from an indie author who's published 4 books and written 20+, as well as 400k in fanfiction (who is also a professional beta reader who encounters the same issues in my clients' books over and over)
show don't tell is every bit as important as they say it is, no matter how sick you are of hearing about it. "the floor shifted beneath her feet" hits harder than "she felt sick with shock."
no head hopping. if you want to change pov mid scene, put a scene break. you can change it multiple times in the same scene! just put a break so your readers know you've changed pov.
if you have to infodump, do it through dialogue instead of exposition. your reader will feel like they're learning alongside the character, and it will flow naturally into your story.
never open your book with an exposition dump. instead, your opening scene should drop into the heart of the action with little to no context. raise questions to the reader and sprinkle in the answers bit by bit. let your reader discover the context slowly instead of holding their hand from the start. trust your reader; donn't overexplain the details. this is how you create a perfect hook.
every chapter should end on a cliffhanger. doesn't have to be major, can be as simple as ending a chapter mid conversation and picking it up immediately on the next one. tease your reader and make them need to turn the page.
every scene should subvert the character's expectations, as big as a plot twist or as small as a conversation having a surprising outcome. scenes that meet the character's expectations, such as a boring supply run, should be summarized.
arrive late and leave early to every scene. if you're character's at a party, open with them mid conversation instead of describing how they got dressed, left their house, arrived at the party, (because those things don't subvert their expectations). and when you're done with the reason for the scene is there, i.e. an important conversation, end it. once you've shown what you needed to show, get out, instead of describing your character commuting home (because it doesn't subvert expectations!)
epithets are the devil. "the blond man smiled--" you've lost me. use their name. use it often. don't be afraid of it. the reader won't get tired of it. it will serve you far better than epithets, especially if you have two people of the same pronouns interacting.
your character should always be working towards a goal, internal or external (i.e learning to love themself/killing the villain.) try to establish that goal as soon as possible in the reader's mind. the goal can change, the goal can evolve. as long as the reader knows the character isn't floating aimlessly through the world around them with no agency and no desire. that gets boring fast.
plan scenes that you know you'll have fun writing, instead of scenes that might seem cool in your head but you know you'll loathe every second of. besides the fact that your top priority in writing should be writing for only yourself and having fun, if you're just dragging through a scene you really hate, the scene will suffer for it, and readers can tell. the scenes i get the most praise on are always the scenes i had the most fun writing. an ideal outline shouldn't have parts that make you groan to look at. you'll thank yourself later.
happy writing :)
Where is my fantasy female protagonist who's a little too socially adept maybe I'm tired of the assumption being that all fantasy female protagonists don't really understand the nuances of conversation in politicised situations. I want a girl who knows exactly how to play people and is always a little privately concerned that she's evil for it.
Good morning, you have to be the thing that saves you
Morally gray antagonists and heroes can bring up many interesting questions about your story's theme and plot. Yes, your hero does want to save the world, but resorts to cruel ways of bringing peace?
Being morally gray can also mean that the character is highly goal- oriented and values efficiency and success over anything.
As is true in real life, a person's intentions aren't always obvious. A character, their title, background or really just how they look might at first indicate they're the hero type but surprise - they're not.
By hiding ulterior motives behind more apparent ones, you can add depth to your morally gray characters. Appearances can be deceiving, and that makes for a juicy read.
Morally gray characters and villains are not strictly one and the same. Yes, there is overlap-they can be villains-but the distinctions are there nonetheless.
I don't think having a dark past to provide motivations for morally gray characters is too effective. They do intend to harm others, and sometimes, that's just the way they are.
Your morally gray character should recognize that their choices can cause harm, intentionally or otherwise.
Although he's willing to risk the chance in his pursuit of knowledge, he does actively recognize that his actions can result in negative consequences. He sometimes acknowledges this before he does something, and sometimes only in hindsight.
They must understand and experience remorse. When the consequences of their actions wreck and story world and kills people around her, she would certainly have regrets and even struggle to undo what she did.
