Welcome to my new blog- or at least, what I’d like it to be.

Originally, I had a WordPress blog in which I tried to post everyday, but that became a flop extremely quickly when I lost motivation. I plan to move back to it someday, since I’ve got a thing for originals- but for now, small posts are to be made every so often here on this blog! Welcome to my personal life. :)

Workload and toffee

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, and not for any good reason, being entirely honest. Once summer school fizzled out of existence, the days have been blurring together; suddenly there’s only a week until real school starts up again.

I’ve been working a lot today, and, thanks to my unhealthy way of working for extended periods of time and not feeling any different than from lying in bed, am able to cram my entire online French summer course in the next five days. 

Although the work itself is mundane, taking a third-person view on the entire ordeal excites me. I’ve started to work like the kid I’ve always wanted to be: Hours at a desk, chewing gum or drinking genmatcha tea, sometimes picking up the phone and chatting while I work when one of my friends calls me. I’ve even found about 300 index cards to write down daily goals and to-do lists!

Feels weird to congratulate myself on this kind of work even though I don’t feel any different than when I’m not doing any work at all. It’s like this for pretty much all the work I do, which is confusing since it always takes me hours to start any tasks even though actually doing it is a walk in the park. I’ve heard that that’s a form of lingering depression, but being entirely honest, I don’t think I’m that depressed  anymore. And even if it is sticking around, I’ve already beaten it to the ground the first time. What’s another round than just adding to the pot?

I’ve really been feeling better as of today. Still not sure why. Maybe it’s because of the toffee I made for my sister and I yesterday? It’s so sweet and doesn’t go with my tea, but it’s just fine with my morning coffee. I guess I’ll get to the bottom of this soon. For now, it’s right around 03:00- so I probably have to sleep in order to continue grinding through my French course tomorrow.

Goodnight!!

<3 Caramel

I'm sorry dear professor but finishing this paper goes against my existence as a person and because of this I will not be doing it

So many plans made for after finals, but no idea how to get through said finals.

Can't I just skip to the part where I go to karaoke, skating, and cafe hopping? December 13th seems so far away...

My new friend group makes me so happy. We're all so cute together-- Four girls from different regions all over East Asia, somehow meeting in one class in Vancouver. Hanging out with them feels like I'm living in a webcomic. It'll be fun to spend more time with them, once we're through everything...

Now that ur exams are over u can finally take a well deserved rest<3<3

Ah... What I wouldn't give to melt into a big puddle and be absorbed into the ground.... Let me hug you..!!! <3

Shenanigans

Taking a break from the drab and depressing subjects about growing up for a while. I've made a new friend at school, and she helps me take my mind of a lot of stressful stuff I've had sticking to my mind. We can talk for hours, and she even taught me how to make flower crowns, too!

After noticing how much happier I felt when spending time with her and working with my hands, I've started to feel a lot better. Maybe things are looking up?

In other news, I've recently come across an old scout troop activities book that I remember finding in a box that said "free books"- looking at the stamp on the inner cover, it seems to have belonged to an actual scout troop!

I've found their contact and will hopefully be seeing if they're still around or want the book. :)

- Caramel

yukiko is so cute wouldn't you agree?

maybe a little

Distraction from progress

I've been having some time off from my spring cleaning and "new life" due to some family issues. Sucks, since all I want to do is feel that fresh and giddy happiness I get when I realize I'm so close. I'm not going to talk about what has been happening specifically, but I do need to spend a lot of time with my family.

Will this be how all distractions feel in my new life? All dragging and somehow hopeless for me? Who knows- all I can do is hope that this doesn't last long. I've got plans with friends tomorrow and the day after, though- so I guess I'll need to fit more of my new life into that.

Just trying to feel better right now, not doing too well though :/

<3 Caramel

Lazy

Ahhhhh

Spring break has really made me lazy. I thought I had the capability to laze around day after day if undisturbed, but it seems I do end up getting restless from time to time. Can't believe I'm even allowed to lie in my bed for eleven more days. Hopefully, I'll take this time to clean up, draw, and study instead.

Overall, it's nice to see myself actually want to do something instead of feeling content doing nothing at all. Glad I'm not completely devoid of energy- can't wait to see what the break brings!