Is It Too Much To Ask For A Nap Like This

Nvm it didn't fit in the car so it's coming next week TT

I'm really done with my broken bed though so I'm thinking of just moving it out and getting the little mattress/futon

Results?!

Starting to see some changes in daily life once I decided to finally crack down and improve whatever feckless dance around life I was trying to do.

Finally getting a new bed for the first time in my life, I'm giddy with excitement since I no longer have to have a broken, splintering woodframe that catches on my hair and makes me want to cut it off. Big win!!

Time to happy clean I guess, today is good :)

<3 Caramel

OMG UR BLOG AND PHOTOS ARE SO CUTEEE!! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ lowkey makes me wanna pick up photography again lol

AHH OH MY GOODNESS THANK YOU!!!!

Yes, you should absolutely pick it back up again— scrolling back through everything is so fun!!!

I'd love to see your photography (⁠♡⁠ω⁠♡⁠ ⁠)⁠ ⁠~⁠♪

Matcha and adzuki bean mochi after a tasty omakase.

First post

Testing, testing!

Welcome to my new blog- or at least, what I’d like it to be.

Originally, I had a WordPress blog in which I tried to post everyday, but that became a flop extremely quickly when I lost motivation. I plan to move back to it someday, since I’ve got a thing for originals- but for now, small posts are to be made every so often here on this blog! Welcome to my personal life. :)

Wishing the apocalypse started right now, ruining billions of lives and throwing the world into irreversible chaos because I'd rather hide from zombies and eat scraps than do a midterm for two hours

Froggy pot

I’m really behind. I’m very much in deep water. I’ve got a bio exam in May, a 120-hour school project is going to finish at the end of the term, I’ve got a ton of French work to do- I’m in a froggy pot, and the water’s already well past boiling.

Not now, not now- I knew this past break has been a little extra good to me. What do I do now? What’s going to happen? At least I still have time to get myself in order. I need to prioritize, but so much of what I need to do needs strict focus and a ton of time. What do I even do? I don’t know what else I’m missing. What else has gone forgotten? Why do I always drop the ball at the end? Why do I always give up?

Will I have to put my new life aside to sink back into this? What do I do? Oh god, oh lord. I’m really scared. But I do have time. I have more time than I did in the past when procrastinating. I’ve got a little bit of a grip on this, I think.

Lazy

Ahhhhh

Spring break has really made me lazy. I thought I had the capability to laze around day after day if undisturbed, but it seems I do end up getting restless from time to time. Can't believe I'm even allowed to lie in my bed for eleven more days. Hopefully, I'll take this time to clean up, draw, and study instead.

Overall, it's nice to see myself actually want to do something instead of feeling content doing nothing at all. Glad I'm not completely devoid of energy- can't wait to see what the break brings!

Stress keeps ramping up no matter what I do and I'm getting really worried because I've had since pretty gross thoughts for the past monthish and they're not going away like I thought they would

Just the other day, my cousins painted my nails bc I was insecure about my hands- honestly, I don't deserve them, they're so sweet. Feels a little out of place, but it's alright. At first I was going to try to scrub them off, but it feels okay now.

Summer school honestly feels really polarizing right now, with my English class in the morning being basically free, and my afternoon math being almost four hours of nothing I understand. What's worse, my parents legitimately think something's wrong with me if I don't get an A in the more "academic" courses, like math and science. If I get a B, they might consider sending me to a shrink. Reality hit today, and I ended up silently crying in class. Sucks.

Math class consists of living off of straight copium and daydreaming about one day opening an imports store, so I'd suppose I'm not helping my case.

I'll get on it soon, I guess.

Sorry for the confusing post, I've been really stressed and remembered I haven't posted here for a while

Build me up

Another one of my packages arrived today! There’s just a few more that I’m waiting for. Though it didn’t make me feel the motivation and determination for my new life that I had earlier, it felt wonderful to dress up and look nice. :)

I walked up to a hill with some friends today and watched the sunset- average teenage things, yes, but it was pretty to see the lit city skylines and the stars hanging up in the sky.

I feel like I’ve kind of lost my energy for my new life, but that doesn’t mean I can't still make it to the finish line- I’m still willing to put in all the effort I need. By the weekend, I should be able to move in a desk and mirror into my room!

Going to visit my tài pó on Sunday, I’ll figure out what flowers to bring by then. For now, though- I should definitely sleep. Sorry for the poorly written post, I’m exhausted.

<3 Caramel

Who, me?

I’m not depressed. I don’t think I’m depressed. I don’t feel depressed.

So why does everything point to me being depressed? I can’t even keep up a personal blog, which kinda sucks :/

Recently, I stumbled upon a little text-adventure game that pretty much summed up how I was feeling for the last two years or so- I can definitely turn my life around, but I just don’t. Maybe it’s a choice. Maybe it’s something I can’t control. Who knows. I blame laziness, mostly, but I’d suppose that’s a bandaid on the entire situation. I’m probably just a coward for responsibility. Here’s the game, by the way: http://www.depressionquest.com/dqfinal.html

I guess I do have my moments where everything feels like it’ll turn around and I’ll have a completely new life and all that, but I don’t think I’ve ever followed through. Sure, I definitely can make things better, but sometimes things just don’t work out. 

Hope I can do what it takes, though- I’m really banking on the hope I can clean up my own mess and pick up my slack. Being able to make choices for myself I like, having the energy to accomplish simple tasks like doing my homework and agreeing to go out with my friends. It sounds so wonderful to live without this barrier. Please, please, please. God, I just need this one wish. I’d absolutely love to live with energy and the ability to go out and do what I want to, what’s good for me- God, please, I’m sorry I didn’t have faith, I just need this one thing. Please help me out, please listen to my prayers now. I’m sorry. I really want to live without this.