The point here is, she won't regret until she has already caused the wreckage.
Finally, when even they feel things have gone too far, your morally gray character must seek redemption however that manifests itself in your story.
For all their logic and reasoning, they are not without feeling. They can grow to care for other characters and go out of their way to help them at times, even save their life.
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This is where everyone subtly knows that this guy's going to turn the other way.
The betrayer puts on a show for our heroes - kind, compassionate and supporting at first.
it just so happens that the villainthinks the heros are the bad guys.
make them actually likable.emotionally ruin the hero upon betrayal.
whether he had bad intentions from the start or was deceived by others, the betrayer regrets his choices.
when he realizes his mistakes, it's too late to stop the evil, which introduces guilt.
throw the guilt and shame on the character.
even the protagonist can be a traitor! will others forgive him?
this type of traitor will keep the readers wondering whether this guy is truly on your side.
keep your readers guessing. is that an evil smirk or a genuine smile? does he really love drinking, or is he just trying to get the hero drugged?
Snape in Harry Potter is a great example.
The guy can be good or bad - just keep balancing the two
these characters are not entirely betrayers, but horribly misinformed. they can make others appear like traitors - when in truth, they just have it wrong.
pit your narrow-minded narrator against his allies.
these characters are great for misunderstanding plots.
have your narrator do irreversible damage to the hero. would they forgive him?
these are characters, due to their past wounds and trauma, cannot help but betray the group.
they confess the hero's secrets under physical/mental torment and doesn't have the backbone to do otherwise.
these characters can either be pitiful or frustrating would the hero still fight for the betrayer?
you can have the readers know about the upcomong betrayal by switching points of view, building up anticipation to the moment of realization.
on the flip side, you can change povs in a way that the reader doens't see what's happening at the hero's back.
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antigone was right
╰ Facial expressions
These are your micro-signals, like the blinking neon signs of the soul. But they’re small, quick, and often lie harder than words.
Raised eyebrows — This can mean surprise or disbelief, sure. But it can also be a full-on, silent “Are you serious right now?” when someone’s being ridiculous. Or even curiosity when someone’s too emotionally repressed to askthe damn question.
Furrowed brow — That face people make when they’re doing long division in their head or trying to emotionally process a compliment. It’s thinking, yes—but also confusion, deep frustration, or quiet simmering rage.
Smiling — Can be happiness… or total fake-it-till-you-make-it energy. Some smiles are stiff. Some don’t reach the eyes. Show that.
Frowning — Sure, sadness. But also: disappointment, judgment, or the universal “I’m about to say something blunt, brace yourself.”
Lip biting — It’s not just nervousness, it’s pressure. Self-control. Anticipation. It’s the thing people do when they want to say something and decide, at the last second, not to.
╰ Eye movement
The window to the soul? Yeah. But also the window to when someone’s lying, flirting, or deeply trying not to cry in public.
Eye contact — Confidence or challenge. Eye contact can be gentle, curious, sharp like a blade. Sometimes it’s desperate: “Please understand me.”
Avoiding eye contact — Not always guilt. Sometimes it’s protectiveness. Sometimes it’s “I’m afraid if I look at you, you’ll see everything I’m trying to hide.”
Narrowed eyes — Calculating. Suspicious. The look someone gives when their brain’s saying “hmmm...” and it’s not a good hmm.
Wide eyes — Surprise, yes. But also sudden fear. The oh-God-it’s-happening look. Or when someone just found out they’re not as in control as they thought.
Eye roll — Classic. But try using it with tension, like when someone’s annoyed and trying very hard not to lose it in public.
╰ Gestures
This is where characters’ emotions go when their mouths are lying.
Crossing arms — Not just defensive. Sometimes it’s comfort. A self-hug. A barrier when the conversation is getting too personal.
Fidgeting — This is nervous energy with nowhere to go. Watch fingers tapping, rings spinning, sleeves tugged. It says: I’m not okay, but I’m trying not to show it.
