Being A Human Is Hard When You Are Surrounded With Inhumanity.

i kept the lock lose,

just for his presence.

maybe he would come,

for that i cut the fence.

he came with matches,

and stones on his hand.

he burned everything,

just left me a bare land.

i loved him all my life,

but he shattered me so.

i kept him above all,

never wanted him to go.

i was living all alone,

he left me like a past.

i never fell in love,

he was my ever and last.

maybe someday soon, we'll be there, together, forever.

i have a monster with me. i have kept the darkness locked inside. the fear of surviving in this world is more deeper than the fear of this monster that lives within me. i am more scared to live than to die. i don't want this monster to leave, it kept me alive. i just wish i could feel alive again and not let it feed on my soul. this world is as cruel from under as beautiful it is from above. let me escape this world and run somewhere where there's no sign of existence of mankind.

~scream of my soul

-august/fictionflaws

two bodies dying to be in love

together to stay that forever

it is difficult to confess

their eyes can't feel eachother

skin and souls fighting

one wants warmth of intimacy

and there is another

who is drowned in the sea

no one knows better than me

what it is to stay alive in someone

when you have no reason to live

a love will give you a reason to die

lover shall kill you from inside out

eventually they'll be

the person you can't live without

hope you'll not be that cruel for me

for the reason i gave you my heart

be kind to me and all

you have my most delicate part.

~august.

10.49AM FRI 21 OCT 2022.

they don't see the dew on the leaves which were my tears because those aren't from my eyes.

they don't know i cannot cry because i am just an echo of desert, and everything is dry.

instead of my eyes, my heart cries.

my heart yells evertime a nail is pierced on my soul which is so concealed that it is as invisible as air.

i have no place to shed tears. i have no home to weep.

for me, these leaves cry. they know the pain i am enduring. they understand my heartache.

i have eyes but they see me more. they are my companion in my best and worse. they give me a way to breathe.

i could never be more thankful to what earth gave me and how soil is always giving me a place to keep my feet on.

i am fortunate enough to have a friend no one else has.

my heart, buried in the woods of anguish and forlorn. the restless game, should i keep it in or let go? in the labyrinth of tears i lost the battle. my mind, weeps in solitude impotent of surviving. blabbering to stars and staring into space. my body, covered in blood of my assassinated soul. cuts and bruises bleeding wounds what keeps me alive? a speck of hope.

~august/fictionflaws

Sometimes I feel like my dreams are connected to something. I have no idea how and why. Everyday I see a new visuals. As if I am flipping the page without reading that chapter well. It is weird how I am attracted to things. All those people's perception about things doesn't bother me at all. Souls, spirits, ghosts, witches, demon, devils, angels, god, everything means same to me. Being a child, I loved to talk alone. I could always feel someone's presence around me. I used to talk addressing them soul and witch and that never made me fearful, not even once. I am not scared of these thoughts, these feelings which are considered strange by normal people. That sword I saw in my dream with something engraved on it, I couldn't forget it. I am always a new character in my dream but I've never been hurt there. I dreamt of water for few days. I was going to die in flood. Next time, I saw myself swimming like a mermaid in underwater town. Years ago I dreamt about aliean. An aliean who always looked for me and who promised to take me someday. It was so real that I didn't go outside of home for few days. And after few months I stopped seeing that dream and I am always feeling like I am not human. Two days ago, I touched fire and I could feel it. I could read what fire was trying to tell me. Even if it is subconscious and just a random thought, how could that feel so intense to me. Fire, Water and Soil is so connected to me. It feels like I am a tree whose roots are all wide spread everywhere in the universe. My beliefs are unacceptable. I feel like people take science as a weapon and war is coming soon. Science isn't helping us to evolve. Everyday thousands of life get deceased and it's not because of natural calamities, it is because of humans. This makes me question whether I am a human or not. I can read animals. I don't know if it is accurate or not however something is trying to communicate with me. It feels unreal. I feel unreal.

how magical my life used to be

so beautiful and enchanted

then something happened, i grew up

and its like all of that magic faded

sunshine, rainbows, stars & moon

were so divinely mesmerising to me

then something happened, i grew up

now there's all darkness that i see

i had so many friends on those days

dolls, toys and things to play with

then something happened, i grew up

happiness is just as myth

no worries, sadness and fear of life

everything was peaceful and perfect

then something happened, i grew up

after that, pleasant forever slept

-august.

you were adding poison to each sip of my drink when i thought those were the alms keeping me extant.

you were the one stitching me up to push me in the mud when i was piercing myself with the thorns to bring you roses.

you where making me filth when i was wishing every night to the sky so you could have the lights and stars.

i always thought love was pain but love is more likely a way of contentment in grief because it makes you feel alive even tho' it is something that killed you.