Nice Guy: Hey Wanna Spend Some Time Together Tomorrow? Or Even Have Lunch Together?

one of his friends i never talked to followed me today and texted me as soon as i followed him back and i mean it could be a coincidence but i’m freaking out

might have gotten drunk and drawn my crush’s eye because tbh it’s one of his best features

and somehow my drunk ass managed to post it in my story and write that i have a crush on him and luckily i only used a song he likes to let him know it’s him i was talking about

now he’s either so dumb he didn’t realize (which he definitely isn’t) or he’s read all of it as usual and basically doesn’t give a fuck (which is actually good because it means it’s not a big deal, right??)

well at least he hasn’t blocked me (yet huh)

thinking about the day someone will actually read my tumblr and find out it's about them-

i'll be so embarrassed and ashamed

i had a nightmare (i mean i think i was daydreaming or phasing out or idk) so i was on my way to the art class but as i reached it i saw him, he was waiting for me i immediately started running in the hallway and the staircase because i knew he had seen me and he was after me i reached the office and yelled 'let me hide here, please! i'll explain everything to you afterwards but please help me!' and the woman knew me so she allowed me to stay and showed me a seat behind a wall where he wouldn't be able to see me a few seconds later he came in and asked her about me, pretending to be worried she pretended to use the computer to know where i was supposed to be and then told him that she didn't know he eventually left and i told the woman everything i was crying and i couldn't take it anymore i left the building and once i was on the parking lot i decided to run again, to get hit by a car on the road the same end as all the other nightmares where he finds me again so when he finds me for real, i already have my way out.

i told him i was logging off bc he was pissing me off and making it worse

and rn as i was crying i got a text from a friend i made literally three days ago and he said he was sorry for not doing the right thing at the right time and he hopes it's not making me feel too bad and he was feeling guilty about it and couldn't stop thinking about it so he decided to text me to check up on me and i started crying louder bc it's just so sweet of him, especially after what my other 'friend' did

texted a friend to tell him that 1. i was here if he ever needed anyone (bc he told me he had no one to talk to) and that 2. i've been treated unfairly and it's making me upset and his only answer was 'i need you to send me the thing i asked you for bc it's due tomorrow' and i can't believe i'm constantly trying my best for people that just couldn't care less

i keep having nightmares where he comes back and finds me and hurts me and no one tries to help me

my life’s literally falling apart

i’m giving up on everything and everyone, i’m isolating myself and barely answering the few dms i get, i spend my time avoiding my ‘friends’, my crush still ignores me in the hallways, my coping mechanisms stopped working and my autodestructive behaviors are back

the only kind thing i received in days is a text from my crush cheering me up

idk how to describe the life i’m ‘living’ but i definitely didn’t sign up for this

me taking forever to reply to both my crush and the toxic person i hate

First try for my new art homework

I’m a loser

bear with me

i was left in this dark place

alone and scared, crying, looking for a way out, for some light somewhere

but the only light i can find is showing me the faces of the monsters that put me here, tortured me

abused me

they live within me

i’m left here again, in the dark

i tried to run away but they always come back

they always find their way back to me, i can feel them getting closer to get me

i should be running away, find an escape

an escape?

but it’s all in my head

no, no.. it can’t be

they destroyed everything here and left their demons

they won’t leave me

it’s dark, i can’t get out

an escape?

there’s no escape

please, bear with me

or else i might find my way out, out of my head

and it’ll be too late

but you’ll be safe

the demons’ll be dead

i’ll keep you safe