Pointing — It’s a stab in the air. Aggressive, usually. But sometimes a desperate plea: Look. Understand this.
Open palms — Vulnerability. Honesty. Or a gesture that says, “I have nothing left to hide.”
Hand on chin — Not just thinking. It’s stalling. It’s delaying. It’s “I’m about to say something that might get me in trouble.”
╰ Posture and movement
These are your vibes. How someone occupies space says everything.
Slumped shoulders — Exhaustion. Defeat. Or someone trying to take up less space because they feel small.
Upright posture — Not always confidence. Sometimes it’s forced. Sometimes it’s a character trying really, really hard to look like they’re fine.
Pacing — Inner chaos externalized. Thinking so loudly it needs movement. Waiting for something. Running from your own thoughts.
Tapping foot — Tension. Irritation. Sometimes a buildup to an explosion.
Leaning in — Intimacy. Interest. Or subtle manipulation. (You matter to me. I’m listening. Let’s get closer.)
╰ Touch
This is intimacy in all its forms, comforting, protective, romantic, or invasive.
Hugging — Doesn’t always mean closeness. Could be a goodbye. Could be an apology they can’t say out loud. Could be awkward as hell.
Handshake — Stiff or crushing or slippery. How someone shakes hands says more than their words do.
Back patting — Casual warmth. Bro culture. Awkward emotional support when someone doesn’t know how to comfort but wants to try.
Clenched fists — Holding something in. Rage, tears, restraint. Fists mean tension that needs somewhere to go.
Hair tuck — Sure, flirtation or nerves. But also a subtle shield. A way to hide. A habit from childhood when someone didn’t want to be seen.
╰ Mirroring:
If two characters start syncing their body language, something is happening. Empathy. Chemistry. Shared grief. If someone shifts their body when the other does? Take notice. Other human bits that say everything without words...
Nodding — Not just yes. Could be an “I hear you,” even if they don’t agree. Could be the “keep going” nod. Could be patronizing if done too slow.
Crossed legs — Chill. Casual. Or closed-off, depending on context. Especially if their arms are crossed too.
Finger tapping — Time is ticking. Brain is pacing. Something’s coming.
Hand to chest — Sincerity, yes. But also shock. Or grounding—a subconscious attempt to stay present when everything feels like too much.
Tilting the head — Curiosity. Playfulness. Or someone listening so hard they forget to hide it.
Temple rub — “I can’t deal.” Could be physical pain. Could be stress. Could be emotional overload in disguise.
Chin stroking — Your classic “I’m judging you politely.” Often used in arguments between characters pretending to be calm.
Hands behind the back — Authority. Control. Or rigid fear masked as control.
Leaning body — This is the body betraying the brain. A tilt toward someone means they care—even if their words are cold.
Nail biting — Classic anxiety. But also habit. Something learned. Sometimes people bite because that’s how they self-soothe.
Squinting — Focusing. Doubting. Suspicion without confrontation.
Shifting weight — Uncomfortable. Unsure. Someone who wants to leave but doesn’t.
Covering the mouth — Guilt. Hesitation. The “should I say this?” moment before something big drops.
Body language is more honest than dialogue. If you really want to show your character’s internal world, don’t just give them lines. Give them a hand that won’t stop shaking. Give them a foot that won’t stop bouncing. Give them a mouth that smiles when their eyes don’t. And if you’re not sure what your character would do in a moment of fear, or love, or heartbreak, try acting it out yourself. Seriously. Get weird. Feel what your body does. Then write that down.
Her brother remained dutiful. Oh so dutiful, never keeping his attention off of Donna, locked in a strange orbit as she did the same. Esther didn’t miss the quick slide of Donna’s hands underneath the expensive tablecloth, chocolate and sweets passed to him as their fingers brushed, a rehearsed game. She knew the way Milas’s apartment smelled like irises and malvas and how his sweatshirt hung from Donna’s shoulders as she sat on the blue divan that had Donna’s flair written all over it.
