Latest Posts by acupofconfusedfeelings - Page 2

Sometimes you had planned so much about a life with a certain person in it, that even a picture or a memory of them today can make you feel completely empty from inside. Although you were happily living your life on your own till yesterday and its been years of not being in touch with them.

The world is burning with passion

People are burning with emotions

You are burning with love

But here I stand

With my flickering soul

I have a flickering soul...

I tell everyone that I write when I am sad but actually I write when I am 'the perfect amount of sad' like a little bit of extra sadness makes what I write sound weird and a little less can just shut my brain.

P.S. I don't know what that 'perfect amount of sad' is... Haha

Do you ever think 'how did I end up here?' Like you are in a maze and totally lost and it's all your fault because you were the one who made every turn? And you know that there are many routes that could have helped you out, because you hear all the people on the outside of the maze who made it through, and they are laughing and smiling. And sometimes you get a glimpse of them through the hedge. A fleeting shape through the leaves. And they seem so damn happy to have made it and you don't resent them, but you do resent yourself for not having their ability to work it all out. Do you? Or is this maze just for me?

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

Oscar Wilde said:

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

And this

"With freedom, flowers, books, and the moon, who could not be perfectly happy?"

And then this

"I am tired of myself tonight, I should like to be someone else"

And now someone please tell me if I am the only one who thinks his thoughts are so similar to me...

He could have been a great friend.

Sitting alone

Sitting alone I always miss the time I didn't need company

The time when I felt secure even when no one offered security

The time when without taking the effort to make friends I had a lot of them

I miss the comfort I got in my mother's arms

The time when she was just a room away and not, a call away

I miss the childhood mistakes

The time when irrespective of the kind of my mistake I was always forgiven

I miss when love was always around

The time when I didn't have to find someone who loves me

I miss when adulting seemed fun

The time when I didn't realize that independence can be a burden too

I miss when fulfilling our dreams was the biggest dream

The time when I didn't know how difficult it is in reality

I miss and I miss

But the most i miss is when i didn't have to sit alone

The time when even being alone i knew that I am not alone

Jim and Pam

I hate marriages I say

Because not everyone is lucky in Pam's way

It's hard to find love which never looks away

It's hard to get Jim who always stays

A person who knows that he is best for you

But steps away to let you choose

A person who always wants you to grow

No matter how many days you are away in a row

A person who accepts you all

The fierce you, the timid you, the clumsy you the beautiful you, the failed you, the successful you, and the complete haul

A person who can comfort you

A person who can love you

A person for whom your smile is a lucky charm

A person who is willing to let you sleep on his arm

A person with whom valentine's day fight also seems a plan

A person whose leaving is more painful than he being an angry man

Yes I want my children to know we are soulmates and it is no less than fairytales

I want to tell them stories of our dates

I don't know what else to say

But finding a person for whom you are not enough but everything seems like an impossible way

One sided friendship

I have heard a lot of people explain one sided love

But never heard anyone even talk about one sided friendship

Did you?

Honestly speaking I have been on both ends

I remember ignoring people even when they were ready to loose all for me

I remember being ignored even when I was ready to loose all of me

Did you?

Still think about going back and joining those chords

But what are the odds

Those I ignored have moved on tired of wasting their time

And those on whom I wasted my time never seemed mine

But still I wish for their call

Do you?

I find it weird how we just connect to some

I find it sad when those connections don't care and for them you are not the one

I thought love asked for a lot

but now I think even friendship's demands are not a dot

Do you?

Maybe they asked for so much that I just stayed aloof

Maybe my demands were so much that they considered me fool

Being nice and being friends are different I realised late

Not everyone you like is ready to be a part of your fate

Were you also a one sided friend at one time?

Do you also think that it was worth the time?

What if the efforts were not equal,

It was a friendship you initiated and it will never have a sequel...

I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! -- When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.

Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

I care

Sorry but I care

I know the anger on my face kills you

I know my rude ways make you sad

But do I have a choice

Every word I speak out of love you take for granted

Every thing I ask as a well-wisher you consider nagging

Yes the world exist and you need to bother about it

But how to explain that in front of that world I see you

Your pain and problems are my concerns

The worldly affairs don't worry me

I thought our relation was different and we shared a special bond

But every time you hide your pains you just break another chord

I know I am not the best nor I stand for you without rest

But yes I feel and your moods make a great lot of deal

Seeing people bother you, grieves me equally as it does to you

But just because I don't say doesn't mean I cannot feel you

You always think I don't care or understand

While in reality I am just confused how to take a stance

I don't know what to do because you never express your expectations

And when I share my expectations you just consider it insecurities

I know I am not what you want and I know I cannot be what you want

This is what aches me brings the anger to my face, the rudeness in my ways

Sorry for all of that

But I care is all I have

It makes me, me

I was waiting for my feelings to go numb

I was waiting for that day but I was dumb

I thought that with each day the wound would grow old

I expected that each day would make me cold

But little I realised

And very little I was surprised

With each passing day

My feelings started spreading like a ray

It reached ever nook and corner of my existence

But I was still hoping with persistence

It was so difficult to feel

The reason I thought time would heal

Soon I had a lot of opinions

Surprisingly they made me cry more than onions

Soon the tree of feeling got a strong hold

Now I knew nothing was going to get old

All experiences and incidents

Were giving my wounds new dents

Crying became a constant part of my lifestyle

Funny enough that it was just a more defined form of my old style

I didn't know what to do with so much going on inside

Never realised it would be so much more than what was going outside

Checking and rechecking all emotions

Hide and seek with everything was in motion

Defining the ideas I had was important

Knowing I was right was like a reinforcement

I knew the wounds are not going now

But still adapting raised the question how

Connecting dots was a daily routine

Adulting is much more difficult than being a teen

Sensations, feelings and emotions are always going to be difficult for me

But when I introspect I realise it makes me, me.