I HAD ANOTHER WEIRD DREAM ABOUT THEM. In The First Dream They Murdered Me. In The Second They Also Murdered

okay so i just need to rant and kinda need advice

there’s this girl i’m friends with, and i need to start this by adding i’m not wanting to attack her or anything, i’m just trying to understand what’s happening

so, i’m a trans guy. she’s known me when i was in the closet— but it was literally glass, her + all of my other friends admitted that they weren’t surprised when i came out. she was super cool about it. she’s queer and a total ally to trans people, esp considering there’s other non cis people in our group

but like… she keeps saying stuff that makes me feel like she doesn’t see me like a man ??? even tho she’s super cool with like anyone else being trans ??? she’s not malicious at all with it or being remotely transphobic openly, but it’s a few little things that are making me really confused

for example, we were at the mall and all trying on dresses for shits and giggles. she convinced me to try on one and i absolutely HATED it. i felt so weird and uncomfortable and i was standing in the dressing room all stiff and gross.

my other friend noticed and was like “yeah no i can tell you’re crazy dysphoric rn go put your pants on”

but she comes up, and she asks what i’m trying on next. i say i’m not trying anything on and she gets visibly upset and keeps trying to get me to try them on. i was gonna just do it to make her happy but my friend stepped in and said i was obviously really dysphoric and uncomfortable and i wasn’t gonna. she got really weird about it and just walked off.

she also gets kinda weird whenever i mention being a man or transitioning and stuff ?

but it’s this one thing that gets men really annoyed. my best friend is gender-fluid, but they mostly present feminine and uses female terms mostly. the friend i’m talking about keeps making jokes about me and my best friend being a gay couple. i snapped once and told her we’re not fucking dating and even if we were, we wouldn’t be a lesbian couple like i felt like she was implying

but she keeps making couple jokes ??? specially gay couple jokes, but i feel like she’s implying we’re lesbians

i’m just frustrated. i don’t think she’s transphobic, she’s openly an ally to literally everyone else about not being cis, but specifically me i think she just thinks i’m a confused butch lesbian. or maybe this is just a mistake because i only came out mid last year?? idk

i don’t know if i should talk to her about this or if i should just keep moving on and hope she gets better with it. she’s a genuinely good friend and i don’t wanna lose her over this, but also every time she implies me and my friend are lesbians i wanna rip my hair out

another random thing

did any other trans guy just get REALLY attracted to men once they realized they were trans ??? like, i’m not talking about once you start t because i’m not on t yet but like

i thought i was a lesbian for a while, but i’m not even THAT into women anymore ?? i’m bi with a heavy male preference, idk if this happened to anyone else or what?

chopped my hair, got a new binder, and my facial hair is starting to be significantly more present/clearly masculine, this fucking rocks. any other suggestions to get present/feel more masculine?

trump dies of congestive heart failure before being sworn in charge to like cast to reblog

i’m actually shocked this hit every goal LMAO. i guess i have a lot to work on 100%. yesterday for the first time i told a person IRL that i identify as male when asked, and i’m giving away all my ‘emergency’ feminine clothes, plus getting an actual packer this weekend

if this gets 100 notes, i’ll do as many suggestions from the comments / reposts as possible <3

i do better under pressure sooooo i’ll also do the whole notes = i actually get off my ass and work towards my transition thing. this probably won’t work but it’s kinda fun to write out what i want to do

10 notes - i actually correct people on my pronouns socially

20 notes - i throw out any old girl clothes (old leggings, just in case girly dresses, etc)

30 notes - i work on voice training for a deeper voice

40 notes - i stop shaving any facial hair

50 notes - i start packing (i usually don’t because i’m convinced people will clock it as fake, but also who gaf ??)

maybe i’ll reblog with more later, idk

i just had the FREAKIEST dream about my friend at a sleepover and woke up with my head on their chest and their arm on my back refusing to let me get up… it is NOT casual anymore

maybe try doing it alone for a while? the safety risk is 100% understandable honestly, but it might help you feel more comfortable to just hang around your room with it yk?

first time packing in public! honestly, i thought i’d feel weird or gross, but it feels good? like not in a physical way, but like a “yeah that’s supposed to be there” sense. 10/10 recommend.

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sadly i can’t donate, but i’ll share so hopefully people who can can see !!

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sadly i cannot donate, but i will repost this so others who hopefully can donate may see !!

i was too !! if it helps, maybe start with more baggy pants. it’ll be less noticeable, but it could help you with the feeling. that’s what i do at least. rolled up socks are an easy start if you don’t have a packer, or any similarly shaped object

first time packing in public! honestly, i thought i’d feel weird or gross, but it feels good? like not in a physical way, but like a “yeah that’s supposed to be there” sense. 10/10 recommend.