Ass' Ear- Comfrey
Bat's Wing- Holly Leaves
Beard Of Monk- Chicory
Bear's Foot- Lady's Mantle
Bird's Eye- Germander or Speedwell
Blind Eyes- Poppy
Blood From a Head- Lupine
Blood Of Ares- Purslane
Blood Of Hestia- Chamomile
Bloody Fingers- Foxglove
Calf's Snout- Snapdragon
Cat's Foot- Ground Ivy
Crow's Foot- Wood Anemone
Devil's Ear- Jack In The Pulpit
Devil's Plaything- Yarrow
Dew Of the Sea- Rosemary
Dog's Mouth- Snapdragon
Dragon's Teeth- Vervain
Elf Leaf- Lavender
Englishman's Foot- Common Plantain
Fairy Eggs- Nutmeg
Flower Of Death- Vinca
Goose Tongue- Lemon Balm
Graveyard Dust- Mullein
Hawk's Heart- Wormwood
Juno's Tears- Vervain
Jupiter's Beard- Sempervivums
Lion's Foot- Lady's Mantle
Little Faces- Viola
Man's Bile- Turnip Sap
Mortification Root- Rose of Sharyn
Nose Of Turtle- Turtlehead, Chelone
Nosebleed- Yarrow
Our Lady's Tears- Lily Of The Valley
Old Man's Flannel- Mullein
Ram's Head- Valerian
Scale Of Dragon- Tarragon
Semen Of Ares- White Clover
Semen Of Hermes- Dill
Serpent's Tongue- Dog's Tooth Violet
Sparrow's Tongue- Knotweed
Tree Of Doom- Elder
Unicorn Root- Boneset
Weasel Snout- Yellow Archangel
Wool Of Bat- Moss
Eye- Blossom or Seed
Heart- Bud or Seed
Beak, Bill or Nose- Seed, Bud or Bloom
Tongue or Teeth- Petal or Leaf
Head- Blossom
Tail- Stem
Hair- Dried Herbs or Stringy Parts Of Herbs
Privates, Genitals Or Semen- Seeds Or Sap
Blood- Sap
Guts- Roots or Stalk
Paw, Foot, Leg, Wing or Toe- Leaves
Toad- Sage
Cat- Catmint
Dog- Grasses, Specifically Couchgrass
Frog- Cinquefoil
Eagle- Wild Garlic
Blue Jay- Laurel
Hawk- Hawkweed
Lamb-Wild Lettuce
Nightengale- Hops
Rat- Valerian
Weasel- Rue
Woodpecker- Peony
A lot of fiction these days reads as if—as I saw Peter Raleigh put it the other day, and as I’ve discussed it before—the author is trying to describe a video playing in their mind. Often there is little or no interiority. Scenes play out in “real time” without summary. First-person POV stories describe things the character can’t see, but a distant camera could. There’s an overemphasis on characters’ outfits and facial expressions, including my personal pet peeve: the “reaction shot round-up” in which we get a description of every character’s reaction to something as if a camera was cutting between sitcom actors.
When I talk with other creative writing professors, we all seem to agree that interiority is disappearing. Even in first-person POV stories, younger writers often skip describing their character’s hopes, dreams, fears, thoughts, memories, or reactions. This trend is hardly limited to young writers though. I was speaking to an editor yesterday who agreed interiority has largely vanished from commercial fiction, and I think you increasingly notice its absence even in works shelved as “literary fiction.” When interiority does appear on the page, it is often brief and redundant with the dialogue and action. All of this is a great shame. Interiority is perhaps the prime example of an advantage prose as a medium holds over other artforms.
fascinated by this article, "Turning Off the TV in Your Mind," about the influences of visual narratives on writing prose narratives. i def notice the two things i excerpted above in fanfic, which i guess makes even more sense as most of the fic i read is for tv and film. i will also be thinking about its discussion of time in prose - i think that's something i often struggle with and i will try to be more conscious of the differences between screen and page next time i'm writing.
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